Heart of Darkness

Chapter 189 Pain from the past

Happy birthday to April_fleming!!

*************

Roxana changed into dry clothes but her linen was still wet. The only thing she could do was squeeze the water out of it and put them on again. The clothes she burrowed were larger than usual and she had to fold the arms and legs of the shirt and the trousers. Then taking her weapons she went to get some food. The other guards wondered what happened to the king but Roxana had so much on her mind that she didn’t feel like going through the details. She summarized everything into two sentences and then went to eat her food.

After she was done, she headed back to stay with the king. Gary smiled upon her arrival when he saw her in the baggy clothes. “Oh Rox. You are so little.”

If he only knew. She wasn’t little for a woman. Just for a man.

“Will you be alright staying with him alone?”

She nodded. “Yes. Take your time. I will stay here.”

“He seems to have some nightmares,” Peter told her as they headed toward the door.

She just nodded and they left her behind.

Roxana went to grab a chair to sit beside the bed where the king lay. The room was warm now, with fire burning in the hearth. She reached for his face and touched his skin. He was still cold. She did notice that he was often cold. Maybe Lord Quintus was right and he was a cold person.

She leaned back in the chair and watched him, her thoughts still conflicted. Tonight she would leave and then she would never see him again. The thought made her heart tighten with discomfort.

No! She shouldn’t feel this way. She had a chance to escape safely and still be able to look for her family. Alexander would be alright.

As she watched his beautiful face she thought his eyes moved behind his eyelids. His lips twitched slightly.

“Your Majesty?” She leaned closer.

He remained silent, but his lips parted and his eyebrows furrowed into a frown. A breath left his lips. It was as if he wanted to speak.

“Your Majesty. Do you hear me?”

He shook his head. “No!” he breathed but it wasn’t a reply to her question “Please…no!”

“Your Majesty?” She grabbed his shoulder and shook him slightly.

“I-I don’t want…please….stop!”

He was having a nightmare. She tried to wake him up to spare him the pain but he refused. He fell silent for a moment but then it started again.

There was something he wanted to stop. Something that was hurting him. He was begging someone to stop it.

“Mother…please…”

He was having a nightmare about his parents? Their deaths must have left a deep wound. They didn’t just die. They were murdered.

One of Roxana’s biggest fears was to find out that her parents got killed by the barbarians who came to plunder and take over their village. She always avoided that thought, finding it too painful of an option. But her parents and sister were survivors. They must have fought just like her to live. She could feel it inside that they were somewhere, still alive.

A tear fell down his temple as he continued to struggle against the nightmare. His hands slowly came out of under the blanket and grabbed onto it with fists clenched.

Roxana went to sit beside him in bed not knowing what to do. She put her hand on top of his fist, holding him gently. She wished there was something she could do to stop his nightmares. She tried a few more times to wake him up but he was lost somewhere in the nightmare. Almost stuck there.

“Your Majesty. Come back. You are not there anymore. You are here and you are safe.” She told him hoping that he would hear her but she felt stupid. “No one is going to harm you.”

************

Skender was chained to a bed, unable to move. He struggled with the chains rubbing against his skin. “No!” He called as the old Lady who caused him pain came to stand beside the bed. “Please!” His gaze searched for his parents.

His father stood in the corner of the room hugging his mother who couldn’t bare to look his way. To see what would be done to him.

“Mother!”

She turned around, cheeks wet with tears. “Please be gentle.” She told the woman.

“My Lady. There is no other way.” The woman told her apologetically.

“The let me be by his side.”

“You can’t. You need to keep a distance.”

Skender struggled again. “No. I don’t want to do it. Please stop!” He was terrified.

When he fought in vain he turned to his mother again. “Mother please.”

“It will be alright.” She cried.

“No!”

The old Lady put her palm on his forehead and gently pushed his head down. “It will hurt more if you resist.” She told him calmly.

“Mother!” He called ignoring the lady. “I will be good, I promise.” He cried. “I won’t hurt anyone.”

His mother just cried.

“Father. Please. You said you would protect me.” Skender cried.

Unlike his mother, his father met his gaze giving him an apologetic look. “You will be alright. You are strong. After this, we can go out and ride. You will see, everything will be alright.” He promised him.

Feeling desperate he gave up on his parents and turned to the old Lady instead. “You will hurt me.” He said.

“I will help you. But yes, it will hurt.” The old Lady told him. “Now, let me do this fast so you can go on a ride with your father.” She grabbed his head.

“No!” He fought again, the chains cutting his wrists.

The woman began to chant some words and his heart quickened in pace with her words. Before he could fight again, pain scorched his head. An agonizing scream escaped his little throat. He felt as if his skull might crack and it lasted for what seemed like forever. His struggles caused his wrists and ankles to cut and bleed. He thought he would die. He wished he could die but then she stopped and he fell back on the bed breathless.

