Ravens of Eternity

Chapter 43

43 Mirror Mirror, Pt Eva shook with anger, disappointment, and heartache as Mack sat there with his mouth agape. Her heart was a whirl while his was flat.

He broke the silence after too long of a moment, his voice soft and timid.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “And I do love you, it’s just...”

He trailed off, unable to say the rest, and let his words hang in the air.

Eva’s brow furrowed, and her agitation barely abated at his words.

“It’s just that you’re a selfish prick,” she said. “You don’t love me. All you care about is yourself! Everything you do is only so you can feel good. Who cares what happens to me, right? Who cares that you were never there? Who cares that my heart was constantly broken?”

His head hung low in shame, but only for a moment. He quickly jumped up – his ego wouldn’t let him be “the bad one”.

“But I told you that I was having issues! My life is complicated and I have so much going on. I’m just so busy all the time that I... I got overwhelmed by it all.”

Her anger got caught up in her throat the moment he said that. All he did all day was play games or watch videos or binge eat. If he did work, it was for a few measly hours. Busy? Overwhelmed? How?!

.....

That liar never did anything at all!

“Your words don’t mean shit!” she yelled. “You know who’s busy? People who pay rent. People who have bills. People who have sick family that need to be taken care of. People who don’t have enough money for all of it. You literally have zero responsibilities – how can you possibly be busy?”

“I just am, ok!” he snapped.

Eva’s eyes narrowed. She wasn’t done with her attack. She spoke slowly, as though he wouldn’t understand otherwise. Venom dripped out of her every word.

“And then you had the audacity to fuck around with the girl at the corner store. Five. Times. Isn’t it funny how you suddenly found enough time for that?”

He went pale when she mentioned that. He figured she had forgotten about it. Or maybe he just hoped that she would have. He definitely did his best to brush it under the rug, but her memory was just way too good.

“What do you want from me?”

“What do I want? I want you to turn back time and undo all the damage you’ve done to me, that’s what I want! Or if that’s too hard, you can try to move heaven and earth instead... If you could even move your ass off the couch first.”

Mack winced. She hit hard.

Of course he couldn’t do them. Those were impossible. In fact, since they were now completely separated into two separate universes, there was nothing at all he could do. Even if he wanted to.

There wasn’t even anything he could say in response.

Her anger was red hot, but her tone turned ice cold.

“Fuck this, and fuck you,” she continued. “You self-centered, irresponsible child.”

Then she cut the line and left Mack sitting in the dark by himself. The screen turned to black as Eva’s face disappeared. It was replaced by his reflection, which was vague and blurry.

On the screen was the word Disconnected.

He thought about all he had done and felt he didn’t really do anything wrong. Sure, he acted quite selfishly, but he didn’t think there was anything all that terrible about it.

He even believed that she was being selfish herself for wanting more of his time. And plus she was being controlling because she constantly told him to shape up and grow up. He definitely didn’t miss her nagging. Or her anger.

Except, after she had disappeared, he began to feel empty and alone.

She was always there to lift him up when he was down and nursed him when he was sick. She had even supported all his dreams, no matter how ridiculous they were.

He thought back to all the times she was there for him.

And he missed it...

But why should he change?!

He was who he was, and wasn’t going to change that for anyone but himself! His life was his, and didn’t belong to anyone else. All he needed was to be himself, forever.

Right?

And besides, he did the same for her! He looked out for her, he...

When he tried to remember the times when he was there for her, he came up short. And for the first time, it dawned on him how they treated each other. He actually saw how he had been acting.

She told him so many times that his actions were hurtful, but she still stuck around. She told him his choices slowly drew them apart, but she hung on. She fought tooth and nail to get him to see, and she bled for it.

She truly was there for him, no matter what he had done, or how he had behaved.

And he had treated her like trash.

But he got the sense that it wasn’t actually the first time he came to this realization... This felt familiar, but distant.

Out of nowhere, words she had told him long ago crashed on him like a pile of bricks. He shrugged her off when she said them, but now... Now things were different.

“You need to stop hiding from yourself!” she had said. “If you don’t stop erasing ‘bad’ memories of yourself and learn to grow... You’ll lose me. And you’ll break every other relationship in your life, at least the ones you haven’t already broken. Is that what you really want? Do you want to be this wreck all your life?”

Something in his heart suddenly moved. It wasn’t much, but he felt it. It was something old, something forgotten. It was something he had pushed away so long ago, as he believed it was useless to him.

