New Life : A Second Chance

Chapter 181 - To Go Forward

Sam boarded the bus for home in a daze.

The entire scene from earlier flashed by in his mind and her words were echoing in his ears like a broken record.

It had taken him so long to figure out his feelings, to gather the courage to confess ... and then to have his worst fears realised hit him harder than he thought it would.

Despite the fact that he had considered her rejecting him, to actually have it happen ... Sam sighed.

He stared out the window, watching as the familiar scenes flashed by. The pain he was feeling inside was intense but what aggravated him more was the sense of dissatisfaction.

Why wasn't he good enough? Why wouldn't she agree? What was so wrong with him that she wouldn't even consider giving them a chance?

A chance of the feeling to grow if none existed? Didn't they click? Didn't they have good times together? Was it all a lie? Was she just being nice? Pandering to him?

Just saw him as a Big Brother but nothing else? Heck. That did not make sense since they've only known each other for a few months!

Sam wiped his eyes angrily, frustrated that the tears would even fall. He wished he could resent her for putting him through this, but he couldn't. Even now, he couldn't envision her as an evil person.

When he saw how much pain she was in while rejecting him, all he could see was this injured bunny. It was as if he was the one that made her that way. Sam snorted. Actually, he was, wasn't he? His confession had put her on the spot and she was hurting inside just so that he wouldn't have hope.

It was then that he gave up. Let her go.

He just didn't have the heart anymore. He was so bitterly disappointed in everything that he just had to get out of there before he said or did something that he would regret forever.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Carpe diem indeed.

Well, it's a good thing that the Valentine's Day event was all over and he wasn't even in the same building as her class. He wouldn't be meeting her anymore, unless he made an effort to. Now, he would be making an effort not to cross paths anymore.

He will smile. He will be polite when they do meet, but he wouldn't initiate any conversation. Not until he's healed and the pain goes away.

He can get through this. Take one day at a time.

He whipped out his phone and looked at the pictures again. For the last time. His fingers shook a bit as he tapped the command to delete. When the prompt came up, he hesitated ... then grit his teeth and pressed 'confirm.'

In order to go forward, the past must be deleted.

Sam looked up and saw that his stop was near. He pressed the bell and the bus slowed down. Sam got up, walking dejectedly towards the exit. Taking a deep breath, he waited as the bus stopped and the exit door opened.

Just then, suddenly, a thunderstorm started. He watched as the rainfall. Great. Just great. Even the skies were reflecting the storm in his heart.

Nodding his head, he resolutely took the steps to go out. To him, he was symbolically leaving behind his hopes and dreams for a certain bunny behind in the bus, and walked into the rain to wash all the pain away.

?? Beatrice ??

Beatrice spent nearly an hour talking to Kyle.

After his shocking question about her confessing to Sam, they began talking about other things. She found herself opening up more to Kyle, talking about her hopes and dreams. About Betty. About her feelings for Sam. How she felt about the whole thing.

Kyle wasn't judgemental and he didn't say much. Occasionally, he would ask a question or two but overall, it was her unloading everything to Kyle. It was as if a load was taken off her shoulders.

It was then that she truly realised, that having a friend to confide in did wonders for the soul. All this time, it was Betty that filled that role so when she had issues or problems with Betty, she bottled it up. She had no one to turn to.

"It would be so much easier to fall in love with you," Beatrice said suddenly, "So why was it Sam that I fell for instead?"

Kyle shrugged, and quoted Mark Twain,* "But that is the way we are made: we don't reason, where we feel; we just feel."

Beatrice was silent after that.

After a long while of comfortable silence, Kyle got up and helped Beatrice up, "Time to go back. It looks like it is going to rain."

Beatrice nodded, noting the dark clouds that appeared above. They both walked back to their dorms and just barely made it before it started pouring.

When she entered her room, she found that Betty was already in bed. She was facing the wall and the blanket was up to her neck. It was way too early for her to be in bed so Beatrice knew that she wasn't asleep, but Beatrice let her be.

For now.

After bathing and changing, Beatrice sat on her own bed and stared at Betty's back.

"I know Sam confessed to you today, Betty," Beatrice began. She saw how Betty's shoulder stiffened, yet still did not turn.

"And that you turned him down," Beatrice continued. Still no response. Beatrice took a deep breath.

"I also know you're in love with him."

