Hellbound Heart

Chapter 166 Anything But That

B"That's right... you are right, Sebastian... I ran away and I'm now hiding out here in this hotel." Elle said in a heart-breaking whisper, her tone full of self-mockery and bitterness. She did not know what else she could say to him when he was in this state. Perhaps, she had lost her mind now. But that was easier for her to say than start explaining the situation she was in when she was already struggling to say that short sentence - when everything within her hurts so bad that she was starting to feel numb. So why not just tell him what he was expecting to hear from her?

She had imagined how Sebastian would react when he finally found her. She had wondered how he was faring those few days when she was gone. She had imagined a heart melting reunion – with him crushing her into him in an emotional embrace the moment he saw her.

But here it was - the reality of how things stood between them. She should have known better than to expect anything more. Reality always sucked big time for her.

Her body started to jerk. The burden of holding back the aching sobs was now too much for her to bear.

So, as she stared into his ravaged face, she gave in and began to shudder violently in a convulsive and silent cry. Large fat droplets of tears just fell unhindered from her wide opened eyes, making Sebastian feel as though he was looking at the crystal blue sky that was raining even while it was bright out.

Sebastian felt like a million knives were stabbing into his chest all at once. And it made it worse when he noticed that she was crying mutely, not letting even a single sob out. She made such a distressing and heartbreaking sight that at that moment, it was as though his heart had cracked.

The look in her face, the pain in her eyes... he knew in an instant he was wrong. Again. Even if all the evidence and even logic pointed to one conclusion - that she escaped and was now in hiding, Sebastian knew in his heart that she didn't. Even after she admitted herself, the truth was obvious in her haunted eyes...

A breathless curse escaped under his breath and he yanked her into his arms. Embracing her gently, he drew in a lungful of the unique scent that only belonged to his Izabelle.

His body soon started to tremble.

Why... just why did he let that accusing question be the very first thing he told her upon finding her? Why can't he do anything right for her? Why was it that he keep messing everything up when it comes to her?

He felt his knees going weak. So unbelievably weak that he stumbled back, taking her with him until his back hit heavily against the wall.

He slid down to the floor, never letting go of her nor did his arms loosen their grip around her.

"I'm... sorry, Iza... I'm so so sorry..." he whispered repeatedly as she cried even harder as though she was trying to cry her heart out. Her sobs were so harsh that her body shook so violently, causing Sebastian to feel terrified she would shatter into pieces.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." He could only repeat his apologies. His voice turned so desperate, begging even, as he held her closer and stroked her long wavy hair with his trembling fingers.

But she did not stop sobbing. It seemed as though a switch had been turned on and could not be turned off. His apologies and his touches did not seem to do anything to calm her down and it made his already terrible state worsen even more – if that was even possible.

Right now, there was nothing more painful than this – than hearing her, watching her and feeling her literally break in his arms. And he could not even do anything but just look on helplessly. He would gladly take on all the pain in this world, any kind of pain, anything... if it meant that this woman in his arms would be able to feel better. But he knew that was not possible. He did not even know what else to do but hold her.

All he could do was to sit here and see her shake so violently and listen to her sometimes muffled sobs that would escape her tightly sealed lips. All he could do was punish himself by just staying still and feeling her tremors and her painful tears drenching his clothes.

Holding her close to his heart, he shut his eyes tightly and lowered her lips to the crown of her head. He kissed her there as he let himself feel it all. Her cries right now were a punishing whip lashing at him mercilessly. And he would not even try to dodge any of it. Because he had decided to punish himself with this pain he had never once imagined he would feel. He had decided to engrave this moment into his heart and mind so he would never forget. He didn't mind if it ended up haunting him every night - because he thought he deserved it.

Sebastian did not know how long it lasted but eventually, she passed out in his arms.

It was only then that Sebastian allowed himself to pull his complete attention off her.

The room was already empty. But he could still feel Alexander's presence outside.

Looking down at her again, Sebastian lifted his hand to gently wipe off her wet face. Her lipstick had been erased and now he finally saw how parched and colorless her usually plump and pinkish lips were. There were very visible cracks in her lips and dried blood could even be seen in those cracks.

His hand halted just before he touched her cheek. When his fingers trembled, he retracted his hand and clenched it instead. He felt afraid to touch her. Not only because he felt unworthy, but because he felt like his touch would break her even more.

Gently holding her closer to him, Sebastian pressed his forehead against hers. "Tell me... just what should I do so you won't ever cry like this again?" he asked in a hoarse whisper.

A part of him answered and said the words 'let her go'. And it made Sebastian freeze up completely.

He did not move nor had a reaction for seconds. But then, a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. It was apologetic and wicked at the same time.

"I can't do that." He uttered as he shook his head slowly. "There's no way I can do that. Anything but that."

Sebastian tucked her tenderly and securely in his arms and then rose to his feet. Once he was standing, he kissed her head again before his lashes lifted.

The look in his eyes changed in an instant as if he had finally figured out the answer he needed. Something animalistic and cruel ignited within him as if his soul had turned into something completely dark and savage.

"I'll just kill them all." He said in his silky, villainous voice. "Right... that is all I have to do to make sure something like this will never happen again."