Death, Devotion, Dissonance

Chapter 91 - Inner Conflicts

Phel could only see it as him trying to lash out at someone for the death of his mother.

And from the perspective of the adults, Decatur acting like this towards Evin could also be seen as nothing serious. If Decatur shows himself as capable of ruling without problems, then it would be easy to ignore a small case like him trying to taking control over his school year. In fact, if Decatur decided that he didn't like a certain student, then the nobles who had nothing to do with the situation wouldn't mind it so much and would even actively start isolating Evin. 

Obviously it wouldn't look too good for publicity, but none of the viscounts and important barons would be willing to make trouble for it. At worst, they would take it as a mistake of the young and decide to be patient with Decatur. Phel cursed the fact that the important families of Greater Ankelite were so loyal to the Carew family. If there was at least one ambitious person among them, they would definitely have a field day smearing Decatur's image in the dirt for these actions.

'But all these things don't matter in the end. What matters now, is that I need to do something…'

Once again, the recurring thought appeared in his head, but Phel knew he was powerless to achieve anything.

'Shit… Why am I such a coward?'

This incident thoroughly made him realize how much of a pathetic coward he was. Even if there were consequences to lashing out, Phel should've stood firmly against Decatur and made his stance clear. Even now, he should be convincing Decatur that this whole thing was just meaningless revenge and he should grow past it. 

Even knowing that words might be pointless, he should still be trying his best to defuse the situation. Weren't friends there for situations like these? 

However, these admirable actions were only pointless delusions for Phel. How could he convince Decatur to change his mind if he was scared of simply talking to him? 

Literally anyone else would do better than Phel in his shoes, but he was torn between his two friends and could only silently watch as things turned worse and worse. 

But although he couldn't act on his decisions, it didn't stop him from mulling over the situation as much as possible.

'Since I know that it's impossible to talk Dec out of this situation, I need to do something else.'

'Having the other students betray Decatur and joining Evin's side… is impossible,' Phel bit his nails. 

'Me joining Evin's side… is possible, but meaningless.'

Phel definitely knew his limits. Even if he were to pull a sneak attack on Decatur here, he wouldn't be able to incapacitate him.

'The only plausible way is to have the test takers intervene, but no matter how much I spoke to the Talismans, there was no response. Is it because they're tacitly allowing this to happen…? Or are they planning to intervene in the last minute... But I can't possibly leave Evin's fate to the staff.' 

The atmosphere underground suddenly felt extremely suffocating to Phel. He got up and decided to get some fresh air. 

"Where are you going?" Decatur asked, his eyes still focused on the other end of the corridor.

"Outside."

"Don't take long."

Phel didn't bother to respond and quickly found his way outside. On the way out, he found two students patrolling the area and couldn't help but feel that their gazes held a hint of condemnation in them. It fed his feeling of guilt, but there wasn't anything Phel could do about it. 

But as he walked through the Temple door and smelled the fresh morning air, he felt his mind clearing up a bit. Perhaps his father's advice to 'Go get some fresh air if you feel bogged down by something.' wasn't so wrong after all. But obviously, feeling momentarily clear-headed didn't do much to help Phel's mentality, as he felt more guilty rather than good at the change of environment. He needed to be doing something instead of standing around here.

"Hey, Phel," a familiar voice called from his back. 

"Theundel?" Phel turned back.

For a brief moment, he imagined that Theundel was going to offer an alliance against Decatur since he was approaching him like this, but that didn't seem to be the case. 

"Can you go fetch the supplies from the Shelter? The ones who went there to gather students were supposed to do that, but I think they forgot their cards," he explained as he handed Phel a small stack of Food and supply cards.

'Ah… How can he be so calm all the time? Doesn't he know what we're about to do?'

But despite his confusion, Phel still held an amiable tone.

"Sure, I'll go," Phel replied. "Can you tell about it to Dec? I'll be back as soon as possible."

"Thanks, brother."

Phel smiled back, but inside, he felt disgusted with himself. The overly friendly way he talked all seemed terribly fake and meaningless, considering how he let the situation with Decatur and Evin deteriorate to this level.

Putting the cards in his bag, Phel quickly found his way towards the Shelter. On the way, he noticed the two students who were tasked with bringing the students towards the Temple, and saw the group of commoners that were supposed to break through the ceiling of the underground.

A surprisingly large group had gathered for the task. Phel didn't have much knowledge about them, but he recognized the leader to be Lopar, with the rest of the elite commoners following behind her. Seeing them noisily walking towards the Temple with excited faces, Phel was once again reminded of the urgency of the situation.

Trying his best to keep himself hidden, Phel circled around the group and passed them by. He didn't want to meet and converse with them at all. 

He rushed on towards the Shelter and saw teacher Teouka and Lucien manning it once more. Silently, he brought out his cards and exchanged them for the needed supplies. Then, remembering that he could ask a question here once per day, he asked after a bit of deliberation.

"Teacher, can I ask you a weird question about the test?"

"Yes, of course, only once for today, though."

Phel sighed, cleared his voice and spoke. "Is murder allowed on the Island?"