I Fell For My Nemesis

Chapter 145 - Modes

Joss had said she went to Mercury for retirement advice. Keith supposed that was one of the things he warned her about. 

"Not really. I guess that's because for most of the time I've been away I've been helping the one person that actually matters to me. I don't really feel the absence of helping," he said casually. 

Her arms tightened around him and she kissed him. "You're sweet."

"I try, anyway." 

Speaking of Mercury…he knew Joss didn't want to give her old colleague's secret away. She would be uncomfortable if Keith asked. Though with enough context clues either he or his wife could easily figure out he was Delta since he was with Frostine depending on the type of advice she had originally gone to Avery for. 

He could at least ask about that much, couldn't he? "Hey, um…did you talk to Avery about me before?"

Joss's tone was slightly embarrassed. "Yes. I needed advice and she seemed like a solid person to go to. Sorry."

That made sense considering she was probably Nox. She had been in love with someone whose secret identity she knew too. He could let that slide. 

"Don't worry about it. I think it's pretty normal for people to talk to their friends about relationship stuff. After all, that's what I did," Keith teased. 

Joss blushed. "You nearly gave me a heart attack by doing that. I'm glad you did though. I never would have been brave enough to do anything otherwise. I think things worked out exactly like they were supposed to."

He could agree with that. He wouldn't trade having her as his girlfriend for anything in the world.

"I think so too," Keith said before kissing her forehead. 

He could put the issue of Mercury and Nox aside, especially since Joss seemed to want to be friends with them. He was just going to have to keep his speculations to himself about their identities and go with the flow. Goodness knows he was used to that. It was a small price to pay to make her happy.

===

Jocelyn had wondered if Keith was ever going to say anything about putting a label on their relationship. She was glad she had said what she needed to say but even more glad that he agreed with it. 

She really hoped that would be enough. She knew they both had tendencies to keep things to themselves and that no matter how much they loved each other they wouldn't be able to work out long term if they didn't find a way to fix that. 

She shouldn't be overthinking things right now though. She should be enjoying the feeling of having the one she loved so close to her. 

It was the first time in her life she hadn't woken up alone. Keith was still dead to the world, lying on his side with his mouth hanging slightly open. The cuteness nearly overwhelmed her and she reached out to touch his cheek. 

Things had been getting steamy before he hit his head but afterward they laid around cuddling and occasionally kissing until they fell asleep in each other's arms. She felt bad that they were interrupted—especially since he hurt himself—but he brushed it off. She got the feeling that he was happy to have even gotten as far as they did. 

It was stupid that they had both been in love with each other and hadn't said anything. She didn't know exactly how long it had been but it had to have been for a while. 

So much time they could have been spending like this that they didn't because they were both afraid of messing with the status quo. Had they learned nothing from the first time they had to have that sort of conversation? 

Apparently not. Jocelyn was afraid of this becoming a pattern. She loved Keith and she wanted to stay with him forever but that wouldn't work if this kept happening. Two broken halves do not equal a whole. Trying to find solace in someone with similar experiences didn't work unless both parties had healthy communication and worked on their own issues. 

She was trying to figure out how to be more of an individual after a lifetime of hiding in the shadows and was doing a decent job, all things considering. He needed to work on his self-esteem. They both had to stop being afraid of rocking the boat and keeping things bottled up. 

She wanted the two of them to work more than she had ever wanted anything. To keep laughing with him forever. 

Jocelyn sighed and switched from touching his face to stroking his hair. The repetitive motion was calming. They needed to do better. She knew she would have to tell him why she was the way she was eventually so he would understand—he needed to do the same about his trauma—but those sorts of things couldn't be forced. 

The right opportunity would come eventually. She had to believe that. 

She continued playing with his hair until he yawned and rubbed his eyes, slurring sleepily. "Joss? Whaddya doin'?" 

"Playing with your hair because you're really cute when you're asleep."

That woke him up. His eyes crinkled at the corners and he smiled widely before wrapping her in his arms. "Look at you being all sentimental first thing in the morning! I'm honored."

Jocelyn laughed. "You should be." 

"Oh, I know. The almighty Jocelyn Normandy has descended to earth solely to tell her boyfriend he's cute when he's asleep. This is a momentous occasion that should be recorded in the history books!" 

He was so ridiculously over-the-top about his teasing. She would never be able to beat him at that but she didn't mind. It was one of the things she loved most about him. 

"How do you even come up with responses like that?" Jocelyn asked with a laugh. 

"Eh, they just come to me. Why? Are you trying to learn? Because being this much of a dork takes talent," Keith declared. 

"Not exactly. I just want to be able to tease you back properly so you don't get bored."

"I'm never bored when you're around. You're the most interesting part of my life. You don't need to be a total ham to make that happen. You keep me on my toes without that."

"I do?" Jocelyn asked curiously. 

"Joss, you're full of more horrifying 'fun facts' than anyone I've ever met." 

"What, like how fir trees can grow inside human lungs? Or that horned toads can squirt blood out of their eyes?" 

"I was thinking about how pigs can digest every part of the human body but those are bad too. You know some seriously messed up kids but I suppose it's in the job description," Keith said with a wry smile. "The fir tree one is new. How did that get discovered?"

"A patient went in for lung issues. Doctors thought it was a tumor until they took it out. Apparently, the man in question inhaled a seed and it sprouted in there," Jocelyn told him. 

"Great. Now I never want to breathe again. Thanks for that."

"Anytime."

Keith frowned. "How do you deal with all of the stuff you hear every day? You have to hear a lot more than disturbing facts that will haunt me in my nightmares."

"I do. It's about compartmentalization. I used to be in work mode at work and hero mode when I wasn't and that was all there was to it. It's a bit different now since I have other things to do in my free time."

"So now you're in work mode then snow cone mode?"

"Basically. But before we did this and I had hours to fill by myself I tried distracting myself as best I could in a variety of ways so I didn't have to think about it. As long as I'm focused on something I'm able to keep them separated."

"Huh. Is there a Keith mode?" he asked. 

Jocelyn let out a small snort. "I suppose you can say that. Though I don't feel like I'm in a mode when I'm with you. I feel like I'm actually alive."

She hadn't meant to say that out loud because it sounded stranger than it had in her head but it was out now. Hopefully, he didn't read too much into it. She wasn't ready to have that conversation yet. 

Keith held her close. "That may be the nicest thing you've ever said to me. And the saddest."

"Why the saddest?"

"Because it implies that you don't feel alive when I'm not around. Guess I need to be around more."

"That would be nice."

Jocelyn was glad he let that go without pressing it further. All he did was cuddle her a while longer before saying they should have breakfast. All she had were toaster strudel or toaster waffles and he knew it from the times he had done her grocery shopping for her when she was on crutches. 

That didn't seem to bother him though.. He pumped his fist when he saw she had the blueberry kind and ended up eating two.