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Chapter 72: Florida Man Drives ATV Across Desert to ‘Mark’ His Destination with His Urine
Chapter 72: Florida Man Drives ATV Across Desert to ‘Mark’ His Destination with His Urine
Felix reentered his house and packed everything he could into his inventory. To free up some space, he converted some items into mana.
While sorting his inventory, Felix ejected a few objects that had been occupying slots: a staff, a unique crystal, and a few random items he had forgotten about.
- Staff of Impure Alchemist
- Bear Hides
- Bear Meat
- Fifth Tier Azure Gemstone
The bear meat and hide were no longer needed since Felix had access to clothes, local gold coins, and food. He planned to recycle them into mana.
*SSSZZZ*
Suddenly, Eins emerged from Felix's shadow and gobbled up the meat. She struggled to swallow a piece but managed to eat it. Instead of bloating, the meat was instantly digested. Eins then turned to the remaining pieces of meat and worked on the second raw steak.
Felix was surprised at first but watched with amusement as she ate the tough meat with glee. He smiled and patted her head, letting her have her fill, then shifted his attention to the other objects.
.
Staff of Impure Alchemist
Created by the Alchemist Saint Xavior Faunir, this staff was made from a branch of a newborn mutated world tree. Embedded with an incomplete philosopher stone, it has the power to create or manifest random corrupted trees out of nothingness. Any wild beasts or humans contacted with the creations may mutate into a monster.
Grants the following effects after being equipped:
- Enable usage of incomplete creation magic. Requires living sacrifices to activate.
- Increase the lifespan of the owner by 200 years.
- Automatically gather polluted mana and convert it into usable mana.
- Consumes one energy every second. Cannot be unequipped. If the energy is reduced to zero, the staff will kill and consume its owner.
Mana Conversion Value: 10,000
.
Fifth Tier Azure Gemstone
This gemstone was a monster core of a fifth-grade mutated beast. Its mana still lingers within, which can be used as a catalyst to concoct an elixir.
Mana Conversion Value: 300
.
The staff was useless to Felix, so he converted it into mana. As for the gemstone, he put it in his pocket. Felix also kept the hides for later use.
With food, water, medicines, clothes, and weapons prepared, Felix put Eins back into the system screen, left the house, and locked it. After taking ten steps back, he gazed at the house and saluted.
"I'll be back shortly! Don't get too dusty while I'm gone! And don't let any snake bitches, burglars, arrogant motherduckers, or gold diggers get inside, even if they're hot, okay?"
Jessica stared blankly at Felix as if she were looking at a freak. She shook her head but didn't comment or mock him.
Felix jumped on the ATV. Pressing the thumb throttle, the vehicle accelerated from 0 to 60 MPH in 2 seconds, almost ejecting him from his seat. He laughed.
"WOOOOOO!!"
Fortunately, the barrier blocked the incoming wind. Otherwise, Felix would have been cussing because of the strong gusts. He drove east, plowing through the land along the way.
…
Driving an ATV was different from driving a car. He couldn't lean back or rest his elbow while driving. Even with the auto-navigation system, Felix had to hunch forward to keep himself on the vehicle.
Felix put the navigation on auto-mode so he could browse the GPS map and check the route.
The ATV's top speed stalled at 100 MPH, which was already faster than modern ATVs and some eco-cars. Traveling straight toward the destination, the auto-route led him directly toward a mountain range that separated the Veria Belt Province from the Highland Province.
The Highland Province, situated between the Veria Belt Province and the Joint Paradise Province, was the largest region, with terrain mostly consisting of hills and mountains. Felix had to travel across this region for 500 miles before he could enter the Joint Paradise Province.
Felix looked ahead and saw nothing but flying dust and debris in front of the barrier. He looked left and right, only to see similar views. He felt like he was in the middle of a dust storm simulation.
An hour quickly passed. Felix killed time by smoking his remaining cigarettes while watching the GPS screen move closer to the mountain range. It was only 150 miles away, which might take another hour.
