Otome Game Rokkushuume, Automode ga Kiremashita

Chapter 81

I am Neriel. I like her voice.

I like the way her eyes droop when she laughs.

I like when her adult-like tone crumbles for just an instant.

There are many other things I like, like her soft hair, the sparkle in her eyes when she sees macarons, the warm hand she holds out to me.

There are so many things I like about Maria-chan that I cant name them as fast as I can think of them.

But I, I dont know what these feelings are.

The one to think of the plan to invite Maria-chan and Keito to the villa was Rave-oniisama. Normally, father and the others are at my home so I cant invite people over, but every year, the time I go to my brothers villa overlaps with the academys long vacation.

Im always visiting them, so occasionally I should be the host instead.

It was fine for them to stay at my brothers villa but I would have to prepare the necessities. In the end, I relied on my brother for everything. Despite not being organized by me, the reply to the invitation letter from Maria-chan and Keito said Wed be happy to, were looking forward to it

I was happy. Of course it was because it had been so long but simply the thought of being with them made me so happy. Im just happy when I can be with them.

Its not like weve been separated for many years, nor was it a long enough period of time where people would change a lot. I havent grown much either.

I thought it would be good to change a little bit so I tried cutting my bangs, but in the end I was worried about being looked at at parties, so I started growing it again.

What am I doing? Why am I like this? I thought I changed a little thanks to Maria-chan but when Im alone I quickly wither away.

Until Maria-chan came, I was wavering and pondering.

You cut your hair; it suits you.

With just a few words, just that, my heart cleared up.

A happy smile, my favorite Maria-chan expression.

I think becoming happy is like this. Every time I see Maria-chan, I feel like I can get stronger. Every time I meet Maria-chan its always like this. No, even when we dont meet, I am thinking about Maria-chan.

I think things like I want her to taste these delicious sweets. This cute dress would suit Maria-chan. I wonder if Maria-chan would like this pretty flower?

My brothers told me that whenever I talk to them, I always talk about Maria-chan.

Neriel, you really like Maria-sama.

Abruptly, clearly, I felt like reality was thrust before my eyes.

I like Maria-chan, that is certainly true. I have fun, its pleasant, Im happy. I always want to be together. When she entered the academy, even though I knew I would be joining her in a year, I was lonely.

But, thats something I can say about Keito-kun too.

Maria-chan introduced me to him. Hes a friend who is older than me and rarely smiles but is calm and kind. When Im with him I can feel relieved. Like when Im with my older brothers.

Its not only Maria-chan, Keito-kun is also a person I love and treasure.

But why? Why is it that when I equate Maria-chan and Keito-kun, I feel unease?

I like them about the same, but its a little different.

I treasure them about the same, but just by a little bit, its different.

But, I dont know what the difference is. All I know is when I compare my two friends, their conditions are too different. A boy and a girl. Their ages are different too. And, originally, Keito-kun was introduced to me by Maria-chan.

I wonder if these differences are obvious?

Difference in when we met? Or is it just because Maria-chan was the one who introduced me to Keito-kun?

Neriel, when you enter the school, Ill introduce you to my friends.

From those words, I realized what the thumping and creaking of my heart was. It was what Ive been feeling since long ago. It was the feeling of shame when I realized my worthlessness from being compared to my brothers.

Maria-chans world is expanding whereas I dont even understand my own feelings.

I somehow smiled so that Maria-chan, who was talking happily, wouldnt notice. After that, her stories about academy gradually stopped registering in my mind.

Only her smile was clear in my mind.

. I am

I like Maria-chan. That is definitely not a lie. Its not an overstatement to say that Maria-chan began my world.

But, those feelings are not enough. I feel that saying I like her isnt enough to express my feelings.

Even though the feelings that I have for her should be the same as what I feel towards my brothers and Keito-kun.

Even though they should be the same, they are completely different.

Why is it, I wonder.

