I’ll Quit as The Empress

Chapter 99: Sound Of Tears

The day after tomorrow, Fabian visited the secret chamber with a tired face. Dealing with other complex matters without leaving the Emperor’s official duties was an exhausting task.

“I see you, Your Majesty.”

Evelyn looked at Fabian’s complexion while giving examples. They were a couple once, so she could notice Fabian’s fatigue had reached its peak.

“I couldn’t come here yesterday because I had a lot of work to do.”

Evelyn swallowed a bitter smile at his excuse. In her heart, she was used to hearing the Emperor came and went for the same reasons. Even back then, she was never involved in his matters even though she was an Empress. However, even though Evelyn was no longer an Empress, Fabian still made the same excuses.

“What about Adrian?”

“Nora put him to sleep. Sir Philip said Adrian couldn’t help falling asleep during the treatment.”

“Yeah, the treatment process is tiring.” Fabian leaned his back on the long sofa. The dark circle under his eyes seemed to prove that he suffered from a lack of sleep.

“You look a bit thin.”

“……Yes?”

But, interestingly enough, it was Fabian who asked about her condition instead.

“It must be uncomfortable to be stuck in this small room.”

“It’s fine.”

Since the Imperial family didn’t know their existence yet, so, Evelyn had no trouble living in this place. The only thing she regretted was that she couldn’t see the sunshine, but that’s also only recently.

“Your Majesty has a dark complexion,” Evelyn whispered. “Me?” But Fabian asked her back as if he didn’t believe it.

“Yes. You look very tired. Didn’t anyone tell you that?”

Fabian just spat out a silent laugh at her worries. Evelyn didn’t know; everyone had been saying that to Fabian since she left.

“It’s just temporary.”

Fabian had a habit of rubbing his temple when the migraine came to bother him. Unfortunately, there was no cure for migraine headaches.

“You should take a little rest. Otherwise, the headache won’t stop.”

Fabian looked at Evelyn a little strangely. At moments like this, his wife seemed to have returned.

“There’s only one way to stop my headache before.”

It was a lonely remark, and Evelyn also thought of the same thing.

“I don’t know, I’ve tried another method, but it’s useless.”

When Fabian was suffering from a headache, Evelyn used to rub his cold hand and lit a candle that made him feel at ease. Then, curiously, the headache would be more relieved than taking painkillers.

After a moment of silence, Evelyn opened her mouth, “I learned it from my mother.” Then she quickly stood up and sat beside him. Fabian was startled, but he only could stare at her quietly.

But something more surprising happened. Evelyn calmly took Fabian’s cold hand and began to press it. “If you press the pressure point on your hand like this, your headache will get better.”

Evelyn rubbed Fabian’s hand gently. His big-cold hands were covered in calluses, typical of men who wielded a sword.

“It’s unusual that you held my hand first.”

“It’s a payment for Adrian’s medicine.”

Unlike her cold words, Evelyn’s body temperature was warm. The shape and the touch of her small-delicate hands, pressing his were still the same as before.

“Your sense of touch hasn’t changed.” He said under the breath.

Evelyn didn’t answer. Their current relationship was uncertain, where she couldn’t even think or speak. But, when she touched his bare skin, the walls in her heart felt like crumbled.

“You’re the only person who gives me this intimacy feeling.”

Fabian’s feeling wasn’t distorted. His heart and body remembered the woman who was in front of him right now.

“This was the only thing I could do….. besides waiting…..”

“Did you?” Fabian narrowed his eyes at her words, recalling the past.

But he wasn’t the only one who was lost in memory.

“Did I make you wait?” asked Fabian in disbelief. “……Will you believe me if I say so?” Suddenly, Evelyn’s hand stopped rubbing. But she didn’t let go of his hand.

“At some point……I felt that way.”

“Other than that?” Fabian questioned her again, earnestly.

“I don’t know.” Evelyn’s blue eyes shone so brightly. “When I was an Empress. I breathed quietly, waiting for Your Majesty.”

“I’ve always tried to get back to you. If it’s not an unavoidable situation, I always went to the Empress’ Palace every night…..”

Fabian said a true story. He even gave up his short nap time to visit her.

“No, that’s not the problem.” Evelyn’s lips were engraved with sadness. “For me, as an Empress…… Your Majesty was the only one. When you weren’t around, I couldn’t do anything and was nothing.”

“Haven’t I used to accompany you in the past?” Fabian’s face hardened slightly. At least, he was trying his best not to leave her alone.

“I don’t mean to blame Your Majesty.” Evelyn saw something she hadn’t seen before. It was the anguish in Fabian’s heart.

“No…… I want to know your reason then.” When she realized what she had seen, Evelyn suddenly dared to ask the questions she always kept in her heart. “In the past, why did you……why didn’t you let me do anything ?”

Evelyn didn’t want to get Fabian’s apology after she revealed the past. She just wanted to know his heart and his reason. If he had some sort of malice, there would be no pain in his eyes like this.

“I can’t believe that I forbid you to do anything. When did I do that?”

“Always! Ever since I became the Empress,” shouted Evelyn.

Fabian tilted his eyebrow. He didn’t seem to know what she meant.

“Your Majesty….you didn’t entrust me to manage my own palace. Even when the story of the Imperial’s succession came out, you dismissed it unilaterally. I’ve never arranged a banquet with my own hands.”

There had never been such an Empress in another Empire era. At first, she assumed that Fabian was considerate because she was from another Kingdom. But, as time went by, her anxiety soon turned into helplessness.

