I Fell For My Nemesis

Chapter 135 - She Needed To Be Braver Than This

Avery made a thoughtful noise. "I think Christian can help you with that more than I can. I was never as involved in my life as Nox as he was with his as Mercury. I only did it because I had a specific goal in mind and never wanted to in the first place so I was relieved to be done. Let me go get him for you."

Jocelyn could hear soft voices in the background but couldn't quite make out what they were saying until Christian's came on the line. She had been too mortified at being caught last time she heard it to process that it was completely different than it had been as Mercury. She was impressed he thought of that. 

"Hi, Jocelyn. Avery says you're worried about retiring? Sorry to hear about your injury."

"Thank you. And yes, I was wondering how you did it. You were fairly active as a hero so how did you manage to settle down?"

"It wasn't too hard because I had something to leave for. I wanted to spend more time with Avery. But since you're leaving by force I can understand how that would be difficult. I take it you have a lot of free time to fill?"

"Far too much," Jocelyn admitted. "All I did was work and be Frostine until recently when I started hanging out a bit with my friend. Now I'm stuck at home alone a lot of the time and I'm losing my mind. I don't have hobbies. How do you develop hobbies? How do you be a normal person, Christian?"

Christian definitely understood where she was coming from. His tone was apologetic. 

"I know exactly what you mean but I got lucky enough to go where Avery went and do what she did. Being around her made me happy so I didn't mind what we were doing as long as we were together.

"If you don't have a person you can fill your time with, find something else you can do. A volunteer opportunity, some sort of class? Something you can do to feel productive because thinking about the people you aren't saving can get to you at times.

"But it's not bad to look out for yourself. Every hero has their day but at the end of it all we're still people with needs. I needed to build a life with the woman I loved. What do you need?"

"I don't know," Jocelyn said honestly. 

But Keith flashed through her mind even as she said it. She couldn't even think of something as big and scary as building a life with him but she did want to spend more time with him. Get to know him better. Show him how good he was and that he didn't need to be anyone but himself. 

Did she like him after all? Was that what this was? She wasn't sure and it unsettled her. 

"That's alright," Christian reassured her. "You'll get there. In the meantime be sure to take care of yourself, alright? Let us know if you need anything." 

"Don't feel obligated just because I saved your family once. I don't want to be a bother," Jocelyn replied. 

"That isn't it. You can never have too many friends. Most of mine were Avery's first so it would be nice having more who I knew first. Besides, I did hope you were doing well. I hoped all of you were even though I couldn't stay in touch. Now we can."

Oh. She hadn't realized. Maybe the rest of the heroes had stronger bonds than she thought aside from her and Delta. She felt a bit warm hearing that even though she knew she would likely never get to speak to any of the others again. She had two hero friends she was allowed to talk to and that would have to be enough. 

"I see. I hoped you were doing well too. It's such a relief to see that you are."

"Yeah…I imagine our last meeting as heroes would have made you worry about me. Sorry about that," Christian said sheepishly. 

"Don't worry about it. Have a nice rest of your night, Christian."

"You too. Feel better!" 

He hung up on her and she decided to add him on social media since he said they were friends. That was the sort of thing friends did. She would be able to see he was doing well for herself more easily that way. 

Jocelyn went to heat herself up some soup in a mug and was in the middle of drinking it to save herself the need to wash a spoon when Keith showed up. She had gotten in the habit of leaving the door unlocked when he was coming over soon so she didn't have to get up. 

"Come in!" 

He opened the door and smiled at her. "Ooh, is that coffee? Can I have some?" 

"Actually, it's soup. You can have some if you want though. I'm afraid I don't have any coffee." 

"…you're drinking soup?"

"I didn't want to wash a spoon." 

"You do realize I could have washed the spoon for you? How are you going to get the pieces out of the bottom?"

Jocelyn hadn't thought quite that far. "Ah. Do you mind getting me one then?"

Keith laughed. "No problem. Though I suppose drinking it would work if it was just broth or some sort of creamy tomato soup. What is that, anyway? Chicken noodle?"

"Yeah. Admittedly, it is hard to drink the noodles. And the chicken. And the vegetables. I should have just gotten a spoon in the first place but walking is hard and I was already sitting when I realized I forgot one." 

"Been there. Not with drinking soup out of a mug but with sitting down and realizing I forgot something important a second later. Heating it up in a mug is actually super smart. They take up less space than bowls do in your one kitchen utensils bin." 

"Exactly why I did it. I have a mug I use as a bowl and a reusable water bottle I use as a cup. One plate, one fork, one knife, one spoon. That's the extent of my cookware. Isn't that sad?"

"A little. Even I have more than that. I'm sitting pretty with two of each," he said dramatically. 

Jocelyn snorted. "Because two is so much different than one."

"Hey, I also own a sauce pan, pot, baking sheet, and strainer. I'd say I'm miles ahead of you when it comes to cookware. But it is the only thing I'm miles ahead of you on so let me have my victory, please."

There he went being self-deprecating again. Why did he always have to do that? He was miles ahead of her when it came to having interests.

"I'm sure there are plenty of things you're better at than me. I already know you're better at Skee Ball and air hockey," Jocelyn pointed out. "You're also a lot funnier than I am. So it's not just in terms of cookware."

Keith smiled. "I forgot about air hockey. You're funnier than you think though. I'm just a total dork."

"Don't say that like it's a bad thing. It happens to be what I like best about you."

"So you've said. And I appreciate that. No one else appreciates my unsung comedic genius the way you do."

Always deflecting with humor, wasn't he? Not that she had any room to judge. She knew him well enough by now to realize that it was simultaneously a coping mechanism and something he was afraid of being rejected for. Which meant he probably had a history of being rejected. That was something the two of them had in common. 

Jocelyn truly couldn't afford to lose his light in her life. She knew she should tell him the truth and that they should talk about all of this as rational adults but as she saw him grin at her with laughter in his eyes she couldn't do it. 

Why was she chickening out? She needed to be braver than this!

She thought she was firm in her resolve by the end of her conversations with both Avery and Christian but once Keith was in front of her she found herself unable to say what was on her mind. She needed to tell him. She KNEW she needed to tell him so why wasn't she telling him?

Yet she didn't. Not that day. Or the next. Or the whole rest of the week. 

Jocelyn continued taking advantage of his kindness toward her every day without telling him the truth. It was about to burst out of her like a volcano and she couldn't let that happen because she needed to have this discussion while she was calm and rational. 

She had been calm and rational most of her life but right now when she was exhausted, stressed, confused, and in pain she wasn't sure she would be able to make it stick.. And she had to. This was when it mattered most!