I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell

Chapter 136

The Impostor I

If you've been following the story this far, you might have vaguely realized it.

There is a certain element essential to genre fiction that is missing from my story.

This element is so important that without it, people would question why the protagonist even bothers to act like a hero.

It's the 'monopolization of fortuitous encounters.'

For example, think about Oh Dok-seo in the 555th cycle. The moment she thought she was inside a novel, didn't she have thoughts like this?

[Oh Dok-seo: Well, anyway. The important thing in the Busan Station part is how early you secure the elixir hidden in Haeundae, that's all.]

Ah, fortuitous encounters! Such a sweet sound.

Like an elixir that instantly raises your state. Or a secret manual buried halfway up a cliff for some reason. Or raising the strongest person in the world from a young age, ensuring they become dependent on you through gaslighting. Or farming an item whose value no one yet knows.

Snatching those things lightly and saying, 'I'm lucky,' in a cool manner is the dignity bestowed upon the protagonist of genre literature.

To be honest, I, the Undertaker, also had a bit of luck in my youth.

I was more of an 'adventurous hunter of fortuitous encounters.'

If I entered a void, it meant there was a rare item to be farmed there.

It was the same with anomalies. Although I kept it secret until now, the 'Heart of Ten Legs' was an extremely rare item. Eating it raw would easily accumulate an era's worth of inner energy (it tastes like tuna belly).

However, unlike the past, I no longer obsess over such items.

In fact, I actively avoid them.

Unless it's absolutely necessary, I decline. If it's too valuable to pass up, I hand it over to someone else instead of taking it myself.

"Why... Why on earth?"

Oh Dok-seo once furrowed her brow upon hearing about my policy.

At that time, Dok-seo was taking a short break while writing my story. She seemed a bit exhausted, so I specially prepared Ten Legs sushi using the heart of Ten Legs for her.

Dok-seo, munching away and saying, 'It really tastes like tuna sashimi,' continued.

"Are you a hipster or something? Do you think monopolizing fortuitous encounters is too clichéd for a protagonist?"

"Not at all. If possible, I would love to monopolize fortuitous encounters. Since I have the [Resume] ability, the more encounters I have, the better."

"Then why... Oh! Is it because it's more efficient for your companions to have them instead of you?"

"Hmm. That's part of it, but... It's easier to show you."

I liked educating Dok-seo about 'anomalies.' It would be helpful later on.

I opened my subspace trunk bag and took out a notebook and an item, placing them on the table.

Dok-seo's eyes widened.

It seemed to be an item familiar to this otaku.

"...What is this? Isn't it the [Monkey's Paw]?"

"Oh. You recognize it immediately."

The Monkey's Paw.

This anomaly, which looks like a monkey's paw, grants three wishes to a person.

However, being an anomaly, it never grants wishes in a normal way.

To the caster who dares to wish for a shortcut in life, some form of 'misfortune' will befall them.

If you wish for 'eternal life,' it won't grant you eternal youth, so you'll enjoy an endless silver life, forever aging.

If you wish for 'eternal youth and life,' it ensures you survive the end of the world to endlessly wander the universe alone.

If you wish for 'eternal youth and life with the ability to end it whenever you want,' it creates countless horrendous and tragic events around you to test if you won't die even then.

Is it absurd?

Yes, it is absurd.

That absurdity is the essence of the [Monkey's Paw] anomaly.

Wishing without side effects is impossible. It's the dark evolved alter version of the magic lamp with the genie.

"Strictly speaking, it's both a monkey's paw and a human's hand."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"By the time I found it, someone had already made three wishes."

"Yikes."

Unfortunately, this end-of-the-world scenario had fully implemented the curse of the Monkey's Paw.

"Dok-seo, if someone who thinks they're smart but doesn't know what anomalies are found the [Monkey's Paw], what kind of wishes do you think they would make?"

"...There are three wish slots. So first, 'Please remove the side effects of the wishes.'"

I smiled faintly.

"Good. And next?"

"Uh... Remove the limit on the number of wishes? Three wishes aren't enough. Although many stories don't grant such a wish, it's worth trying."

