Double-Blind: A Modern LITRPG

Chapter 200

We waited for the codex’s hold to take effect. Nick shivered, eyes fixed to the ground, paradoxically looking worse the more he healed.

I balanced on the precipice of doubt. As cold as it sounds, this failure was the evidence I needed. Proof that Nick was the same person, that his mind wasn’t twisted and repurposed by Hastur, Aaron, or some other unknown party. He wasn’t infallible, or perfect, or the model of wisecracking indifference. That was a mask. One I’d witnessed him don for much of our friendship.

And now that Nick’s mask was gone, it was time to decide what to do with mine.

If he wasn’t at rock bottom, he was close. Hurt, humiliated, probably a little embarrassed. Completely alone in dark waters, haunted by sharks.

Sure. Revealing my identity was a risk with the geas in place. One I could barely stomach. But Nick needed an undeniable ally, and if I kept my cards too close out of paranoia or stinginess, I could lose him forever.

The defensive wounds on his arms—the least threatening injuries compared to his concussion—finally closed.

“Feeling better?” I asked.

“Sure thing.” Nick lit up the room with a false smile that only stayed fixed for a second before it flickered out into a grimace. “Just wish the goddamn ringing in my ears would stop.”

“Tinnitus sucks,” Keith said. “Scratched under my ear protection at the gun range once for just a second, only for some guy at the far end to unload a AK. It’ll get better when there’s more background noise. Quiet in here.”

Nick leveled a disdainful look at Keith. “I know how tinnitus works.”

“Sorry.” Keith cringed.

“You were supposed to leave me.” Nick said, speaking more to Keith and Halima than he was to me. They both looked unnerved by the blunt statement. Halima took a step back.

“I—” Halima started.

I cut her off. “Yeah. And when I told you scouting was in my wheelhouse, you ignored me in favor of a meat grinder analogy. Guess we all need to work on our listening skills.”

Nick was obviously pissed and scared. Looking for someone to blame. And while I didn’t particularly care for Keith or Halima, I needed to stop him from punching down and destroying what little unity we had.

He stood up, got in my face. “You’ve been bucking the chain of command since we met. Popping up in the training center, pushing back on orders, and now this.”

I didn’t budge. “Oh. My mistake. I didn’t realize you were that guy. The leader who only cares about his subordinates ‘following orders.’”

Nick’s mouth firmed, and I thought he might hit me. Then my words sunk in and the anger drained out of him.

“Guys. Look.” Halima pointed towards the end of the cave, where the huge Grimeling had fallen. At first I thought it was moving, regenerating despite the knife I left in its skull. The reality was less horrible but far more disgusting. Distended bumps scurried beneath the Grimeling’s skin.

A tiny translucent claw emerged from the Grimeling’s mouth, and a small gelatinous crab emerged. It cleaned its eye stalk and looked around, movements sluggish. The eye-stalk fixed on our group, and the crab’s mouth gaped open.

“Is that… what we’re looking for?” Halima asked, sounding disturbed.

The crab rotated on six legs, looking for an escape route before another crab emerged from the Grimeling’s mouth and knocked it off.

Nick pressed the collection bag into my hands which—now that I thought about it—looked suspiciously net-like. “Let’s go fishing.”

Catching the crabs was a little like herding cats. Made infinitely easier because Talia’s pack hunter instincts pulled their weight, and she successfully chased them away from the deeper recesses of the cave, back towards us. Nick helped for the first few catches, then took a breather he never came out of, face white as a sheet.

Handling them up close confirmed my suspicions. They were identical to the crab I’d found in the light pole outside Nick’s house a lifetime ago, the night before we entered the trial. But unlike that crab, there was no system warning this time. I wasn’t sure why, exactly, if it was because of Hastur’s mandate and influence, or because we had a system mission that specifically mandated capturing them, but after what just happened, I appreciated the lack of external interference, which was becoming something of a rarity these days.

Keith bounced back from the near-wipe quickly, and was even casting minor spells to slow the crabs and make capturing them easier, while Halima was walking around in a daze, grabbing the creatures when they came near but doing little else.

It was nearly an hour before the notification popped.

/////

We scrounged up a few more of the crab constructs before exiting the ripple. Outside, the paradise of the tower’s second floor livened. I was pretty sure I saw a User passing around jello shots, which I pointed out to Nick, who only shook his head.

