Dungeon Defense (WN)

Chapter 259: The Blue Hydrangea of Farnese (4)

Chapter 259: The Blue Hydrangea of Farnese (4)

Well, Paimon’s complexion did become pale, but probably not as much as the enemy soldiers’.

They lost their fleet before they could even carry out their actual attack. The Habsburg Republic probably feels like they suddenly got attacked by ghosts or something. This must have confirmed the monstrous strategist on our side to them.

Sorry, but it’s too late to realize this now.

“They should have faced us in an all-out battle instead of trying to get us with a surprise attack. The result might have been different if they brought out all of their troops and carried out a skirmish while also mobilizing their knights and mages.”

Laura commented.

All of the knights within the vicinity of the fortress had been completely eradicated. They even lost their absolutely precious mages. In other words, their elite troops were all neutralized. On the other hand, our ogres and mages were still healthy.

Despite all this, Heidelberg refused to give up.

They kept creating detached units and aimed for when we lowered our guards. The nearby cities also sent reinforcements to support them. However, the moments they believed our guards were lowered were all mistakes that Laura intentionally made. Once the other cities started to use up their troops sending reinforcements, we went and captured 5 nearby cities.

We overwhelmed them.

This was the only way to describe this.

As a final struggle, the enemy attempted an open water battle. 15 large vessels, which included fire ships, advanced to us. The enemy commander wasn’t stupid. They camouflaged the ships so that we couldn’t tell which ships were the fire ships.

We were in a situation where one wrong decision could let a fire ship reach us. Even in this situation, Laura remained absolutely calm as she came up with a solution.

“Let us respond calmly. How much a ship is submerged will tell us whether they are fire ships or not. Fire ships will be filled with grass instead of soldiers.”

“Mhm. Mhm.”

Sitri nodded her head energetically. Sitri had resigned herself to Laura in her own way. She decided to simply smile and agree with everything Laura said since she wouldn’t understand anything anyway.

“We will focus the lizardmen and elementals on those boats. We will deal with the remnants after we take care of the fire ships first.”

“So you’re saying that we should destroy the ships that aren’t submerged as much first? All right.”

Focus and decisiveness are always important on the battlefield.

Out of the 15 vessels, there was a total of 4 boats that weren’t submerged as much as the other boats. About a hundred water creatures focused on those 4 ships. The rowers were instantly slaughtered and their sails fell helplessly.

The 4 fire ships drifted helplessly in the center of the river after losing their sails and oars. This bundle of ships became a huge obstacle for the other human ships to go around.

“It is finished. Order the rest of our troops to fire the flaming arrows.”

Flaming arrows soared through the sky and rained down on the fire ships. There was even a ship that was set ablaze by a lizardman who personally carried a torch to the ship. The fire ships filled with oil-soaked grass burned rather nicely.

“Stop the flames! You idiots?don’t jump off the boat and put the fire out!”

“S-Save me!”

“Abandon ship! Abandon ship!”

It became a scene from hell for the humans.

The galleys burned brightly. The enemy’s fleet simply burned as they couldn’t go here or there because of the obstacles in their way. Our army of monsters surrounded the river on both sides and slaughtered the humans that tried to swim out of the river.

One of the fire ships even had gunpowder in them. That boat exploded magnificently. It must have not wanted to drown by itself as it dragged three other nearby ships down with it. What a splendid mass suicide.

Was there a need to say the result? We had an overwhelming victory.

“Let us hang the heads of all the knights we had captured at the castle gate.”

The knights that were wearing medium armor were captured as prisoners as they were flailing about in the water. We could have received a fair sum if we promised to release them later, but Laura executed them all without even the slightest bit of hesitation.

I questioned her about this.

“Laura. You aren’t doing this because you want to collect their heads, right?”

“……Your Lordship, what do you take this young lady for? This young lady knows how to keep her private and public lives separate. This is a battlefield on the mainland, not Your Lordship’s Demon Lord Castle. There is no way this young lady would try to pursue her hobby here.”

Despite her words, the fact that she was twirling her side bangs while talking made it clear to me that she really wanted to collect the heads.

I gave her a wry look.

“Laura, are you perhaps a pervert?”

“……To be called a pervert by Your Lordship of all people, this is really, yup, really infuriating. This young lady never imagined that the day would come where she would want to hit Your Lordship, but I truly do at this very moment. Can I hit you?”

The corners of Laura’s mouth twitched.

“Hah? Are you perhaps saying that I am a pervert?”

“It is not perhaps. That is exactly what I am saying. Not only has this young lady never met an individual as perverted as Your Lordship, but I will never meet anyone more perverted.”

“Dear me! Such slander.”

I went mad with anger.

“Laura, you are someone who has sex with me for 9 to 20 hours and now you even do it with Barbatos. Your desire for pleasure regardless of gender makes it so your pervertedness shrouds over the entire world.”

“What? When did I ever do it for 9 to 20 hours because I wanted to? Those were all interactions that Your Lordship forced upon this young lady! Your Lordship is the true deviant among deviants. You are someone who even Goddess Aphrodite would run away from in fear!”

Laura got upset back at me.

“I do not even have to mention how many women Your Lordship has lain with! There should be a limit to being shameless. You brazen cheater!”

“Hmph. The world is always about quality over quantity. Even if I were to sleep with 225 women, it will always have been with the opposite sex. But what about you, Laura? You are sleeping with Barbatos who is the same gender as you! In terms of quality, you are much more perverted!”

We were arguing so loudly that our soldiers could hear us. Paimon, who happened to be nearby, tried to stop us, but she couldn’t stop us since we were already at our peaks.

