Descent of the Demon Master

Chapter 779: Stabilized (4)

“Something you can’t do as yourself?”

“Mm…” Kang Jin-Ho slowly nodded.

However, Park Yu-Min asked again as if that explanation was not good enough. “I’ll be honest, Jin-Ho. I don’t understand what you’re asking us here. Is the notion of you changing or not that important to your problem?”

“Mm?”

“I mean, that's the feeling I get. You changing shouldn't be something weird, right? But the way you say it, it's like you changing is a bad thing, so you don't want it to happen.”

“That’s because I need to change a lot,” said Kang Jin-Ho.

“A lot? Like how much?”

Kang Jin-Ho couldn't immediately reply. How much would he change if he…?

What should he say to help his friends understand? That once he changed, he’d no longer be him? That he’d become someone they did not recognize, someone they didn’t know even existed?

Kang Jin-Ho couldn’t think of a way to explain his situation without straying from his friends’ common sense and worldview.

“Fuu. It's still difficult to explain…” Kang Jin-Ho sighed deeply. “I must change to a point where everything about me will change, too. Everything. And I will become someone very different from the current me.”

“What? How is that…” Ju Yeong-Gi was about to say something before clamping his mouth shut.

How could he not remember? Didn't Ju Yeong-Gi already know that Kang Jin-Ho had a hidden side his friends didn't have a clue about? That the world Kang Jin-Ho lived in was very different from theirs?

Things that seemed too outlandish in Ju Yeong-Gi’s and Park Yu-Min’s perspective should be a pretty common occurrence in the world Kang Jin-Ho was a part of. Despite knowing that, this trio still remained as friends.

Park Yu-Min asked again. “Why do you need to change?”

Kang Jin-Ho frowned slightly. “The current me can't handle this issue I’m facing, you see…”

“Will you be able to handle it if you change, though?”

“There’s a good chance that I might.”

“Hmm…” Park Yu-Min mulled something for a bit before tilting his head. “You know what? I still don’t get what you’re saying.”

Kang Jin-Ho slowly nodded. There were so many different types of dilemmas and worries in this world, and some of them absolutely could not be shared with others. That was Kang Jin-Ho's current dilemma.

Even if he found a way to explain, no one could give him a clear answer. And… And, even if he honestly told everything about his situation and got someone to give him a piece of advice, it ultimately would not help him much.

That was the kind of dilemma he was stuck with.

“But, Jin-Ho…?”

“Yeah?”

Park Yu-Min spoke in a serious tone of voice. “I’ve never seen you worry about something related to you.”

“…?”

“I mean, think about it. You always worry and think about other people. So, this problem must be like that, too. This thing you can’t handle, whatever it is, I don’t think it’s your problem. No, it must be something else.”

Kang Jin-Ho wordlessly stared at his friend.

He trusted his relationships with other people but never fully committed or placed his bets on them. In the end, no one understood him better than himself. This was what Kang Jin-Ho used to believe.

However, Park Yu-Min demonstrated, with only a scant few words no less, that he understood Kang Jin-Ho's situation. If the shoe was on the other foot… Would Kang Jin-Ho understand Park Yu-Min this deeply and completely?

Park Yu-Min continued to explain. “Jin-Ho, you should take it easy with things that benefit other people, okay?”

“...Huh?” Kang Jin-Ho frowned.

“You can be way too empathetic sometimes,” said Park Yu-Min in no uncertain terms.

Unsurprisingly, Kang Jin-Ho became flabbergasted by his friend’s observation.

‘What? I’m too empathetic?’

Where on Earth did that even come from? Kang Jin-Ho could proudly say he was unparalleled and peerless in securing his own self-interest. So, how could his friend say he was empa…

“...Eh?” Kang Jin-Ho blinked his eyes in surprise.

Ju Yeong-Gi sitting next to Park Yu-Min was animatedly nodding away as if he 100% agreed with that observation.

“Listen, Jin-Ho,” said Park Yu-Min.

“Y-yeah?”

“I have no idea what's been worrying you. But I do want to tell you this one thing. Don't worry about other people too much,” said Park Yu-Min with a lengthy groan. “It's weird for me to say this, you know? I mean, I received a ton of help from you. My life changed thanks to you, so…”

“Hang on, Yu-Min. I don’t see it that way.”

