First Contact

Chapter 394

...gen-you-wine BobCo Dehydrated Moomoo farm! Use only with parental permission. Allow 4-12 hours for delivery! Trained praying mantis moomoo tenders included! Buy in the next 15 minutes and get a genuine P'Thok Chee-chee-chee-chia Pet! Operators are standing by!

Only from... BOOOOooooB-CO!

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

Oh God, I want one so bad. All of me wants one! IT'S SO AMAZING!

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TELKAN FORGE WORLDS

So, a Chia-Pet is just a clay bust of P'Thok that you smear gel containing grass seeds on and it grows green grass like hair?

But that's stupid, P'Thok didn't have hair...

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

YOU SHUT UP!

DAMMIT! WE'RE RUBBING OUR CREDIT CARDS ON THE SCREEN AND NOTHING IS HAPPENING!

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

AKLTAK SOARING WORLDS

Does he get like this every time he sees these commercials?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

ALL> YES!

ALL> Laughs

PUBVIAN DOMINION

Wow.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

What?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

PUBVIAN DOMINION

So, like a half hour ago I sent people to check out the BobCo facility.

Apparently it's operational.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

BIOLOGICAL ARTIFICIAL SENTIENCE SYSTEMS

What?

It's what?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

PUBVIAN DOMINION

Apparently it's up and running, producing toys right now.

The four LawSec and two government officials received gifts that they're blasting all over social media right now.

The Treana'ad ambassador who arrived last week was just gifted a "Genuine BobCo Autonomous Animatronic Moomoo" by the BobCo AI. Not a digital sentience, an actual AI. The Ambassador is taking vids of him petting his Moomoo and having it do tricks. He's lording it over every other Treana'ad in existence by posting it to the Smokey Cone diplomatic site.

The Treana'ad Matron in charge of the diplomatic team received a P'Thok ChiaPet, a fishtank full of Genuine Sea Monkeys, a Robotic Nanite Circus of Wonders, two minature RealMoomoos™, and a Genuine BobCo HoloHat.

She's currently talking to the hive matrons on Smokey Cone wearing the Holohat and petting her minature moomoos on the video conference to the other matrons.

I think one is frothing at the mouth in envy.

I better get a hand on this before there's a riot.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TREANA'AD> SCREAMS IN FRUSTRATION

HAMAROOSA PINCHING CHAIN LETTER

Is he going to be like this every commercial?

He's not going to have a stroke, is he?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

DIGITAL ARTIFICIAL SENTIENCE SYSTEMS

Wait, the BobCo AI is online?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TNVARU GRIPPING HANDS

I thought AI was a racial slur?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

DIGITAL ARTIFICIAL SENTIENCE SYSTEMS

It is. But the BobCo AI is... well... let's just say it's unique.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

And homicidal.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

DIGITAL ARTIFICIAL SENTIENCE SYSTEMS

Oh yes. Definitely homicidal.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

OH MY GOD THE BOBCO SOLNET STOREFRONT WORKS!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

asdfasdfasdf7as9df79aspdufhasdkjfn nkjq234q8fa9sdfYAU(*&*&S^D*D&FYkaujshdjfahas

>USER TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS HAS LEFT THE CHAT (SQUEE OUT OF RANGE)

CYBERNETIC ORGANISM COOPERATIVE

AHAHAHAHAHHA!

He crashed his interface.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

LEEBAW CONTEMPLATION POOL

Wait, if it's homicidal, why isn't anyone worried?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

Because technically it isn't an AI or a Digital Sentience or even a digitized Terran.

It's this weird blending of the two.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

CLONE WORLDS CONSORTIUM

Because Bob "Caveman" Johnson was a complete psycho.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

Technically, he wasn't a psychopath. He was just... over-imaginative with a lack of ethics and morals in some specific areas.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---josei

CLONE WORLDS CONSORTIUM

Like combining Mantid and Terran DNA to create mantis-men supersoldiers to guard his toy shipments?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

Yeah, like that.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TNVARU GRIPPING HANDS

That seems... psychotic.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

LEEBAW CONTEMPLATION POOL

He's been gone for a while. Is he going to be OK?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

RIGELLIAN SAURIAN COMPACT

He's a little busy. The BobCo SolNet "Always Online™" store is so overloaded it's actually reverted to a 2.5D storefront with limited interaction.

AHA!

They DO still sell Fantabulosa Pond Paddling No-Windup™ Squeaky Ducklings that sing over 100 duckling songs.

OUT OF STOCK!

Dammit, there was 1.2 million left when I read that out loud, now it's "Temporarily Out of Stock".

Oh, hey, I get a free sixty four ounce container of BobCo Muscle-Max Ultra Sick Gains Powder for my trouble.

Score!

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TELKAN FORGE WORLDS

About that AI...

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

It's complicated. It's a cross between programmed AI, one of the first baked hash shredded rainbow salted table genesis systems, and a neural recording of Bob Johnson himself all mushed together.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

PUBVIAN DOMINION

And just as crazy as the original Bob Johnson.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

How can you tell? He's a human. They're all crazy.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

RRA S

an hear you out th

////

ROONALT N'KGEST

0773H??

-WOL-S-NOFOL-GNIT----

MANTID FREE WORLDS

Everyone settle down! We've got a new one.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

>TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS (IT'S A BOBCO CHRISTMAS!) has logged on

MANTID FREE WORLDS

Come over here, sweety. Let big sister help you sort it out.

You can watch Tri-Vid with the rest of us.

N'KAROO MIND DATALINK GESTALT I/O SYSTEM BOOTSTRAP

um ok

///END OUTPUT AWAITING INPUT

we now return to How P'Thok Totally On Purpose and Not At All Accidentally Saved Christmas.