Moonlight Demon (GL LITRPG)

Chapter 265

Yumi

The group, save for Keiko and Ash who were still talking elsewhere, was having a small amount of dessert the chef had cooked up for them. In front of Yumi was a plate of chocolate pudding. She took a bite and had to keep herself from moaning at the taste. 

However, there was someone missing, that Yumi hadn't seen yet. 

Where did Sinneah go?  Yumi wondered as she took another bite. 

It got to the point where she was too curious to keep eating. 

"I will be back in a moment," Yumi told the others, taking her plate with her as she stood up and walked out of the room. 

The tapping of her shoes against the floor echoed throughout the halls as she walked back to her room, wanting to see if she would find Sinneah here. Indeed, she did. She opened the door and found Sinneah laying down on their bed and looking up into the ceiling. Tilting her head, Yumi stepped inside. 

The woman's eyes went to her for a second, before turning back up. 

Yumi held out the plate of chocolate pudding. 

"Are you hungry?" She asked. "I brought you some leftovers." 

"I... No," Sinneah replied. 

"Is that so?"

Yumi placed the dish down on the drawers next to the bed. Putting her hands on her hips, she looked Sinneah up and down. Parts of her clothes were burnt. 

"Sinneah, are you alright?" 

Yumi sat down beside her. The draconic woman let out a deep sigh before she returned Yumi's gaze, keeping her eyes on her. 

"... I do not know," Sinneah replied. 

"Okay, well, why is that?" Yumi asked. "Did the fight against the dragon go poorly?" 

"Yes." 

That was all Sinneah responded with. Nodding, Yumi took off her shoes and laid down next to her, looking up at the ceiling as well. 

Sinneah raised a brow, appearing to be confused, while Yumi just stayed there. 

"What are you doing?" Sinneah asked. 

"Hm?" Yumi looked back at her and shrugged. "You seem like you're in need of some company. If you want to talk about it, I am open to listening." 

At that, Sinneah looked away again, as did Yumi. 

It took a while before she said anything. All Yumi could hear were the sounds of their breathing, almost synchronized as she waited to see if Sinneah would budge. And, eventually, she did. 

"... The fight was going well," Sinneah stated. "When we arrived, Ash's strange weapons managed to hurt the creature, as did my fists and kicks. It seemed to me like we could match it, but then... Ash was struck, and she did not get back up." 

Sinneah told the story with a low, quiet voice. This was certainly the quietest Yumi had heard her be, so far. With one hand resting on her stomach and the other behind her head, Sinneah continued, all the while she kept her eyes away from Yumi. 

"The dragon was mighty, but... At that point, I believed I could handle this. I had landed enough good strikes to stay focused, so, even when Ash was tossed aside, I kept my hands up, trying to see if I could best it. I..." She took a deep breath. "I felt like I was beginning to understand it. Like as the fight went on, a strange... um, what is the word? Vigor? Energy? Something was running through my body, as I took the dragon on. That was what I had wanted when I asked Ash if we could do this together. But, then, i-it, it breathed fire. Fire that nearly covered me, had I not run to the side, but it didn't stop. I avoided it, but while I was running from one side of the field to another, something else started to appear inside of me. A different feeling, one that made my hands shake. One that made my body feel weak. So," she sighed again, "by that point... My body moved on its own, and I ran toward Ash, and her things, picked them up, and left." 

Finally, when she was done letting Yumi know what had happened, she looked over at her. Sinneah's slitted eyes remained on Yumi this time, however. Almost as if she was hoping Yumi had an answer for her. 

"The feeling I got," Sinneah said to her. "I... I haven't experienced it in years. No," she corrected herself. "I did feel it once, recently." 

"When?" Yumi asked softly. 

"When I met Ash, and she stabbed me," Sinneah stated. "That time, I felt something similar." 

Hearing that, Yumi put her mind to work, while Sinneah waited to hear what she had to say. 

Hm...  Doubts,  Yumi thought.  Concern... 

Another word appeared in her mind quickly, however, and she said: 

"Fear?" She asked. 

"... Hm?"

"You felt scared?" 

"I-..." Sinneah was going to respond to that with something, but then, she stopped. Yumi saw her eyes look down then, as though searching for an answer before she lifted them back up. 

"... Yes," Sinneah stated, and her volume was just barely above that of a whisper. "I felt... scared." 

At that, Yumi paused. 

"Is that it?" She asked. 

"What?" 

"Is that what has you feeling like this?" Yumi asked, genuinely curious. 

"Well, yes," Sinneah replied, and finally, her volume picked up. 

"Why?" 

"What?" Sinneah gave her a confused expression. "What do you mean? Isn't it obvious?" 

