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Chapter 136 - Talk - Part 3
Chapter 136 - Talk - Part 3
Chapter 136 - Talk - Part 3
Xiu Mei couldn’t deny the fact that she felt giddy after hearing his confession. She bit her lip, trying to suppress the smile that was surfacing on her face.
No, Xiu Mei. You can’t give in yet.
Look, even though Lu Chen launched the seduce strategy on her, she had not completely surrendered yet. She can’t be blinded by temporary happiness just to suffer in return.
This is what she repeated in her mind.
The foundation of their marriage is almost nonexistent, except for the fact that they’ve worked together for years. But the trust we give to our romantic partner and the trust we give to a coworker are two different things.
Love and Trust. She can’t confuse those two.
"Lu Chen, look. It’s not just about being in love with me nor you at all." She pushed him for a little bit, creating a small distance between them.
"The very reason we’re having this fight right now is that we lack trust. I realized that the secrets we keep from each other, we keep and wait for each other to disclose it someday but no that I think about, it’s not even right."
Keeping her hands on his shoulders, she continued.
"If we’ve built our relationship just like any other couple, secrets like these shouldn’t hurt our relationship at all. But Chen, I realized that the trust I have right now for you is your capability to protect your loved ones always. That you would do anything so that they won’t get hurt. But what about the trust we have for each other? The trust that I should be giving you as my husband, at the same time, the trust that you should be giving me as your wife?"
When Xiu Mei pointed out the problems that they have in their current relationship, he couldn’t’ but wince in pain. Everything she said was true. He wouldn’t have even realized it if she didn’t point it out at all.
He was a novice in love and in maintaining a relationship. There are still a lot of things he needs to learn, but it seems like he was focusing too much on the physical stuff. He showered her with gifts, yes. Pampered her, yes. He made her feel secure, yes. He tried to understand her while keeping her from harm at the same time, but what about what she felt?
That’s where he failed. He failed to trust Xiu Mei that even though she was vulnerable in his arms, he kept forgetting the first side of her that he knew about. Her perseverance and tenaciousness.
The very reason how Xiu Mei survived or ten years despite her PTSD.
Because even though she cried and broke down, she would always stand up and wipe off her tears. Lu Chen was pampering her too much, treating her the same as Lu Qiang.
Xiu Mei admits that she is weak, yes. But she isn’t the type to surrender without a fight. Because she still has her pride. She won’t grovel to the ground even if she loses. That’s how she grew up for the past few years.
It was what got her through all the immeasurable pain and nightmares that haunted her.
"I know you said you’re willing to tell me the truth now. But tell me..." She covered the back of his hand with hers as she continued, "...Do you really trust me enough that I can handle that truth? You can’t just be honest with me because you want to save this relationship. because that won’t solve it at all. I need you to trust your instincts, that once you tell me the truth, that is because you trust me as for me. Not because I’m your wife that you need to keep holding onto."
After finishing what she wanted to say, the two of them neither spoke again.
Instead of getting disappointed, Xiu Mei was actually glad that he didn’t give her an immediate response at all. She observed his expression and knew that he was thinking about it. He stopped and thought carefully for the answer.
She wanted him to have faith in her and not to always hide this type of secrets from her just like what he did yesterday.
With all the amount of danger she is currently in, it wouldn’t even make a difference if she knew the thing about yesterday too. She may have lived under the protection of her parents and brothers all her life, but it doesn’t mean that she was useless.
She still has her intelligence to keep her sane and get through with life on her own.
If Lu Chen couldn’t trust her enough to be able to withstand this... then it’s gonna be a big problem in the future.
He has to let her in. In on the dangers she is currently in, and the dangers he is in as well.
Though, Xiu Mei herself knew that she also needs to work on trusting her husband too.
Failing to even inform him that she already started digging on her past, she was even at fault too. She made Lu Chen feel uneasy about it. Just like how she went crazy thinking and worrying about Lu Chen when he disappeared, he must’ve felt the same thing.
That’s why right now, it’s not only Lu Chen who has to clarify his stand on their relationship. She has to open up and say hers as well.
Trust in marriage should go both ways and she can’t always be on the receiving end.
"Xiu Mei."
After that long period of silence, he finally opened his mouth. Xiu Mei returned his gaze that was filled with solemnity and resolve in it. She knew that he already found his answer.
She felt tensed. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she thought, what if he decided to not tell her at all? What if the answer he realized was that she wasn’t the person he could really trust in?
The possibilities were low but she couldn’t help it.
She felt anxious because she likes him. She would be hurt if Lu Chen doesn’t really her at all.
"I love you." He repeated his confession, this time with more conviction.
"And I..." For a moment, he hesitated. But he still continued. "...I am the chief leader of an assassin organization in the underworld."
"..."
"..."
Xiu Mei was genuinely stunned when she heard what he said. For a second, she even doubted whether she heard it right at all.
Lu Chen? A chief leader in the underworld? Of an assassin organization at that?
If she was a normal person, she wouldn’t have easily believed in that. But the reality is, she grew up being aware of the existence of that world. A place filled with crime and violence. Where death and killing could be considered normal.
And now her husband was telling her that he was the chief leader of an organization in that place.
Hell.
Her hand flew to her mouth.
Even though she has suspicions about him being involved in some kind of place, she didn’t expect him to be the person who leads one at all. Rather, he even has the highest position! Isn’t that almost comparable to being the commander-in-chief of the army?
No, Xiu Mei. You’re straying from the topic again. That isn’t even the most important thing.
Lu Chen operates an assassin organization. He kills. My god, her husband kills for a living.
She wasn’t even sure to admire him for not being killed by her family yet. Wasn’t the army and the people in the underworld each other’s nemesis?
Was it even possible for her family not to be aware of this?
God. Oh god.
The bomb Lu Chen suddenly dropped in front of her exploded in her face real hard. Her suspicions and the truth was way out of her expectations. Killing is one thing, but an assassin organization at that?
Right now, all her beliefs were faltering. She was doubting everything she had believed in right now. To Lu Chen, to herself, and everything.
Heck, she can’t even trust her own instincts right now.
"Xiu Mei..." Lu Chen murmured her name but even if she was sitting close to him, she didn’t hear it.
She was too shocked to even hear any noise around her.
She didn’t even notice how anxious Lu Chen was right now as he worriedly observed her reaction. It was as he expected, but seeing it was different than thinking.
This was the answer he gave her. And seeing her reactions right now, he was terrified. What if his answer made her push him away even more? What if it made their relationship turn for the worst instead?
He firmly held her hand, massaging it with utmost care and cautiousness.
Right now, she has not pushed him away yet. The only thing left for him to do now is to appease her and calm her down. Maybe, this way, she won’t immediately push him away.