At that, Betty did turn and protested, "No, I -"

"DO NOT LIE TO ME," Beatrice said through clenched teeth, glaring at her, effectively shutting Betty up. Betty lay there, her mouth hanging open as she stared uncomprehendingly at Beatrice's angry and flushed face.

She had never, truly seen Beatrice angry before.

Sure, Beatrice had gotten angry before but not like this. This ... was like a raging volcano in its first stages of an eruption. Betty gulped.

"I -" she began, when Beatrice cut her off.

"Do you, or do you not, love Sam?" Beatrice asked, not breaking eye contact with her. Beatrice could see how red Betty's eyes were and that it was slightly swollen from having cried for so long.

Betty gulped again and she opened her mouth to lie when Beatrice, as if knowing that she was, said, "If you lie to me one more time, we're through."

Betty bit her lower lips so hard that she drew blood. Beatrice's question was the most difficult thing to answer. She couldn't lie now and she knew that Beatrice knew, and that Beatrice wanted to hear it from her own lips.

Lowering her gaze, Betty softly answered, "Yes."

She shut her eyes hard when she heard Beatrice get down from the bed and come over to her. She was prepared for this.

She felt Beatrice's hands grip her shoulders hard and she winced. Not from the pain, but from the fear of what Beatrice was going to do. She didn't blame Beatrice in any way, however, so she lay there quietly and accepted what it was that Beatrice was going to do.

What she didn't expect was Beatrice to grip her in a fierce hug. Beatrice brought Betty up into a sitting position and just hugged her tight.

"It must have been so hard on you, Betty. I am sorry," Beatrice whispered, her voice shaking.

That did it. Betty wailed and said between sobs, "No ... I'm sorry ... I ... (sob sob) ... I am bad ... you"

Beatrice put her finger on Betty's lips, shaking her head.

"Shut up and listen. Listen very, very carefully, okay?" Beatrice said while looking at her deep in the eyes.

Betty nodded, completely obedient.

"WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?!" Beatrice roared, scaring Betty so badly that she jumped in shock.

Beatrice had her hands around her shoulders at this point and started shaking Betty gently. Still, Betty was so shocked that even though Beatrice didn't shake her hard, her head was bobbing up and down like a broken doll.

"He loves you and you love him, so why?! Why?! Did you think this would make me happy? Did you think you sacrificing your feelings for me is what I want? Did you think I wouldn't want you to be happy?!" Beatrice scolded her harshly, her own face now wet with tears.

Beatrice stopped shaking Betty and Betty looked at Beatrice who was crying silently. With a voice full of pain, Beatrice asked softly, "Did you think that I'm such a petty person that I would resent this happiness for you?"

Betty's mind was numb.

She never considered this.

She had been so caught up in dealing with the intense guilt that was eating up at her for her growing feelings for Sam that she never considered this point. She never took into consideration Beatrice's personality.

Betty felt ashamed.

Beatrice was right. She was stupid. A stupid fool.

She should have come clean with Beatrice from the start. They could have discussed this properly. Was it inevitable that they fall for the same guy? Was their friendship so shallow that it would have been broken by it?

Betty hung her head low. "I'm sorry," she whispered, feeling truly remorseful.

She looked up at Beatrice, "I'm sorry for being such a stupid friend. I'm sorry for not trusting our friendship more. I'm sorry for not telling you."

She sniffed and Beatrice nodded, satisfied.

"I do love Sam," Beatrice said, "But it's clear that he loves you. I can't force him to love me and it's unlikely that he ever will."

When she saw that Betty was still going to say something stupid about that, Beatrice shook her head and closed Betty's mouth, while saying, "Also, do you honestly think I would want to chase after a guy who has feelings for someone who likes him back?! Does that even make any sense?"

Betty blinked. Again, something she didn't think through.

It was at this moment, that a pivotal change happened to Betty.

A good change, mind you.

Betty had always been the impulsive type - the type that acted first without truly thinking things through. She always had Beatrice to back her up but this time, Betty realised for the first time that such impulsive and unthinking behavior can be detrimental.

It didn't mean that she stopped acting first, think later - but certainly, she was more cautious.

"But what do I do now?" whimpered Betty, "I hurt him so badly."

"Yes, yes you did," agreed Beatrice, which made her more dejected.

"Now, you're just going to have to win him back," Beatrice said firmly.