Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale

Book 2: Chapter 32: Dear John

Book 2: Chapter 32: Dear John

After Sam left, the rest of the day was fairly standard. The dinner rush came and went, I had new appreciation for watching Kirk toss people out the window, and the beer with dinner still tasted awful.

What was not new was what waited for us at the Goldstone compound.

I’d taken Copperpot’s warning to heart and was staying at Annie’s place until our partnership was fully up and running. Balin just wasn’t around enough to use as a glorified bodyguard, and I didn’t really do much lately other than bounce between home and work anyway.

I was turning into a workaholic. That was going to stop ASAP or it would become a habit.

Annie led the way and I bumped into her as she came to a complete stop in the doorway.

“*Ouf*! Hey, watch it! I’m walkin’ ere!” I said in my best Bostonian as I rubbed my nose where it had smacked into her helmet.

“Georgie?” Annie whispered, her voice cracking.

I looked past her to see a squat rectangular mechanical dog-crab thing. It scurried about on four legs and had two large pincer tipped arms. It had no real head, just a series of ruby and emerald gems on the front of its boxy, brozeish body. It was in the middle of moving a bunch of crates around. There were a lot of crates and new furniture scattered around the previously sparsely furnished compound.

Penelope was following behind us, and bleated angrily at the traffic jam. She stuck her head between our knees to take a peek, then gave a disapproving mah.

The machine - golem? - gave a series of high pitched whistles then turned to regard us. It gave a cheery wave and returned to its work. It picked up a box, placed it on its wide, flat back, then moved out of the room.

“Uh, what was that?” I asked, peeking at Annie’s face. It had gone puke yellow.

“That - that was Georgie. Our clan golem,” she said. “We had to sell it, to help pay for damages after the explosion. I don’t understand -”

A pair of dwarves walked into the room, interrupting her. I didn’t recognize the first dwarf, though he had that universal ‘look’ that I associated with contractors, teachers, and union reps. He had a belt filled with tools and was lightly coated in stone dust. The second dwarf was John.

They were in the middle of a conversation and John finished up before acknowledging us. “Aye, and please send someone ta fix the sauna next. I'd like to relax after all this hard work. Ah, hullo Annie, Pete.”

*meaaaaaaah* [Translated from Prima Donna Goat] "Excuuuuuuuuuse me?"

“And you too Penelope. Who’s a good goat?”

Penelope ran up to John for chin scritches. The other dwarf nodded to us as he and Penelope passed each other at the door.

John was dressed in much nicer clothing and armour than usual. It looked old, but was shining and well cared for. It fit him like a glove.

“John? What’s goin’ on?” I asked.

Annie cut in. “How is Georgie here?”

“And why haven’t you been at work? Or at least told us where you were!” I followed, accusingly.

“That’s a long story…” John began. “I’ve been busy this week.”

“Shorten it.” Annie snapped. “I’ve been so worried!”

John raised an eyebrow. “Jeremiah knew where I was.”

“Oh.” Annie blushed. She still wasn’t talking to her father much.

“And where was that?” I asked.

“Simple. I was getting all our clan’s property back.” John waved his arm around the room, indicating the boxes and furniture.

“Is that… is that our old lounge?” Annie muttered, walking up to a long shape covered in cloth. She peeked under it and nodded. “Mum used to sing songs to me on it.”

John nodded. “Aye, it’s all here. All I could find anyway. Between tha horrorgourd and the explosion we’d lost most of our clan’s history.” He said the last in my direction.

“How did you afford all this?” I asked.

“I bet all the clans savings on Bran winnin’ the contest. After he got all burned up and lost so much time the odds on him winnin’ were higher than the Pinnacle.” He said it smugly but I gulped. Unholy Nether, what a bet!

“You did WHAT!” Annie roared. “I’m tha clan head now! You can’t do that without talkin’ to me first!”

“I’ve been in charge o’ tha clan’s finances fer years. Ya never undid it.” He pointed out.

Annie sputtered. “But how could you do that!?”

John sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose. “Come on in, we’ll talk.”

—

We moved into the Goldstone clan library. It had once been a rather sparse space with some paintings, a single long table, and a set of chairs. Now it had books filling every wall, along with gold picture frames, a couple sets of plush couches, and a pair of kegs and tankards up against the wall.

Annie’s breath drew in as she looked around.

“Looks just like it used ta, doesn't it.” John said, a pleased smile on his lips. He went and filled a set of tankards. “New Brew. I know ya hate the old stuff, Pete.”

I chuckled. “Not a fan of the new stuff either, to tell tha truth.”

“Well, more for us then. Take a seat you two.”

We sat and drank in silence for a minute. Annie looked around the room in wonder, and I admired some of the books on the wall. I was going to talk to Richter about moving our tutoring sessions here. The library was great, but it was always kind of hard to concentrate with so many people around.

“Alright, the bet," John began. “I don’t think you two really realize it yet, since you’ve been pouring so much gold into expanding and what-not, but you’ve already brought our sales up to what they were before your accident.”

She blinked. “I… don't know what the previous numbers were. Is it really that high?”

“Aye. And if you add the money coming in from Whistlemop, it’s much higher.” He looked my way.

“I have an amount of gold that may or may not require scientific notation.” I smirked.

The two gave me blank looks. Annie rolled her eyes.

