I Lost the Leash of the Yandere Male Lead

Chapter 8

“······Remember.” 

Alastair led my hand to his mouth. 

Reverently, he slowly kissed my palms and fingers.

Alastair’s lips make tiny suction sounds sneaking up.

Alastair smiles joyfully.

Like a predator who finally finds his prey in front of him.

All this time, he has been building up his strength with hope.

Such cruel words, containing such earnest wishes.

I answered back, calmly. “But you’re not the best jewel at the moment, are you?”

“What if I give you the imperial crown?”

“What?”

I doubted what I had just heard, and even though I thought he had just said something extraordinary, he remained relaxed.

I decided that I heard wrong.

“I said I’d give you the Imperialist crown from my hand.”

He smiled at my surprised face and repeated the same thing.

My face froze in shock.

I came to my senses and looked around carefully. Fortunately, there was no one around, but us.

I lowered my voice even further.

“Are you crazy? Are you trying to be treasonous?”

“Well, don’t you like it?”

Crazy. He is definitely crazy.

Alastair smiled leisurely with a powerful smile.

But in my eyes, I couldn’t see his figure stepping on a death path for a mere rebellion.

The flower I thought was withering had only changed colors and was still alive. But that flower had lost its original color.

Is he the boy I used to know? I didn’t think so. The reason he’s changed like this is because he had to change.

After all, I couldn’t mention his father’s death until he left this family.

As soon as he returned home, he would have learned many things belatedly. For example, the fact that I replaced him at the funeral.

At that time, Aguernia was falling apart. And it must have been a life-long struggle to prevent it from collapsing.

He worked hard for the Aguernia house in the novel, too.

It was mentioned how in the beginning how humiliated he was in the process of restructuring.

How could he escape from ridicule when his family, once at the top, was collapsing?

Most ignored Alastair, thinking he would take after his father.

But he raised Aguernia in front of those who had first ignored him.

“Are you sure? If you give me the imperial power, this country will be ruined.”

“I don’t care.”

“Aguernia could be ruined, too.”

“I don’t care.”

Honestly, I was sardonic, but Alastair’s answers never wavered.

His thoughts contained only me. He would turn a blind eye to any of my disastrous desires. No, he would even aid me.

“Serina, everything else is worthless to me. It doesn’t matter what happens to them if you’re here.”

“….”

He carefully grasped my soft silvery hair and kissed it deeply.

“I love you, Serina.”

My lips went up. It could have been seen as the smile of the victor, but it never was. It was a self-deprecating laugh.

I don’t even know how I got to the room. After the conversation with Alastair, I went up to my room with heavy steps.

My body collapsed on the bed like a falling rock. I wiped my face down with one hand.

From that one day, two years ago, I have been avoiding Alastair.

I didn’t avoid him outright, but I turned him down for one reason or another. But despite the constant refusal, the Alastair still pursued me fervently.

His mansion, which used to be my resting place, was filled with nothing but loveliness.

I had to see him when the Duke of Melford ordered me to spy on him.

‘How did I get away from Alastair?’

It didn’t start with much.

It was that day two years ago. At that time, I was much more ignorant of ‘Amalion’ than I am now.

(Flashback to two years ago)

As I was in a hurry to release his brainwashing and I searched everywhere for herbs to get rid of toxins.

There was a hypothesis that if you took detoxifying herbs for a while, the toxins in “Amalion” would probably come out.

And one day, I found a herb that was very effective in removing toxins.

I made some medicine to feed him, and as soon as I finished, I went to find him. I didn’t think much of it when I saw the blushing and welcoming Alastair.

The only thing in my mind was getting his enchantment gone as soon as possible.

I ignored the cool stomach flower that grazed my throat. I shouldn’t have ignored that sense.

Alastair questioned what the herb I gave him was, and I laughed back at him.

‘Why? I’m afraid I’ll give you poison?’

‘I guess you could.’

Alastair swiftly accepted my words.

‘What the hell do you think of me?’

I opened my eyes and glared at him. He laughed, amused at my gaze.

‘Well, if it’s from you and it’s poison. I’d be happy to drink it for you, Serina.’

He accepted the medicine bottle in my hand. And swallowed the contents without question.

That moment was the starting point for this relationship to change.

‘Hauk······!’

