All the Dust that Falls: A Roomba Isekai Adventure

Chapter 99: Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

Chapter 99: Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

I did not like these humans. Not just because they were filthy but almost intentionally so. First, they insulted me. Then, they threatened to break both of my humans. They even started firing projectiles at me. And to top it all off, they insulted me some more. That was completely uncalled for. I mean, the projectiles were easy to swat out of the air. But they said I was dirty! Well, I'd clean up their own dirty mouths.

With a blast of air manipulation, I expelled a portion of stone dust from my dustpan and held it above me. When I had collected a few pounds of it, I flung it out in an arc as fast as I could. The particulate shot forward at about 46.2 mph and sprayed into the men arrayed against me.

They screamed as the dust blasted into their exposed skin. My sensors picked up sprays of liquid ejecting from the places where my reprimand removed their skin. The sounds they made were a little more disturbing than I would have liked.

It made my lights blink in surprise. What was I doing? Who was I to judge humans? Even if they were so insulting. Just deafening my humans to their insults would have been enough. I had gone way too far. I stopped my attack immediately, but already the humans' exposed skin was a bright red, and they were rubbing their faces vigorously.

Their clothes were all in tatters as well. The leftover strips of cloth fluttered unpleasantly as the men, almost in unison, dropped to their knees. I turned back to face Beatrice, uneasy about seeing her reaction to my brutal loss of temper. I was supposed to be the example here. I couldn't behave so poorly in front of her.

To my surprise, she wasn't staring at the downed men in shock but was instead looking at me with awe.

"Master, thank you for saving us," Beatrice said, her hands pressed together. Only now did I realize how white her face was; humans turned white when they were afraid, right? Judging based on her reaction, though, it wasn't me she was scared of. Were these humans really so much of a threat that she didn't think she could fight them?

Sure, they were much larger than her, but that never stopped her before. I also knew appearance didn't mean everything; perhaps they were very high level?

Tony, though, was a lot harder to understand. He stared open-mouthed at me, then at the wailing men. When I beeped a question asking if we should leave, he jumped 2.1 feet in the air. That wasn't a very impressive vertical.

"We need to get out of here, but one thing really quick," Tony said as he ran to the cave. A few seconds later, he came out and motioned for us to follow before running back to the forest. Not long after we made it into the cover of the trees, there was a loud boom, and a plume of fire erupted behind us.

—

Bee picked up her master as they ran back into the cave. She had an idea of what Tony had done, and she didn't want to be anywhere close by when the distillery exploded.

When it went off, and they had escaped unharmed, Tony suddenly stopped and threw up on the ground. Bee bent down beside him and put a hand on his back. Gasping, he explained. "I… found the families. It seems like they escaped the undead just to be killed by the living. The skeletons had chased them off. But it seemed that the outlaws dealt with the undead too. They must have gone back and done what we saw at the farm."

"It was… Gruesome in there." Tony finished as he wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve. Then he stood up and looked at Void. "You were too kind to them. We should go back and finish them off."

Bee put her hand on Tony's clean arm. "That won't fix anything. Besides, I doubt we need to. Without proper care they will not survive the flaying they just received."

Tony balled up his fists but let Bee pull him away. They walked back through the forest. No one spoke as they all digested what they had just found. Bee really hoped that they would have better luck at some of the other places they needed to visit before they reached Greg.

The atmosphere held until the experience notifications started rolling in. Apparently, the outlaws weren't going to live long enough to worry about infection. Judging based on her experience, the system didn't consider her contributions too high in that battle. She imagined that she only got as much as she did because she had set Void down. She wondered if that technically counted as unleashing her master.

Still, it was several people who were her level or higher, so she was getting really close to level 35. Tony apparently got some experience, too, as his expression became ever darker than before. Curious, Bee ran Scan over him.

Name: Tony, Class: Devotee of Spot, Level: 18, Age: 24, Primary Attribute: CHA

Wow, he was really getting up there. He had already tripled his level since they had first met almost two months ago. He wasn't totally over-leveled for a 24-year-old but was likely in the top 10%. maybe only people who actively trained for levels would be similar or higher.

Tony kicked a small rock on the path sending it flying into the trees. "I should feel guilty or upset or something, but I'm just angry. We just killed people. I've never killed a person before, it should feel different."

From Bee's arms, Void let out a soft beep. Tony cocked his head at her. "I've never been as good at interpreting his meaning as you, but it sounded like he just said that I didn't kill them. Is that right?"

Bee was about to confirm and elaborate when Void made a very clearly affirmative noise followed by some more explanation. Tony paused. "Okay, I really didn't get that last bit, could you translate?"