“Even a 5-year-old child would laugh at Your Lordship’s logic. I may have slept with Her Excellency Barbatos, but what about Your Lordship? Did you not sleep with Big Sister Sitri!? Big Sister Sitri is a hermaphrodite, so Your Lordship is more densely perverted than this young lady who slept with the same sex!”

“Do not make me laugh! You doggy-style fanatic! Do not make me pounce you and do you like a dog!”

“Do it if you dare. It would be proving to everyone around us that Your Lordship is a pervert!”

We pressed our foreheads against each other as we growled.

“You damned perverted vassal!”

“You useless stocking enthusiast!”

“You love it when both your holes are filled!”

“And aren’t Your Lordship’s knees an erogenous zone!? How hilarious!”

“Y-Y-You! How dare this sex slave who’s addicted to being exposed outdoors?!?”

“That’s you!”

Laura and I have already gone all the way together, so it was almost impossible for anyone to stop us when we got into a fight. It was obvious that we would never reach a conclusion at this rate, so we both turned to look at Paimon.

“Paimon! How does it seem like to you? Laura is more perverted, right?”

“Your Highness Paimon! His Lordship is both subjectively and objectively a total pervert, right?”

Paimon furrowed her brows in anguish. An anguish that could easily kick the butt of Auguste Rodin’s The Thinker was situated on her face.

“If I am to be honest……the both of you are in fairly bad states and it feels as if you are only gradually getting worse. To put it simply, you are both in grave states.”

Laura and I pointed at each other.

“So who are you saying is more perverted?”

“But which side is more of a pervert?”

Paimon let out a sigh.

“……The direction might be a little different, but that does not change the fact that the two of you are undoubtedly equal. That direction is also turned in a rather bad angle. You cannot debate your superiority and inferiority next to each other. Well, in a way, it is almost like you two are soulmates.”

I was shocked.

Until now, I was confident that even if I were a pervert, I wasn’t as perverted as Laura. Are you telling me that a girl who can easily climax more than 200 times a day is on the same level of perversion as me?

“I did not realize I was that perverted…….”

“Why are you the one acting shocked? This young lady is the one facing an identity crisis. Dear Goddess, has this young lady become so vulgar that she has become comparable to His Lordship……?”

The both of us slumped down in defeat. We lost our will to live.

Paimon, who unintentionally got two kills in one shot, panicked as she tried to cheer us up.

“Uhm. I do not understand why the two of you are feeling depressed, but……. Did I say something wrong? Am I the one at fault here? It is not, right? I wish to believe it is not.”

Despite having achieved a great victory, the high command of our forces was filled with the feeling of defeat.

Sitri returned shortly after. She had just returned from drowning all the normal prisoners that weren’t knights. Keeping normal prisoners alive would only make us waste funds on their food, so we all unanimously agreed to slaughter them all.”

“Huh? Why’s the mood like this?”

Sitri blinked in surprise as she asked. Laura and I were in the middle of riding a high-speed rollercoaster straight to depression, so Paimon had no other choice but to explain the situation.

“Hmm.”

Sitri listened to the explanation. She still looked as if she didn’t understand.

“Uhm, Dantalian. Laura. Have either of you ever had sex with a minotaur before?”

She threw out a completely unexpected question. The both of us naturally shook our heads.

“How about a gangbang with goblins?”

“……No, I have not.”

“There is no way I would have.”

Sitri furrowed her brows like a mathematician who was facing the biggest dilemma of the century.

“How about underwater sex with a lizard person? Have you fucked a succubus while getting fucked by an incubus? Has your throat ever felt like it was going to burst because of a troll’s penis? How about getting teased by a snake person by getting squeezed inside of their stomach?”

Once we responded to all of her questions with a no, Sitri looked even more confused as she tilted her head.

“Then why are the two of you ‘perverts’? You haven’t done anything.”

“…….”

“Hehe. As the person who’s done everything, let me make the ruling. You are both normal and pious individuals! There’s no reason to fight. Now then, shake hands and make up!”

Sitri smiled brightly as she connected our hands.

Laura and I stared at Sitri in absolute shock. There was a monster in front of us. I think she misunderstood our gaze. Sitri giggled cutely.

“Oh right. If either of you becomes interested in perverted stuff, then feel free to tell me! I’ll kindly show you the ropes! I really like Dantalian and Laura, after all. Hehe.”

We shook our heads as strongly as we could.

An infinite amount of space was spread beyond the blue sky. Space was so deep and vast that a normal person could die if they tried to venture into it thoughtlessly.

Laura and I came to the same truth. The boughs that bear most hang lowest…….

* * *

Heidelberg surrendered after exactly 11 months.

They were the ones to send an envoy first. They requested for us to at least spare the civilians. Officially, Sitri was the supreme commander leading our army, but Paimon was the one leading unofficially, so the decision was given to her.

“We will accept their surrender.”

Today was the day that they promised to open their front gates. While Laura was protecting the high command, we took a pleasant and slow boat trip down the river and arrived at Heidelberg.

***

TL Note: Thanks for reading the chapter. I’m sorry about the delay. I don’t know if people are aware, but I do have an editor/proofreader who checks these chapters before I release them. I don’t really like pressuring him to check the chapters faster and he’s been a bit busy. The next chapter will probably come out a day sooner to make up for this. Returning back to the chapter, this was a rather fun chapter to translate. The banter between Dant and Laura, and then Sitri coming in to put them in their place. Very enjoyable.

Welp, I’ll see you guys in the next chapter.