Beware Of Chicken

Chapter Volume 3 2: Explorations in Alcohol

The day began bright and early, as it always did. Fa Bi De completed his most sacred duty. Climbing to the perch above his Master’s great home Bi De opened his beak and called forth the rising sun, the great burning orb gracing the world with its light once more.

His voice echoed over the hills through the air, a pure note that held none of the harshness generated by his lesser kin. It sounded out and all heeded his exultations.

“You Tell ‘Em, Bi De.” His Great Master called from his window, his strange, arcane tongue completing the morning ritual that had persisted for nearly two years.

Bi De lowered his head, bowing to his Master, as he and the Great Healing Sage pulled themselves from their beds.

Thus, Fa Ram awakened.

Sister Ri Zu stirred from her place under Bi De’s vest. Sister Yin and Miantiao the snake would have normally been with them, but the two had been up all night, accomplishing something for the great Master. When Bi De had looked in on the pair last night the snake had been entirely absorbed in his work, the glow of the molten glass reflecting off his iridescent green scales. He had observed for a moment, awed by the snake's passion and determination. Yin worked beside him, looking the happiest he had ever seen her.

Although it was a shame, since the rabbit was pleasantly warm and the mornings were starting to get a bit cool. Still, there was no point dwelling.

Bi De observed from his elevated place above all as from the house that was once his Great Master’s first coop arose five of their number. Brother Chun Ke and Sister Pi Pa, who called the house the servant’s quarters, marched out in good time. They were followed by the Xong Brothers and the newest addition, Liu Bowu. The young man was rubbing his eyes, leaning upon Brother Chun Ke as he walked. His limp was heavy this morning, but he seemed to Bi De’s eyes in good spirits as he chattered away.

From the forest came Sister Tigu, who had taken it upon herself to make the final watch. She nodded up at the rooster as she neared the Master’s home, followed as she was by the three sheep. Bei Be the ox rose from his meditations beneath the boughs of a tree to saunter to the great coop. A great dragon, asleep on the river bank, turned into a fish with a muffled pop, sliding into the water.

They broke their fast together; a fine meal as always, prepared by the Great Master, the Healing Sage, and Sister Xiulan. These last days of summer were a true treat. With everything harvested the meals grew increasingly elaborate, with new tastes and textures.

Brother Wa Shi looked to be one with the Heavens as he dined upon a vegetable omelet and bread with jam.

Breakfast was as usual controlled chaos. They were loud with their greetings and preparations, settling in and waking up. Others crowded around a large slate on the wall, checking duty rosters and seeing if anything needed to be done… or adding something they had thought of during the night.

Fed and watered, all of them trouped out onto the front lawn to begin their practice with the morning forms.

Yun Ren practised with his blade. Bowu stretched his leg. Ri Zu’s needle flashed. His Great Master’s form, that he normally completed twice with easy grace, became five repetitions. His movements were faster as he focused and he breathed evenly. Bi De, on closer inspection, could feel his Master’s intent Qi, warm and comforting. These movements were much better. More natural than those he had used with the sword, but Bi De could still see that the more he did them, the more aggressive his stance, the worse the blows looked. They were ill-suited to Bi De’s eyes and did not fit his master.

Bi De frowned, but held his tongue for now, the morning ritual completed.

“I’m off to Hong Yaowu. Gonna see if anybody needs anything back home.” Yun Ren declared as they all prepared to truly begin the day.

“Are you sure? Everything should be finished today.” The Great Master said.

Yun Ren smirked. “You guys can work out all the kinks and make sure it tastes good for me.” He said cheekily, waving them off and starting up the path in his loping stride.

His Great Master laughed, watching Yun Ren go. But Bi De caught two of his fellow’s eyes.

Both Tigu and Xiulan had noticed the Great Master’s intent. The two women stared quietly at the Master’s back, a look of concentration on their faces.

So, Bi De jerked his head to the side, beckoning them. Both women nodded.

They had much to discuss.

