My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

Chapter 447 - Selfish Request

Keeping steady, I followed the dirt path back to home, and as I did, I took in the view. Didn't have a chance to really take the notion in before, but I really was home.

The broken tractor in the plains still gathering rust and cobwebs after all this time. The raggedy scarecrow amidst the corn stalks that had the adverse effect than intended, and ended up being instead a nest for a couple of feathered freeloaders in its tattered uniform. Chickens broke loose out of their coop again, even from where I was walking, I could see them scurrying. 

You didn't hear this from me. In fact, pretend you didn't hear this at all. But Dad was a complete failure of a farmer and rancher, despite what he'd tell you. I always thought he was a little scatterbrain in my youth, but now at least I know that clearly his expertise lies completely elsewhere.

In hindsight, the signs were there and glaring, I just kinda never bother to notice. The lack of cousins coming and going, uncles and aunties all somehow inexplicably overseas, and grandparents long passed over.  I just sucked it all up without question. 

Immersed in the view, and deep in my thoughts, I realized I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings, only realizing it after spotting it too late… spotting her too late.

I stopped in my tracks, took a second to blink, and unblur my vision, that white shimmer in the distance gradually coming into focus. 

"Morning, Ash…" I whispered to myself, my fatigue leaving with the smile that formed on my face. 

The wind blew again, and that shimmering white blew with it, and for a split moment, I wish time had frozen then, because the sight of her approaching amidst swaying plains, the morning sun rising behind her, her dress fluttering, her hair billowing, was the picture definition of elegance given form. 

When she got close enough that I could see down to the littlest intricacies on her face, she flashed a smile, and gave her usual greeting with a bow. But instead of best wishes, or even a cheery 'good morning', she was close enough that I could that her voice was slightly tinged with bitterness.

"From midnight until dawn, Master," She said, raising her head. "I dearly wish you'd at least try to take better care of yourself." 

My smile faded a little, becoming a bit more apologetic. "Caught me past my bedtime, did you?" 

"You tend to sleep with your lips slightly parted open," She said. "Last night, I noticed they remained shut." 

Sounds like someone just outright admitted to watching me while I sleep. How creepily romantic. 

"I don't really make for good midnight entertainment," I said. "How long were you watching me for?

"Every second," She said, and upon closer inspection, the faint circular tinge around her eyes, rang her words true. 

"If that's the case, normally I'd be bumping into you first before I go off to do anything hasty and  stupid. You'd talk me out of it. That's how it usually goes."

"Indeed it does."

"So then," I shrugged. "Not stupid and hasty enough to warrant your intervention?"

"I considered the notion."

"And what happened?"

"I considered against it."

I blinked. "That's surprising... coming from you." 

At that, Ash feebly gave a chuckle.

"Is it now? Well consider this - If I had tried advising you anyway, if I came down to you even with the most valid of reasons, and your best interests at heart," She tilted her gaze. "Would you have listened to me?" 

She got me there.

"I suppose not…"

"And I knew it so," Ash nodded her head. "You will not be content until you yourself decided you've done your utmost. But what you fail to see, Master, is that in my eyes, and no doubt most everyone else's, I believe you've gone beyond that point already." 

"No, not really, not yet, anyway," I said, shaking mine. "Until that barrier's gone, I haven't done a single thing yet." 

Once again, Ash could only speak with a slightly dour note to her tone. "And therein lies our difference in views. Your greatest strength, and your biggest flaw. Why I came to love you as much as I do, and why I worry for you even more so - that unwavering selflessness of yours, that strong desire to do good by others. It's admirable, but all the same, Master… it is also dangerous."

I swallowed. I had nothing to say to that, no defense on my part. She was right. 

"Yeah, it's a bad habit," I quietly admitted. "But I just… I just can't help myself, y'know?"

"I know…" She gently said. "I experience that overpowering selflessness for myself personally, after all, and oh, how I am so thankful for it... thankful to you."

I smiled at that. 

"Master, I will not discourage you from doing what you believe is right. In fact, it is the opposite. I've said it many times, but I will always be by your side no matter what. If you push yourself, strain yourself, I can rest at ease at least, knowing I will always be there for you to lean on. If you're in agony, I'll heal you. If you're in distress, I'll comfort you. If you ever feel like falling, I'll be there to catch you. But please understand… there's only so much anguish and agony I can undo." 

She shuffled a little closer.

"Selflessness comes at a cost, and it is always you that ends up indebted. Perhaps, they'll come a time where the cost becomes too steep a price to pay, and if such an instance ever arises, Master, I beseech you, I beg of you, promise me, for once," Her emerald eyes batted at me. "That you'll be selfish then." 

