My Beloved Concubine Only Wants to Eat Melons

Chapter 12

The dignified emperor could not bear such complaints. Yuwen Lan immediately said to Fu Hai, "Tell someone to bring a few more plates of lamb."

After speaking, he looked at the girl who was grumbling about him and asked, "What else would you like to eat?"

Yanshu was taken aback. She had originally wanted to be reserved, but smiled and said, "This humble consort doesn't have anything particular in mind. Whatever pleases Your Majesty is fine."

In her heart, however, she was shouting, [Meatballs! I want meatballs!]

Yuwen Lan looked at Fu Hai and said, "Bring another plate of meatballs."

Yanshu: "??"

What's going on? Does he also want to eat meatballs?

What a coincidence!

But she also wanted to eat crispy meat, freshly fried - that crispy, crunchy texture was simply divine!

Yuwen Lan then said, "Bring another plate of crispy meat, freshly fried."

Yanshu: "??"

Could this be... a meeting of minds?

While she was still in a daze, she saw him looking at her calmly, asking again, "Why that expression? Don't you want to eat?"

"No, no, it's not that," Yanshu hurriedly shook her head. "This humble consort just thinks Your Majesty is really good at ordering dishes. These two are indeed delicious."

[If only there was a serving of hand-pulled noodles, it would be perfect! Lamb soup with hand-pulled noodles, what an amazing combination!]

"Bring a serving of hand-pulled noodles," he said.

Yanshu: "!!!"

What on earth is going on??

Why did he order everything she was thinking of???

Could it be that he has mind-reading abilities??

Yuwen Lan stopped talking and simply picked up some cabbage from the pot with his chopsticks and started eating quietly, as if concealing his talents.

Hmm, come to think of it, even this most ordinary cabbage is quite flavorful.

Meanwhile, Fu Hai hurriedly sent someone to relay the message to the kitchen, inwardly delighted - indeed, they had found the right person. When had the Emperor ever been so good at eating before?

Before long, all the additional dishes were served.

The freshly fried crispy meat was fragrant and crunchy, the tender lamb slices paired perfectly with the chewy hand-pulled noodles in a full bowl, topped with a few round beef meatballs - Yanshu ate to her heart's content.

Being an emperor is indeed good! She thought, rubbing her belly with immense satisfaction. Having power and influence is wonderful, you can eat whatever you want.

The system suddenly spoke up, [Cling to his leg, be a favored consort, and you can have this too.]

Yanshu: "..."

This was indeed the hard truth. Since she had already been assigned the fate of a target, there was no turning back. She might as well go all in and cling tightly to the Emperor's golden thigh.

Although the Emperor was lacking in that particular area, she figured she could still please him in other ways by catering to his interests.

So she quietly asked the system, [What does the Emperor like?]

System: [He's a workaholic, a machine for reviewing memorials. He likes governing the country.]

Yanshu: "..."

[Doesn't he have any other small hobbies?]

System: [Yes, he likes reading, practicing swordsmanship, playing cuju, polo, touhu, and so on.]

Touhu?

Yanshu's eyes lit up. She might not be good at the others, but this one she could do!

So she smiled at Yuwen Lan and said, "It's still early. I wonder if Your Majesty would be interested in playing a game of touhu with this humble consort? It would help with digestion as well."

Yuwen Lan raised an eyebrow. "You want to play touhu with me?"

Yanshu nodded, "May this humble consort have such an honor?"

How about that, surprised? Isn't this suggestion right up your alley?

Yuwen Lan couldn't help but smile and said, "Very well."

Yanshu quickly ordered for the equipment to be set up.

Soon, the bronze pot and feathered arrows were in place.

Yuwen Lan picked up an arrow, weighing it in his hand, about to throw it into the pot when Yanshu suddenly stopped him, saying, "Your Majesty, please wait. Shouldn't we set the rules first?"

Yuwen Lan looked at her. "How do you want to play?"

Usually, touhu was a banquet game, meant to liven up drinking. They certainly couldn't drink any more tonight. Yanshu's eyes darted as she thought, then said, "How about this: the winner can make a request, and the loser must agree to the other's request."

Hehe, she used to play bird-shooting with her brother when she was young, so her aim was quite good. Besides, with one mouth and two ears on the pot, she should be able to hit something, right?

Yuwen Lan listened silently, then nodded, "Agreed."

He then handed her the arrow in his hand. "You go first."

Yanshu took it, carefully aimed at the mouth of the pot, and threw.

To her surprise, she missed.

As she stood there dumbfounded, Yuwen Lan picked up another arrow, tossed it lightly, and it went straight into the pot's mouth.

Fu Hai immediately announced, "The Emperor wins."

Yanshu: "..."

Well, perhaps she had eaten too much, affecting her performance.

She looked at Yuwen Lan and said, "What would Your Majesty like this humble consort to do?"

He looked her up and down and said, "How about this: I'll ask you a question, and you must answer truthfully."

Yanshu thought for a moment, then nodded, "Please, Your Majesty, ask away."

Ever since confirming that her background was not an issue, Yuwen Lan had begun to suspect that perhaps someone else in the palace who knew his secret had told her.

So he asked, "Since entering the palace, have you had contact with any unusual people?"

This question... was rather strange.

Yanshu said, "The most unusual person this humble consort has met is Your Majesty."

Yuwen Lan paused, then asked warily, "How am I unusual?"

Yanshu tried her best to flatter him, "Your Majesty is the Son of Heaven, naturally different from others, of course you're unusual."

