Harem God: Leveling Up Yanderes in the Apocalypse

Chapter 21 The God Of Hoeing

[Freyja is a Norse God of Lust and war. Her main claim to fame is sleeping with... every notable god and moral of significance in Norse Mythology. I'm not being dramatic. Historians range from most to all... kek.]

—

"Too whom do I owe this pleasure?" Leon asked the woman in the sky.

Boom! … Boom!

She was riding on the shoulder of a 100-foot giant with her left leg crossed over the right.

The woman was wearing a neon pink skirt and black tights and was flashing him a beautiful bright white smile.

"Tha name's Anya~" A fit, human-esque woman replied.

She looked very similar to Earthian humans. Her characteristics were nearly identical aside from variations: her light purple skin and pointy ears.

Naturally, humanoid gods only played games with humanoids. So he imagined she was summoned from another world through a vortex.

He didn't know what these gods looked like. However, he had the feeling that ol'Alci had too much to drink one night and impregnated at least eight candidate planets himself.

Aphrodite probably did the same. However, he imagined she was stone-cold sober to ensure she'd remember every minute of it.

Hell, it probably started with a multi-level marketing makeup sales format and devolved into an orgy when "Alci" and the cougar arrived.

He had no clue why Anya looked like him, but he knew one thing.

The reason was legendary.

"You look like you're in a different league than us." Leon commented with narrowed eyes, "So why did you search us out? This could hardly be called a [game] if assassinations were a part of the mix."

Caitlyn, Lindy, and Sarah were all confused by the word [game], but it didn't matter.

An apocalypse game without rules is just the apocalypse. So it didn't change a thing.

Of course, Anya was an exception. It suddenly became very relevant when she showed up.

"True, true. It can hardly be called fair, considering I'm level 120 and a prior ranker for last century's game." Anya replied briskly.

"However, there are no rules against us meeting each other. If you have gripes, you should blame yourself for using your girl's forbidden playground as a tool to flip Aphrodite off.

Memorable actions like that are recorded and stored in the Forbidden Library as highlights of this century's God Trial.

It~also posts your basic profile and~general~region."

The life in Leon's eyes drained, and regret filled his heart.

If he knew that, he wouldn't have turned his forced sexual experience into an opportunity to show his discontent to Aphrodite!

He appreciated the SP, and Caitlyn loved receiving a middle finger to her backside, so it wasn't a total loss.

Anya giggled with her hand in front of her mouth when she saw Leon's expression.

It was official.

Anya looked 19 but was over 120 years old. He suspected she was a grand elder super loli from cultivator novels, but she was 21,000-year-old and thus had reached 19 in appearance.

Leon pushed the regret from his mind and watched the scene while scanning his environment. They needed to escape at any cost.

"My apologies. Forgive my ignorance, but our gods failed to tell us anything about this game or its rules." Leon sighed in annoyance, "Are you saying we're competitors?"

"Righto! Ding! Ding! Ding!" Anya exclaimed obnoxiously, "It seems you don't know how to read, as everything is recorded in the Forbidden Library. But at least you're quick on the uptake."

"Forgive me once more. I haven't had time to sleep, let alone roll the dice opening an option that had a 50% chance of being a loli porn vault." Leon replied dryly.

He genuinely hadn't had time to sleep. The group had only stopped in the skyscraper for a couple of hours before moving on again. When he did have time, he waded through his exceedingly chaotic interface. So his argument was reasonable.

"Fair~enough. Well, since you haven't had time, let me educate you swine." She giggled.

Caitlyn patiently watched Leon, waiting for the cue for her to cut a bitch.

"You~represent Alcibiades the Harem God and have a co~sponsor Aphro~di~tie. And I," Anya announced while bringing her hand to her chest, "Represent Freyja~." [1]

"So… is this to prove who's dick's bigger or who's more beautiful or something?" Leon asked dryly.

"Harumph! How dare you assert such a thing, you swine!" Anya replied in an offended tone.

