My Measurement: The Villain Desires a Satisfying Payback

Chapter 98: 94: Agnostophobia

A week after the event I attended as Leander Herington, the new school term began.

There was no public notice of the Order's collapse, but it was confirmed they had been completely shut down, with most of its members either dying in the midst of conflict, sentenced to prison or otherwise punished and struck with a gag order.

From that, it appeared the government wanted to brush the subject under the rug as much as possible. During the break, I had been contacted with a request to not speak about the matter, and of course, I obliged.

There was no need to talk any further about the Order of the Night-Time Chrysanthemum, after all, and I was never interested in them from the beginning.

The end of an infamous group whose name originated from a dead guy who had an appreciation for poetry, perhaps.

In the end, however, it is nature's will for a flower to wilt and wither away.

They shouldn't be upset about it.

Anyway, there are more important things.

Indeed, Marcus Lynton remains on the loose.

Having abandoned his post as the head of the Order before things got too dicey, he would now be working to take over some other kind of underground organisation, rising from the shadows once more, but it will probably take about a year or two before he can actually take any further action against me.

Now that the Wardens are pretty much finished with that, however, they will be looking to recapture me again.

It's something I'll have to prepare for, but honestly, I doubt preparation is going to make much of a difference next time. Reason being, I can't get much information from the Measurement of Truth about Azaki Kiryuuin.

His existence, after returning from death, has become shrouded in Forbidden Knowledge.

His thoughts are unreadable.

His intentions are unspecified.

His abilities are unknown.

Even when I ask what Measurement he has, it says I do not have access to that information, meaning it is Forbidden Knowledge.

The only reason I can think of for that being the case is that his Measurement evolved somehow; most likely, it occurred when he died and sent him back to the past.

He definitely died and came back.

After all, I can recall that, back then, it only stated that he 'died three seconds ago', not that he 'has been dead for three seconds'.

I don't know how it works, and I don't understand how his Measurement could have possibly evolved post-mortem because it should have returned to its place in the void by then, but somehow, it happened.

I suppose that's exactly why it is considered Forbidden Knowledge, after all.

Something not intended to be known by humans.

Something taboo.

Either way, the Knowledge was discovered, and the truth spread.

All because of me.

More precisely, because of my Measurement of Truth.

It once stated that the origin of Measurements was simply because that was the way the world was supposed to be.

?It is the natural order of the world?

It claimed as much.

Then, is Forbidden Knowledge also natural?

Supposing it is, and taking that all into consideration, why would there naturally exist something that exposes exactly what the universe doesn't want being exposed?

Is the universe flawed?

Yes.

If I wanted to, I could probably just leave it at that and call it a day, but there is too much else to consider, too.

For example, the hints that there is some sort of higher being.

Thanks to everything that has been happening, I now cannot help but think about the possibility of a deity or other God-like being existing.

All the coincidences, strange happenings, and suggestions that point towards that being the case.

Of course, I cannot know for sure, but assuming something like that does exist, then isn't it possible that this is not a universal flaw, but instead meticulous design?

Needless to say, it's impossible to figure out with certainty why it would be by design, or if it even is, to begin with, but it's just speculation in the first place.

Perhaps, the reality is that I am being targeted by God, and all of this is a ploy by Him to screw my life up and use me to destroy the world once he gets bored of it for his own amusement.

There are many other things that science cannot explain in the world, but Measurements are by far the most major example.

'Measurements are a creation of God, and that is why they are part of the 'natural order'.'

Like this, that grand mystery of the human race could be explained away with ease.

They are not scientific, but as a result of the direct interference of God, they do not need to make scientific sense to exist.

The strange powers known as Measurements, that should not exist but do.

All those unnatural powers, the clairvoyance, the manipulation of space and time, the power over life and death itself, they all originate from that higher being.

How else would it be possible?

And after all.

All that is needed is His will, and it shall be.

The Measurement of Truth being possessed by me is a plot of God, and everything that has happened thus far and that will happen in the future is all to His capricious whims.

In that case, would Araceli Arévalo be an angel? Having descended to save me and the world by putting a stop to His scheme.

Ah.

No, if she was opposing God, she would be a demon or devil rather than an angel, right?