As soon as she finished speaking, Fu Hai chimed in from the side, "Well said, Noble Consort."

Unexpectedly, a cold gaze shot down from above.

Fu Hai shuddered, quickly lowering his head, wishing he could slap himself twice.

- Why are you butting in on the couple's sweet talk?

Yuwen Lan: "..."

What sweet talk? Yanshu's answer was clearly not what he wanted.

But strangely, there was nothing unusual in her heart either, she was just proud of her ability to speak well.

He had no choice but to continue the game of touhu.

This time, Yanshu went first again.

Learning from her previous failure, Yanshu had been quietly aiming for a long time. This time she carefully lined up her shot again and again, and finally managed to hit one of the pot's ears.

Just as she was about to rejoice, Yuwen Lan had already picked up an arrow.

Yanshu chanted in her heart, [Miss, miss, miss...]

Yuwen Lan: "..."

He decided to cut to the chase, lightly tossing the arrow, and once again it went straight into the pot's mouth.

Then he looked at her smugly.

He saw the light in Yanshu's eyes instantly dim, but she still insincerely praised him, "Your Majesty is amazing, this humble consort can't even compare. What would you like this humble consort to do this time?"

"Again, answer my question."

Yuwen Lan paused, then said word by word, "Do you have any secrets that others don't know?"

Secrets?

Yanshu hesitated.

This... she had plenty!

The Linwu Marquis's son wasn't his; the Chancellor of the Wenhua Court had been a kept man for a famous courtesan in his youth; the Minister of War was actually homosexual...

My goodness, she had been keeping these secrets for so long, how could she dare to speak them?

Yuwen Lan: "???"

What?

He already knew about the Linwu Marquis's affair, but Wei Ruzhang, the Chancellor of the Wenhua Court, had been a kept man? And for a courtesan???

That old man had been a top scholar in his youth, always eloquent, and now in his seventies, he constantly preached about Confucian doctrines!

And Chai Weizhong, the Minister of War, was actually homosexual???

Didn't he have several concubines at home???

Was all this... true or false?

And how did she know about it???

He could barely suppress the surprise in his eyes.

But he saw Yanshu cautiously say, "If this humble consort speaks, Your Majesty must not punish me for it."

Yuwen Lan composed himself and said, "If you tell the truth without hiding anything, I will deal with it at my discretion."

He saw her clear her throat, "Actually... at last year's Mid-Autumn Palace Banquet, when this humble consort claimed illness and asked for leave, it was... it was fake."

"What?" Yuwen Lan frowned.

Last year's Mid-Autumn Palace Banquet?

He tried to recall, but couldn't remember the scene at all.

Who asked her about this?

He spoke again, "I want to know..."

But she interrupted him, "No, you can only ask one question at a time, that's the rule."

Yuwen Lan: "???"

What? There's actually someone in this world who dares to interrupt him?

Fu Hai had also noticed the impropriety and was pondering how to remind her, when he saw Yanshu had already picked up an arrow on her own, aiming at the bronze pot again and again, then threw it with all her might. Surprisingly, it went straight into the pot's mouth.

As they say, a late victory is all the more joyful. She couldn't help but cheer, "I did it!"

Yuwen Lan: "..."

He also picked up an arrow and casually tossed it forward. Needless to say, it went straight into the pot's mouth again.

He raised an eyebrow at her and said, "It's a tie."

Is it that difficult?

But to his surprise, she said, "The first to throw wins."

Yuwen Lan frowned, "Since when is that a rule?"

Yanshu argued righteously, "Of course it is, otherwise how do we determine the winner and loser?"

Yuwen Lan said, "Let's continue the competition. Each person gets ten feathered arrows, and whoever hits the target more times is the winner."

Yanshu's eyes glinted mischievously. "But you said earlier that I could set the rules. An emperor's word is his bond, you know."

Yuwen Lan: "..."

Had he unwittingly fallen into her trap?

Fearing that further argument might compromise his imperial image, he asked, "Well then, what do you want?"

Yanshu thought for a moment, then said with a giggle, "Why don't Your Majesty reward this humble servant with some gold, silver, and jewels?"

[I want money!!! Money, money, money!!!]

Yuwen Lan: "??? Are you short on funds?"

Indeed she was!

Yanshu thought to herself, she never had much money to begin with. The monthly allowance for a palace beauty was meager, and sometimes when she saw a palace maid from Yongning Palace in need, she would generously help out. For instance, just yesterday, when someone was promoted and moved, she had rewarded the palace servants with money.

That handful of silver pieces had taken her nearly half a year to save up, tsk tsk.

With her heart bleeding, she could only force a smile and make excuses, "Isn't it said that wealth is but a worldly possession? This humble servant wouldn't dare to ask for anything else."

Hearing this tearful plea of poverty, Yuwen Lan felt somewhat sympathetic. He thought to himself, why not grant her wish? Otherwise, he might appear stingy.

But before he could speak, a voice suddenly reported from outside, "Your Majesty, the Empress Dowager has suddenly taken ill and has urgently summoned the Imperial Physician."

Yuwen Lan paused, then said, "I'll go and check on her."

He was about to leave when Yanshu hesitated, wondering if she should go too.

At that moment, Yuwen Lan turned back to look at her and said, "You'd better come along as well."

Yanshu could only comply, following in his footsteps while inwardly lamenting the loss of her gold, silver, and jewels.

She had finally won against the emperor for once! Who knew when the next opportunity would come?

Yuwen Lan inwardly chuckled, thinking he wouldn't fall for such tricks again next time.