"Wow. How can you be so predictable?"

"Huh?"

"I'll explain later. Anyway, what's the final wish?"

"Um..."

Dok-seo, after eating another piece of Ten Legs sushi, opened her mouth.

"It's a tough choice, but I'd wish for 'luck.'"

"......"

"The Monkey's Paw brings misfortune to its user, right? This is a counterattack. If I'm extremely lucky from the start, the misfortune itself will be suppressed."

I had a hard time suppressing a bitter smile.

Dok-seo's answer was textbook. Cheon Yo-hwa, Lee Ha-yul, and Seo Gyu gave similar answers when I asked them.

Though the details of their wishes varied, their goals were the same. 'To eliminate the limitations and side effects of the Monkey's Paw.'

"You're right. No matter who found it, they would have made similar wishes."

"Oh, yeah."

I took a sip of my café au lait.

Then, I looked at the notebook placed next to the Monkey's Paw on the table.

"That's why monopolizing fortuitous encounters became impossible for me."

I first discovered the Monkey's Paw in Jeju Island.

At the time, I was exploring the tutorial dungeon that appeared at Seongsan Ilchulbong.

The dungeon had a [School Trip] concept, and along with [Baekhwa Girls' High], it was one of the earliest tutorial dungeons to appear.

In the tutorial dungeon, Seongsan Ilchulbong's elevation grew to the height of Mount Everest.

By the time I arrived, the tutorial had long ended, and Seongsan Ilchulbong had returned to its normal size.

I was searching around the long-concluded tutorial site, hoping to find any salvageable items.

'There are quite a few corpses.'

There were no noticeable items. But as expected from a tutorial dungeon, skeletons and corpses were scattered from the entrance of the hiking trail.

'Are there any familiar faces among the dead?'

Checking the corpses' ID cards and badges, most of the bodies near the entrance were Japanese.

There were about 16 corpses in total.

It wasn't unusual. There were a few Japanese, like Uehara Shino, in the Busan Station tutorial dungeon.

More Japanese would have been summoned forcibly in Jeju Island, which is closer to Japan than Busan.

"Hmm?"

It was then.

I found a slightly 'peculiar corpse' near the summit.

First, the corpse was covered in thick hair.

No, it went beyond thick; it looked like it was smeared with hair growth lotion all over. At first glance, it could be mistaken for an animal carcass or a bush.

Most notably, the corpse was in an odd position.

Hidden in a slope far away from the tourist trail, it was at an angle just out of sight.

'Is this also a victim of the tutorial?'

The corpse was clutching a thick notebook in both hands.

I picked up the notebook, thinking it might be the person's last will.

?Day 1?

I'm writing this diary just in case something happens.

The will was written in Japanese, not Korean.

Flip. Without much thought, I turned the first page of the will.

The world has gone strange.

It was strange before, but now it's even stranger. People are dying absurdly easily.

But I'm lucky! When I was pulled into this mysterious place, a 'Monkey's Paw' was right in front of me.

Thanks to watching the <Monogatari Series>, I knew what it was the moment I saw it.

It's amazing that my ex-girlfriend's otaku hobby helped me now.

Thank you, Sena. I'll forgive you for cheating on me with others.

The Koreans around me didn't seem to know what it was. I quickly put it in my backpack, afraid someone might notice.

Monkey's Paw?

I looked at the corpse again. The body was so hairy it was hard to recognize its face.

'Hmm. Now that I think about it, it does look like monkey hair...'

Did this person make wishes on the Monkey's Paw and end up enchanted by the anomaly?

Flip. I kept turning the pages.

?Day 2?

What wishes should I make if I had a 'Monkey's Paw'?

I once talked about this with Sena.

I thought it was just a silly conversation, but I never expected to be given such luck.

I feel destined.

No matter how many side effects the Monkey's Paw has, it would be foolish not to use it. People are dropping dead left and right. I have to survive somehow.

Thinking like this is the only way to endure, with so many people dying around me. I want to eat gyudon and pineapple.

Borrowing the power of an anomaly.

"Mm."

This was a thought one might have before fully acclimating to the end-of-the-world scenario.