After a brief discussion, we took a break to recoup, as practically everyone besides the summons had a level-up pending. Nick sank down on an open beach chair and kicked off his boots, resting his head on the horizontal lined rubber straps that made up the body of the chair, with an arm over his face. When Keith asked what the plan was after we leveled, Nick told him there wasn’t a plan and seemed to sink further into his stupor.

I could understand how he felt, my mind going back to those desperate final minutes when I was alone in the tunnel. He’d gotten his ass-kicked twice now, and was probably drowning in self-doubt.

It wasn’t his fault, of course. Neither the trial nor the ripple were “Standard Adventuring Faire.” But he wouldn’t see it that way.

I skimmed the new ability screen first.

And… that was it. Completely absent an in-depth explanation when I needed it most, in true system fashion. At the very least, it was good to have another combat skill, though it was troubling in more ways than one. The most immediate concern was the nature of the skill. While it packed more of a punch than it affected my focus in problematic ways. I’d tunnel-visioned hard on the Grimelings to the point my friend in danger almost became an afterthought.

The second concern was farther reaching. When the Allfather of Chaos gave me his mask, it was through a loophole: The Shrine of Elevation. There were several coincidences that resulted in a high chance I’d choose the mask—the fact it had to be a common item, how the gnolls weapons and equipment were unwieldy and poorly suited to me, and my own concerns about staying anonymous. But there were other options. I’d chosen the mask, placed it on the Allfather’s Shrine, and the Allfather coincidentally blessed it with something that was invaluable to me. So in the end, it was technically “fair.” The opposite of Nychta’s gift.

Nychta gave me what I needed, when I needed it, her interference much closer to a traditional deus ex machina than a cleverly laid out trail of breadcrumbs.

If it wasn’t breaking the rules entirely, it had to be damn close.

Which, again, would be fantastic if I was the only one with a divine edge. There were hundreds of thousands of other Users out there, probably thousands with unique classes. And if gods were giving me freebies—despite the heretical nature of my class—I certainly wasn’t the only one.

Deus ex machinas are a boon when you’re the only one getting them. When everyone else is, it’s just an arms race.

I pushed that concern away for the moment. The gods were a problem, but a distant one I couldn’t do anything about, at least in the short-term. I might try to get in touch with Nychta later, see if I could tease more information from her. She had a problem with Hastur. Maybe I could use that.

For now, I needed to do something about my more pressing issues.

I pulled up my pending level and went to work.

Level 15 Ordinator

Identity: Myrddin, Level 15 ???

Strength: 6

Toughness: 8

Agility: 20+

Intelligence: 17+

Perception: 8

Will: 21

Companionship: 3

Active Title: Born Nihilist

Feats: Double-Blind, Ordinator’s Guile I, Ordinator’s Emulation, Stealth I, Awareness I, Harrowing Anticipation, Page’s Quickdraw, Vindictive, Squelch, Acclimation, Hinder

Skills: Probability Cascade, LVL 9. Suggestion, LVL 23. One-handed, LVL 24. Negotiation, LVL 18. Unsparing Fang (Emulated), Level 15, Bow Adept, LVL 5.

Boons: Nychta’s Veil, Eldritch Favor, Ordinator’s Implements,

Summons: Audrey — Flowerfang Hybrid, Bond LVL 5. Talia — Eidolon Wolf, Bond LVL 9. Azure — Abrogated Lithid, Bond LVL 20.

Skill Points Available: 3. Feat points available: 5.

The stat allocation was a struggle.

I’d mostly treated Perception as a dump stat up to this point, pumping Intelligence and Agility to exorbitantly high thresholds. The only time I’d deviated from the course other than the initial tests was raising Willpower enough to ensure a solid hold on my summons, and putting a few points in Toughness and Strength when I was in a pinch. It was better to build towards a specific goal than spread points around and end up mediocre in every category. But my circumstances had changed. Putting myself in Nick’s shoes, I wasn’t sure how much better I would have done, especially if I hadn’t noticed the burrows—which had only happened because we were already at full alert. If I was going to take the scout role more seriously and also use my gifted skill, both in a team environment and solo, I needed to accept the reality that I couldn’t do all that as a one-trick.

I raised Perception by three points.

Still. Acting in a scout capacity didn’t mean I didn’t need firepower. I bought as originally planned, hoping the synergy of and would be as solid as expected.

