Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale

Book 2: Chapter 16: Call in the Copper

Book 2: Chapter 16: Call in the Copper

We sent Raspberrysyrup off with bells and whistles, and then prepared for the dinner rush. Kirk had picked up the ropes over the past couple days, and that removed a lot of pressure from the pub side of things. Bran and Lemontwist were managing the kitchen expertly, and Aqua had discovered she actually liked waitering with Kirk. He was efficient enough that she could focus on seating and taking orders. The two of them were a well-oiled machine, and they even had time to occasionally stand at the counter and chat while Johnsson poured drinks. I stood behind the bar and ‘managed’ while fielding the occasional conversation.

The first to arrive were some regulars, along with Emerelda and Beatbox. Emerelda and I flirted for a while until Rumbob arrived with a ‘Ho Ho Ho’ and the three pro-drinkers went to party with a crowd of covetous fans. Half-way into the dinner-rush Annie arrived with a slightly shell-shocked looking Balin. We gave them a hard time, but realistically nobody blamed them. It was hard enough on Annie with Balin being in the dungeon most days, so we let them have their fun while he was around.

I made a note to have Drum take Jeremiah out fishing tonight. Maybe the two of them could even go camping. Your brother’s got your back, Balin! Of course, if I went back tonight and found our shared flat had served as a rumpus room, I was going to put snakes in the sheets. Speaking of which, I’m rich… why am I still sharing a room?

I was considering whether I wanted to buy a place here in Minnova or wait until I inevitably went to the capital, when Annie approached me, her face stormy.

“Pete, Raspberrysyrup was here!?”

“Aye.”

“Raspberrysyrup was here and you didn’t invite me!?”

“You were busy.”

“I would have come for that!!!”

“Wasn’t that what you were doing with Balin?”

Annie paused to consider my words and then her face went through a fascinating series of colour changes. The flush started at her neckline, hidden behind her slightly disheveled blonde beard. Then a light pink that swept up to her eyebrows, before it darkened to red. Eventually she began to shake and her forehead became a dark reddish-purple. There was probably a name for that colour. I sighed, reminiscing; Caroline would have known.

“You, you - “ Annie spluttered, pulling back a fist. She usually preferred kicks, but I was on the other side of the bar.

“Malt says we can come back to the Guild, but there’s a catch.” I cut her off.

Annie paused mid-swing and almost stumbled. “What? Really!” She broke into an enormous smile. “How!?”

“Let’s go to the office. Promise not to hit me and I’ll tell you.”

“No promises, let’s go.” Annie headed for the door to the brewroom, brushing past Aqua and Kirk who were chatting beside the transom.

Sigh. I followed behind, then activated [Flesh to Stone] as I passed through the swinging door.

—

Annie stared out the window into the brewroom and tapped her aching foot as she considered my proposal.

“You think we should use wheat beer to increase the - what did you call it? The target market?”

I nodded enthusiastically. “That’s right! Raspberrysyrup said she didn’t mind tha taste, and she’d be happy to become the ‘face’ of a new generation of beers.”

“It’s compelling.” Annie went back behind her desk and sat down. I was seated in the middle of the room where I had easy access to the door. I was pretty sure she’d calmed down, but you never could tell with dwarves.

“The only problem is tha distribution. Aqua said to talk to you about it.” I said.

“It’s not the only problem, but it will be a problem.” Annie nodded, and pulled some papers out of her drawer. They were a long list of names, some of them circled, underlined, or x’d out.

I leaned in to look. Most of the names were pretty clear - The Drunken Hog, The Watering Hole, et cetera et cetera. It was the name of local pubs and drinking establishments.

“Are those all the places you’ve been visitin’ recently?” I asked.

“Aye,” Annie replied, and circled a few more names. “These were all being served by Browning Brewery. Lots of them have agreed to switch over to us, but a lot of them hate us too.” Annie ran her hand through her beard.

“That’s good?”

“Yes, but not for your idea.” Annie shook her head sadly. “We’ll barely have the production capacity to meet all our needs. Between the pub, and all this new business, we’re going to need every single one of our fermentation tanks going at all times.”

I sucked in my breath and looked over to where my four new lager tanks sat awaiting their first batch of Blonde Brew. Or Liquid Gold as we were going to call it.

Annie followed my gaze and cleared her throat. “You can still use those four for your experimenting, that’s fine. I didn’t include them in my calculations.”

I let my breath out in a small *phew*. “We could always expand, maybe buy tha shop next door? Knickknack the gnome is getting ready to retire, so we may be able to buy his daughter out?” I brainstormed furiously. “We could also build a second floor, though putting big tanks on anything other than the ground will be a pain. We could also try extending into the Goldstone compound next door, but that would make my job feel a bit too much like home-work. Heh. Or, since we’re y’know, dwarves, we could just build down. It should be easy to find a good digging company; maybe someone with a [Mattershaper] on staff?”