============================

Alcohol. Spirits. Booze.

It was said that mankind invented agriculture just so that they could get their hands on a steady supply of booze. The sweet buzz, the different flavours. The best gift in this time period, really, and if you distilled it enough, a powerful disinfectant.

And I was in the final stages of making some.

“It's all good, Master Jin.” Bowu said to me as he checked the copper pipes of the still one last time. This was his job, while Gou Ren had been helping him assemble things.

“Thanks Bowu.” I said to the kid, who still didn't seem too sure how to take compliments. He blushed and scratched the back of his head as Gou Ren clapped him on the shoulder. Let me tell you, it was really nice to have somebody who had actually worked with pipes before to help me assemble this damn thing. Bowu knew roughly how to build entire spirit furnaces. He was still an amateur, and self-taught, but he had good ideas and an enthusiastic Yao Che, the blacksmith of Hong Yaowu, to help him.

Thus, the great copper still of the farm was constructed. She was big and beautiful, that lovely warm copper tone polished to a sheen in its own little building, with a patch of river running through this one too, providing access to good clean water.

Chunky, Washy, Rizzo and Meimei rounded out our little group working on the still. Big D, Tigu, and Xiulan were off somewhere together.

My little project had started about a week after we returned from the Dueling Peaks. A simple project to get myself back into the swing of things.

I hadn't started with the still though. I’d gone for something a lot easier.

Mead.

Honey, water, and yeast. The simplest of the simple, really, but like all alcohol production, it's easy to learn and hard to master.

All you really have to do is dissolve the honey in the water, then add your yeast and wait. The devil though was in the details. The kind of yeast, the ratio of honey to water, and the fermenting time all played a factor in the final taste. Well, that and how clean everything was, but my wife could literally glare at bacteria until they died so that part was easy.

As a relative novice, I had decided to make a few batches. Two batches were from what I called the outer hives. The honey for those came from standard looking honey bees. It was pleasant, sweet, and golden, and perfect for what I wanted to do. One bottle was plain. And the other one got some peaches in it, making it melomel, rather than strictly mead.

But hey, terminology.

The other batch was from honey from what I thought of as the “main” hive. I was certain by now that the bees that lived in that hive were some kind of strange species I had never heard of before. They were larger than all the others, some nearing twice the size of the other drones. The Queen, Vajra, was odd too. She could be seen out and about quite often. It was weird that the hive would risk its most valuable member like that—especially because I often caught the damn fool creature trapped in the bathhouse. Maybe she liked the extra heat, but I couldn’t really tell. Meimei and Xiulan hadn’t known either.

Whatever the case was, the strange, iridescent bees were incredibly docile beasts. They made fantastic honey too. The raw stuff was almost as good as maple syrup.

They got their own separate bottle. After heating up the water and honey mixture, called the must, it went into the container until it cooled a bit, then the yeast was added.

After that? Well, then you just had to wait.

Wait and get started on the other project, the still.

Bowu and Gou Ren helped me get everything assembled properly. My friend and the kid were both better at this kind of thing than I was, and Bowu had been interested in the mechanics of the whole thing. Meiling was poking around at the copper tub, using her Qi to give everything one last clean before we started.

“So, then after this we slowly heat it up, which will refine what we need? Like a pill furnace, or like the creation of the ancients in Pale Moon Lake City?” Bowu marveled, referring to the massive construction that had looked kind of like a still.

“I don’t know.” I admitted it easily. “It's definitely not as good, though. That thing, by all accounts, could purify basically anything. This is just messing around with boiling points. You have to discard some of it. The foreshots are toxic.” I continued as I fiddled with the mash pot. It had already been sitting for a week and a half, and the bubbles had finally gone down to what I thought was an acceptable level. I was going for vodka, so the base was potato… even if most modern vodka was made out of wheat.

My wife paused in her inspection of the copper still. “Toxic?” She asked with a bit too much excitement in her voice. I heard the unspoken question in her voice, and the way Rizzo perked up at the mention of something dangerous probably should be concerning.

