Garden Of The Abyss

Chapter 59 - Breath Of Hope

"I must warn you, I'm not familiar with dark magic--this would be better suited for someone like Tristan to teach you...but I fear that man would do something abhorrent."

--Can't say I disagree with you there.

They stood atop the unwavering leaves of the colossal Grandfather Tree, standing alongside the sea of clouds that inhabited the mana-rich skies. With them, Donatien had brought an ashen gray grimoire, thick enough to be impossible to cut through with the sharpest of blades, at least by normal human standards.

Flipping the mysterious book containing knowledge of the arcane, the lanky man made Ren face the opposite way from the house, having him aim the spell towards the endless acres of nature that stretched across the valley.

"Listen well and repeat after me."

Donatien commanded with a tone that left no room for questioning, only a complete and silent understanding.

"Hear me, those who seek the absence of light,"

As Ren ushered the beginning of the incantation, the wind picked up, spiraling around his extended hand.

"Grant me the essence of the truth, the original darkness that cast over the primordial soil,"

A shadow enveloped Ren and the spot which he stood, allowing his mana to surge while black tendrils formed of his magical energy began to coil around his arm.

"Let us return the world to that former era, the endless night: Araphel Pandemonium!"

With his final utterance, a large sphere of pure dark energy gathered in front of him, whisking forth a violent torrent of wind. For that moment, he was left captivated by the sight, the shapeless grace of darkness--launching the sphere through the clouded sky.

"Go--!"

He yelled out as he sent it flying forward, watching it as it tore through the tranquil fluff of the azure. Leaving a trail of black residue through the path of clouds, the sphere fizzled out before releasing into a volatile eruption of mana, sending a shockwave through the sky.

"Holy crap! Did you see that? I really did that? Wait, am I amazing or some--"

A wave travelled through his body, leaving a path of exhaustion in its wake as his head became as light as a father.

"Eh?"

Ren fell face first onto the sap-moistened leaf floor, every ounce of strength in his body vanished before he had even realized what had happened. The sensation of a billion tiny, prickly needles poking at every pore of his body drove over him, as if his entire body had fallen asleep while he was still very much conscious.

"Eh--?"

"Lesson one of great magic, it has a very high toll on your mana. So for a beginner like yourself, this is the result."

Donatien commented, standing above him as Ren was unable to even raise his head. At that moment, he corrected himself on an earlier wrongful assumption.

"Oh, and by the way, that spell you just used…"

"...Yeah?"

Ren muttered, listening in on whatever the glasses-wearing Outlander had to say.

"It is the most basic usage of great magic."

--I get it, that's why he was an ice affinity--he's a cold bastard!

What proceeded should've been the most humiliating moment of his time in this world so far, but after everything that had transpired--it was par for the course. He was carried by the tall and surprisingly toned glasses-bearing man, given a piggyback ride as if he was a prepubescent child.

"Seriously, I would've preferred if you left me on the ground…"

Ren muttered, keeping his gaze down as he attempted to hold onto whatever sliver of pride he had left.

Luckily it seemed that Donatien wasn't the sort of person to tease about these kinds of things, or maybe Ren was alone in the thought that riding piggyback at the age of eighteen was an abhorrent act breaching his pride as a man.

"As your mentor, I'm responsible for your wellbeing. Besides, if I left you here, Iris would never let me hear the end of it."

"Why's that?"

"Nevermind. Forget I said anything."

"Come on, just like old times?"

"Have ya' been drinking or something?"

"Just one or two mugs, but I can assure you I'm immune to whiskey dick."

The familiar voices belonging to Sora and Brahmi became audible before the pair entered the front door. It seemed he didn't hear them coming as when they stepped through the door, there Sora was, with his hand caressing the tan thigh of Brahmi.

"You think with your dick, don't you?"

"Only when I'm with you."

Sora responded to her with a sly smile. It was like finding out your childhood hero punched puppies, Ren felt his perception of people completely betrayed.

The floor creaked under Donatien's step, causing the four of them to all freeze in place--staring at one another if they had all just seen ghosts. In Sora's case, it was more like he had been caught with his pants down, while Brahmi held a never before seen innocent blush that contrasted her otherwise masculine behavior. It was a bad look for all of them--Sora was showing a rather unsavory but expected side of himself while Ren was riding upon the man's back.

"I'll say nothing if you don't."

The words left Ren's mouth in complete monotone.

"Deal."

Forgetting the fact that this was the very man who saved his life, this pact went beyond that. It was a vow of silence, an oath between two men--it transcends the concept of life and death, as such humility would persist through time. Meanwhile, Donatien and Brahmi felt more like bystanders to this charade of humility, keeping quiet as they wanted nothing more than to move past this gnawing moment.

With that, that moment in time was locked away into the deepest depths of their memories. As Donatien carried the limp young man up the staircase in an awkward silence, Ren finally noticed someone peculiar about the house. Not once had he ever seen somebody clean up, yet it was spotless and well organized despite housing someone like Sora.

"How is the house kept so tidy? I'm guessing magic?"