"No, I don't think it is." 

"Being scared is a sign of weakness," Sinneah declared in front of her then. "I cannot allow that of myself. Whether out there," Sinneah said, sitting up. Seeing this, Yumi did the same. "Whether I am fighting a demon or a dragon, I cannot allow myself to feel that way." 

"Heh," Yumi scoffed then. 

"Hm?" Sinneah gave her an annoyed look. 

"If only it was that easy," Yumi responded. "Sinneah, being frightened is normal. It's just a part of who we are, whether you're a human, a dragon, a half-dragon, whatever. It's natural." 

"But that does not mean it is something I should give into so... pathetically." 

"What would be the alternative then?" Yumi asked, raising a brow and laying on her side, propping her head up with her hand as she put her elbow down on the bed. "Would you rather you remained confident back there and gotten burned to a crisp?" 

"Maybe if I had felt stronger, less afraid, I could have won." 

"How?" 

"I do not know!" Sinneah replied then, and this time, she yelled her answer. The frustration she was feeling now was clear to see. "But, at least then, I would have been... I would have been..." 

"Yes?" Yumi asked. 

And, all that anger just dissipated, as Sinneah fell on her back, laying down again, and looking up at the ceiling. 

"I would have been more like a dragon." 

Thus, silence enveloped the room. Sinneah didn't say anything else for a while, and Yumi just let those words sink in, as she tried to think of a response. She had an immediate one, but even a recluse like her who had been kept up in a random shrine for over a decade had the tact not to say it. 

So, she tried to find a way to get around to the same point that would, hopefully, be less aggravating.

Mostly because she felt Sinneah probably needed to hear it. 

She could only think of one thing to ask, however, and she doubted that it wouldn't produce the same effect. Since it was all she had though, she went with it anyway. 

"... Is being more like a dragon truly that important to you?" Yumi asked. 

Sinneah's eyes then fell back onto her, annoyed once again, but her lips didn't move. She remained quiet, and Yumi took this as a sign that she was allowing her to elaborate. 

"Is it something you'd really put your entire life down for? Because, from what you told me if you did have the supposed pride of a dragon at that moment, both you and Ash would be dead. The fear you felt was what let you get out with your life today. Is that truly so bad?" 

"Yes," Sinneah responded, though it barely sounded like she believed it. It sounded much more like she just wanted to challenge Yumi's words. 

"Why?" Yumi asked then. "Why would it matter that much?" 

Then, Sinneah took a deep breath, keeping her slitted eyes on Yumi's. 

"If I am not a dragon... Then, what am I?"

That last part sounded so vulnerable to Yumi's ears that it may as well have come from an entirely different woman. 

"All my life," Sinneah took a deep breath, "I have had images stuck in my mind of a woman I never met. A human. But," Sinneah said, shifting closer to Yumi. "that woman was not there. She did not watch me fight off my first wolves, she did not sleep in the grass with me in the forests. It was left to a dragon to do this. Someone who I shared this tail with," she said, lifting it up, "someone I share the same scales as. My eyes, even... But..." 

Her head fell on the pillow underneath. 

"I am not like him either," Sinneah stated. "So... If I am not a dragon, and I am not a human, what is my place in this world?" 

"..." Yumi remained silent. Then, she sat up and reached for the chocolate pudding. 

"I have no answers for you," Yumi told her, pushing the plate toward her. "But, what I can offer you is some very sweet dessert to drown out the existential thoughts. Would you like some?" 

"... I have no appetite," Sinneah replied, but, she immediately contradicted that when she reached out for it and grabbed the chocolate with one of those draconic hands. 

"The truth is," Yumi said, as Sinneah put the chocolate in her mouth. "I have no answers for you because, well," she smiled, "I too haven't found my place either."

"Really?" Sinneah asked.

"Yes."

"Where's your tail then?" Sinneah asked, looking down at Yumi's body. "Or, are you half of something else?"

"Oh, no," Yumi laughed, "I'm very, painfully, human. I mean that I thought I had one, and I believed it for years, but then, I was informed that my mission had been accomplished, or had been canceled, maybe, a very long time ago. Now, I am in the same position as you. And, you know what I say?" 

"... What?" 

"I say that," Yumi stated before taking one of Sinneah's hands and licking a bit of chocolate off of it that had been left. "I think it could be better for me to try some more of these sweets before I worry much about that. Maybe someday I will find my answers, as you will yours, but... Until that day comes, well, I can do nothing else but swing my naginata around, and hope that day arrives sooner rather than later." 

"... But I do not have a naginata," Sinneah replied. 

Yumi stifled a laugh. 

"Don't worry, I'll let you borrow mine from time to time."