abcnovels
Side story 1
Side story 1
Side story 1
Igor looked at the dead body in front of him.
"..."
'NOO!!! WHAT DID I DO??!! Wait let's not panic...maybe he is still alive and I can get him to the hospital...'
He inspected the corpse and confirmed that the heart wasn't beating.
'Nope, he is dead like my sex life...BLYAD!!! Maybe the police will believe me when I - no I have a criminal record so I will definitely end up in prison...looks like my only choice is to get rid of the body...'
Next, he tried to look for a sack or something with which he could wrap the corpse around.
But he didn't find anything useful except for a carpet.
He rolled the carpet around the corpse like a sushi, but the carpet wasn't big enough and you could still see the legs hanging out.
"..."
Since Igor didn't have a better alternative, he waited till the night and carried the "Sushi" to his shabby car.
Fortunately, none of his neighbors were awake at this late hour, so he successfully loaded it into his car.
His car was black and was "decorated" with duct tape in the middle, to make it look like an "Adidas car".
Since he was worried to get caught, he took a huge sip out of his hip flask to calm himself before driving off.
It was night, and more importantly deep in the countryside, so the roads were empty.
Igor thought that he was lucky when suddenly a police car appeared and signaled him to pull over.
'BLYAD!! I'm screwed!!'
The two policemen knocked on his glass, while Igor tried his best to appear calm.
He turned the car glass down and said: "Good night, how can I help?"
"Good night? It's fuckin cold and my balls are freezing! Anyway, you drove too fast, so we pulled you over."
"Drove too fast? Sorry, I was in a hurry since I heard my mother got into an accident and -" - Igor froze midsentence when he saw how the other policeman shined his flashlight onto the carpet laying on his backseat.
"What the fuck!" - The policeman swore he could see human legs hanging out of it.
The policeman signaled his older partner to lock at it.
The older policeman looked at it and then looked back at Igor: "A beautiful carpet, huh? I also had one in the same color before my wife burned it down when she found out I cheated...sure brings back some memories..."
"SIR!!!" - the other policeman couldn't believe how his senior partner was so calm and disinterested.
"Hm? Oh right, I forgot. You there, I smell some alcohol! So you not only drove faster, but you also drove under the effects of alcohol! We have to confiscate your alcohol!"
Dumbfoundedly Igor gave the policeman his hip flask.
Then the policeman took a sip out of it: "Hmm, this isn't alcohol, but "medicine" instead. My bad, my bad. Since it's not alcohol, but "medicine", it means you drove faster because of the "medicine". I'm a kindhearted man, so you won't get a ticket, but the "medicine" will be confiscated. Make sure to drive slower and have a good night!"
"SIR!!!"
"What? Why are you so energetic? In this shitty coldness you have to preserve your energy so stop fidgeting around."
"But what if this was a cor-"
"Why would I care about a damn corpse, when we get some vodka to save us from this shitty cold!" - with that the older policeman dragged his partner into their car.
"..."
Igor decided to forget it and continued to drive far into the woods.
There he took out the "Sushi" and a shovel.
He started to dig, and when he was about to finish, he suddenly heard noises around him.
"NOO!! What shitty timing, I was almost finished!'
He looked around and saw that it was the two policemen walking drunkenly around.
"Oh hey my friend, your "medicine" was really good! What are you doing? Hey, let's help him, since moving the body is good against the cold!"
"Yesh, shir!" - the younger policeman
At this point, Igor didn't care anymore and just shrugged his shoulder before throwing the shovel to the policeman.
But then he heard someone else running to them.
'WHAT IS IT THIS TIME?!! JUST ARREST ME FINALLY INSTEAD OF MESSING WITH ME, GOD!!'
It was a half-naked Babuska (elderly woman) chasing a bear, which stole her slippers and tried to run away.
"STOP YOU DAMN BEAR!! GIVE THEM BACK TO ME!!!"
"(Bear sounds)"
"..." - Igor
"Hey, we are finished, my friend. We buried your "contaminated" carpet, so here's your shovel. Anyway, see you around."
After they left, Igor looked at the grave.
The policeman just threw the "Sushi" in like that, so you could still see a few centimeters of the carpet and the legs hanging out.
"Whatever...sorry my friend. At least let me drink for you..."
He took out his other hidden hip flask.
It was a cocktail called "White Lilac" used by hardcore alcoholics to get wasted as much and fast as possible.
Not only was the strongest medical ethanol mixed in it, it even had some Eau the cologne in it.
He planned on sharing it with the exchange student after he tried his homemade vodka, as a "round 2".
But it didn't come to it, so Igor had the whole cocktail for himself.
'Come to think of it, it's also my first time trying White Lilac...I just got the recipe not long ago from an acquaintance...well, let me drink for you...farewell my friend."
With those words, Igor emptied the whole hip flask.
In a classroom, a child who was sleeping suddenly woke up.
The child looked confused around: 'Where am I? And what's up with those weird-looking kids?'
He couldn't understand the situation and muttered: "Blyad..."
"?" - Deku
CrusadeAgainstFurries
So this is the last chapter of Eiji's adventures. What a journey it was...anyway, thanks for reading! I hope are looking forward to my next series: Igor no Hero Academia!