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Chapter 11: Emotional Recovery
Chapter 11: Emotional Recovery
I awoke, and I was sitting on softness and my ears being played with softly; it felt good. I felt emotionally spent. I was exhausted; my emotions felt muted. The Merchant Train continues on, and I just want to be left alone. Mally and Emily continue just to let me be. I sit in thought that maybe another bandit crew could attack and that I have been sitting here feeling sorry for myself.
My brain just doesn't feel like it is working well. I remember the faces of the various men and women with the bandits as they turned and ran. I just became the reaper and took their lives with no remorse.
Now I feel remorse, but my head's logic comes up blank on why I should feel anything towards people who kill for nothing but a small payday. I don't even know what to think; my brain is in a loop.
"Chelsea, are you okay?" Mally asks me. I look up and see I am on Mally's lap, and I shake my head feeling vulnerable. "Is it because of the Bandits?"
I don't know that's the problem; I need to put the finger on it to deduce the problem. "I don't know. I have never killed before, and it is so easy. Once I came up with the right method, I just don't know why I feel like this. My logic tells me it should be fine. But they turned into a blood mist from my actions; literally, I had team members die because of my incompetence.
I don't know how to feel; I am in turmoil on how to feel. It felt so easy at the moment. I need to kill them as they come to kill me. How do I go about that but one revelation and poof, they are a joke in my eyes. I do not get it.
"That is normal, Chelsea, for you to not understand your feelings about killing. Those were living beings, and it seems your parents did not just propagate bullshit racist theory to you. A lot of humans look at Demons like they are literally all that is evil in the world. They feel no remorse when they kill us.
There have been several crusades when they were more church-focused that made humans kill us without remorse even though we have never done anything to them. The beast-kin were enslaved under them for a number of years. The humans were literally breeding beds back in the ancient arcane era. It is normal to feel remorse, but it will fade as you realize it is you or them.
No one has the right to kill you except yourself. I think this would have been easier if you were like Emily and had to fight them hand to hand on your first kill instead of with Mana. Things don't go freely any way; allow yourself to grieve your innocence, but that is all that died today for us. Who cares about those random adventurers.
They are not our problem; you needed this experience, and they did not need to know that you never had this experience before."
"They thought this was a free ride, so nothing is our fault here; they came underprepared. I came underprepared for that last fight. I should have had some basic wards set up on the train so that I could defend it better. None of us were prepared for the ambush except you. You saved all of us in more than one way.
Now how do you feel Chelsea wants to appease yourself with me?" Her smile with lust in it brought me a smile. Fuck, this girl can talk; that was a talk I needed. I still felt like shit but after that fuck yesterday and the talk today, I don't feel lost, just a bit emotionally warn out.
It will take me a bit of time to come to terms with it, but I was still hired to do a job, and I will sure as fuck do it.
"I am feeling a bit better; my emotions feel a bit worn out, I will admit. But we still have a long travel ahead of us. I need to get my shit together," My brain feels like it is booting up. "Mally get your wards up along each part of the Merchant train next rest period Em' be a dear and get the casualty list. I know Healing magic and will heal those still alive if possible.
Mally next breaks, you deserve good fucking." I look at her with lust; she was fucking sexy. Emily pouts to the side, but I lean back and try to get more foundation in emotion. I still feel raw, and I am genuinely having a hard time getting my emotions in control.
I sat up on my own not too long after as the merchant train came to a stop. Mally ran out to start her warding, and Emily ran to get the information. I just sat there and looked at my system.
--
Status
Name: Chelsea
Age: 18 years old
Titles: Heir to the High Silver Tower, Magical Genius, Research Maniac
Race: Beastkin - High Magical Silver Bunny-kin
Level: 1
XP: 393/1000
System points: 58100
Mana: 2051/5983
Strength: 19
Agility: 18
Reflex: 21
Vitality: 30
Toughness: 13
Charisma: 65
Ingenuity: 34
Intelligence: 106
Wisdom: 152
Luck: 20
Points to Spend: 0
Shop - Items available;
Inventory - 0 slots Available;
Lottery - Available;
--
It woke up my mind my system points. I must have impregnated a lot of women on those days. Roughly Forty-seven. It was sobering. I was a Father of a lot of kids; there is no way I would be able to in each of their lives. I could only be a pillar for them.