But… well, Meimei wouldn’t do anything to really hurt us. Itching powder was fair game, though. And… she might actually be able to do something with the methanol.

“I was just going to throw it out… but we can keep it, I guess.” I decided. Meimei was still upset about what happened at the Dueling Peaks, brewing something nasty would make her feel better.

There were some things in the medicine house I wasn’t touching with a ten foot pole, thank you very much. It was a little freaky how Meimei could cheerfully describe how exactly a poison could kill somebody, along with her efforts to make it even deadlier.

Thankfully she had a good enough sorting system that nothing like that would be sneaking into any actual medicine. Meimei... well, she was super serious about that sort of thing, and instead of being angry about my fear of something being mixed up had invited me to double check for her, just to make sure she had everything sorted properly.

Anyways, back to the Moonshine Project. The mash was ready, the still was ready… and we were just waiting on one last thing—

‘They areee readyyy.’ a voice that wasn’t a voice called out. It whispered on the wind, laden with Qi, and had an undercurrent of pride to it.

I turned toward Noodle the snake's voice as he rode on Yin, the silver rabbit. She was pulling a small covered cart towards us. Inside were the first set of glasses I had “commissioned” for this purpose. The snake and the rabbit had gotten paid for their work, like everybody did, but I had a sneaking suspicion that the money I gave to most of the animals just got put back into the savings we had.

We could have probably used clay pots for this, but if you want to retain the clean flavour glass was the way to go.

The small cart was covered by a cloth tarp. The snake had been a bit secretive near the end there, but now he seemed ready to show us what he had made.

I nodded to him. “Finally ready to show us?” I asked good naturedly.

The snake smirked. ‘Thissss one isss out of practisseee. He apologisssess for the quality. The next ssset sssshall be better.’

I could hear the humble bragging tone in his voice as he used his tail to peel back the cloth, revealing several rows of glass jars.

To me, with my memories of the Before, it certainly wasn’t anything special, but I heard the sharp intakes of breath from the others.

“It's so clear.” Meimei said as she stepped forwards, picking up one of the glasses and holding it up to the light. “There’s no tint at all.”

I had seen glass just as clear before, in Crimson Crucible City. The rich who lived in their mansions had windows just as pure and clear.

But my windows in my house? They were a bit cloudy, even with all the money I had paid for them.

The snake hadn’t been lying when he had scoffed at them. His proclamation that his previous master’s village had contained the best glass makers in the Azure Hills was certainly no empty boast, he had proven that. The old snake let out a breath, seemingly at peace, a little smile fixed firmly on his face as we all drew out a glass.

Once I got a closer look at them, what I said about this being nothing special compared to the Before? Forget that. These things were good. Scratch that, they were quite frankly insane considering the technology level of most places in the world, and the fact that they had been made by a snake.

Instead, I raised an eyebrow at Noodle. “I’ll hold you to that boast.” I prodded, and the snake harrumphed.

‘They are the bare minimum my Massster would have accepted.’ the snake hissed. ‘But... I am grateful that I have remembered his methodssss.’

“Thank you, Noodle, Yin.” I said as I picked up the glass. The snake bowed his head, while the rabbit smiled brilliantly.

‘This morose old bastard smiling again is good… even if I have to be the fire all the time.’

‘Language.’ Noodle said fondly.

Finally, we were prepared. I poured in the potato mash and we set the fire.

Honestly, it was a bit boring. The still slowly heated up and the alcohol, with its lower boiling point, started to evaporate. It went through the copper tubes, recondensing until you had pure alcohol. It didn’t stop Meimei and Gou Ren from crouching down and watching in fascination as the clear liquid steadily spilled out from the pipe into a glass.

First came the toxic foreshots. Then the heads, which tasted nasty. I had forgotten the exact ratios of how much of each you normally got in a run, so I was working off taste for when we hit the hearts. Which would probably make this first run kind of mediocre. Not that I minded since at the end of the day this was just a test run. I’d be making a lot more in the future.