Or, if taken in reverse, is God the Devil, and is Araceli Arévalo the true angel trying to put a stop to his diabolical and definitively dastardly deeds?

Hah...

Seriously, how ridiculous.

What am I doing, coming up with such ludicrous, pointless conspiracy theories?

Honestly, it's not even laughable.

...And yet.

At this point, even something as absurd as that doesn't sound too far-fetched...

But, it's not like I can confirm anything or otherwise, no matter the reality.

?You do not have access to this information?

?Whatever the case, in the end, what I have to do hasn't changed.

Discovering the truth, putting an end to Marcus Lynton, and getting the Wardens off my back.

Although the specifics may have changed slightly, it's more or less the same as what I've wanted since the very beginning.

To go about doing so, however, I may need to alter my methods.

If what I'm going up against is truly a scheme of God's, or of a being of equivalent calibre, then it would be foolish to assume the one who is most likely the progenitor of Measurements, and hence the origin of the Measurement of Truth, would fail to realise what I am up to.

I do not know the nature of said being, or even if such a being exists in the first place.

I can only assume its existence because that would be the worst case.

And assuming the worst case is the best way to prepare accordingly for disaster.

...It's difficult.

I don't even know if winning against something like that is possible, and not only do I not have a choice, but I also have to somehow do it without the help of the Measurement of Truth.

Anything related to a higher being, whether it exists or not, is Forbidden Knowledge, and so I cannot ask any questions about it such as its intentions or true nature.

Perhaps that is for the best, though, as I wouldn't be surprised if such a being would be able to, as the presumed Father of Measurements, somehow influence the answers returned to me by the Measurement of Truth.

In order to prevent even the slightest chance of misinformation, I shouldn't trust with certainty even what the Measurement of Truth tells me.

All of this 'not being able to know' is what makes it so difficult and so dangerous.

The unknown.

Fear of the unknown.

What makes the unknown one of humanity's greatest natural, primal fears?

I didn't fully understand it before.

It wasn't possible for me to understand it due to the nature of my ability.

But now.

Recently.

I feel as though my understanding of such a thing has firmly taken root.

I feel as though I can understand what it is like to fear the unknown.

Not being able to ask what I want to ask.

Not being able to receive the answers to what I desire or need.

Being ruthlessly denied what solace I am so used to.

I am out of my comfort zone completely, and cannot rely on what I have relied on my entire life thus far.

The unknown.

Forbidden Knowledge.

The truth of this world.

The potential existence of a higher being.

The identity of Araceli Arévalo.

I will find it all out.

That is certain.

I will not lose.

However, I am beginning to wonder.

The 'Hell' inside me; that ever-swirling black vortex of the void.

I do not know if this is a sudden realisation?a revelation?or mere delusional narcissism.

But I am beginning to feel as if that 'Hell' is not what I first thought it was.

Not 'luck', but 'destiny'.

Measurements do not have explicit names. The famous ones are named by their possessors, but usually, I am the one to assign a name for a person's ability, or if not, I simply use the name they themselves have given it.

Abilities are not born with names, after all?they can only be granted by man.

If so, it may be that I was wrong all along.

Avon Laura is not the Concept of Destiny, but the Concept of Future.

Liam Chiba-Wallace is not the possessor of the Measurement of Luck, but the Measurement of Destiny.

If so, things would start to make a lot more sense.

Would I be destined for tragedy from the very beginning?

Naturally, it's not something I can know.

I cannot assume it is the case, because if I think I'll lose before I even try, then I will never win, and that much is certain.

Still.

That minor discomfort in the back of my mind.

Like a slight nagging.

With all this mystery.

With all this confusion.

With all this depressing shit that tells me I'm destined for misery anyway.

To end this chaos, the cause of my future misery, before I have to endure it all.

To force it to a premature end, even if it is just to not let the opposition win.

Even if it is just out of spite for something like that.

I feel like a part of me can understand.

Whether this is a feeling of catharsis in my heart even just imagining the act.

I feel a part of me can even understand desiring it.

There's a fraction of such a thing in the deep corner of my mind.

What Marcus Lynton claimed would happen.

What Araceli Arévalo stated she wanted to prevent.

Right.

?Destroying the world.

I guess I can imagine myself doing it after all.

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(Volume 3 END)