How To Survive as a Villain

Chapter 1: This President is Really Normal.

Xiao YuAn was the President of a Company.

Probably because both his Father and Grandfather were Tyrannical Presidents themselves, his family had always wanted to make him into a Tyrannical President as well.

A Tyrannical President should be handsome and rich, evil and arrogant, someone that’ll spoil his loved ones, and above all: he must be able to memorize by heart, the 300 quotes from the previous Presidents.

Unfortunately, Xiao YuAn could only be the first.

But that didn’t matter at all. The Xiao Family firmly believed that they could turn Xiao YuAn into a man who is loved by all women and makes all men jealous. Someone that spreads powerful pheromones everywhere!

A Tyrannical! President!

The Xiao Family had two important Family Mottos.

There’s nothing that can’t be solved by money. If there is, then just double the price!

If you have money, you can do whatever you want!!!

Looking at these two awe-inspiring, passionate and shocking family mottos, everyone could understand why the Xiao Family wanted to make Xiao YuAn into a Tyrannical President.

However, Xiao YuAn himself, wasn’t quite able to understand their reasons. He felt that the loyal dog, warm man type was good enough.

His family firmly believed that the only reason for him to think like that, was because he hadn’t met his true love yet.

His true love must be someone who isn’t rich or too beautiful, it’s even better if she’s from a small city, preferably a low-level employee of the Xiao Family Company. She can’t be too pretty, but she must be ‘kind’. She must have the goddess halo, someone that is compassionate and reasonable, even when facing her love rivals. She must not be too clever, and she absolutely can’t refuse her male partner. And even when facing her love rivals, She Must! Not! Seek! Revenge! It’s also better if she, from time to time, picks up a stray dog or a cat from the street. Just perfect!

That day, while getting off work, Xiao YuAn actually bumped into someone like that.

Literally. Bumped. Into. One!

It was all because this young woman, who was running through the Company’s lobby, ran into him.

The young woman then fell to the ground, with tears flowing from her eyes. The flower vase in her hands also fell, shattering into pieces.

Xiao YuAn quickly helped her to get up: “I’m sorry, how much does this flower vase cost? I’ll pay for it.”

However, the young woman shook off his hand and angrily shouted at him: “Who wants your money! Do you rich people really believe that money can buy everything? You better apologize to me!”

? ? ?

‘But I apologized to you’, Xiao YuAn thought. ‘And it was you who bumped into me.’

“I’m sorry.” Xiao Yuan thought that the young woman might not have heard him, so he just repeated himself. In order to express his sincere apology, Xiao YuAn took out his wallet. “How much do I owe you?”

“Who wants your money!” The young woman knocked the wallet out of his hands, resulting in it falling on the ground.

? ? ?

Wow, she’s not like those women who are flirtatious and pretend to be humble on the outside, she’s so unpretentious~

As a Tyrannical President, Xiao YuAn should’ve that thought.

However, Xiao YuAn only felt that there was something wrong with the young woman’s brain. He picked up his wallet, and by following the idea that her stupidity might be contagious, he left as fast as he could.

After the Xiao Family heard about this, they thought that this type of woman might not be suitable for Xiao YuAn, so they arranged a party for him.

At the party, Xiao YuAn met a young rich Missy¹.

The name of this young Missy was: Lin·MeiDieBingjingZiPoLiYeHuang·Ling

Xiao YuAn didn’t want to meet her. He felt that a normal Chinese person wouldn’t have such an inexplicable name.

But because his family had put a lot of pressure on him, he had no other choice than to go and talk to her.

Xiao YuAn’s first thought when he saw Missy Lin·MeiDieBingjingZiPoLiYeHuang·Ling, was: ‘What the fuck?² There’s people out there who are bold enough to dye their hair rainbow colors?’

In this era, when the 90’s generation started to lose their hair and began balding at such a young age, this young woman’s approach was truly painful! Too shocking! Too horrible!

This Miss Lin·MeiDieBingjingZiPoLiYeHuang·Ling, is very clean and tall, she got a PhD at the age of 14, and is proficient in piano, chess and calligraphy. She has the mark of a red spider lily flower³ on her forehead, and when she laughs…

Oh, it’s a good thing that she doesn’t have petals falling off her face when she smiles, otherwise, materialist thinkers would be crying on the toilet.

Faced with such a vivacious, beautiful and intelligent young woman, Xiao YuAn only said two words.

“Good bye.”

The Xiao Family felt disheartened, their chest hurts as if they had angina⁴, a muffled pain in their precordial region.

You can’t even like this type of woman. What type of woman do you like, Xiao YuAn?!

Suddenly!

The Xiao Family realized something!

Fuck, Xiao YuAn, he…

He! May! Be! Gay!

……

Xiao YuAn originally wanted to say that he would like someone who is plain and normal, but since the entire Xiao Family had all come to such a decisive conclusion, Xiao YuAn was too lazy to argue with them.

Because he had never liked a woman nor a man.

Maybe he really was gay.

Unsurprisingly, he actually met a Shou⁵.

Footnotes:

Footnotes

1. ??? dà xi?o jie; A woman from a wealthy family, who generally gives a polite and elegant image. Sometimes it’s used in a sarcastic way to refer to a woman with a Princess complex.
2. ?? wò cáo; It’s a Chinese internet slang, because it sounds similar to ?? w? c?o (fuck you/fucking). It’s used this way because of the online Chinese censorship for some curse words, these would be seen as ****, so people started to get imaginative and started using other “similar-sounding” words to express these curse words online. It can mean either: “Fuck”, “What the fuck?”, “Shit”. Or in context means: “Awesome”, or express someone’s feeling of surprise or frustration.
3. ??? b? àn hu?; Lycoris radiata, or Red Spider Lily, is member of the Amaryllis family. It’s a bulbous perennial boasting eye-catching umbels of 4-6 brilliant coral-red flowers with a golden sheen, adorned with elegantly curled petals and exceptionally long stamens. Blooming in late summer to early fall. It looks like THIS.
4. ??? x?n ji?o tòng; A type of chest pain caused by a decrease in blood supply to the heart.
5. ? shòu; Used as a slang word to refer to the Bottom on a relationship. Shou = Uke. The original meaning of this character is: To receive/to accept/to suffer/subjected to/to bear/to stand.