I poured out some of the heart, the good stuff of the distillation, into separate glasses for all of us.

Gou Ren was eager to try it while Meimei just dipped a finger in; the tiny amount fine even if she was pregnant.

Gou Ren recoiled slightly as the burn hit him, while Meimei’s nose wrinkled.

Both of them frowned and smacked their lips together. Washy and Chunky had their own small sips, the fish considering the glass with a critical eye. Noodle and Yin took their own sips. The rabbit shrugged while the snake swirled it around, holding it with his tail.

There was a beat.

“It's… well, it feels strong, and it is smooth… but it doesn’t really taste like anything.” Gou Ren said, sounding vaguely disappointed.

Meimei looked similarly unimpressed. Chunky shrugged without comment. While Washy considered the drink further, eating a berry he had found from somewhere, before taking another sip and nodding.

“It's not really supposed to.” I said, taking my own swig, and feeling the burn. “You can do other things and age them in barrels, but this stuff is supposed to taste like nothing at all.”

‘One mussst be careful with it. A mortal would find themselves on the floor with but a bottle.’ Noodle said. ‘Though, I sssuppose some may see that as a bonusss.’

Yeah, the eternal problem with distilled spirits. It’s either too strong or not strong enough.

Gou Ren looked to Washy who held out a berry. He took it and paired the drink. “Some people will like it, but it's… okay, it's growing on me a bit.” he admitted. “The berry makes it better, but, well, why not just make berry wine then?”

“We can, I guess. You can distill basically anything. We’ll make berry wine next time and concentrate the flavours here.”

Gou Ren nodded, while Washy perked up. That… probably would have been a better idea, honestly. I had never liked vodka, unless it was so loaded down with fruit juice you couldn’t taste it at all…

Hey, cocktails for the festival could be a good idea. I still had a bit of ice left. It had lasted far, far longer than I had expected it to, and all the fruit was fresh. That could be pretty fun!

The first round of distillation had still been a success, technically.

There was a ragged cough from behind us. I raised an eyebrow as Bowu nearly dropped one of the glasses, having stolen a sip.

“How can you drink that?!” The sixteen year old rasped out.

We all started laughing. Hell, I had the same reaction when I had my first drink. “Well, it's serviceable as something for the festival… but let's try the mead. It should be done by now.”

I went and got the barrels from the store room, one from the honey from Vajra’s hive and one from the normal hives.

I cracked the one from Vajra’s hive open, and immediately the smell hit me. The sweet notes of honey. It filled my nostrils, heady and thick, and I felt myself salivate. I actually froze for a moment before pulling my face away.

Compared to the smell of the vodka from the still, well, it was absolutely no contest. Meimei stiffened and Gou Ren’s eyes widened. Washy and Chunky snapped to attention.

Even I could feel that it had Qi in it, which either meant I had gotten better at sensing Qi or this thing was chock-full of it. And seeing as I hadn’t really spent any time training to get better at sensing Qi…

I carefully ladled out the golden liquid.

We all stood around, holding our cups. The smell was intense, and the feeling of Qi radiating out from the mead had gotten stronger.

I took a sip.

The golden elixir wrecked its way down my throat. It was invigorating. Burning hot and soothingly cool. I could feel strength filling my limbs as the blob of gold settled in my stomach and sat there, spreading through my core.

“Holy shit.” I said simply, feeling a little bit light-headed. That was… sweet in more ways than one.

Meimei just had her tongue stuck out and her eyes wide. She turned to me.

“Jin, my dearest husband, why did you make this, when I can’t have any?” Meimei asked, staring plaintively at the jar. She bit her lip and turned away from the mead, holding herself back.

Somebody else had no such complications.

I caught Washy out of the air as he attempted a swan dive into the barrel. His eyes were wide and wild, until he realized what he was trying to do.

The fish coughed, dangling in my grip, and looking embarrassed.

“I think… we might keep this one to ourselves.” I said, staring at the dangerous barrel.