It put a lot on my shoulders, but it put things in perspective, and my determination grew. I noticed the XP bar moved after killing so many. They were weak and did not net much; none even netted more than five XP. It gave me the thought that I could just massacre a town or two, but I instantly threw that out of my head.
I look into the Shop and look at things to pick up. I should pick up something there. I pick up the Nipple Ring of Stamina, Perfect Image, Tough Skin, Knuckle Talent, Mana Compression, Fruit of a Hallowed Tree, Level up Candy, and the Agility Candy.
--
Congratulations, You have Purchased the Nipple Ring of Stamina.
--
--
Nipple Ring of Stamina:
This Ring used by many consorts to please High ranking men uses this to keep their stamina in bed as their men dominated them when they were particularly voracious.
Then the Berserkers of High Ridge discovered its use in combat to keep them going in the throes of all types of combat for the field to the bed, making this a Staple for them, and all men and female warriors want this item making it rare.
--
--
Congratulations, You have Purchased the Perfect Image.
--
--
Perfect Image:
One time use Talent. Imagine your perfect body, and it will mold itself into it eventually.
--
--
Congratulations, You have Purchased Tough Skin.
--
--
Tough Skin:
It makes the skin tougher without hardening it. It is great for women to keep the soft, supple skin while making it easier but better tough skin.
--
--
Congratulations, You have Purchased Knuckle Talent.
--
--
Knuckle Talent:
Your fists are a weapon of mass fistruction, and You annihilate your bar foes with your fists.
--
--
Congratulations, You have Purchased Mana Compression.
--
--
Mana Compression:
Mana In your body is Compressed to a degree no one can understand, Allows Images to come out clearer and last longer when using Compressed mana.
--
--
Congratulations, You have Purchased Fruit of a Hallowed Tree.
--
--
Fruit of a Hallowed Tree:
A rare Fruit that holds an amazing amount of mana from a Tree that only grows in specific environments.
--
--
Congratulations, You have Purchased Level up Candy.
--
--
Level up Candy:
Level up.
--
--
Congratulations, You have Purchased Agility Candy.
--
This was interesting. I loved the look of mana Compression, and Perfect Image was special. I was going to use it to achieve a bit of my old body from my previous incarnation. I loved my looks. I wonder, though, if It would get rid of my species? Something held on to the cute bunny-kin appearance.
I love the silver. I took the Agility candy, Watched the spinner, and It came out to eight agility.
--
Status
Name: Chelsea
Age: 18 years old
Titles: Heir to the High Silver Tower, Magical Genius, Research Maniac
Race: Beastkin - High Magical Silver Bunny-kin
Level: 1
XP: 393/1000
System points: 26100
Mana: 2051/5983
Strength: 19
Agility: 26
Reflex: 21
Vitality: 30
Toughness: 23
Charisma: 65
Ingenuity: 34
Intelligence: 106
Wisdom: 152
Luck: 20
Points to Spend: 0
Shop - Items available;
Inventory - 0 slots Available;
Lottery - Available;
--
It looked like Tough skin Increased my toughness by ten; it also said though it will increase faster now with the talent, which is nice. I still think I should stick to a Wizard build as I was Still holding insane stats towards that. I think more exercise will help, though. I could use some close combat experience.
Without realizing it, my mind was no longer on what happened, and I was feeling better as Mally and Emily did their thing. I was happy with my current stats. I will put the Nipple ring on. I think It came with a piercing pain as I pierced my now super sensitive right nipple. The ring was silver with a dark green emerald at the end with pale blue markings of enchantments.
I felt a subtle Power coarse through me. It was nice, but my nipple was screaming at me, and I quickly healed around it, imaging biology at work. That then reminded me of the arrow wound that I was hit by. I looked at the arm I was hit and realized someone did some good first aid removing it. They also put a pain blocker on it.
