Akashic Records of the Bastard Child Engaged to a Goddess

Chapter 365: I'm talking about feelings?

Simone explained everything to me.

Yeah, my guess really was spot-on... Lucretia had a thing for me even after we didn't see forever since Genny's 10th birthday. For some reason, I felt pained that I didn't make any effort to see her again, but I guess I didn't because there were a lot of things involved.

If I went on to search for Lucretia, it would be the same as me neglecting Serena. After all, I met Serena a night to Genny's birthday, and while she was the first girl I ever called pretty, Lucretia was actually the one I hit it off with the easiest.

Maybe the reason I actually hit it off with her was because she accepted me. I wasn't anything special, and a good number of people would vomit at the idea of the King's bastard child... After all, a good number of the nobles in the King's Court called me disposable trash several times.

Some of them agreed on the idea of me joining the army at the age of 15 and others simply wanted me removed from the royal household and preferably the Cross Kingdom as a whole. Ah jeez, I remembered how hard I cried the night Genny told me that... The only reason she even knew was because she overheard when Arthur was telling Vanessa.

And Arthur only heard it because he and Jericho would occasionally fool around because they wanted to hear what the King... I mean, my father, was talking about.

So when I saw Lucretia, I wasn't only attracted to her, but I could also immediately tell that she would accept me... But that was when I still held nobles in high regards, when I thought they were better than my existence.

Now, I didn't feel that way... No, it's more like I couldn't feel that way anymore.

All-Father, Serena, Viscount Randolph, Genny, Garret, Arthur... They made me forget the stupid thought of wanting to be royal, or at least of noble standards. They made me want to accept myself as a normal, living, breathing boy.

Could I really put Lucretia in that list of people...?

I wasn't sure... I was scared because maybe she only fell in love with me because of my [Beginner's Luck] skill.

Generally, that was my biggest fear... The thought that all the people in my life who loved me, all the women, only loved me because I was "lucky".

I sat on the edge of the couch, my legs uncrossed and fingers interlocked, my gaze fixed downward, lost in unsettling thoughts.

The thought that Lucretia might still have feelings for me was stirring up an untold dread within me.

Before I knew it, a tear escaped my eye, trickling down my cheek.

Simone, who had been quietly sitting across the small table, reached out to me, concern written in her eyes.

"Lumiere, are you alright?" she asked, clearly unsettled by the sight of my tears.

I quickly brushed away the evidence of my vulnerability, managing a weak smile before assuring her, "Uh yeah, I'm fine, super fine in fact..."

But Simone seemed unconvinced.

And I couldn't blame her, I said "super fine" that was the kind of things only Silica and people who were depressed would say.

"I shouldn't have brought up Lady Lucretia," she confessed, her voice filled with regret. "I know it's hard, especially since you've moved on."

Nodding, I reflected on her words.

Then, an unbidden impulse made me turn to Simone once again.

"Since I've moved on, has Lucretia done the same?" I asked, my voice barely above a murmur. "Has she—has she been seeing anyone else?"

Did I really need to know that?

Was it any of my business?

Simone appeared taken aback by the unexpected question.

"Excuse me, come again?" she demanded, clearly surprised.

I repeated my question, pressing for an answer.

"Since the last time we met, has Lucretia been involved with someone else? Has she considered marriage, perhaps to a wealthy nobleman?"

Simone seemed to deliberate for a moment before answering.

It was as though she was trying to be careful with which words she used and how she used them.

Or maybe she was just trying to remember... I doubt Simone knew Lucretia before we met. If she did, Simone would definitely have come that day since Lucretia treated her like a sister than an attendant.

It made sense nonetheless.

"No, Lady Lucretia hasn't been with anyone else," she revealed softly, her eyes meeting mine. "She's been single since the day she met you."

Her words struck a chord, and I turned my gaze towards the polished floors, lost in thought once more.

If she hadn't been with a single person since we met, was she waiting for me? Is that what it meant? And did me neglecting to see her result in her having to stay romantically inert all these years... Did I fail her?

Simone, not to be deterred, gently prodded me further.