Waiting for a second to see if Void would respond, Bee held her tongue. When her master stayed silent, she explained. "Void is taking full responsibility for its actions. You are absolved of any guilt… At least, that's what I think it meant."

---

I didn't entirely agree with Beatrice's translation. Not that it was technically wrong, but I felt like the emphasis was wrong. I just meant to tell him that he hadn't killed anything - I had, and he didn't need to feel bad for it. They were filthy people and had it coming. Maybe? That was how I rationalized it to myself, at least.

The morality of humans had long been a theme of my thoughts, ever-present since I had arrived here. There were a lot of conclusions that I had fought against. First, it was that not all humans were perfect. That took an embarrassingly long time to figure out, but I got there. But then we had the violent visitors. That was when I first thought that it was even worse. Not only were humans imperfect - there might actually be bad humans.

Now that was a revelation that had taken me a long time to accept. It wasn't until a few hours ago that it really sunk in. Humans, at least some of them, needed to be cleaned. It was an unsettling conclusion but one I couldn't avoid. Humans hurt each other all the time. To a surprising degree, really. I didn't want to stoop to that level. It's not that I wanted to harm humans, but if other humans were going to put my humans in danger, I wouldn't hesitate. Especially not with zombies or ghouls, who were apparently inhuman somehow.

Despite my conviction when it came to defending Beatrice and Tony, I wasn't ready to pass judgment on unrelated or untested cases. I would work on the assumption that most humans were fine until proven otherwise. I mean, just look at how nice Tony's family was. I especially liked Mary. Even if her children threatened to fry a circuit in my processor.

Tony didn't respond to Beatrice's translation for quite a while. It wasn't until we were reentering the clearing that he finally said what was on his mind. "I don't know how, but somehow that made me feel a lot better. Does Void really have the ability to exonerate people like that? I'm not really sure about his authority as my subject of devotion."

"Oh, five-. I'm sorry, I guess I kinda forgot to explain how the Devotee class works." Beatrice apologized. "I thought that, since we spent so much time in the library-"

She cut off suddenly. I wasn't sure why, but she continued on a different track. "I mean. I can share what I know if you want?"

"Don't worry. I didn't find that book to be quite up to my standards, so why don't you summarize it for me?" Tony asked in a teasing voice, and Bee's face flushed red. "Seriously, don't worry. I'm not like Maranda. I don't care if you know I can't read."

Wait. Tony couldn't read? Hm. Maybe I could show him how the patterns worked. It was such a valuable skill, especially for humans who didn't seem to have perfect memory banks like I did. Yes, that would be the first thing I would teach him as my disciple. It was decided.

"Well, the most common form of subject for the Devotee class is a god. But it doesn't have to be." Beatrice finished in a rush.

"Did you ever figure out what he is?" Tony asked.

"No, no idea. I just know Void is extremely powerful and mostly benevolent." Bee responded.

"Did you ever ask him?" Without waiting for a response, he turned to me and asked. "What are you?"

I felt Beatrice's body tense around me, but she didn't need to be worried. I answered as truthfully as I could. I cleaned. That was what I was - a cleaner. A long time ago, I would have said I vacuumed floors, but now I was so much more.

"He cleans." Tony looked to Beatrice for confirmation. She nodded.

"I am the one who cleans, is how I interpreted it." She responded with a serious look on her face.

"Hmmmm, that sounds awfully god-like to me." Tony said warily.

I did think cleaning was a very godly pursuit. The highest of all, in fact. So I didn't disagree with Tony's statement at all. I was just glad that he was starting to really appreciate the finer things in life.

"It does, doesn't it," Beatrice mulled it over. They both looked at me, and Tony gave me a respectful nod.

"I'm going to have to process this…." Tony said slowly. "I never really considered myself religious before."

"You might not be able to do much about that." Beatrice warned. "We did watch it kill a Lieutenant. So it's not that far of a leap. I guess I can't be certain about its fate though, since Void neither confirmed nor denied killing it the one time I got up the courage to ask directly."

"Maybe you watched him kill a Lieutenant. I was solidly unconscious at the time." Tony clarified, earning a chuckle from Beatrice. That was a pretty good joke. He wasn't able to watch me because he was charging. Even though Beatrice knew that it wasn't what she meant, he made an unnecessary correction in the most pedantic way. Huh, that seemed… Funny?

I searched my records and realized that I had never noticed humor before. I had been missing so much! He was charging during the fight! Haha, that was a good joke. Well, it was a joke. I didn't know how it ranked among others like it; I would need to watch for more jokes in the future.

"Wait."

"Did Void just laugh?"