"Surely you're joking? Have you truly never met the maid of this household?"

"Maid…?"

On the contrary, he now believed Donatien was the one pulling his leg. He has been there for three months already, not once had he seen or heard of a maid working there.

Although, it could be possible. Most of the time he was either out training or cooped up in his room as he naturally did. Still, it seemed unlikely--he moved his mind past the subject, watching as he was carried past the corridor.

Being brought into his room, still unable to move an inch of his body, Donatien had set him down on his cushiony mattress gently.

"Thanks."

Ren showed his gratitude, watching as the man then took the chair from the boy's desk, bringing it next to his bed before seating himself.

"Uh, what're you doing?"

"Making sure you don't die. You drained every drop of mana from your body--and since mana is akin to your lifely essence, it's as if you've lost a heavy amount of blood. Although, your mana replenishes much easier than blood, so don't worry."

Even though that's what he said, it was obvious to him what Donatien had really meant.

--He probably feels responsible for this. Which, he is, but he doesn't need to look after me.

Sleep was an option he was heavily considering before Donatien decided to turn himself into Ren's own personal guardian for the time being. It was hard to relax with the man's sharp gaze resting on him relentlessly.

"Ren, I have a question for you. You don't have to answer it."

Donatien had suddenly asked, losing the edge in his voice. A pragmatic man like him had every right to want this sort of information. For all he knew, Ren could've been a prolific serial killer in his past life, as uncoordinated as he may seem.

"Go ahead, ask away."

After riding on the back of the man, there wasn't much more shame he could experience--so answering a simple question wouldn't be a bother.

"What kind of life did you lead before arriving in this world? I know it's random--I'm just curious."

Now that was a tough question. Ren watched the ceiling, counting the small grooves in the wood as he pondered that question. It's not like he didn't know the answer, but it wasn't exactly a life to be proud of. Mustering up every truthful bone in his body, he decided for once to put it all on the table.

"Well...I was a dropout. I lived at home with my parents, locked away in my room just about every second of every day. After you begin to live life like that...it's hard to bring things back to the way they were. It all started with me skipping school one day just because of some stupid game that had just come out. When the next day rolled around...I just had this anxiety gnawing at the back of my mind, you know? Like everyone's eyes would be on me, judging me, talking about me behind my back--then from there, it just spiraled out of control."

Unable to turn his head to face Donatien, all he could do was sit there in silence after answering him. He could feel his heart begin to speed up, imagining the judgmental thoughts, the look of disgust the man was probably giving him right now.

"I see, I guessed as much...I understand that sort of situation all too well myself."

--What do you mean you "guessed as much"? Is there a way you can tell?!

"You were a dropout?"

"No, I was a high-school teacher. I suppose it is obvious now in hind-sight, right?"

Ren's throat had closed up at that sudden, obvious revelation from the man. Seeing the surprised look come over the messy-haired boy's face, Donatien let out a quiet chuckle.

"As a teacher, there was nothing more painful than watching one of my students give up on their academic path. I never scorned them for it, or looked down on them...in fact, I blamed myself for it each and every time. "Am I this incompetent as a teacher? As a guide in life?", thoughts like that were unavoidable."

"That's not something you could control...Some kids are just not meant for school. I honestly think it's a waste of energy to try and save every kid, since not all of them want to be saved."

--I remember how spiteful I was to my teachers when they attempted to coax me into returning. All I saw behind their motivations was that it was their job to have me return, or that they simply were asked to be the higher-ups. Pretty naive of me, huh? I guess some teachers really do just give a damn.

Ren tried to assure the man, who only brushed it off with a slight chuckle. Donatien removed his glasses, looking down at the floorboards below with his hazel irises, a gentle smile brushed across his lips. It was becoming obvious to him what the real meaning of this conversation was. That man he assumed to be a cold-bastard had demons of his own, eating away at him like everyone else. He needed closure of his own.

"I don't know who is to blame for such situations, Ren. Maybe bad parenting? Terrible mentors? Maybe you're right--the kids themselves may just not be suited for school. I think it's a whole lot of things. One thing it's not, however, is something you should beat yourself up over."

"Huh?"

"School isn't the entire world. A lot of people make that mistake. I guess I've said a lot without actually saying anything...what I'm trying to tell you is, whatever choices you made in the past--don't let them drag you down. I'm not telling you to throw those decisions you made away, because our memories are the only thing we've retained from our past lives. Don't abandon the "Ren Nakamura" you've been up until coming to this world, embrace who you are, but as a better man than yesterday. Just move forward and become the person you strive to be, without discarding what makes you, "you"--I'll help you become that person. Don't try and be a different person to impress us, give us "Ren Nakamura"."

Hearing those words of encouragement from a teacher was something Ren didn't realize until now that he wanted to hear. Ren began to feel contempt towards his paralyzed body, as he was unable to fight back the burning desire to release the flow of tears from his eyes.

--How in this alternate world of all places, after all of this time...how did I find these people who won't give up on me? If I had people like this in my life before, maybe I could've been a respectable member of society.