"The purpose of the God Trial is to find candidates to succeed the gods they represent.

The beasts, creatures, and demons around you are representatives of nonhuman gods.

With thousands of gods having representatives on one stage, it's only natural for competing deities to want to shine!"

Leon's eyes glazed over.

"So let me get this straight," He began sarcastically, "Freyja's competitors gave me the power to build a harem less than 48 hours ago, and so she sent a Level 120 candidate, who's over a century old, and survived a prior game, to kill us to [shine]?"

"No! Killing's just step one. WIth you dead, you can't shine, and thus we look brighter." Anya huffed while her face flushed with ire and rage.

"It's underhanded, unsportsmanlike, and downright petty, but guess what!?

The winners write the history books, and no one remembers Level 1 losers."

Leon turned his eyes to the sky with the type of wry smile a person develops if their mom question's their unreadiness to have children at their lover's funeral.

"That's some depressingly solid logic." Leon chuckled in amazement.

He turned back to Anya. "This isn't a scare tactic, is it? Or a ruse to get us to attack you so you can kill us?

It's one thing to be tactful. But if you're playing people that don't know the rules…."

Leon's eyes filled with murderous killing intent that chilled Anya to the bone.

"You're a fucking disgrace to people of culture."

After she snapped out of fear and remembered he was extremely weak, she began laughing.

"Of culture? So you [are] one of those loonies." Anya laughed.

"When it suits me," Leon replied briskly.

"Is that so? Well, Freyja and I are women of desire," She declared pompously, "We use our charm, mouths, and bodies to get men and women to do whatever we want."

"So… you slept your way to earth?" Leon asked in exasperation, "Were you desperate for meth or something? Even before the apocalypse, this place was the worst of the worst."

"What!? No! I slept with multiple demigods for the right to play this game again so I can continue working my way up as a [real] god." Anya snapped.

"Wait. I was joking. Were you serious?" He asked in genuine confusion, "Is that your power or something? Like a charm class that's disturbingly OP if you're cupping a sack?"

"You are so vulgar! My epic-grade Brain-Dead Head technique was rewarded by Freyja and cannot be summed up as a a 'charming sack cupping.'" She roared.

"Ooooooooooh, so you're hoes…." Lindy said while putting her finger to her lip, "now things make a lot more sense. It's you [and] your god."

Leon's eyes widened in bewildered amusement. He suddenly liked Lindy's sassy temper problem when it was on his side!

"We're not HOES, bitch!" Anya yelled.

"Hey, Caitlyn!" Lindy called out, "Do you think she's a hoe?"

"Yeeeeeee~ep. She's definitely a hoe." Caitlyn replied dryly.

"What is wrong with you two!?" Anya yelled, "You're badgering and degrading your kind for double standards! Don't you hate when men do that!?"

"Well, yeah. I hate people comparing me to [you] just because I enjoy sex." Lindy replied dryly.

"Compare you to [me]!? You're saying that being compared to the representative of—"

"If I may, I th~ink Lindy agrees with you that she doesn't like it when people throw around the word [hoe] unjustly," Caitlyn mused with a finger to her lips, "but that's because people like you are awful, and she'd rather be called a hopeless sex addict instead."

"Exactly." Lindy confirmed without hesitation, causing Leon's eyes to widen with understanding.

"W-What!? You understand that I'm a representative of Freyja! Therefore, you're insulting Freyja!" Anya cried.

"If Lindy doesn't like hoes, why the hell would she respect the god of hoeing?" Leon sighed in exasperation.

Anya's temper started boiling over.

"Enough of this!" She screamed, "I'll be pleased to announce that I've killed you for personal reasons!"

[Ding! Odds Defiance has activated!]

"Yeah, about that. Can we… strategize? I have to distribute some stat—"

"Hah, are you joking?" Anya laughed in amazement, "What person will give their enemy the time to prepare to kill them?"

