Path of the Berserker

Chapter 60

Being with Silver Light––or Fia rather––was nothing like being with Xi Xha.

On one hand, her inexperience made for awkward and embarrassing moments at times, but I eased her through the process slowly, making her feel more comfortable. She responded to my every touch, and what she lacked in experience she more than made up for with intensity and passion.

And the feeling was entirely mutual.

With Xi Xha it was mind-blowing sex, for sure.

But with Fia it felt more like making love.

We spent hours by the lakeside exploring one another and I had to admit, being with a woman as beautiful as her was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. After the first round she suddenly grew quiet and I feared that perhaps she was beginning to regret what we’d done, but then she revealed it was more from fear that she hadn’t pleased me.

I reassured her with a kiss that that wasn’t the case and sealed the deal with another two rounds of pleasure. By the time we were both spent, hours had passed, and we both lay naked together on the sandy beach, Fia cradled in my arms.

“I can’t believe this actually happened,” Fia said as she ran a finger along my jawline. “It’s something I’ve fantasized about. I’ve actually had you for my very own. The gorgeous handler, Chun, who is also the mysterious Iron Bull.” She rested her chin on my chest as she grinned up at me with a wicked leer. “I wish I could tell all my friends. It’d make them so jealous.”

I laughed. “Yeah, let’s not get too carried away with that. I’m serious about needing to wear that mask in the ring.”

“Do you fear I’d give away your secrets?” she said with a chuckle. “Trust me. What we’re doing now is a far bigger secret to keep.”

“Is that right?” I grinned at her. “I guess that makes us even then. You keep my secret and I’ll keep yours?”

Fia rolled her eyes. “As if I even have a choice in the matter. My family would disown me if they knew about this.” She then pouted at me playfully. “I honestly wish I could tell everyone though. Outwardly they’d scorn me with shame for lying with a Terran, but deep down I know I’d be the envy of every royal lady in the Imperial City. That’s how rare a find you are, Max Chun.”

She laughed and I couldn’t help but grin at the stroke of my ego.

She’d made a joke of it, but something within that lustful stare of hers said it wasn’t all a joke. I knew women loved to compete with one another, especially when it came to men, but just how far was Fia willing to go to one-up her peers?

I hoped not enough to eventually spill the beans.

With my own head now free from the throes of passion, I was starting to consider some of the other ramifications of this sexy little escapade as well. Like how this might affect her relationship with Xi Xha. Or mine even. Or our relationship moving forward in general. After all the things Fia had said, it was hard to know if our lives would simply revert back to normal, or if she wanted this to continue somehow.

“So what now?” I asked, seeking an answer.

A beat of silence passed between us.

Eventually, Fia spoke first.

“I say we stay out here forever,” she said, rolling onto her back and looking up at the sky. “And be free, just like this. No one to judge or control us. No one to scorn us for our forbidden love.”

She giggled then, but I grew apprehensive by the way she’d said it—full of intensity and conviction. More an oath than a starry-eyed wish.

“Stay forever, huh?” I switched the subject. “I think the Bloodmoon might have something to say about that.”

She laughed as she turned to me. “So, should we head back then? You do know I’ll have to pretend to despise you once we do. I’m actually not looking forward to that.”

“What? I thought you liked being mean to me,” I said with a grin and Fia blushed a little before pelting me with a handful of sand.

“I am not mean!” she said with mock offense.

I laughed, pointing at the obvious. “See?”

Fia laughed and tossed more sand at me.

When our laughs finally died down, she leaned in and kissed me softly, before snuggling herself under my arm again. “We should do this again,” she said. “Often. Venture out here alone, just the two of us. That’s all I want right now.”

At the moment that sounded wonderful, but then the reality hit. The last thing I needed was to give Hong Feng another shot at killing her. And after I returned with her still alive, that’d be absolutely what he’d want to do.

I chuckled. “You don’t think people might catch on after a while? Only so many times requesting your ‘favorite’ handler will go unnoticed. Hell, I don’t think it went unnoticed this time.”

“I don’t care,” Fia said, looking up at me. “I want to know you as well as Xi Xha does. Better even. I want to know who you truly are, Max Chun. And being out here is the only place we can do it.”

My stomach sank. Spending more time with Fia sounded like a dream, but as much as I wanted it, doing so was a direction that things could absolutely not go. Plus, I had darker secrets to keep. Secrets that could get the both of us killed. I had to know where this train was headed now. Or perhaps more accurately, where she thought it was headed, at least.

“I think we should probably talk about what this is first,” I said.

“Huh?”

“About what this means now.”

Fia stiffened and propped herself up on an elbow, her slender brows pulling together. “What what means?”

“This,” I said. “Between you and me. We’re about to head back into the real world soon, yes. But what does this really mean to you? What we’ve done.”

