Getting A System In A Modern World

Chapter 107: Past Memories, Decision & Determination

"Mom, who's she," Alex asked, as he looked at Silas with a lot of emotions for a kid that's ten years of age, before lowering his head to look at his clenched fist.

Silas sighed when he heard Alex's question. Alex's thoughts were unknown to him but he was very familiar with the emotions he saw in his eyes, as he has felt the same emotions for a very long time.

'This is going to be tough,' He thought to himself.

Silas didn't know how to go about it. Should he just tell Alex the identity of his mother? What if he asks more questions?

He thought about it for a moment and decided to answer all of Alex's questions honestly, to the best of his ability. He felt that Alex deserves at least that much.

'Dad, you're the one who's supposed to be here, answering his questions.' Silas said to himself, internally and let out an inaudible sigh, as he looked at Alex.

"Your mom... Her name is Jasmine, Jasmine Kurt. I'm sure that you already have the general idea of what happened to her but I would like to tell you in details," Silas said and paused, as he continued looking at Alex.

It was like he was trying to get approval from him before he continued what he was saying, but he got nothing from Alex, as the kid continued to lower his head, looking at his clenched fist.

Silas saw this and decided to continue what he was saying.

"Your mom, she died when you were two years. It was breast cancer," Silas said, and paused for a moment before continuing, "She could have been cured.... might, but she was already in the late stage when we found out. There was nothing that could be done about it."

After her diagnosis, she requested they help her to live a few more months, so that she could take care of you, of us.

They succeeded and she was able to live for six more months, taking care of you, of the both of us with a smile on her face."

At this point, Silas eyes were also moist, which he found strange.

When was the last time he had tears in his eyes?

Silas cleaned the tears from his eyes as he took a pause and looked at Alex, who was now sobbing quietly beside him, with his fist still clenched.

When he saw this, Silas felt a pang in his heart like a sword was ran through it.

He stretched out his hands and hugged Alex's head, caressing his hair as he tried to soothe him.

Silas didn't say anything as he quietly continued to caress Alex's hair. He didn't know what else to say and his emotions to him, were bizarre at this point.

No matter how hard he tried, his eyes kept getting moist and he didn't understand why. He also had a stuffy feeling in his chest and his heart was filled with different complicated emotions, as past memories of Alex's mother flashes in his mind.

He remembered that day vividly. The day when she suddenly collapsed at home while taking care of Alex and how panicked he was.

Silas remembered how his twelve-years-old self frantically called the ambulance before calling his father.

He remembered how the ambulance came and took her away, with the rest of the family following behind.

When they got to the hospital, the doctor and nurses were able to revive her after a lot of procedure that the young Silas didn't understand, were done.

Silas could remember how his father kept a very calm expression even in the face of everything that was happening.

Even after she was diagnosed with late stage breast cancer, all his father did was to hug their mother and spoke things he didn't hear into her ears.

Silas thought his father didn't care about what was happening but he never knew he was so wrong until after she died.

The death of Alex's mother shocked the family and created a deep abyss-like void in the family. A void that still exists to this day.

Now that he thought of it, he remembered how his father would lock himself up in the room everyday, doing nothing but crying alone.

Though Silas didn't actually know what his father was doing then, but the huge red, swollen eyes he always bags when he comes out of his room was a dead giveaway.

Silas felt that this was the reason he didn't hate his father completely for his abusive nature.

He couldn't help but shake his head when he remembered the past.

Who knew that one day he won't get to see that bright smile on her face again? That he won't get to hear her call his name? That he won't get to have hug him and caress his hair or ruffle it?

'Life can really be a bitch sometimes.'

It was after an unknown amount of time had passed, was Silas finally able to gather his thoughts and control his emotions.

He cleaned the tears streaking down his face and took a deep breath. He noticed that Alex has also stopped crying, his fist unclenched.

He releases his hold on Alex and saw that he was already asleep.

"He cried himself to sleep," Silas said with a sigh, as he looked at Alex who was sleeping soundly, with a relaxed expression on his face.

"I guess I will have to take him home. There's no way he would be able to go to school today in his current condition."

Silas started the car and made U-turn, making his way back home.

When they got home, Silas carried Alex who was still asleep to his room.

After dropping him in his room, Silas went downstairs and sprawled on the sofa. He felt so mentally drained, something he hasn't felt in a while.

He didn't understand why but he felt very tired, weary and he doesn't feel like doing anything anymore. His previous plan to go to Stanford University has scrapped from his mind, as all he just want to do is to lie down, curl himself up and sleep.

As he lay down on the bed, Silas thoughts couldn't help but drift back to the past and a lot of memories, both pleasurable and sad, bubbled to the surface.

He thought of the actions of his past and present self, his family previous and current situation.

He thought of the time that Alex's mom, Jasmine was still alive. How she took care of him like her own son, before and after she gave birth to Alex. How she always took care of him with a smile on her face even after her diagnosis.

How she took care of him like her own son, the same reason why he always called her mom and not stepmom.

Silas remembered the choking and deathly silence that enveloped the house the day she died. He remembered how his father sat beside her hospital and looked at her rapidly cooling body, and gave a smile, a smile filled with intense pain and sadness.

A smile that conveyed so many emotions that he couldn't understand at that time but now, he did.

He also remembered how he wanted to cry but had no tears to. He wanted to shout out to his mom, to wake her up but his voice failed him. He wanted to rush to shake her until she woke up but was held back by his father.

He remembered how the then young Alex looked at him with with teary eyes and said, "brother".

He remembered how he made a decision to take care of Alex to the best of his ability. But now that he thought of it, can he really say that he has taken care of Alex to the best of his ability.

Of course, he knew that there was no way he would be able to completely fill in the void left by their mom's absence, especially wth the later absence of their father in their lives, but did he do enough?

He thought of his past self and the decisions he has made, some he felt were smart and some that he knew were extremely dumb.

Silas thought of his non-existent social life, the fucked up relationships with he had with people and his messed up family.

He let out a deep sigh as he thought of all this.

"I was really stupid back then but have I really changed?" Silas asked himself, as he thought of his previous decisions.

His thoughts also drifted to the events that has happened after he got the system, and he couldn't but facepalm in embarrassment when he remembered some of his stupid decisions.

"I really have to change a lot of things about myself. I need to become better in every way and with every possible method," Silas said, as he made a decision.

His previous droopy eyes, now blazing with determination and the weary feeling he was feeling, now replaced with the regular energetic feeling he always had.

"LUNAR, complie all educational materials on every subjects and topics, into a written file and forward it to my laptop," Silas said, and got into a seating position.

In a bid to improve himself and make himself better, Silas decided to first increase his knowledge base.

It didn't take long before a large file that nearly made his laptop to lag, was sent by LUNAR.

Silas connected the Gear to the laptop and lay down on the seat, before telepathically clicking on the file.

Immediately after he clicked on the file, a massive document was displayed and Silas started speed-reading it, absorbing every knowledge and information in the file.