“I was a person who meant nothing without Your Majesty’s presence. As a result, waiting for you became my only duty. But… you even didn’t allow it.”

“What do you mean? When did I …?”

“Not long after we got married, the night when Your Majesty came to the Empress’ palace……at that time, you told me not to wait for you. But I didn’t listen to you for a few days, so Your Majesty ordered the maid to prevent me from meeting you.” Evelyn felt as if she had lost the only meaning of her existence after that.

“I know that not everything is so important to Your Majesty.”

The Emperor was in a position to waste no time in mere seconds, and Evelyn was the opposite. It’s natural if they couldn’t understand each other.

“But I still…… I wanted to do something. Anything.” cried, Evelyn.

“You manage the Empress’ palace well. I’ve been by your side almost every night, and I also…….”

“No.” Evelyn’s voice was calm but felt cold. “It was the maids who took care of the palace. They didn’t need the Empress’s honor or authority.”

After Fabian forbid Evelyn to wait for him, the maids kept an eye on her until late at night, so she wouldn’t wait for the Emperor.

Evelyn had to eat dinner, bathe, and go to bed first in pajamas at a fixed time. When she woke up from a shallow sleep, it was her routine to see Fabian sleeping beside her.

“Do you know what your appearance I’ve seen the most?” she asked.

“… … Are you talking about me being busy with my job?”

Evelyn shook her head. As expected, Fabian didn’t even know. “It’s Your Majesty’s sleeping figure.”

Fabian blinked with a stiff face. As if it was an answer that he had never thought of even in his dream.

Then, Evelyn went on, “Other than that, I couldn’t see Your Majesty. I really wanted to break your orders…..because I couldn’t see you who always went out early in the morning to back on your duty.”

As time passed, Evelyn felt like she was getting farther away.

Around that time, she was suffering from a chronic sleep disorder. Evelyn couldn’t sleep well because she didn’t know when Fabian was coming, and if Fabian slept next to her, she was afraid to disturb him, so she couldn’t turn her body.

“Not everything was bad. I also understood, somehow…..Since…… I was married to the Emperor.” That was fine, though. When the dawn came in the distance, she felt a little relieved to see Fabian’s face in the dim sunshine.

“But I couldn’t help feeling sad. You often came to my palace before the sun rose. But I had to pretend to sleep because Your Majesty told me not to wait for you. “

Fabian’s expression was indescribably confused right now, and he couldn’t say anything.

“The past was fine. But I didn’t know why Your Majesty wanted to distance me from you first…I wanted to know why you kept me away.” she added.

Back then, Evelyn didn’t even realize what his real reason. Why he did that to her. But now, it was different. She wanted to know why her marriage, which was supposed to be happy at first, went wrong.

Now was the time to know everything from Fabian. Evelyn had to know why the man who was so desperate to propose to her had started to distance her away first. And why should she waste her life as a helpless Empress?

“I……” Fabian frowned as he tried to open his mouth, rubbing his temple. It was a severe migraine. His hand, which Evelyn was holding, fell off.

Evelyn was momentarily overwhelmed with regret. She didn’t want to talk more about her pain anymore. So, why did she reveal her past wounds now?

“No, it’s fine. Just…forget it.” Evelyn grabbed the hem of her dress and got up in a hurry.

“Wait, Evelyn.”

Fabian quickly grabbed Evelyn’s arm. Her body staggered, and she fell on his lap. Evelyn’s blue eyes froze in amazement when she saw Fabian’s black eyes were right in front of her. This was the first time the two were this close since their divorce.

“S-Stop…” Evelyn turned her head. She wanted to avoid what would hurt her.

“Don’t go.” Fabian reached out to her, wrapping Evelyn’s cheek, and made eye contact with her. “That’s…..I made it like this. I have no intention of stopping anything now.”

Evelyn exhaled her shivering breath. But Fabian held Evelyn tightly and didn’t let her go.

“Don’t say anything now,” said Fabian. It was an order, but it sounded so desperate. “Don’t go anywhere.” Fabian’s arms, which embraced Evelyn, grew tighter.

“Only once. Just once is fine, so please listen to my story.” Fabian bit his sore lips. He was afraid Evelyn would shake off his arm. But fortunately, it didn’t happen.

“Evelyn.”

Evelyn was hesitating. She lived her entire life as Fabian’s wife until her death. Was there any other truth that she didn’t know? Her hopes were useless and wishful thinking. She knew about it already in her head.

But, his hands kept holding Evelyn, insisting her to hear his reason just this once, “Just for a moment. So…please, I’m not the Emperor, but your husband. Can’t you just think of me as a man who loves you?”

“As you’ve done in my life.” Fabian’s hushed voice flew in Evelyn’s ears. “As it is now and in the future.”

Evelyn gently pushed Fabian’s chest. Contrary to the fear in Fabian’s heart, she didn’t run away but looked straight into his face.

“We were a couple… Why did I push you away? How could I do that?”

Only

Evelyn couldn’t believe the view before her eyes. There was a little tear in Fabian’s dark eyes. And at that moment, a sore pain ran through her heart.

“All this time … have you always thought like that? I pushed you away first and kept you at a distance?”

There was an indescribably deep wound in his eyes. Even Evelyn had never seen him like this before.

“You’re so heartless.” The tip of his low voice trembled thinly.

Tuk…

A tear fell from Fabian’s eyes.

Evelyn didn’t even realize what she was seeing. Only the sound of her pounding heart could be heard.