"What about you? Are you truly over Lady Lucretia, or is there still something lingering in your heart for her?"

I shook my head, the hint of a smile acting up on my lips. "I don't know, Simone," I confessed. "I don't have a clear answer at this moment."

Her response was immediate and firm. "Not good enough," she declared.

I looked at her, puzzled.

"It's the most appalling answer I've ever heard," she continued, not looking like she was stoping anytime soon. "You need to figure it out."

"Not good enough?" I repeated, "What're you even saying?"

"If you don't feel anything romantic for Lady Lucretia then leave now," said Simone. "That's what I meant."

I pondered Simone's words with confusion and uncertainty clouding my mind. I voiced her words back to her, "Leave now if I don't feel anything romantic for Lucretia?"

The suggestion spun my thoughts like a washing machine, and I found myself at a loss for words.

Simone didn't miss a beat. "Yes, precisely. It's not fair to her if you're not fully committed. Could you even just be friends with her?" she challenged.

There was a lot of conviction in her tone.

I hesitated, "But… I couldn't just tell her that and break her heart."

My voice cracked as the mere idea sent a pang of anguish coursing through my veins.

With her absolute composure, Simone reasoned, "So what? Should you pretend to love her when you're not sure?"

Grasping for a staunch defense, I protested, "No, it's not that simple. Love is a powerful word, and I just—"

Simone cut me off, her gaze piercing.

"Love isn't just a word you're making it out to be," she countered firmly, her hand resting gently on my chest, "When it's real, there's no uncertainty. It's an unquenchable desire to always be with that person, to see a future with them."

She then placed her hand gently on my chest.

She continued, "When you're around them, you feel something special, there's a just a connection that sparks when you look into their eyes... Right?"

Locked in a tense gaze with Simone, I struggled to find my footing.

"Well, I…" I started, but my resolve faltered as I struggled to find the words.

"I..." I startled again.

Our eyes were fixed on one another, and there was a small burning sensation in my chest.

She was just so close, and the way her hand felt on me...

Immediately, Simone leaned back, clearing her throat and retracting her hand.

"A... Ahem!"she cleared her throat again. "If you choose the path of silence, you'll destroy the potential of that love, for both of you," she counseled.

To be real, her words resonated deeply within my conflicted heart.

There was some weight to her wisdom.

I conceded, struggling with my own uncertainty.

"Can I give you an answer tomorrow?" I pleaded, the vulnerability palpable in my voice.

Simone's warm smile put me at ease. "Of course. That's a better choice than hurried indecision," she assured, a comforting tone in her voice.

I heaved a sigh of relief, grateful for the reprieve.

"I really need a moment to clear my head," I murmured.

After, Simone lowered her head a bit and then said, "But..."

I looked at her, "Huh?" she didn't seem happy from how her face looked, I usually didn't look Simone clearly whenever I was speaking with her, but for some reason, talking with her now made me really get to connect with her more - she was more than just Lucretia's attendant.

In all honesty, attendant was just a fancy word for favorite servant.

But she had her own feelings, emotions, there was a lot of depth to her. If she could give advice this well, then maybe she's someone worth talking to about how worried I was at times and... No, that was going too far.

"What's wrong, Simone?" I asked her again.

"Well, to be honest, I was just hoping you'd have given a better answer..."

"About Lucretia?"

"Yes, if you really, truly do love her, I'd expected that you'd give a sharp answer that you love her or see a future with her. It doesn't matter how long you've known her, and there's no such thing as rushing into things if you've felt that right moment already..."

I guess she was right in the end.

Simone sighed heavily and stood up from where she was seated

"Either way, let's go see how Lady Lucretia's doing..."

I stood up from where I was seated and adjusted my attire as well.

Then I told Simone, "Thank you."

"Sure."

In truth, I couldn't really make out or describe how she really said that, but one thing was for sure - telling her that, somewhat touched her.

She was glad to help and devote herself for Lucretia's cause.

In the end, she was a happy servant, and Lucretia's favorite one too.

An odd setting, but still the right word for the two of them was - "Best friend".