How long has it been since he gulped it down? The drugs were affecting him.

Alastair complained of a splitting headache right before he stumbled, and I caught him in a hurry.

‘Alastair, are you okay?’

‘You, ···.’

‘…….’

His enchantments had been loosened.

And in a flash, his mood…

The eyes that looked at me as if I was the most lovable being had disappeared and instead had been replaced by other emotions.

I expected this is how you would look at me when your brainwashing disappeared, but I felt strange when I experienced it myself.

I backed off reflexively. Alastair’s eyes were unfamiliar. We only stared at each other in silence for a long time ago.

He was looking at me with eyes full of hate.

I raised my head and looked him in the eye, trying hard to adjust to his new gaze.

Alastair slowly approached me without saying a word.

It was like a beast was approaching.

Did the original Serina feel the same way? It was hard to be sure whether the brainwashing was gone or not because his eyes were still hazy.

The reason I assumed the enchantments were gone because he looked at me like he hated me.

There was no hard evidence, but there was too much to speculate about.

‘Alastair, do you hate me?’ Why did I blurt out that with this mouth?

I just wondered. I needed to know if Alastair truly hates me.

I wanted to hear the reason why he looked at me like that from his own mouth.

Even though I knew I was being selfish.

The Alastair I knew had lost his reason in the Hall of Hallucination.

I had called him affectionately, as usual, but his reaction was completely different.

He frowned as if he had heard a horrendous noise.

‘Hauk ··!!’

Quickly my view reversed. Alastair had pushed me down on the bed, and without warning, he climbed on top of me.

I watched without asking what he was going to do.

His eyes were empty and, at the same time staring at me like they were going to rip me apart.

I had a hunch.

Maybe he’ll kill me.

There was a moment when the bedsheets got messed up with me kicking trying to relieve the pain.

I could feel the dampness of the water, not mine, fall on my cheek.

The damp sensation made me forget the pain and stared at him blankly.

Alastair, you’re cruel. If you’re going to kill me, do not have eyes like that.

Why are you crying while looking like you are going to tear to death?

He shed silent tears. But he didn’t let go of the force that weighed on my neck.

I had been wondering for a long time.

What am I supposed to do if the unbrainwashed Alastair tries to kill me?

There was no death route for Serina, the villain in the novel. But I’m not going to let Serina die.

Maybe changing fate’s road might have brought death on its own.

Far from appreciating the situation of a villain who does not face death, I walked directly to the edge of the cliff with my own feet.

But there was no regret.

I asked myself a long time ago. Do I want to live?

No.

I don’t have any remorse. The answer was too simple.

The fact is so funny that a laugh comes out of the open mouth.

What kind of life is it that makes me feel empty?

”······Hauk!” I’m running out of breath.

I gasped for oxygen without ceasing.

Alastair looked at me dying with a troubled look on his face.

I wanted this pain to end quickly.

Even if you don’t care about dying, pain is another matter.

Tears directly from his eyes fell on my cheeks.

My face was wet and the pain on my neck was nearing my limit.

Alastair seemed to want to kill me but not to. It was an incomprehensible and contradictory sentiment.

Didn’t I have a dim notion that this would happen if I let go of his brainwashing?

“I don’t know why, but I don’t think it’s possible,” he said foolishly, only soothing himself.

But why. Why?

If he can’t kill the original Serina, will he be able to kill me without hesitation?

Turmoil was full of betrayal, but I had pretended not to know.

I smiled faintly. At that moment, all I could think was that it was over.

At last, my vision flashed.

Together, we became distant from God. Similar to the original timeline.

Maybe our intertwined immovable fate only ends when one of us kills the other one.

It was my last thought before I closed my eyes.

When I wake up, Alastair and I lay side by side on the bed.

He was sleeping and I didn’t bother waking him up.

I am alive. My realization astonished me, and I looked blankly at the ceiling for a moment.

There was a thought that it was all a dream.

But the moment I looked in the mirror, my doubt was wiped away. The clear marks on my neck was evidence.

Spontaneously, I smiled.

I don’t know what was so funny, but I laughed and laughed.

When I finally came to my senses, I left.

Alastair, who approached me after a time, with still-brainwashed-loving eyes, remembered nothing.

What happened that day was something only I knew.