“How I see it matters in this case, Jin-Ho. In any case! Me saying this is ironic, considering what you did for me. It's not like kicking the ladder away or something, so… Maybe, lots of people in the future could see their lives turning around for the better after receiving your help. If I tell you now that you should do whatever you want, those people could be better off, but…”

Park Yu-Min sighed, then stared straight at Kang Jin-Ho.

“Humans can’t live for other people, Jin-Ho.”

“…”

“No, wait. I'm sure there are people like that somewhere. Our planet is huge, so someone out there could be living solely for the sake of other people's happiness. Here's the thing, though. I don't want my friend to be that person. I'm not saying I don't want to be friends with such people, okay? It's more like… I don't want to see my friend walk on a thorny path like that.”

Park Yu-Min smacked his lips while looking a bit embarrassed.

“Yeah, I know. I sound a bit selfish and all…”

“Nah, man. You're absolutely right about this one,” said Ju Yeong-Gi. He took the baton from Park Yu-Min and continued with this lecture.

“What's wrong with being selfish? It's already tough trying to save my own skin, so how can I also take care of lots and lots of other people at the same time? Those high-and-mighty folks telling you to stop being selfish? Are they really such a saint themselves? Besides, I gotta have enough to survive first before I can start worrying about other people.”

Park Yu-Min weightily nodded. “Yup. Totally agree.”

Kang Jin-Ho felt like he was getting punch-drunk from all the blows.

Park Yu-Min continued to speak. “That’s why, Jin-Ho…”

“Y-yeah?”

“I don’t know what’s been worrying you so much, but think about this. Think about what will be better for you.”

“...For me?”

“Yeah. For you. Stop worrying about the people around you. And don’t worry about us constantly, too.”

Kang Jin-Ho silently bit his lower lip. Park Yu-Min wasn’t wrong here. However, that was easier said than done.

Park Yu-Min didn't let up and continued to drive his point home. “How old do you think I am, Jin-Ho?”

“Eh?”

Park Yu-Min’s expression was unusually stiff as he spoke in a chiding tone. “I’m old enough to do things on my own, Jin-Ho. Don’t forget that I’m your friend, not your child.”

“…”

“Yes, we're friends, aren't we? However, friendships that I know of don't involve one side unilaterally receiving things. Friends are supposed to help each other out, you know? If I can't do anything on my own when you're not around, doesn't that make me an incompetent idiot? You aren't guilty of anything in that case, right?”

Kang Jin-Ho couldn’t say anything. All he could do was listen.

“It’s the same story for everyone, Jin-Ho. We can look after ourselves just fine without you constantly looking over our shoulders. Not just us idiots here, but your family, too. And probably all of your acquaintances, too. Or am I wrong?”

Kang Jin-Ho slowly nodded in silence.

“There could be only one reason why your thoughts have strayed, Jin-Ho.”

Park Yu-Min’s words slammed into Kang Jin-Ho like a hammer.

“What is the life you want to live?”

***

‘That… was a lecture, alright.’

Kang Jin-Ho left his ‘Zoom Zoom’ behind to take a walk. Drinking and driving being illegal was one of the reasons, but the truth was… He just wanted to get some air and organize his thoughts while aimlessly walking around for a little while.

‘I keep getting lectured lately.’

When Kang Jin-Ho first returned to the modern era, he thought everything and everyone in the world was made of straw or candy floss. Whether it was people or things, they were all… frail. Weak.

While prowling between the candy floss buildings and humans made of straw, Kang Jin-Ho spent so much time acclimatizing so that he wouldn’t hurt any of them.

However, what about now?

‘As it turned out, I was the frail idiot.’

The frail-looking people turned out to be not frail at all. And the person he thought was peerless in strength, himself, continuously demonstrated that he was weak. Shockingly so.

Kang Jin-Ho had been mistaken about something. He believed he had experienced so many things in life. He believed he went through things most people couldn't even dream of, and that his life had been filled with untold hardship and dangers. He had been utterly convinced of being right about everything.

Kang Jin-Ho firmly believed he had been tempered through all those experiences and countless wars. And that was his mistake. All he did was break through a seemingly endless series of life-threatening situations.

If there was an enemy before him, he’d kill them. If the enemy happened to be beyond his strength, he’d flee. Other than rigorously sticking to these two rules, Kang Jin-Ho never thought about why he should keep fighting to live or what kind of a future he should have afterward.