"Not even to say goodbyes?" Leon sighed, "I'm sure all of the gods are mocking Freyja because of your petty—"

"You have 15 seconds!" Anya huffed before crossing her light purple arms.

"Hey, Caitlyn." Leon called out.

"Yes, babe?" Caitlyn asked.

"If we make it out of this, I'll [Reward~] you by telling you I love you if you follow my orders instantaneously and we survive this fight." Leon announced shamelessly.

"I'm being excessively manipulative right now, but I [literally] only have feelings for you, so that's love in a sense."

Caitlyn's face melted into pure ecstasy and her mind became delirious.

"How… this is beyond anything I've dreamed of! The manipulation part, yes! But the 1% chance of genuineness is surreal!" She muttered in a haze.

"I'll do it!" Caitlyn squealed.

Ding!

—

Reward~ Activated!

Promise: To tell member Caitlyn [I love you].

Requirements: Say the words.

Notes: It doesn't have to be honest.

Reward: Calculating….

—

Leon closed his eyes.

Ding!

—

Member Caitlyn Mira has received the max 300% increase from Reward~!

Punishment for failure to meet a goal: Public stoning unless the user is physically unable to complete the requirements.

Notes: You are the first to achieve a max increase in 557 years! The emotional intensity of this promise is exorbitantly high, and the requirements to keep it are comically non-existent.

If you don't lie to satisfy Caitlyn Mira's feelings, it will become legal for female goddesses to throw stones at you for 15 minutes for being the worst.

Humans call this type of stoning asteroid strikes.

—

'Don't underestimate my ability to lie to people for personal gain.' Leon thought in annoyance.

"Hah? Looks like you'll never hear that he loves you, girly! Running is futile, and attacking me is suicide." Anya laughed scornfully, "Five seconds until I kill you, Leon!"

[Ding! Survival Instincts: Primal Protection has activated! 50% increase in power for 120 seconds.]

"You're a combined Level 53 Caitlyn, and your idiot master hasn't even distributed free stats!" Anya cried with tears in her eyes.

"You can punch me with all of your power, and you wouldn't be able to leave a scratch! Not that you can reach me!"

Caitlyn became vicious, making Leon snap out of his happiness.

"First order, keep your killing intent and power but don't let her sense either." Leon ordered.

"How do I—"

Caitlyn's brain felt a bolt of electricity go through it.

"Nice~" She grinned as her killing intent magically disappeared.

Leon was right! When using skills requiring absolute adherence to orders, he could ask for things that weren't possible to achieve!

"Looks like attacking her is as reckless as it gets." Leon said with a straight face, "But…."

'If a year of Chad training has taught me anything, it's how to dramatically destroy my reputation with women quickly.' He chuckled inwardly, 'Odds Defiance, here I come.'

Odds Defiance increased in effectiveness the less a person respected the user. His reputation with Anya was too high; hence she saw him as a threat.

Leon looked at Anya with a mocking grin.

"Anya, do you think that [I], Leon Traxler, wouldn't see through your sinister ruse, you uncouth succubus?" Leon asked dramatically.

"Eh?" Anya replied with a lifeless expression.

"To think that one such as myself couldn't prepare and foil a plot so juvenile as this is an insult!" He continued, "Now prepare yourself for hoeing, cccccccome~on!"

Her eyes widened, and she gripped her hands on her titan in preparation for the unseen treasure he may possess. Two gods loved Leon, so it wasn't unreasonable to be wary of treasures.

Leon got into position for his super attack.

"Charm! Anya, poke yourself in the eye!" He yelled dramatically while throwing his hands out like a certain otaku mad scientist.

After he saw her stunned face, he flipped his hair to the side and touched his forehead. "Nailed it."

—

[A/N: [1] Alcibiades was an Athenian general known for being an excessively charming sex and gambling addict. When he was kicked out of Greece, he turned traitor and became a general for another country. However, he slept with the ruler's wife, narrowly escaped death, took charge of an [Athenian] army despite being a traitor, won a major battle, and charmed his way back into Athens. What a legend.]