I nearly bought the upgraded version of squelch before I noticed a small asterisk at the end of the stat sheet.

My eyes narrowed. That changed things. It meant there was something. I skimmed through the feat list, glancing at Nick. His forearm was still draped over his face, only his nose and mouth visible.

“Hm.” I said.

“What?” Nick asked. He shifted his arm, peering at me beneath it.

“At a bit of a crossroads.” I reached the bottom of the list and scrolled up to the top again. “Good news is, I leveled. Got bonus talent points for finishing the Ancient Grimeling.”

“Great.” Nick said. He wasn’t sarcastic, exactly, but utterly devoid of the usual enthusiasm.

“There’s nothing game changing in the feat list. Plus, the system’s hinting that something might open up soon. And as much as I hate banking resources, a lot of my feats are fucking expensive.”

“There’s an enormous boost at twenty for sure.” Nick mused, emerging from the dark cloud that hung over him. “Is there something at the current level that you want?”

“Nothing I’m not already taking.”

“Then bank it.” Nick’s face darkened. “Or don’t. It’s not like I have the slightest bit of authority to speak from. I’ve spent most of my system time free falling from one disaster to another.”

Same.

“If we’re doing self-pity, I’m pretty sure I have a huntress and or hedonist goddess stalking me.”

Nick snorted. “Is she hot?”

“She’s stalking me.” I reiterated.

“Not answering my question.” josei

I blew air out of my lips. “Really? Just—I don’t know. She’s like a hundred feet tall and I’ve only seen her legs.”

He pointed a finger at me. “But did you want those legs to step on you?”

“What. No.”

“Probably not hot, then.”

Countless stories of The Greek Gods cursing mortals with bad luck for offending their vanity cycled through my mind.

“I didn’t say that. I am not entertaining or corroborating that. And I have no basis on which to make that judgment.” I talked to the tape, in case Nychta was eavesdropping. “Now stop trying to get me murdered, please.”

Nick laughed. “So. You get nervous.” His eyes trailed to where Halima and Keith sat side by side. Halima was nursing a Pina Colada, casting worried glances our way as they talked in whispers among themselves. “Sorry for being a dick, before.”

“You weren’t being a dick. You were coping.” I corrected quietly.

“And thanks for saving my ass. I know… how bad that could have gotten. Even though I tried to shrug it off.” Nick sighed, wearily staring up into the endless blue sky above. “I really needed this to go well. The kids are losing faith in me. Hell, I’m losing faith in myself.”

“They’re just worried. If anything, Halima has too much faith in you. She had me half-convinced we should follow orders and you could handle whatever was in there.”

He continued on as if I hadn’t spoken. “Have you ever had to choose between the high road and the low road? Like had to make a decision that compromised the person you thought you were?”

“Yes.” I answered immediately. Though the more accurate response would have been “All the goddamn time.”

“What did you do?” Nick asked.

I hesitated. This felt like it was important to him, but I couldn’t responsibly give him an answer without knowing why he was asking, and the conclusions he might draw from it. “I’ve… never given much consideration to compromising myself, to be honest. A way forward is a way forward. Low-risk beats high-risk. Altruism inevitably ends up as self-serving. Cold rationality always wins.”

Nick raised an eyebrow. “‘Fuck you, I got mine,’ huh?”

I nodded. “At least, that was how I thought before. When I was powerless and surviving was the only aim. Before the dome, my best chance of affecting the lives of people around me was to become a politician, or a leader, which was one hell of a long shot I wasn’t particularly interested in taking. But things have changed. To maintain that philosophy, now that I have power? It feels…”

“Wrong.” Nick finished.

“Pretty much.”

“It's funny how we’ve gone through similar shit and come to completely different conclusions,” He said in a tone that gave the impression he didn’t find it funny at all.

“Oh?” I prompted.

“You said you never really cared if your decisions compromised you. I envy that.” He fiddled with the bandage on the back of his head. “Being true to myself felt like the most important thing in the world. Someone my parents and friends could be proud of. Taking the high road, even if there was every advantage to be gained in diving to the depths.”

“And now?” I asked.

His eyebrow furrowed. “Now I’m wondering if I’ve been bullshitting myself from the beginning.”

There were a hundred things I wanted to say to that. But a notification popped, displaying a message from Kinsley. My blood froze.