My Lycan Mate of Suicide Forest

Chapter 196 - Begin For Me

"There are some things that I can't tell you. I think you realized it before when we met. I would but…" Zoe started, then looked into her hands.

"Yes, I… I noticed that. Why is that, Zoe?" August asked.

"I'm not like you. I'm not like them. I'm… a different kind," she replied, running a finger over her deceptively normal-looking wrist.

August's eyebrows pinched together. "I don't understand. What kind?"

Zoe chuckled dryly. "I can't tell you. That is part of it."

"Did the elders do something to you? Is that why?" August asked, reaching her hand through the hole in the door and gingerly touching Zoe's ankle. The girl flinched and withdrew it from her reach.

"No," she exhaled deeply. "It wasn't them. I was a gift, I guess you could say."

Hot, bitter tears welled as she admitted this. She had never discussed this with anyone. There was no one to talk to about it, and why would she? It was not something she was proud of. Perhaps if Andreas was proud of her, then she could live with it. But clearly that would never be the case.

"I know I look this age to you. I look young. In many ways I suppose I am. I think… emotionally I don't age like others. But I am far older than you, August from Eliade," she chuckled as she said it.

August's broad eyes were stunned at this confession. Was this why Zoe was so intelligent? And felt so… wrong? It was as if there were warring attributes within her that didn't come together easily into a cohesive whole.

"H-how old are you?" August asked, lips trembling involuntarily.

"You are frightened of me now," Zoe watched as August stealthily withdrew her hand back to the other side of the door. "I am not very dangerous. Maybe just my knowledge, but all of my physical defenses were… clipped long before I came here."

August's mind was reeling, attempting to uncover possibilities of what it was Zoe couldn't name, couldn't label herself as due to some prohibition. Was she the product of an experiment as well? Were the researchers responsible for the pandemic up to something else prior to this? But then… Zoe was a gift to the elders of this pack?

"Why were you…" August swallowed, "gifted?" The last word came out painfully, full of sympathy even if it was for something she didn't know or understand. To be a gift meant Zoe had been treated as an object. And now she was stuck down here… a discarded object.

"A deal was struck," Zoe explained. "Like the deal we are making now," a sour smile spread across her face.

"Between who?" August eyebrows pinched together in question, but she knew before Zoe replied. She couldn't tell her. August saw the war within her—how internally she would fight against these restrictions and how they pushed back on her, on every part of her as if they too made up her constitution. It wasn't a simple thing August could take from her like she had from others. These warring restrictions on her were threaded so dark and so completely through Zoe's being, there was no apparent way to free her from them. Visually, it appeared like the nervous system—fibrous and… and everywhere.

"I'm sorry," August's face crumpled.

It had to be torturous. She could see Zoe was in emotional distress, and not just from her present circumstances. She had seen it before when she was down here with Graeme—the lingering pain and the physical places where Zoe would repeatedly try to release it. Her wrists. Her forearms. Her thighs. Slashes of pain that could never free her, and yet they were repeated over and over again in futile attempts. Always with the same result.

"How can I help you?" August asked. "I want to… I wish I could."

"How about you tell me about yourself. It will make me very happy. Something to entertain my mind while I am stuck down here," the eerie glint of curiosity was back, lighting her dark eyes, and August was hit with fresh recollection as to why Zoe was so terrifying.

"Sure," August swallowed, licking her lips. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything," her eyes became greedy, and she lowered herself back to the floor to look upon the alyko Luna.

August laughed nervously. "Like… about my childhood everything? Or just after Eliade everything?"

"After the pandemic everything," Zoe replied without hesitation.

There were ravenous questions clawing to get out of her eyes, and August felt herself involuntarily back up. Zoe's eyes narrowed at this action, and August stilled herself, placing a hand between her cheek and the stone floor to make it more comfortable. This was going to be a long conversation, especially if she wanted to get as much dirt on Andreas as she could.

"Okay, but there are things I will not tell you. You know that right? So 'everything' is… 'everything' with that caveat. There are personal things I will keep to myself," she wasn't sure why she was explaining this, as if it were the clause of some formal paperwork they were drawing up between each other. Maybe she feared Zoe would claim she hadn't given her enough to satiate her thirst for knowledge and would back out of the deal.

"Of course. I don't really mean everything. Anything would honestly be… very satisfying," Zoe licked her lips, clearly unaware of how disturbing she could quickly become when her brain took over. "Don't worry, I am hoping you can hurt Andreas with what I give you. I would enjoy that very much as well."

August cleared her throat, attempting to make it sound natural. Then she sighed, an act meant to prepare herself for all that she would need to recall. Most of it was not pleasant. "Okay, it's a deal. I suppose I must start?"

"I fear that with the first fact I deliver to you about Andreas, you will scurry away to your mate with so much excitement that you will forget me entirely," she batted her eyelashes innocently, "So yes, please Luna. Begin for me.. I will hold up my end."