I'm a Walking Disaster With My Unwanted Virginity

Chapter 127 - How Do You Kill Yourself?

Running wasn't working, and the darkness was just a meters away. 

"Hey, can't you help me?" I glared back towards the white place. 

The shadow only had a grin and nothing else. It didn't even say a freaking word. 

'Damn!' I was about to be caught. 

I tried to use my powers, but nothing. I guess my powers weren't going to work here, obviously. 

It caught me and came in front of me.

It was right in front of me: I couldn't look away. It was dark like it was sucking in all the light. And yet, I could see a face, I could see tears. 'What the hell?'

It was the same height as me and just centimeters away from my face, it stopped. It stared deep into my eyes, touched my cheeks as tears streamed down both its face and mine. As the two of us connected just one memory flashed in front of my eyes. The memory of my grandfather, the time when he stopped me: the time when he sacrificed himself.  The liquid darkness' sadness poured into me. "Kill me…" The darkness's voice was slow and faint. What? "Before I kill-" 

My head hurt: it hurt badly. It was no longer an ache, rather it was like someone was shoving a knife down my brain. 

"ARHGHJ!" I woke up screaming. 

My back was straight, my chest didn't hurt, and nor did anything else in my body. I still did a double-check and everything was mostly healed. But everything just felt heavy. 

'The nurse's office?'

'What was that?' My breathing was erratic and even now a stream of tears was flowing down my cheeks. It was involuntary and I couldn't stop it. 

'I can't let any of them out.' I stared at my hand. The darkness indicated a future, a future where it could have potentially harmed my loved ones. I didn't want that. 'But how do you kill yourself?'

Was it even possible to kill that? But- if the sealed kin part of me really was bad, why would it feel pain, why would it feel sadness over the death of my family? Why would it choose my family over its destruction?

I really wanted to know. 

But more importantly, I was still in the nurse's office? The curtains around the bed were kind of closed but just as I turned my head to my left, I noticed something: rather, someone. I really didn't want to though. 

"What are you doing here?"

She sniffed and was already in tears. "What were you thinking?" Elsa wrapped her arms around me. I was still shirtless, so I didn't want her touching me. Though I couldn't stop her at this point. "Does it hurt too much, is that why you're crying?"

I wiped my tears immediately. "Just had a bad dream. Don't worry about it. I'd assume, mom, is here too?" I kind of didn't her to though. 

She was definitely going to go nuts if she knew I'd jumped from a plane. 

Elsa smirked. "No. She wanted to, but since I'm all you need-" Her head was promptly banged by a piece of rolled paper. "Aww-" She sniffed some more. 

I looked up and found the only woman in the world I didn't want to see. Mom. 

"Jumping of a plane, you never cease to amaze me and you even saved the passengers and then hijacked the plane yourself?" She showed me an article and apparently it was about me. Busted. She was smiling but the veins on her forehead were throbbing. This was bad. "And what do I hear that you still want to fight?"

"W-what day is it?" I tried changing the subject. But this also reminded me that I had two fights on Monday and one on Tuesday. 

"Tuesday." Elsa sulked. 

"Hey- I actually had a-"

Mom pulled Elsa away from me like she was pulling a cat away from the curtains and peered deep into my eyes. "You still want to fight?" Her words were slow and very accurate. Her glare was also rather condescending. 

I took a deep breath. "I have to- no- I want to."

"You don't have to fight to speak to her. You can always just ask her directly. Whether she'd answer or not is totally up to her, but, there are other options too." Mom straightened up and gave me a solid response. "But in the end, what you're doing, is just hoping everything will work out. You're not even trying."

I knew she was right, and yet….

"Besides, it's already eleven now." Elsa yawned. 

"The matches start around 4, so-"

"11 pm." 

"Oh-" My whole world kind of crumbling down. I sighed. 

Mom sighed too. "The boy you were supposed to fight today, took the day off, meaning the fight was postponed and you can fight this match tomorrow."

"Huh?"

Mom turned around. "We're leaving."

I guess she wasn't opposed to this. 

But- I wasn't even trying? Even though I wanted to do all this, mom thought I wasn't even trying?

Sigh. I didn't know what to think anymore. 

Elsa frowned but got up and left with mom, but just before leaving, she sent a flying kiss towards me. But before she could finish, mom grabbed her head and pulled her out.

That must have hurt. 

Lately, she got a lot daring than usual.

I sighed some more and just lied down again, a hand on my forehead. 

The ceiling was kind of weird and had stripes. 

'What do I do now?'

I didn't know, I really wanted to though, but I didn't want to fall asleep either. 