All he did was survive. And he… He wanted to see his family again, somehow. Those two things served as 'goals' propping up his life back then.

One's character came from experiencing troubles and learning life lessons. However, Kang Jin-Ho didn't bother to agonize over his troubles and especially couldn't care about learning his lessons. No, he confidently strutted through his life, baselessly believing that he was just better than everyone.

However, now that he had good friends who worked hard and agonized over their troubles, it felt like his own immaturity stuck out even more.

‘If I didn’t have my strength, would I have been able to stand confident before those two?’

The sole reason why Kang Jin-Ho didn't have to agonize over his troubles was thanks to his strength. After all, power could solve any problem.

After getting another stab at life, Kang Jin-Ho encountered countless dangers. From threats to his existence to much smaller dangers to relationships he had built… And he used his strength to squash them all. That was his way of solving troubles.

What if he didn’t have that strength, though? Most likely, he’d have become an unwelcome burden other people had to lug around against their wishes.

Without strength, Kang Jin-Ho couldn’t support his own life. Didn’t that mean removing strength from the equation would expose Kang Jin-Ho for who he was? Someone who was pretty much rubbish in so many areas?

Kang Jin-Ho finally learned that harsh lesson today. And he… He must change.

“Fuu…”

The night air had become colder before anyone had really noticed it. The stifling warmth threatening to melt humanity out of existence had been broken for good to herald the swift approach of Autumn. And on this road welcoming the winds of Autumn, Kang Jin-Ho walked in silence, his mind submerged in swirling torrents of many complicated thoughts.

When was the last time he agonized over something to this degree? When did he ever think long and hard about his life and himself?

It was a rare occurrence, indeed.

Kang Jin-Ho genuinely thought he had managed to achieve something. After all, simply standing still and doing nothing wouldn't have gotten him to where he was currently. However, in the process of acquiring the stuff he now had… Has Kang Jin-Ho ever agonized over his troubles as much as everyone else?

No, he had not.

Kang Jin-Ho’s heart felt even heavier since he now knew this truth.

‘Everyone is fighting so hard for their dreams...’

Walking on a street like this meant Kang Jin-Ho would brush past so many strangers. They should be nothing more than a part of the background scenery, yet when he became aware of how every person he saw had their own troubles to worry about…

This background scenery became something else to him. It now took on a new meaning.

Kang Jin-Ho stopped walking and wordlessly looked up at the inky-black night sky above. When he stared at that starless sky, he was reminded of how, once upon a time, he believed looking at this dark and plain night sky would make him happier. That everything would be in a better place.

As it turned out, the world… wasn't as simple as that. Perhaps unsurprisingly so. Regardless of who it was, everyone had their own troubles to worry about. No one could just be happy all the time.

‘Maybe I have been too lackadaisical about my situation?’

Maybe Kang Jin-Ho had been fooling himself by thinking that in a world with starless dark night skies—the modern era—he wouldn't have to struggle as madly as his second life and still find his own little happiness somehow.

Questions endlessly raged on. His mulling and musing didn’t seem to have an end.

Kang Jin-Ho kept looking back on his life. From the day he returned to the modern era to when he swore to cultivate martial arts again… His family that enriched his life, and his friends who still supported him to this day… And all the people who believed in him…!

His life was worth something, then. Compared to the second life, which had lasted for decades and decades, Kang Jin-Ho's third life could only be described as a flash in the pan. Even so, if someone asked him which of the two meant more to him… Kang Jin-Ho would unhesitantly pick the current life.

That was why… Since it meant more to him, he wanted to protect it even more. Even if it meant discarding his current self!

“You are a denizen of Zhongyuan.”

That accusation could be true. However, so what if it was?

Because he was from Zhongyuan, because he had lived for decades in Zhongyuan… Should he view this life as trivial? That it didn’t mean anything?

Maybe Kang Jin-Ho was wrong about all this. However, in that case, Heavenly Crimson Demon Emperor was also very wrong about something. The importance of current life could not be dismissed off-handedly like that.

Just as Kang Jin-Ho's thoughts reached this far, his phone began ringing noisily. He hurriedly took it out of his pocket, only for the uncaring reality to crash head-on into his senses.

‘Heeeeiiiik?!’

When Kang Jin-Ho saw "Choi Yeon-Ha" on the phone's screen, hot sweat began trickling down from the back of his skull.