Annie nodded, “Expansion may be our best bet; I think you have the right idea. There's a small group in the Guild that'll hate us no matter what we do, so making a new brew doesn’t lose us anything there. The rest of them are either so in love with gold, or have a long enough history with the Goldstones that I can change their minds. The population has been primed with New Brew and Ass-Blaster for more, and something new will probably be better received than making changes to the existing brew.”

I hopped to my feet. “Let’s do that then! I’ll go put Whistlemop, or rather Bimbleberry, on fetching us a building team. Wait, yer shakin' your head no, why are you shaking your head no?”

“Because that’s only part of the problem. We’ll need to hire a bunch more people if we expand that much, and I suspect we’ll be inviting trouble at the same time. Sabotage will absolutely become a problem if we start making an entirely new kind of beer. Then on top of that we don’t have any gnomish distributors or trust built up in the gnomish community. Why would any of them come buy our new beer?”

“Advertising?” I said it, but I didn’t really believe it; advertising could only take you so far. If someone had never worn shoes, showing them Nike commercials was meaningless.

“Noooo… I’m thinking…” Annie’s eyes grew distant, and her brow furrowed then grew firm. “I think we should go to one of the existing gnomish companies. Bring them on as a partner. They can get a new location, a new crew, and handle all the risk themselves.”

“I don’t know much about those companies, other than what I’ve picked up working with Whistlemop. I’ve been focused on dwarven law and clan structures in my lessons with Richter,” I said nervously. Going to an oligarch felt like bringing a wolf into the fold. “Will the Guild be okay with us showing gnomes how to make their Sacred Brew?”

Annie shook her head. “Technically, as long as the proper contracts are signed, the Guild doesn’t have anything against subsidiaries. It just usually isn’t done because The Honourable Guild of Brewers are such a conservative and secretive bunch. It isn’t unheard of though, especially when a brewing clan wants to move a branch to a new city. That’s why it isn’t against the Guild rules.”

“And we need to keep to the Guild rules because we want to get back in.” I nodded. “But still, an oligarch?”

Annie drummed her fingers on her desk. “They’re our best bet - a subsidiary clan brewery run by another ‘clan’ under contract. It’s never been done with gnomes, and they would technically never be allowed to call themselves ‘Brewers’, but… it could be done.’

I held a hand out plaintively. “Even if it’s not against the rules, I’m not sure that'll help with our stated goal of getting a majority of the Guild to like us.”

“Like I said, leave that to me. The same dwarves that'll hate our idea for new brews will hate us using gnomes. There’s no point worrying about them. Leave the Guild side of things to me. If you can make this work, I should have a majority on our side within the month.” She drew herself up proudly.

“Sounds like we have a plan.” I nodded. “So, what’s next? Do you know any Gnomish companies to approach? I could put Whistlemop on it, but… I don’t think he’s our gnome.”

Annie slumped back into her chair. “I don’t. We may be forced to use him out of necessity.”

The two of us sat and pondered for a while. Whenever I got stuck with problems recently, I liked to toss a [Flash of Insight] at it. It often provided unexpected results, helped me remember something important, or simply provided an out-of-the-box solution. I liked to think of it as my own personal Deus Ex Machina.

There was the usual feeling of pressure in my head when I used the Ability, and when it cleared, I had my answer. Along with a very welcome prompt.

Ability Improved!

Repeated uses have improved your [Flash of Insight]!

You may now use it twice a day!

Score! Ahhh, Archis's Apples! I should be using [Stoneskin] more often!

I began to desperately dig through my pockets, praying to all the Gods but Barck that I hadn’t lost what [Flash of Insight] had helped me remember. I found it in my breast pocket, a simple square of grey cardstock. Even though it was made of paper it was firm as steel, and an emblem of a flaming gear shone upon the front.

“What’s that?” Annie asked, leaning over her desk to see.

I grinned wolfishly. “An IN.”

—

Two days and a flurry of activity later, Balin and I stood in front of a massive gate set in a massive wall half the height of Minnova’s own. It easily dwarfed all the other local architecture to the point of comedy. It looked like once you reached a certain gold value, things like ’building codes’ could be bent. Balin was in his golden armour and shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot.

“I donnae see why I need ta come with. I could be spendin’ the day with ma Annie”

“Because he knows both of us, and besides, having the ‘Balin of Goldenlight’ along could be useful. Wasn’t that half the point of you becoming an adventurer in the first place?”

I glanced at Balin, who blushed at my praise. Seriously, the two of them were perfect for each other.

“It’s a silly name…”

“It’s a sexy name. You sound like a superhero.”

“A what? What kinda soup is heroic?”

I sighed. “Never mind. Let’s do this.”

We walked up to a guard post at the front gate, and a gnomish guard in full plate - he looked like a tiny tank - nodded at our approach.

“Name and reason for visit?” He asked, curtly.

I held up the business card. “Brewer Peter Roughtuff here to see Engineer Copperpot. We’re expected.”

The guard held a stone slab over the card and the gear flashed. He nodded. “Everything looks in order Brewer Roughtuff. Welcome to Pot Manor.”

The gates swung open, and I went to drag Balin in behind me. But he was already ahead, striding resolutely forward.

I smiled, and followed my brave brother inside.