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Chapter 274: Once was Lost

Avery sat on the edge of the bed. She wore a silk robe over her night dress, wrapping it tight around her body and hugging herself. Her violet eyes stared at nothing. Not a light nor a shadow reflected in their blank expression. 

How did things become like this? 

Her eyes shut involuntarily. She gulped, repressing her darkest thoughts. Her hands balled into fists in the crook of her elbows. The indoor lights flickered off and only the lamps on the night tables stayed on. She let out a deep breath and fluttered her eyes open.

The dim room gave her comfort. 

"Avery, is something the matter?" Jackson asked behind her as he sat on the opposite of the bed. His black hair was still damp from the shower. There was a tablet on his bed table which he'd read articles from before going to sleep.

But that didn't seem to be the case for tonight.

Avery woke up from the sound of his voice. She tucked her hair behind her ears and pulled her legs up, placing them under the blanket. "It's nothing."

"It certainly doesn't seem like nothing." Her husband frowned. He scooted closer until his back hit the headboard. She couldn't meet his gaze which was his sign that something was bothering her. He gave her a pointed look. "You know you can't hide it from me."

'Yes, I know!' Avery shouted in her head and groaned under her breath. She sighed. "I'm just…"

"Just what?"

She lied on her back, gazing up at the canopy of their bed. There was no use trying to hide anymore. "I realized... I realized that selfishness never leads to anything good. Normally, at my age, that should be something I already knew and practice, remembering to be a role model to others."

Jackson watched her expression closely. The tiniest movement could hint how she truly felt despite what came out of her mouth. "I'm guessing this is about what happened with Jane and Evangeline?"

"Evangeline wouldn't have gone through that if I wasn't trying to protect Jane," Avery spoke, using her softest voice. "I should have stopped Jane even before things got out of hand."

"She's like a daughter to you though," Jackson pointed out. A lock of her hair came loose. He tucked it back behind her ear. "You practically pampered her since she was a baby. It's normal for you to be protective of her."

When Avery received the plan about kidnapping Eve from Elias, she questioned why she wanted to spare Jane—which led to another question: why did she care about Jane so much? The cycle continued until a chest of memories opened. 

"I know…" she mumbled, lowering her gaze. "But look at what good that did."

Jackson grabbed her arm and pulled her into an embrace. His hand caressed the back of her head as he said, "Avery, darling…, you can't change the past. Jane is also a grown adult. She should be capable of knowing what's right and what's wrong. The choices she made were purely her own. That was out of your hands."

Avery relaxed in his arms. She hadn't realized that her body was stiff until that moment. Her husband's words rang true but… she couldn't help the way she felt. As the person who helped raise Jane, she had a hand in what type of person the latter would grow up to be.

Something that triggered her another time when she used every advantage to monopolize that right. The Ambryan back then looked at her with the same cold eyes she spotted earlier in the day. She flinched, reminded by her greed.

"That's not all of it, is it?" Jackson prodded, knowing there is more to the story.

Suddenly, Avery felt small. "... Yan's upset with me."

Fingers brushed her spine. "He'll forgive you."

"I hope so." She sighed into his shoulder.

"He will. You're his mother."

"But that wasn't always the case, was it?" Avery pulled her head back to look into his teal eyes. The hint of a tear pooled at the corner of her eye. "He had another mother. Someone he cherished and loves. And because I was so selfish, I—" 

"Ah." Jackson nodded, finally understanding what was going on. "Now, things make sense."

This was a topic he hadn't heard in years. That had been a complicated situation but the court ruled in favor of them. Never had a day gone by where he wasn't grateful for that ruling. Only, it did come with a price—because it affected Avery's mental state heavily at the time.

The son who they believed they had lost turned out to be alive.

But he didn't want to go with them. 

"This started because I really wanted to see him have a steady and healthy relationship," Avery began to say. Her thoughts had jumbled together. She didn't know where they started and where they ended anymore. "That… escalated so much that he and I entered into a contract."

