Pay With Your Heart

Chapter 86 - Life Is Too Short

In-Ha listened to her as she talked about the things she missed. He could tell she had a lot of things going on in her life and he couldn't help but sympathize with her.

"Sometimes I feel like a failure. I failed to keep my grandma alive, I failed to bring my father back, I failed in taking care of my mother and I failed in being a good friend to my friends. I want to do better, I mean I try, but it's never good enough. I'm not good enough for any one. Maybe if I had tried harder made less demands maybe my father wouldn't have left. Or my mother wouldn't stay so happy without seeing me" Eun-Sun couldn't hold herself back. These were the depressing thoughts that goes through her mind every day.

"You know when I was younger, I never thought I'd feel lonely in my life. I thought I'll keep having everyone around me and continue to live like a princess." She let out a sardonic scoff. "Who was I kidding. There's no such thing as happy ever after. Life is just so fucked up that it hates it when you're happy. It'd be happy when you're sad and miserable. I have people around me but I feel lonely. I feel so lonely at heart. Sometimes I feel like I'm depressed and maybe suicide might be the easy way out of my misery, but then i realize I don't want to die. Because if I should no one would look after my mother. And then people will see me as a coward, as a failure who couldn't survive the tough turns of this world" She paused and chuckled mirthlessly, before looking at In-Ha who was paying rapt attention to what she has been saying.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said too much" She apologized as she lowered her head in embarrassment. She has said too much and she was feeling quiet embarrassed because of it. She shouldn't have said all those things.

What had come over her? Was she that desperate to talk to someone that she'd pour out her heart to someone she wasn't familiar with. She hasn't truly had such a conversation before not even with Hei-Ran.

In-Ha looked at her with an unreadable expresssion in his eyes. He felt a pang in his heart for her. There was something about her that made him want to hug right now, not out of pity but because he just wanted to. But as much as he wanted to, he also knew that Eun-Sun wasn't one to accept such proximity.

"You don't have to be sorry or feel embarrassed. It's good to get things out of your chest, because when you keep them to yourself it can become very depressing" He told her, but she still lowered her head. He sighed.

"I also miss someone too" In-Ha said, he chuckled when he realized this was the first time he was using the word miss since his mother died.

"Who?" He heard her ask.

"My mother. She was the one I went to visit too. And today was the first time I'm visiting her in years"

"Why?" Eun-Sun turned to look at him.

In-Ha Sighed and lolled back on the head rest. "Because just like you I failed to protect her. And she died protecting me" Eun-Sun could hear the sadness in his voice.

He turned to look at Eun-Sun who was also staring at him. "I do miss her and I feel guilty towards her, but that doesn't mean I should let life go by right? I could have done a lot of things to harm self and continue to wallow in self pity but I didn't do that. You see life is supposed to be enjoyed, you know why?" He asked, but he answered himself without waiting for her, "Because it's too damn short. Too short not to be with people who love you, too short to waste your time and energy on the people who don't, and too short not to love and let yourself be loved"

"I don't want to be a hypocrite, because I plan on getting back on those who inflicted pain on me and my mother, but that doesn't mean I would stop enjoying and experiencing the other part of life. So tigress, don't poison yourself with so much guilt, because the people you might be feeling guilty about might really want you to, or worse might not deserve it. So loosen up and enjoy what life has to give. Believe it's not really that bad" He said.

Eun-Sun just kept staring at him in silence. She didn't have anything to say.

"So you do want to give it a try?" In-Ha raised a brow at her, but Eun-Sun kept staring at him without saying a word.

Maybe him and Hei-Ran were right. She has been living her life with so much guilt. Life might indeed be too short, and if anything happens to her now then she'd miss out on all the things she had secretly wanted to do. Maybe she should learn to live just as Hei-Ran had said.

After a while she nodded her head slowly, making In-Ha smile.

"Now welcome to the happy club, where all we do is try to stay happy. Since I've initiated you to this, you have to be less hostile to me" In-Ha stated, making Eun-Sun cock a brow at him. When has she been hostile?

"Don't act innocent. You sprained my wrist"

"You tried to take advantage of me" She snapped.

"You see? That's what I'm saying. You're still being hostile again. And FYI that was flirting. I was just flirting with you" He replied.

"Then you were flirting too hard and you looked like a creep" Her tone was still as strong as usual. "Sorry" She apologized when she heard the way she sounded.

"That's more like it. Treat me more nicely. And tigress it's so hard not to flirt with you when you look this beautiful and alluring" He said as he started looking her over in a way that Eun-Sun hated so badly.

"Is that going to be a problem?" She tilted her brows at him. That she was trying to make changes to her life doesn't mean she was going to drop her guards down towards people like him.

"You want the truth?" He asked. "I might never stop flirting with you, because that's how I have my fun. I'm not ashamed of my life style"

"Then I guess we shouldn't be talking in the first place" She said, as she turned to open the door. The rain has stopped falling so hard.

"Wait!" In-Ha held her hand and stopped her. "I'm not done. You're really one hell of a woman. I have a feeling you might destroy my legendary weapon even if you give me chance" Eun-Sun narrowed her eyes at him in confusion. She didn't understand what he just said.

"What's a legendary weapon?" She couldn't help but ask.

"Oh tigress you don't want to know. It belongs to the gods. It's a weapon of mass destruction. So don't ruin your innocent mind with things like that" He adviced. Eun-Sun still understand what he meant so she just shrugged it off.

"So what I was saying is, as much as I'd want to flirt with you, I promise not to. I will be in my best behavior and lets us catch fun, unless you want me to turn into a bad boy" He said with a wink, making Eun-Sun glare at him.

'Still a pervert' She told herself.

"So what do you say pumpkin. You're going to treat me nicely from henceforth?" He tilted brow at her.

"Only if you keep to your words of being good" She stated.

"Well I promise. But just so you know I'm still open for more negotiations. It'll be an open deal" In-Ha said with a teasing smile.

"Whatever" She rolled her eyes at him, before looking ahead.

In-Ha couldn't help but look at her. Was he really going to have a female friend and not have sex with her? He didn't understand why he was making such promises and not outrightly trying to Pursue her like he did other girls.

He hasn't had a female friend before and the only relationship he shared with women were only pleasurable. It was strictly sex or nothing.

....

I want to take out time to wish you a happy new month and also appreciate you guys for all the support you've shown me all through the past month. For the privileges you purchased, the coins you spent, vote, gifts and all. I want to say a big thank you.

Let's do this again this month. Please keep supporting me by purchasing privilege, voting, commenting and sending those lovely gifts, and I'm going to try my best to keep bringing you guys lovely chapters.

Thank you so much, I love you and have a blessed month.

*Muah*