Felix let out a long sigh and decided to park the ATV for a short rest. As soon as the vehicle decelerated, the dust in front of the barrier slowly faded as the shovel shield stopped digging more soil and dirt into the air.
Sitting on the plowed ground next to the ATV, Felix grumbled and massaged his butt. As he was not used to the vehicle, his pelvis hurt.
While taking a break, Felix gazed at his surroundings. The dust died down, revealing the scenery around him.
The land was dry and brown. Dead trees and dried land were all Felix could see. He dug up a handful of dirt from the hard soil and squeezed it, but the brown dirt crumbled into sand. Despite the lack of humidity, vegetation and weeds were present in the area.
This semi-desert grassland biome reminded Felix of deserts in the US. He disliked this weather and places like this as he often found trailer slums and meth trucks in similar areas back home.
Reminded of past bad experiences, Felix stood up, exerted dominance by marking his presence with his urine, and prepared to leave. He glanced at the system map, making sure no hostile people or monsters were nearby.
Red dots and yellow dots were close by, 300 yards north of Felix's location. However, they weren't moving toward him as they were chasing each other—five red dots traveling west, pursuing one yellow dot.
Felix snorted, deeming it none of his business. He restarted the engine and was about to leave.
*BEEP*
Suddenly, the oil radar vibrated in his pocket. He picked it up and opened the pocket watch.
Coincidentally, the watch detected another oil deposit northwest of his current location, as if it wanted him to move closer to the busy red dot group.
Felix shook his head.
"Nah, I'm busy. That oil won't go anywhere. I'll come back and build another oil derrick when I'm richer."
He turned around, pressed the thumb accelerator, and sped east, ignoring whatever the six people to the north were doing.
.
.
Meanwhile
Five middle-aged men shouted and ran after a black-haired woman wearing only a ragged gray tunic. Her long hair covered her face, hiding her real beauty. Iron cuffs on her wrists and leg chains hindered her movements and sealed her power.
After running from her pursuers for a minute, the black-haired woman fell to the ground. She looked back and sobbed, fearing the worst.
"You wench! How dare you escape the caravan!" one of the men yelled as he caught up, kicking her in the face.
"HEY!" Another big-bellied man bellowed, "DON'T TARNISH THE MERCHANDISE! SHE'S WORTH 1,000 GOLD BECAUSE OF HER FACE! DON'T RUIN IT, YOU DIRTY PISSY!"
"Who's pissy, you fatty!" The man turned around and picked a fight with his colleague. Meanwhile, the other men caught up and dragged the woman by her arms, bringing her back to their slave wagon.
Suddenly, the woman closed her eyes and stopped breathing. Blood dripped from her mouth—she had bitten her tongue to commit suicide. One of the men noticed it. He swiped her mouth and saw blood.
"FUCK!" The slave merchant pried her mouth open and saw a bite wound on her tongue. Blood kept gushing out nonstop. Seeing the slave ruin her life this way, the fat man ordered, "Throw this wench away. She's as good as dead."
"Tsk!" The men dropped the dead slave on the ground. One of them leered at her body, but the fat man slapped the back of his head.
"We don't have much time! We have to reach Denuville by tomorrow to drop off those slaves to the airship. Otherwise, we won't make it to Big Zoot City before the exam event!"
"Fine. Fine. I know." All the men spat and left the corpse behind.
…
Ten minutes after the slave merchant and his subordinates had gone, the dead woman flipped her body, lying on her back. Then, she sat up like the Undertaker.
Coming back from the dead, the woman's eyes looked different than before. She twirled her tongue and noticed that it was wounded. She spat out some blood and pushed her hair away from her face. Instantly, the bleeding ceased, and the wound healed.
The woman glanced at the restraints on her wrists and sighed. She slightly exerted her physical strength, easily breaking the iron cuffs and chains.
Rising to her feet, the woman looked around in confusion. She then scratched her head and looked at her humble bosom.
She blankly stared at herself and muttered, "Poor soul, rest in peace."