Even I, who had experienced hundreds of cycles, could only use the likes of tutorial fairies and the Inunaki Tunnel, and even those with many restrictions.

A path a beginner should not tread lightly.

But I could understand the desperation to take a gamble in a life-threatening situation.

Flip. I continued reading.

?Day 3?

The Japanese gathered and formed a party. A girl named Y? was particularly strong.

But she insisted that we share our resources by opening our backpacks to each other. Is she crazy? These are personal belongings.

I wanted to join another group, but most of them were Koreans, and communication was difficult. I asked for a day to think about it.

Y? looked at me expressionlessly and said to do as I wished.

She really creeps me out. Fine, have it your way.

Tonight, I plan to use the Monkey's Paw.

Flip.

?Day 4?

I have meticulously planned my wishes for the Monkey's Paw over the past few days.

Here they are in order:

1. Please don't create any side effects for my wishes.

2. Remove the limit on the number of wishes. If removing the limit is impossible, pretend this wish wasn't made.

3. Give me luck. Prevent any 'accidental misfortunes' from befalling me, like getting hit by a falling rock.

The core of these wishes is the third one: 'luck.'

I considered other cheat abilities but ultimately dismissed them all. No matter how powerful an ability, if the Monkey's Paw brings misfortune, it would be pointless.

Luck. With overwhelming luck, any ability or misfortune would pale in comparison.

Maybe the Monkey's Paw will play some trick while I'm making my wishes.

It's a devil, after all.

So, I'm thinking of writing my three wishes on a piece of paper and presenting them all at once.

Honestly, I don't know what will happen. I think I've prepared well, but just in case, I'm leaving this diary like a will.

If I fail, I hope whoever finds this diary can use it more wisely.

Here goes.

"......"

I found myself deeply engrossed in the diary of this unknown awakener.

Judging by the fact they ended up a corpse, it seemed they failed. But there's as much to learn from failure as from success.

This awakener adhered to a fundamental principle in dealing with anomalies and voids: 'Leave records for others.'

This corpse and I were comrades navigating the apocalypse together.

Flip. My handling of the diary grew more respectful.

?Day 5?

I did it!

While on watch, centaur monsters attacked, but for some reason, they didn't notice me at all and went after everyone else. 

Half the group died, but I didn't get a scratch. Even Y?, the strongest among us, got injured.

Surprisingly, the second wish also came true! Unlimited wishes! Hooray!

With the certainty that I'd never die an absurd death, I felt at ease. Y?'s face didn't bother me anymore.

Amazing. It's real.

I wished to eat gyudon, and after killing a monster, gyudon dropped. It was so absurd I laughed.

I got six bowls of gyudon and shared them with the group. Y?'s expressionless face looked surprised.

Yeah. That's the role that suits you. Just an extra.

Though our numbers halved, the power of gyudon lifted everyone's spirits. I realized anew the importance of food.

Thank you, Sena! It's all thanks to you! I'll forgive you for dating four other guys while with me!

The excitement in the handwriting was palpable.

In my mind, I pictured someone who had risked everything on a final gamble and succeeded, cheering in victory.

But unlike the diary's owner, I remained cautious.

'If this person truly succeeded, they wouldn't have ended up a corpse.'

The joy continued on the 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th days. After the 11th day, the diary entries became sporadic.

When I finally flipped to the later pages.

The diary resumed, and her handwriting trembled from a different kind of emotion.

?Day 6???

Something's wrong. Something's very wrong.

When I woke up today, centaur monsters were attacking. Everything felt familiar, as if it was a repeat of the 5th day.

Half the group died. Y? got injured in the same place. Everything repeated exactly.

The diary's owner seemed to maintain some composure for a while.

She became diligent in recording the details, noting every event and sign meticulously.

But as the '6th day??' repeated, she could no longer keep her sanity. Her mental strength wasn't that strong to begin with.

Something's wrong something's wrong something's wrong something's wrong something's wrong something's wrong something's wrong something's wrong

One page was filled with the word 'wrong' written over and over.

Then, after a long gap, a sudden cold sentence appeared in the middle of a blank page.

Time is looping?

Footnotes:

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