We shared an awkward silence then, and I would have given anything to know what was going on behind those silver eyes of hers as they stared into my own. Would she see this as a mere fling? A fantasy fulfilment that she knew couldn’t be made real? Or something more? Perhaps it could become something casual like what I had with Xi Xha, but even that I didn’t know if it was something that could be made possible.

“It means I’ve found my soul mate,” Fia said, smiling. “That’s what this means to me.”

Holy shit, I thought as my stomach performed a flip.

I wasn’t expecting her to get deep like that. I masked my emotions with [Struggler’s Resolve] and smiled. “You can’t be serious. You barely know me.”

“I know what you are not,” Fia said. “You’re not a coward or a weakling. And I don’t just mean physically either. You’re not a weak man that will bend to my every whim just to curry favor or make me happy. You’re honest with me and not afraid to stand up to tell me the truth. That’s something I do not find often with the men of my world. They are either arrogant tyrants or pushovers. You are neither. You’re unique.”

Damn, this woman really had a way of stroking a man’s ego.

But standing up to her was one thing––being honest with her though?

“There’s still a lot about me that you don’t know, Fia,” I said.

I then sat up so she would know I was being serious regarding what I was about to say next. It’s not what my heart truly wanted to do, but it would be the safest thing for both of us. “I have a purpose to my life that might take me far from here. Far from you. A path that only I can tread.”

“Paths converge sometimes,” she said while interlacing her fingers between mine. “That’s why I said I wanted to get to know you more. The real you. A fateful meeting like this does not occur by chance. We should embrace it.”

A surge of warmth rushed through my stomach.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel my heart melting right now, the stirring of my soul yearning to experience what she’d just said. But I had to be realistic about this too. Seeing Fia more would likely just get her or the both of us eventually killed. And I couldn’t have that. Plus, she was Lady Silver Light, a royal member of the ruling clan that I was destined to turn against someday. Whatever this was, it wasn’t something that could be made real––no matter how appealing the thought might be.

I could simply agree to pacify her with false hope.

But that wouldn’t be fair to either of us.

I needed to end this and make my intentions clear.

“No,” I said with [Struggler’s Resolve], unlocking my hand from hers. “Paths can cross. Maybe even more than once if fate allows it. But not converge. At least not mine. The path I walk is a solitary one.”

I wore a mask of [Indifference] to keep my own emotions from slipping.

“What are you saying?” Fia looked back at me confused, the pain and hurt in her eyes palpable. “What did this mean to you then?”

I honestly didn’t know how to answer. It’d meant far more than I expected it to. A glimpse of a different life perhaps. But one that didn’t exist in reality. Still, she’d opened up to me and I didn’t want to crush her either.

“It was something special,” I said truthfully. “A once in a lifetime kind of thing, but…” I paused to swallow the lump in my throat, steeling myself for what I had to say next. “…maybe that’s all it can be.”

The light dimmed within her eyes as the gravity of my words took hold.

It was a horrible sight.

Like watching a flower die.

“So, you’d rather dive in and out of whorehouses with the likes of Xi Xha than be with me?” Anger built within her as her brows lowered into a scowl. “Is that what you prefer?”

“I don’t plan to be with anyone,” I said. “As I told you…I must walk this path alone.”

A flash of anger crossed her eyes and Fia suddenly stood.

“It’s time to go, handler. Collect my things.”

I chuckled. “Back to handler just like that?”

But all levity had dropped from her tone now, replaced with cold hard pain and hate. I felt it in her soul as well, the delicate flower retreating within the safety of her thorns.

“It’s what must be done anyway, isn’t it?” She glared down at me—pure anger and resentment in her eyes. “When we step back through that gate, none of this ever happened, you understand? You are nothing to me. A lowly Terran handler barely worth my time.”

Fia stormed off, grabbing her clothes from off the sand.

Dammit, I thought. Probably could have handled it a lot smoother than that.

But I did what needed to be done.

I wanted to chase after her—tell her to stop.

Tell her that I’d changed my mind.

Tell her the truth.

But that wasn’t reality.

Not one in which we both survived anyway.

I heaved out a sigh. As much as I hated it, there was no taking back what I’d said now.

I glanced over at Silver Light as she shrugged on her robes, turning her head from me to hide the tears falling from her eyes. A cold emptiness filled me. A stark pain of loss and regret. I’d just accomplished something I never intended to do.

I’d just broken Fia’s heart.

* * *

The journey back to the gate was a quiet one.

Which only made it more awkward between us.

There was no shouting or unreasonable demands––just a cold, hard silence, filled with resentment and iron-willed resolve. Silver Light walked with her head fixed dead ahead of her, not even looking at me as I walked by her side.

I felt like shit.