I wonder what is different? Theyre my feelings, yet I dont understand them at all.

Is it because shes not family? Shes not a boy?

Is it because shes my first friend that she is this special?

The feelings I have for Maria-chan, do they really only apply to her?

I wonder if everyone understands. The types of feelings people have for each other, how do people come to know them? Do they compare each other, choose a feeling, and then finally understand? If so, then I dont have the important target to compare to.

Is she special because I compare her? Is she special because she cant be compared? Either way, the person I am knows nothing and cant do anything.

In the end, I stayed as is and didnt understand myself.

Of course. The one who expanded my world wasnt me, but Maria-chan after all.

.. Neriel?

Ah.

For a moment, I thought it was an illusion. I thought too much and my heart showed me a hallucination.

Whats wrong? You didnt turn on the lamp.

Shes probably coming from a bath. She was wearing clothes that were even more comfortable than what she wore in the afternoon, suitable for sleeping in, a top and bottom set. Probably one of the things my brother chose.

Her figure was too good and too realistic to be an illusion. It didnt take long for me to realize it was the real person.

Were you looking at the moon?

The living room was connected to the garden by one window. The moon today was beautiful and the only light needed. Its probably thanks to that that Maria-chan came to that conclusion from my face.

Maria-chan approached me and stood next to me to watch the sky. The same way I was.

You really can see its beauty in the middle of nature. It looks like itll fall.

Fufu. She laughed. Her face was a little higher than mine. Of course I, who was short even within my own year, would be shorter than Maria-chan who was older than me. I saw even that as proof that the distance between us had grown.

Im no good huh.

Eh.?

No good at all Even though I thought I had grown.

I thought, surely I had changed a little right? I can go outside, I cut my hair, before I wouldnt have imagined this.

Surely it was a wonderful thing to expand my narrow world.

But, now I dont know what to do from hereon.

Where do I head to? If I move forward, is it the correct path? Is this pace good? Am I slow? Is it better if I move faster?

Moving step by step, I cant see the destination. When I step out, I cant see the end. It terrifies me and I immediately end up returning.

I want to catch up to her who is moving forward, but her back keeps getting further and further away from my reach.

Even though I have to work hard to make up for the parts Ive fallen behind in.

I closed myself off from the world. The responsibility is mine, of course I have to work hard to make up for it.

The only one thinking like that, might just be you, though?

Eh.?

Growing up is something you dont notice about yourself.

The meaning of her words barely registered. Surely she doesnt understand. It wasnt a deep thought. It didnt have the intention to console me. She just said what she thought.

And, her behavior that is always natural for her always change me.

Maria, Neriel What are you guys doing?

Keito!

You guys were late so I came to get you.

Keito-kun, like Maria-chan, looked like he had just gotten out of a bath. But somehow, the clothes didnt suit him. Its probably because my brothers selected it.

Neriel, lets play in my room, Keito said.

Eh, um

Maria came to find you because she said she wanted to play cards

The moon was so beautiful so I accidentally

Yeah yeah.

Then, lets go, Neriel!

The hand that reached out for me was the same one from before. Just as before, Maria-chan will turn around and reach out her hand for me, however far apart we are.

It was a nice sensation. It made me want to depend on her. Although in reality I am depending on her.

Then, I knew there was an answer I could not comprehend.

. Yeah, lets go. Im good at cards, you know.

The weakest by far is Maria. Right? Her emotions immediately show on her face, after all.

No! I can beat mother!

I was talking about the three of us.

I am Neriel. I like her voice. I like the way her eyes droop when she laughs. I like when her adult-like tone crumbles for just an instant. Her sparkling eyes when she sees sweets, her warm hand, her tomboy-like qualities. I like all of her.

There are so many things I like about Maria-chan.

But, I dont know what those feelings are.

Thats why, I want to know.

These feelings, what special feeling are they connected to. I hope It would be nice if these feelings are only for her.

It would be nice if Maria-chan were my special beloved person.