'Should I confront her directly?' But what if she ran away? I wasn't just nervous, I was afraid. Mom was right, I really was just hoping for the best. 

'Then perhaps…'

But eventually, my eyes shut tight and I met gramps in my dreams. Those early days of my life were good times. 

***

"You sure, you didn't want to talk to him?" Helio's mother spoke in a soft voice just outside the nurse's office. 

"It's fine." A girl stood next to them. 

Helio's mother sighed. "You're young and I know what you think you're doing, is probably the best choice- at least that's what you're thinking. But let me give you just one piece of advice, perhaps seeing things from a different perspective and thinking 'was that really the best option- or do I have a better one?' might be a good idea. After all, everyone has a lot more options than they might have assumed at first. " Helio's mother smiled. 

The girl didn't say anything and all three of them vanished. A second later, only the girl came back. 'I know that!' She wanted to scream, but she couldn't. She knew it but- it was too late. 

And yet, she felt bad not meeting the injured boy inside.

***

Even without the alarm, I woke up early. I kind of hated my system for being this used to all this but there was nothing I could do about it now. 

My shirt was hanging along with the curtains. 

I buttoned myself, rechecked my whole body, and did a bit of stretching. So far, so good. But I got the impression I wouldn't be able to do anything more than just walk around for now. 

"You sure, you want to go out?" The nurse was already in her seat.

I actually didn't think she'd be here this early. 

"Positive." I gave her a smile and went out. 

"Good luck. I'd appreciate it if you didn't come back every week."

I didn't have any ill feelings towards her. I knew she did what she did for my own good, but I kind of wished she didn't take a drastic measure like this. And did she really have to be this blunt?

Sigh.

Why was my life so full of sighs?

It took a bit of time but I reached the dorm eventually. My body didn't hurt but I had to walk slowly. 

'So Angelmen postponed because of me?' I guess I really had to thank the guy next time. But could I really beat him while in this pitiful state, when I could barely walk around without feeling like bones would break down?

I didn't know, but I was definitely willing to find out. 

Knock!

I knocked but the door just opened on its own. It wasn't locked. I went in. everything was normal. Merin just wasn't here. 'Why would he go out without locking the door?' 

I guess he might have been in the bathroom or something. 

It was eight right now, and Merin always woke up around this time, so I guess it was definitely feasible. 

With another sigh, I opened the mini-fridge grabbed a bit of food, and heated it with infrared. 'What am I- a microwave?' I wasn't using microwaves though. 

The fried chicken was soggy and greasy, but at least it was warm. I finished eating and engulfed everything in orange juice. It was no chocolate milk, but it got the job done. 

Knock!

"Is Merin here?" The door was opened, so Natasha came in. 

"I just got back from the nurse's office half an hour ago. Haven't seen him." 

"He won't return my calls and I haven't seen him since yesterday." Natasha's forehead creased a little.

"You two had a fight?"

"No, he suddenly stopped talking. Do you think he's sick of me?"

"If you ask me, I think he's obsessed with you. He's probably avoiding you to make you cling to him more? That guy is pretty shrewd you know."

Natasha giggled. "I hope you're right. Do tell him to stop playing and give me a call once he gets back." 

"I will and good luck."

With Natasha gone, I took a good look at Merin's bed. His Holo was here. Merin never took his Holo off, not when he was in the shower, not when he went to bed, and definitely not when he went to the bathroom. 

'And the door was open too. So-'

So, something must have happened. I was already kind of in a weird mood today. I didn't want to think too much about this. 

And I knew someone who knew a lot more than I could have. So I took a gamble. 

I gave a call to Johnathan. 

"WOW! You got a HOLO!" He was acting surprised, seeing my face. I was actually surprised too, seeing, this thing still worked. "And you're already out of-"

"I know, you already knew. Anyway, do you know where Merin is?" I cut straight to the chase. 

The guy made a smug face. "Information costs you know." 

"How much?" I really didn't want to pay this moron anything but this left me no choice. 

"For you, everything is fine as long as you bring your cou-" 

The bunny girl was with him, in the same bed. She butted it and smiled. "Hi, don't worry. I'd already heard him talking about your friend before. He should be in the gym. Good luck."

The call ended. I guess they were in the middle of something. 

I wasn't jealous… I definitely wasn't jealous. NOT AT ALL!

"Thanks," I mumbled, though the call was already finished. 

Sigh. 'Why couldn't I have something like that?' And that's when it dawned. 'I'll ask her directly.' I'd done enough playing around. If was going to turn me down again, then so be it!