I wanted to say something to hear that laugh and see that smile of hers again, but the more time went on, the more I realized that I’d just set us both on an irreversible path. It gnawed at me on the inside. I was denying the both of us intimacy for the greater good, but unfortunately, I could be the only one to fully understand why.

For Fia, I’d just trampled her heart for no reason.

A heart she had given to me freely.

I’d been a damn monster in more ways than one, today.

Dusk was approaching by the time the wall came within view, the rest of the cultivators and handlers perhaps already long gone. Silver Light still hadn’t said a word and I couldn’t think of anything worthwhile to say to her either.

As I trudged on with [Struggler’s Resolve] a new truth of my path revealed itself to me. Hardship came in all forms. Just as rage and power was the strength of the Demon, so too was hardship and burden a vital part of my Struggler’s journey. The words of the [Death Mastery] technique came to my mind and never read so true.

[Death Mastery] – the fear of death grows only stronger the closer one gets to immortality. Power over this fear defies not only the Heavens, but mocks it to its face. Consider it no small wonder then, dear kindled, that your path shall be blighted with misfortune, for the Heavens are not lightly mocked.

Mocked indeed, I thought. I’d just slain an Awakened S-Class monster as a Foundation Realm cultivator and now it seemed the Heavens were making me pay the price. Just as I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I was reminded of the real reason this entire thing was doomed from the start.

Sumatra.

The blue-skinned giant of a man was eyeing me like a hawk from the gate entrance, but I wasn’t the only one he was looking at. His eyes were wide with incomprehension as he stared at Silver Light, flashing questioning glances at me as we both passed through the gate.

As I figured, besides Sumatra the place was empty, save for the Imperial Guard and the three enforcers with him. Sumatra put on his game face, all cheery smiles as he approached Silver Light with a bow.

“Such a pleasure to see you have returned, Lady Silver Light,” he said in a formal tone. “I trust you had an enjoyable experience in the wild?”

“You lied,” Silver Light said abruptly, gesturing to me while still looking at him. “You said this was your best handler, but I found him to be utterly useless.”

She said the words with venom, and I couldn’t tell what was an act, and what was real anymore. Although she could have outed me as the Iron Bull right off the bat if she wanted to. If there was truly hate in her heart, she would have done that for sure.

But perhaps she was experiencing more pain than hate.

At least for the moment.

Sumatra cracked a confused smile and bowed to her obsequiously. “A thousand apologies, my lady. Please tell me what this useless oaf has done so that he can be punished appropriately.”

Silver Light finally looked at me, a cold angry glare, but subtly her eyes softened, as if reconsidering what she was about to say. “Just see to it that he never serves me again. Not that I would ever find reason to bring myself back to this place.”

She then turned from me walking away and the Imperial Guard approached next.

“What’s in those bags,” he said. “I sense something.”

Shit, the core, I thought.

We should have had it out for inspection already to declare it.

The last thing I needed was to create another fuss about attempting to smuggle it through. I pulled the core out of the bag and offered it to Silver Light. She balked when she saw it, as if she hadn’t remembered it was even in there.

“Your prize,” I said and when our eyes met, I glimpsed a brief opportunity to connect with her. Her guard was down, her mind perhaps still thrown off by the core. “It’s true you have no need to return here, my lady. You’ve already conquered the very best of what this world has to offer. The proof of it stands here before you.”

Both the guard and Sumatra drew closer to marvel at the smooth green stone in my hands.

“Holy shit,” Sumatra said, all pleasantries dropping from his tone. “Is that a reaper beast core?”

But I wasn’t paying attention to him. I instead looked into Fia’s eyes as I tried to convey what was in my soul.

“You stopped its very heart with your strength and your grace. A feat not easily matched. Had circumstances made it possible, I’m sure you could have even tamed the wild beast and made it your own. But with things as they are now, the most it can offer you is this…the very heart of its soul. To cherish as a memory. A fond one, I hope.”

Everyone was looking at me like I was insane, wondering what the hell I’d just said.

I used [Struggler’s Resolve] to back up my words and hoped Silver Light could read the double meaning behind them.

Her brows furrowed with confusion at first, but then I saw it.

The faint acknowledgement of understanding.

The light came back into her eyes and for a moment it looked as if she might cry.

But as quickly as it came it left.

She lifted her chin at me smugly.

“I’d sooner throw it away, for your filthy hands having touched it,” she said, snatching it from me. “But as it may be valuable still… as an engagement gift perhaps…I believe I’ll keep it.” She then paused to look me up and down and I sensed lemonade from her again. “For that day when I finally meet a man worthy of my match.”

Her words probably sounded as cringeworthy as my own to everyone else, but to me they were like poetry. Everyone was staring at the both of us now.

But I didn’t care.

All that mattered was the message I’d intended had somehow gotten through to her.