With my emotions going out of control, I never even noticed until the piercing pain of my nipple reminded me. I used the mana flow of my body that was looking quite empty and looked for problems. After a day, the person who had done it cleaned it properly and bandaged It right. I took off the bandage and focused it on regenerating quickly, watching in fascination as the wound closed visibly.
I was insanely hungry now, though. Many things I had been ignoring. Healing was one that required nutrients in order to heal, and mana could not fill it in, just speed up the pace of it. If I did, something horrifying happened. It was like someone dried out, and the initial injury became worse.
Supplementing imaginary nutrients was only a worst-case scenario because I would have to hold the image in my head applying mana as I stuff the most food in that person's stomach to make up for it. I would have to hold the image while replacing it with real food for days as I would have to wait until it becomes waste before letting go of the image, not something I want to do.
I shudder with the thoughts of the horror I would have to see if that happened.
I decided as I got out of the wagon to cheers of many towards me surprised me. I sat on a log as someone chopped where the food was being cooked. The older man walked up to me and sat beside me.
"Chelsea, Thanks for saving our lives. I was told, but the Adventurer guild leader, you were inefficient with your power, and I should be wary..." he looked at me with my response. I showed nothing as I grabbed a bowl of the soup they were making. "But they were right, and so was I these E-ranks are here to stall just for you to learn. The Guild leader told me they were not necessary.
I am glad though I did." I knew something like that might have happened, confirming that he was trying to get closer to me.
"Look, I get it you spent more, and you went out on a limb with me. I get it; I was metaphorically late to the party. The truth is, though, many things went wrong. Even if you were equipped with more D-rank Adventurers, That many E-rank and F-rank bandits would have overwhelmed them, So you 'Taking a Risk' with me saved your life.
From what I can tell, Traveling C-rank adventurers are rare, so do not try to bullshit with me, Mr wolf-san," I take a large gulp of the hot soup. "I know you are talking to me for a reason regardless. I will do my job bringing you the location."
"Well, you see, a C-rank like you is rare. Many here are not dissatisfied; who cares about some E-ranks deaths on a job they thought was Free money. We would like to see if we could purchase your background while we are selling in the Dwarven Kingdom. Your show of might was quite frightening. It was a show of power many of us even who have seen C-ranks in action were suprised."
"Look, I get what you are saying; what do I get out of it?" I did not understand, I thought. What was needing a Background adventurer needed inside a city?
"Part of the profit, I say five percent of the total? That way, the guilds there can't take all their 'fees.'" He said, and my face cracked, showing my confusion. "Ah, you have never been to the dwarf kingdom. They all are very focused on blacksmithing and making weapons of power; nowhere can you get better work.
The gnomes that live with them focus on mechanics to a level that amazes us all, but the gnomes are more crafty and are the majority of their bureaucrats; anyone without sufficient power becomes... Let's say victims of bureaucrat hell holes. We will take extra weeks of paperwork to get through and sell, eating into profit margins. You see?"
"I can use the extra coin, so sure but try to fuck me on this, and you know what. Also, The cut I take is ten percent of the profit. I will not let you use my name for practically free. Ten percent is only of your profit, not your gross made.
Be grateful if what your telling me is true; you would lose as much as twenty-five percent with the bureaucrats." I remember some of my friends got into a wiki hole in my previous life and looked into the immigration paperwork for the united states; that was a bureaucrat hell hole if I ever saw one ranging into the years. So I can see many wanting out before they even start.
He was thoughtful, and I could tell he wanted to spend less, but In the end, he took my hand and shook it. I smile, knowing I made money for nothing but a name. I was not going to do much but tell them to let them pass, but I am sure he knew more about what was needed.
I ate, and Emily came to me with the five left adventurers and their location for me to heal. Four men and a robust woman. I took my time to heal each of the injuries; the woman was next to death, though, and I spent more time on her. She was inches from death, and the ride after without magical healing, I could tell that her vitality must be amazing to keep her going this long.
I finished the healing, and my mana was almost out. I took more food to fill what felt like an empty stomach before getting back in the wagon. Mally seemed to be working on the wards still. She did not arrive until It was time to continue. I smiled as I looked at her. She deserves to have herself a good fuck before I meditate.