“What’s - “ John began, but she cut him off.

“What does that have to do with you putting the clan’s coffers on a bet, John!? How could you!?”

“You did it once already, remember?” He said off-handedly, and her mouth snapped shut. “Besides, we didn’t have much in the coffers to begin with. At the current rate we would’ve doubled it within a year. This was an opportunity ta make a lot more with one giant bet.”

I squinted. “How much more?”

John’s grin turned feral. “It’ll take the casino a while ta pay me back. After Bran lost all that time and bought a buncha fish nobody expected him to win.”

Annie and I blanched at that. I resolved to go find out what the return had been. A hundred to one? Two hundred? If he’d put down a whole year of clan finances… my eyes widened.

“I’ve been out and about tha last week buying all the stuff we had to sell over the past few decades to make ends meet. I couldn’t get all of it, but most sold it back at what they bought it for. Folk are always happy when a clan gets back on its feet. I had to spend a bit extra to get Georgie back, but I had to. You’ll be needing him.”

“That’s… next time please tell me first, John.” Annie sighed.

“I was hopin’ to surprise you.”

“I’m definitely surprised.”

“Which brings me to the next bit of news.” John pulled a pipe out from his pocket and lit it. The scent of it quickly permeated the room as he took a deep breath and let it out in a ring. “I’m quittin'.”

We stared blankly back. I opened my mouth for the requisite ‘what!?’, when Annie smoothly interrupted.

"Is it time?"

"Aye. My back's not what it used to be, and things are moving too fast for me. And if you win that contest you'll be leaving Minnova, right? No, winning that bet was enough for a last hurrah. I'm done."

Annie ruffled her beard. “I understand, John. You’ve been a great help through the years. Will you be continuing your duties to the clan?"

John smiled. “You always were a defter hand than your pap. Aye, I’ll do my duty.”

“Do you want -” she began

John waved his hand. “No parties.”

“Then,” Annie stood and bowed, giving the same ‘beard held out’ gesture I’d seen her do before. “John Goldstone. The Goldstone clan thanks you for your centuries of service. May Aaron Bless you for your hard work and Tiara for that which you have brought into the world.”

John looked elated, but somehow defeated at the same time. “I’m a little old for my last Blessin, lass. All these years and never got Titled. The Greybeards will wonder if I’ve been wasting my time.”

“Oh?” Annie coughed, then glanced at me.

I shrugged. What was I supposed to do about it? My presence just increased the chance of getting a Blessing, it didn’t -

John sat bolt upright and looked wildly around the room. “I just got a Blessing!? For ‘centuries of service' and ‘one giant bet’!? Those were my exact words; are tha Gods watchin’ us right now?”

“The Gods are always watching,” I intoned reverentially. “They are omniscient and omnipotent creepy stalkers.”

“Who's it from?” Annie asked.

“Aaron…” John said, and flomped down into his cushioned couch. He took another long drag from his pipe.

“Who were you Blessed by before?” I asked.

“Aaron, actually. When I took over the clan finances. That’s quite normal. I’ve never heard of someone getting a Blessing when they quit before…” He grumbled. “Too little, too elfin late.”

“Are you goin' to accept?” I asked.

“Of course I’m going to accept! Are you daft!? Who wants to be the only old bastard at the tavern without a Title!”

“Twice Blessed by Aaron?” Annie’s eyes widened. “That means you can become a [Displacer]!”

“Isn’t that the teleportation specialist?” I said. “Like that dwarfess who brought Healer Bastion to the mine? What was her name.. [Flash of Insight]... Displacer Ruby.”

“You can travel all over Crack with that!” Annie exclaimed. “It’s a very powerful Title! Congratulations, Uncle!”

John was shaking his head, and we looked at him in confusion. He explained, “Who wants to go traveling when home is here? And you know how it is, as soon as you have the power to take people anywhere, everyone comes and bothers you all the time. Sounds like a terrible retirement to me.”

Ah, like being the friend with the truck. Everyone knows that buying a truck comes with a shit load of phone calls asking you to ‘help me move this fridge’ and whatnot. And all you got in return was pizza. Usually hawaiian. Ugh, pineapple did not belong in pizza. It belonged in Tepache.

Ahhhh, Tepache. Another one of those marvelous alcohols I wasnt able to make yet.

It was a Mexican fermented pineapple drink similar to ginger beer. Instead of a ginger bug, it used pineapple fruit and rinds and brown sugar to get the fermentation going. It didn’t use any added yeast, making do with natural environmental yeasts, which resulted in a low alcohol content. I preferred to add a bit of beer to my Tepache to jump start fermentation and get a higher ABV. It was especially delicious on hot summer days in the valley.

Mmmmmm… I missed fruity drinks. Who cares if they're girly; they're delicious!

“Nah, I know exactly what I want.” John said, and breathed out another smoke ring. Except, this time, the smoke ring congealed into a galloping unigoat and pranced around the table. Penelope walked up to it and bit down, swallowing the smoke whole. Then she turned a reproachful look on John.

Annie choked. “You just became an [Aethershaper]. So you could blow smoke rings.”

“Aye.”

“Why!?”

“Why not?”

The pair of us stared at our old hire in consternation as he giggled and blew more smoke animals.

Back in the foyer, our new hire gave a cheerful series of whistles as it loaded up another set of crates.