He was terrified and in pain but he couldn’t even fight, knowing that the old lady was preparing herself to do it again. This time the aim was his chest.

Skender knew there was no escaping this, so he tried to quickly find some other way to cope with the pain. Go somewhere else in his mind. Look for an escape there and just then he heard a voice.

“Your Majesty.”

The familiar voice called him several times. He tried to focus on it.

“You are safe. No one is going to harm you.” The voice assured.

But they were going to harm him and he was waiting for the pain. He was scared. He felt alone. Abandoned.

“Come back.” The voice called.

Skender fought to get away again, the chains holding him back.

“I-I can’t.”

His wrists were raw. The chains had peeled his skin away. His heart trembled in his chest as the strange chanting of the old woman echoed in the back. The old lady put her hand on his chest.

“No!” He turned to call for his parents but he couldn’t see anything. It was all dark.

“Come back!” The voice pleaded.

He fought to release himself again, not caring for the pain in his wrist. Not caring for the blood loss or the skin tearing from his flesh. He continued to pull with a load growl until he broke the chain and shot his eyes open.

He was panting and covered in a cold sweat.

“Your Majesty.”

It was her. She called him back. Roxana.

“Are you alright?”

He stared into her teal eyes unable to speak. His throat scarred from all the screaming, his head throbbing from all the pain.

Roxana quickly left his side and came back with a damp cloth. She gently wiped away the sweat from his forehead and face. “I was worried.” She told him.

He shifted slightly and realized he was almost naked under the blanket, except for his drawers. Did she…? No, she didn’t.

Skender pushed himself up but he felt a strange weakness in his limbs.

“No, your Majesty. You should rest.”

“I…” he cleared his throat when his voice came out sounding hoarse. “I am alright.”

She wasn’t convinced.

Skender looked at his wrists that still pained him. They were alright. Why was he remembering these things now?

Was it because the destroyer was back? He didn’t have these memories before. Perhaps just like with Angelica, the witch locked away his painful memories.

“Your Majesty?”

He turned to Roxana who was still worried about him. “Do you want me to bring you water or something to eat?”

“No. How did I get here?”

“Lord Rayven and Lord Quintus brought you here.”

Must be the severed link.

“Where are they now?”

As she remembered what happened he picked it up from her mind. She dared to go against Rayven who wasn’t so happy. How he wished he had witnessed that. The man wasn’t used to being defied.

“I don’t know.” She replied.

“I would like to get dressed.” He said.

“Yes, of course.” She hurried to find him new clothes. He could see his old ones hanging on a chair near the fireplace.

She came back with dry trousers and a shirt.

Skender swung his legs down, feeling his whole body ache. He looked at his ankles. No sign of being chained yet it had all felt so real.

Roxana put the clothes on the bed beside him and then tried to look away as he got dressed. He grabbed the trousers and pull them over his legs sloppily. He had no strength left in his body. Then he stood up but and as he tried to close the buttons his head began to spin.

“Woah,” Roxana was suddenly in front of him grabbing him by the arms to help his standstill.

He chuckled feeling drowsy. His body felt funny like he had no control over it.

“I am alright.”

Was he?

When the room stopped spinning her face came into sight. “Let me help you with the shirt.” She removed her warm hands from his arms and leaned forward to grab his shirt from the bed. Then she held it out for him, to pull in his arm.

Skender aimed to put his arm through but missed. He tried again, but he seemed to put his arm in the wrong place. Roxana grabbed his wrist and with a smile guided him. She pulled the shirt over his arm and shoulder and then leaned closer her arms reaching around his waist and behind him to pull the shirt to the other side. Her hot breath tickled his chest before she pulled back and helped his other arm into the shirt.

Skender watched her face while she helped him. She was the only thing to distract him from the current pain and confusion he was feeling. If she hadn’t been here, he would have… he wasn’t even sure what he could do to relieve the pain anymore. He could only distract himself and this was a dangerous distraction. One he shouldn’t succumb to but he couldn’t help it at the moment.

He knew she was aware of his gaze by the change of her heartbeat. Her hair was still damp from following him outside in the rain. Now, instead of sunshine, it looked like molten gold. He reached for it as she buttoned his shirt and stiffened when he picked up a few wet strands in his hand. Her hair felt soft and silky in his fingers just like her skin had felt against his lips.

Roxana lifted her gaze ever so slowly, looking nervously at him from behind her long lashes. That gesture alone made him lose his breath. His gaze slowly traveled to her lips. He could hear her suck in a breath as they parted slightly.

No, he thought with dread all while he found himself leaning closer. He was pulled toward her like gravity pulling a fallen man to the ground. Yes, he was falling and it was both frightening and exhilarating. And he could not stop halfway. He had already jumped.

Too late, he thought and closed the distance between their lips.