It wasn’t an apology or an explanation per se, but it was at least enough to let her know that what we shared was not something to be resented or scorned with disdain. At least, I hoped that’s what had gotten through.

But I’d picked up what she had said as well.

The door was still open…if I wanted it to be.

“An Awakened Reaper Beast, eh?” the guard stared at the core incredulously. “I’ve never even seen such a creature.”

“Of course you haven’t,” Silver Light said haughtily. “If you did, it would be the last thing you ever saw. Now tally its worth and let me know the tax.” She tossed the core to him. “And remember whose Clan it is you work for.”

The guard bowed with fear in his heart and ushered her towards the customs stand.

When they got out of earshot, Sumatra quickly pulled me to the side.

“Hey! What the hell happened out there?” he said in a hushed whisper, brows lowering into a scowl. “Why is she still alive?”

I jerked my head towards the guard inspecting the reaper beast core. “Isn’t it obvious? She was strong enough to kill the damn thing.”

“An Awakened Reaper Beast?”

I shrugged. “I know. Power of the ruling clan, right?”

He huffed out a long breath through his nostrils, staring at me. “What happened to Shen Ju?”

“It killed them first, the poor bastards. They’re the ones that lured the damn thing in from the wild. Although, I don’t think they were planning for an awakened one to show up. Just bad luck, I guess.”

His eyes were burning hot coals. “Yeah…bad luck.”

He didn’t believe a word of it, but I shrugged again with [Indifference]. “Our cover is still intact though. She never saw any of them. So that’s a plus. Maybe we’ll get another shot at her later.”

“Not according to her, if you were damn well listening,” Sumatra said fuming. “What did you do to piss her off?”

“Beats me. Poured her tea wrong, maybe?”

I laughed and Sumatra looked like he wanted to tear my head off. “This sounds like that damn rapling nest bullshit all over ag—”

“Handler!” Silver Light called sharply, cutting him off.

I used the opportunity to escape the interrogation and remembering to bow as I approached her.

“Yes, my lady?”

Silver Light paused to gaze at me, a strange smile on her lips. “It’s not often one of your kind is graced by a royal. Thus, I offer you this.”

She held out her hand and like magic a thin needle of silver emerged straight from her palm. “Take it. Let it remind you of the greatness that once graced your lowly presence.”

She gave me a wicked leer and once again I couldn’t tell if this was a mere act or not.

I decided to roll with it and gave her a smug smile of [Indifference]. “Thanks. I always wanted to give knitting a shot.”

Her eyes widened with shock, as did those of the Guard and Enforcers behind her—one of them looking on the verge of laughing. But her soul responded with a twist of lemonade. I took it from her and felt something etched into its surface. With a quick glance, I read the inscription: I regret nothing.

I smiled. Guess she got the message after all.

With that she departed, climbing on board her skiff and signaling for her pilot to take off. She kept her head forward, not making eye contact until the very last moment, shifting her silver eyes to meet mine.

I didn’t know when or even if I would ever see Fia again, but the longing in her gaze made me wish that it could be tomorrow. A cursed fate. But I had a path to follow.

“I’m going to find out what happened out there,” Sumatra’s voice came from behind me. “And what the hell were you saying to Lady Silver Light just now? Did you cut some kind of deal with her?”

I looked back at Sumatra, feigning indignation. “I look like a fan of the Silver Leaf Clan assholes to you?”

“You look like something…I just don’t know what yet.”

I turned to face him fully, laying on [Fear the Flame]. “Sounds to me like you’re trying to make something up.” His eyes shifted back and forth apprehensively, sensing my power as I accented it with Qi. “But what you see is what you get. Now if you’ll excuse me. I’ve got to be somewhere.”

“It had better be to meet with Hong Feng. You have a lot of explaining to do, Chun.”

Yeah, we’ll see about that, I thought as I pushed past him.

I took a few more steps before Sumatra called out to me again.

“You know, there’s more than just you who knows the truth about what happened out there,” Sumatra shouted. “And I’m sure she’ll be more than willing to tell the whole story. Given the right motivation.”

“Oh yeah?” I said as I kept walking, not even looking back at him. I then looked at the departing skiff, now high in the twilight sky. “Well good luck with getting anything out of her, my friend. If you can catch up to her that is.”

With that I left and went on my way.

Sumatra cursed and said something else that I couldn’t quite hear, but I couldn’t give a shit either.

Screw him and Hong Feng.

From the moment I chose to save Fia, I already knew all bets were off when it came to the Fire Birds. That meant time was of the essence now. If I played my cards right, maybe I could get it all done before I even saw Hong Feng again, because when I did, all hell was likely to break loose.

But I had to move fast.

The arena would be opening soon and I was in the opening round.

Tonight, I would take one more step towards freeing my people.

One last match to win.

And with a tank full of solid Frenzy, I had all the power in the world to do it.