Married to his secret crush

Chapter 396 - Past Regrets

At Shen Lihua's villa.

The atmosphere around the dining table was stiff as usual as Shen Lihua quietly had her dinner on one side while Jun Zishen sat on the other end of the table.

It has been days since Shen Lihua let Jun Zishen inside the house and he did his best as he persisted in trying to bring her walls down. He tried to cook good food for her, learning it from internet, he would get her flowers/gifts but they would usually end up in the trash. He will find random topics to start a conversation with her but she will chip it down with one-liners.

As Jun Zishen quietly ate, certain thoughts kept occupying his mind. Like Yu Mei told him, he was willing to persist, to go through anything if it meant to have Shen Lihua open up to him. But, there were these rare times when he wondered if he was too late and if he will ever be able to reach her.

There was not even a glimpse of her past self in the current Shen Lihua. The person who used to be smiling and laughing all day, rarely smiled now. She used to be the most talkative person in the room but now, she won't speak a word unless she was spoken too.

And it scared him. It scared him to think that he had done this to her.

He ended up doing this to the person he has loved the most in his life.

''Do you think we should talk?" The words left his mouth even before he could contemplate over them.

"What do you want to talk about?" Shen Lihua placed her fork down as she raised her head to look at him, "I am listening. Speak.''

The words that he had at the tip of his tongue rolled back, seemingly stuck in his throat as he quietly looked at her.

They looked at each other for a long time. But under her emotionless gaze, it was Jun Zishen who averted his gaze first.

"You have nothing to talk about,'' Shen Lihua picked up the glass of water and took a few sips before placing it down. Elegantly wiping her mouth with a silk napkin, she stood up from the chair and turned to leave.

"I want to talk about us,'' came the voice from behind just as she reached the staircase.

Shen Lihua's footsteps came to a halt, ''There is no us,'' Her tone was clear and she spoke without any hesitation.

Her words however were no less than rocks thrown at his heart. Jun Zishen could feel that she was detached, she was no longer the woman who would smile at the sight of him, who would hug him quietly when he was down. But it did not diminish the pain he felt when she phrased it that way.

Without waiting for him to speak, Shen Lihua was about to walk upstairs when she felt a grip on her wrist and in the next moment, she was pulled back into a warm embrace.

Unknowingly, Jun Zishen had already walked towards her while talking and the moment he saw her walking away from him, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him in an impulse, ''Must you do this to me?" His voice came out hoarse. He lowered his head such that his forehead was resting on her shoulder, his hair falling in front of her shoulder and his fingers gripping her wrist trembled slightly, ''It has been years. I have missed you all these years, Li…''

Shen Lihua closed her eyes for a moment before shaking off his grip from her hand, ''Jun Zishen, you are a good son to your parents but other than that, you have failed as a father, as a husband,'' She turned around to look at him, ''I never regretted falling in love with you, neither did I regret going against my parents to marry you. They always said that we are poor people and we could never match up to you but I trusted you. I trusted you with everything I had and I made them trust you. I told them that as long as Zishen is with me, I will never be sad and he will never let me down….''

Shen Lihua stepped one stair up, creating some distance between them as she tilted her head down to look at him.

Jun Zishen quietly looked at her. At this point, he was fine with it. Everything she said pricked his heart but this is the bitterness that she has lived with throughout these years and he did not mind it. Rather than her staying quiet, calm, and pretending like nothing mattered to her, he would rather have it this way where she at least vented her innermost feelings, said something. Even if her words felt like stabs to him, he would not mind it.

''…But you know what I regretted the most in my life?"

He quietly looked at her, his eyes losing their usual glow as he waited for her to continue, somewhat afraid somewhat worried about what she was about to say.

"It was keeping up with it, believing that everything around would get better, that in that heartless family of yours, you would protect me, my children. I should have left the day it started,'' As she spoke, her eyes teared up, ''I kept lowering myself for you. My family was not rich like yours. My parents were ordinary people but they treated me like a princess with whatever they had. But your family…stepped on my self-esteem, my confidence, my pride and I kept all of it to myself. Why? Because I didn't want you to be hurt or torn. I endured all those humiliations and gulped the shame that your mother made me feel….''

Jun Zishen's fingers curled into a fist as he quietly looked at her while she looked at everywhere but him.. Her eyes were filled with tears but she looked up, holding them in.