I knew what she was trying to say. I could feel it too, in her voice, her gaze, the every subtle move of her body. I remember having a similar conversation like this with Amanda shortly after summoning Sera to get rid of the Blight. If me dying is what it took to save another's life.

Now, I remembered I couldn't give her a straight answer before. But now with the benefit of both retrospect and hindsight, knowing now exactly what I have got to lose if I do… I could now definitely say… 

"No can do, Ash."

For a while, she was quiet. Her thoughts unknown save for the slight droop of her ears. Then, with a strained emptiness, she asked, "Why?"

"Because in the instance whether it has to be me or you ," I let out a sigh. "I'd rather it be you."   

"But - "

"And you'd do the same," I hastily added. "You would. You wouldn't be selfish. You wouldn't choose yourself, you'd choose me. Even if I asked you to promise me, even if I begged you. You wouldn't do it, would you?" 

Another long while in ponder, before she finally, quietly, admitted, "I wouldn't…"

"In a way, you'd be so selfless, you'd just wind up back at being selfish by choosing me, because that's what you wanted, not me. Just like me, you see? By choosing you, I'm already acting selfish." 

"But I... compared to you, I am nothing."

"And to me, you're everything," I said. "If it's really necessary, Ash, I will spout every cheesy romantic line that exists out there until you finally understand just how much I mean that." 

Her ears perked a little at that. "That won't be necessary, Master." 

"Alright, I'll just give you the short version, then, pay attention now..." I cleared my throat, inching just a bit closer. "Ash, I love you, okay?"

They were wriggling a lot more now, glowing a faint red too.  "Your greatest strength, indeed," She said, sighing, smiling. "Once more, I find myself taken in awe of it, of you." 

"Yeah, I'm one bright inspiring light, alright," I joked. "You blinded?"

"Enamoured," She responded. "Hopelessly so..." 

There we go, there's that lovely smile that was missing all this while. Glad to see it hasn't gone anywhere. 

"I'm on my twenty minutes," I reached out a hand for hers. "How about some break - ?"

"Breakfast, yes," She said, suddenly moving out of my reach. "I daresay, you must be famished. Not to worry, I shall take care of matters."

Would love to say that it was just my imagination, but that would just be me being intentionally dense as a rock, and we all know I'm already daft enough. The way she just sprung away, the way her ears twitched as she did, how she sped through her words, almost fumbling as well. 

If this was a one-time thing, I'd probably think nothing of it. Except it wasn't.

Before on the station platform, she jumped. Then inside the train compartment, she dodged. And now here, at the crack of dawn, she moved away from me yet again. 

Screw it, I gotta know.

"Wait, Ash," I called out to her, before she could fully turn back towards the direction of the house. "Stupid question, but can I touch you?" 

"Tou - ?" She blinked, lips slightly agape, stiffly turning around again my way. "H-However do you mean by that?"

I didn't answer her, I decided it wasn't wise to, so instead, I just did. I took a large step forward, raising my hand out, and placed my palm against her right cheek. 

Shock doesn't even begin to describe it, the reaction she gave - like that word was a huge understatement. It took a moment, but then it happened. It was like every vein in her bloodstream decided to all at once flood red into her face. 

"D-Don't!" 

She squealed. 

"T-Touch - !"

Like, Ash actually squealed. 

Ears flapping like the wings of a hummingbird, and her emerald eyes staring horrified as wide as actual gemstones.

I've never seen her so… so…

Cute.

Eventually, the thought finally struck her to back away from my hand, opting it out for her own, holding firm onto the place where I touched like I just contaminated it or something.

Okay, just what the fuck.

"If you don't want to explain," I said slowly, not having the faintest idea what I've just done. "You don't have to explain." 

Suddenly, she couldn't even look at me anymore… apparently, the hard ground was a much more appealing sight than my actual face. 

"But, uh…" I continued on, still treading uncharted territory here. "I think I'd really like to know though." 

"Mmm, I-I understand your concerns..." She said, making a faint whimper, her eyes hidden in her snowy bangs. "Except I… I would rather that you didn't, Master…" 

"Is it the countryside?" I asked. "Weather not suited for your kind?"

"Ah, y-yes, yes, the weather, indeed that must be it," She gave a nervous chuckle. "It's the sun, you see. It's sweltering now, it's scorching, blazing, I - "

"It's chilly, I'm freezing," I interjected, bemused. "And I'm even wearing a coat."

"N-no, it's a little hot," Then quickly, briefly, she looked up at me, her eyes blazing with an overflow of emotions. "I am... a little... hot…" 

Then like the wind, she turned and spurred in the direction for the front door home, leaving me in the dust, slowly coming back to my senses, as I slowly shambled after her. 

Hot, she said. Does she mean - ? Nah, can't be. But what if - ? No, no, she doesn't mean… but… she said she's hot…

Oh, God…