Jackson stiffened. That didn't sound good. "What contract?"

Avery cleared her throat. This would be the first time she openly talked about this with him. She prepped her ears for a hefty scolding while trying not to stutter. "T-That... I w-would select a number of women who I approve of as his romantic partner. And, among them, he would choose one to date for 9 months straight."

Her husband released her and bolted off the headboard. A simmer of flames danced in his teal eyes. "You did what now?"

There had to be a catch. Jackson was sure of it. Ambryan wasn't the type to agree to this sort of arrangement without a gain. That would mean his wife used something that would get her what she wanted. It was as she said. 

Her greed had taken a step too far.

"I'm sorry!" Avery exclaimed. A whimper in her throat. She sat up and buried her face in her hands. "I should have told you but I knew you'd object—"

"Why wouldn't I?!" Jackson almost roared. He ran a hand through his hair, frustration gushing into his veins. "You meddled in our son's personal affairs! Something he is capable of handling himself. I'm guessing you also used a leverage on him to agree to it."

The madam pressed her lips together.

"Spit it out."

"An amendment to a legal document."

Jackson heaved a sigh. His head shook at a snail pace. It was his turn to stare off into space. "Now, things really are making sense. You promised that you'd have the restraining order lifted so he could meet that woman?"

That document emerged when they argued in court that Avery couldn't fulfill her role as a mother if the other woman was present. She was grateful that someone had rescued and raised her son but she should also have a fair chance.

The court couldn't fully grant the request but limited the woman's visits.

And, eventually, she stopped coming by the mansion.

"I shouldn't have had it made in the first place," Avery said. 

Her husband merely shook his head. "Avery, do you realize what you just did—"

"I know, love. I know. And I'm paying for it now," she cut him off. She knew what he would say. She had done it the same thing as before, manipulated the circumstances to get what she wanted. "I can't believe I let it run for this long."

Ah, it really was her fault, wasn't it? Jane had learned this trait from her. She was almost convinced of it. The former was present in the courtroom at the time. Somewhere down the road, Jane could have realized what had transpired and how one could always get what they wanted if they desired it enough.

Avery chuckled without humor.

Karma truly was a bitch.

"You were scared that he'd go back to her," Jackson recalled in one breath.

"But he's almost 30 now! He could have requested for the amendment himself," Avery defended. The restraining order had no time limit. It could be subject to change whenever the parties wanted. Ambryan could have argued that he was no longer a child. 

That he was legally an adult and so the restraining order wasn't necessary anymore.

She knew this and yet, she used it against him. He had every right to be upset.

Jackson forced himself to calm down. "Maybe he knew you wouldn't agree to it."josei

His wife scowled at that. "I would have."

"Then, why haven't you done anything about it all these years?" He arched a brow and leaned sideways, closing the gap between them. "You could have taken the initiative and told him about the amendment. There wasn't a need for him to take the first step."

Avery opened her mouth. Then, closed it again. "It… It slipped my mind?"

She groaned. It was half-true. Any time she'd think about it, something would come along and distract her—making her forget. The side of her head began to throb. She massaged her temples, attempting to ease the pain.

How could she still act like a teen at her age? "Sometimes I wish my mother was still around. She would have stopped me right from the beginning. Maybe she would have stopped Yan from getting into and out of flings."

"She was an amazing woman," Jackson responded with a nod of his head. "And I agree with you. Ambryan would have listened to her."

Silence surrounded the couple. 

Avery dropped her hands. "What should I do now?"

Her husband glanced in her direction. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. His breath tickled the tip of her ear. "Well, you can start with the thing that's long overdue."

She laid her head on the crook of his neck, taking in his scent and the fabric softener their maid used. "Is it weird to still be afraid that he wouldn't want to come back?"

"Considering how much of a workaholic our son is, he would be bored out of his mind if he stayed in such a small town—so yes, it's weird."

"Jackson…"

He chuckled and kissed her temple. "Come on, let's get some sleep."