Dawn- An age of Darkness

Chapter 309 - The Hope Beyond Despair

The curse wasn't yet fully activated… yet.

But it did improve my healing by at least five times. And since my healing was already five or six times stronger than typical humans, I had effectively 25X~30X healing capability compared to typical humans. 

So that's why, Imbuition wasn't killing me anymore or making me faint on the spot. At least that was my best guess. 

After all, I was recovering at the same time as I was sustaining internal damage. And because of that, I wasn't falling. Meaning, once this curse got fully activated, I'd be able to use Imbuition all the time and that meant- I'd be far stronger. And since I was actually getting better at Magic, I for better or worse, had some confidence in Imbuition.

I guess having this power wasn't bad.

I could move my left hand pretty well too. 

And yet- something inside me had given up. Something just wasn't working. 

Ve and I were currently sparring. Our spears were colliding, I was evading: moving my body was actually a lot easier now. 

"It would seem you've given up your desire to improve." Ve stopped her spear. 

Actually, training felt rather easy today as I didn't have to worry about getting hurt all that much. And with my left hand, I could move the spear a lot better. A lot, lot better. 

"Really?" I stopped too, covered in sweat. I wasn't breathless but I wasn't quite relaxed either.

"Yes, your curse makes you a lot stronger and you are possibly aware of the consequences."

"I am." And I had a feeling everyone kind of knew.

Ve looked at me with a glare. "Then!" She slapped her spear on mine and made my one fly. She pointed the blade at my neck. I just stayed put. "Why? Why are you giving up? I've seen you strive to do better. I've seen you train. I've seen you trying your best so you don't die. But now, why are you giving up?" She wasn't screaming but her words weren't soft either. She was hitting me hard.

"Because I'll die regardless. I'm going to die no matter what!"

"Then search for the answer. Isn't that what you promised the elf? This isn't like you!"

"WHAT do you know about me? Huh!? What? Do you know what I am? Do you know what I was? Do you know what I've been through? How can you say that!? What gives you-" I grabbed her spear, a bit of blood dripped. 

Ve dropped her spear, came close and she hugged me: she literally caught me by surprise. "I don't know anything about you. I don't know what you were. I don't know what you'll become. But I do know what you are. I know how hard you tried and I know you'll find a way like you always do. I know how hard you try to hide everything, hide your weakness. You don't seem to realize this but you seem to be favored by destiny. After all, despite everything, you're still alive."

'That's so unfair.'

"But I don't want to be alive like this." After a long time, tears flowed freely. I couldn't stop them. It was almost like a gate in me broke down and now there was no stopping the tears. "I don't want to live like this. I don't want to lose people. I don't want to die before achieving anything. I don't want to die." I hugged Ve. "I don't want you guys to die either. I don't want to die pretending like I'm some guy who can do whatever... I'm done pretending."

She giggled. What the hell was so funny!? "You know. I was once like you. I traveled the world with father when he was still alive: life was amazing back then. There weren't so many undead but there were different types of monsters- very strong monsters. 

"I've been alive for a long while. Mother lived long and died a natural death. She was happy that she got to live with us in our time. I really wished for all three of us to live forever and be together. When she died, I was sad but- now I am happy. After all, living a long life is very cruel.

"That's why I don't think your curse is that terrible. If you're not okay with what you have, you'll just have to find a way to get rid of it. Just because someone else couldn't, doesn't mean you can't either."

I chuckled. "You're trying to console me now?" If so, she wasn't the best consoler. 

I was probably worse though. 

Snot was coming out of my nose and I started to feel disgusted by my own body.

She was still pretty much hugging me. And I was hugging her. Strangely, I felt a bit more composed than before. She wasn't letting go though, despite the tears and the snot.

"No. I'm just saying, instead of seeing the negative in everything, maybe search for the positive? You've regrown your arm. You've found a way to potentially be stronger than gods. You've finally found a way to achieve what you set out to do. Maybe- just maybe you'll win and then- you'd still have 20 days even if your curse activates tomorrow. 20 days is a lot of time! I can fly you all over the world three times in that time, you know!"

It almost didn't sound like the cool Ve I knew. And yet, it was so like her. Perhaps I just never listened to her enough.

But to me, she did sound cool. 

I chuckled and then laughed aloud. "Sounds like a rather enticing offer." I got out of her grip: this guy was really, really strong. "But- sadly I'm afraid of heights."

"Wuss." Ve snorted and wiped my tears. Why the hell was this guy starting to act like prince charming all of a sudden? "Even if you're pretending, it doesn't matter. Everyone mimics someone they respect, that's just how people are. There's nothing to be ashamed of. You are who you are, and no matter who you mimic, you'll always be you. So be proud of that."

She made my almost dry eyes leak some more. I really needed to hear someone say that. No, I wanted to hear that.

Honestly, if I was a girl I'd have fallen for her. Wait, wasn't Ve a girl too?

Oh. I'd actually forgotten that for a second. 

Actually, if she was a guy, we probably would have been best friends or something by now. Then again, just because she was a girl didn't mean we couldn't be best friends either. 

If I didn't have a half-dead high elf waiting for me, maybe I would have even considered these feelings to be more than just friendship, romantic even. 

Okay, maybe I was being a bit too hasty. 

For the time being, I just wiped the snot off my face with a handkerchief and wiped all the tears too.

"Yeah, he's a total pussy." Alisa popped out of nowhere: lately, she was acting pretty weird. "Who screams like a baby every time you get in the air?" It was almost like she was getting more and more comfortable around me: I really wished, she'd stop with the insults though. But since I deserved them, I couldn't really complain. "It's getting late, so let's have breakfast before it turns out to be lunch and discuss what we can do about this predicament."

"You mean-"

"You thought I was reading this book all this time for nothing?" She smiled, albeit faintly. Her book was in her hand. 

I smiled. Perhaps the most genuine smile I could manage. "Alright, let's go have breakfast." I genuinely felt glad for once.

I could finally see a ray of hope- though I wasn't sure if it was going to do me any good.

I did accept the fact I was going to die- but Ve's words kind of made me want to live. And as Alisa presented an opportunity, I wanted to seize it.

I guess I really needed to thank both of them.

"First you two should shower though. Your smells have combined into one and it's unbearable." Alisa held her nose and kind of grimaced.

Yeah, I didn't need that information.