Regret filled him slowly. It was like a vast emptiness that threatened to swallow him up from deep inside. It felt as though its only purpose was to consume and destroy him.

But instead of running away like he always did, he let it wash over him.

And for the first time in years, he wept.

~

Eva huffed out of her apartment and stormed towards the commercial district. Her every step hit the ground sharply, as though she was marching in formation. She let her anger flow through her body, and tried to channel it properly. But it only left her mind dark.

She was irritated and humiliated and deeply angry.

That anger was because he simply hadn’t changed a single bit. She should have known better. He hadn’t changed in twenty years – no way was he going to suddenly change out of the blue. Not for her.

And he had the guts to say that he loved her! What a joke!

He never loved anything in his life, she thought. Not even himself.

The only thing he had cared about was his own fragile ego. Everything else was apparently completely unimportant.

In fact, Mack’s carelessness caused him to lose everything that mattered.

His pets had languished under his “care” and had suffered various ailments that he never once bothered to attend to. One of his favorite ferrets had even died due to his neglect.

And his things! He constantly lost his things because he didn’t care enough to actually put them away or deal with them properly. Even the phone he was so attached to was marred with dents and splintered glass.

Most critically, his selfishness led friends and family to turn their backs on him. He never showed them the slightest regard, and only talked to his family members when he wanted something.

His own parents even regarded him as a total lost cause! Hell, they even cautioned Eva not to get too close to him.

Perhaps she should have listened to them after all.

She was also certainly angry at herself for having entertained the notion that he could change in the first place. That he would have finally come to his senses and become someone actually responsible for once.

She chided herself for being so naive and hopeful.

And it infuriated her that she even felt that way in the first place! It didn’t make any sense.

So why did she ignore all his red flags? And why did she give him so many chances? Why did her heart continue to forgive him? What made him so special to her?

He wasn’t anything truly worth mentioning, just another spoiled rotten rich kid who lived off the scraps of his trust fund. He was like a twelve year old in a twenty-two year old’s body.

Selfish, narcissistic, irresponsible. A winning combination.

What a complete fucking waste, thought Eva.

They fought so often about the dumbest things, just because he refused to grow up. The first time they had butted heads, it was because he was being neglectful and dismissive of her.

There was a cool new VR arcade in town, and she suggested that the two of them go check it out. Of course, he said that he would be there – he loved VR, too.

But on the day of, he simply didn’t show. Didn’t even say anything. Not even a peep. No ‘I’m running late,’ or ‘I have to cancel’.

Nothing!

She messaged and called him, but he didn’t answer. Frustrated at being stood up, she simply left and didn’t even go into the arcade. Her day was totally ruined.

She chided him a little over text, saying that he should have at least reached out if he couldn’t make it. But again, nothing. It was like she didn’t exist.

When he finally got in touch with her, it was days later. He didn’t even apologize, and just said he was ‘busy and got caught up with stuff’.

Her heart sank at what had happened, at how dismissively he treated her. But she forgave him silently. Everyone got busy once in a while, right?

In hindsight, it was foolish of her to forgive him, especially considering he didn’t even apologize for his actions in the first place. It didn’t occur to her that he never cared at all. It was only later, much much later, that he reluctantly apologized for his behavior.

She shook her head at the memory.

Remembering that first heartbreak shredded the last bit of compassion she had for him. Whatever little pity and love she had for him was finally gone.

Some people were completely irredeemable, no matter how much anyone wanted the opposite to be true.

Everything he did was to keep her chained to his fragile ego. Nothing more, nothing less.

Knowing that, she did her best to let go of him. He wasn’t relevant to her new life anyhow. All he did was drag her down, and she deserved better.

She breathed in deeply. The air was somewhat sharp and crisp. It felt a little rejuvenating.

When she exhaled, it felt as though her shoulders were a little bit lighter, her head a little clearer, and her heart a little lighter.

.....

Fuck off for all eternity.

Just as she cleansed her heart, she passed by a number of displays. What was on the screen took her attention – it flipped through a few different faces every few seconds.

They looked a little like spinning 3D mugshots, which piqued her curiosity. So she went back to have a look. And sure enough, they were indeed mugshots. Or perhaps more specifically, they were wanted posters.

On the display were the faces of those who had committed grievous felonies under Federal law and needed to be brought in. Most requested that the perpetrators be brought in alive, but the fine print mentioned that it wasn’t necessary against those with at least three felony charges.

The galaxy was vast, humans were plentiful, and scum like them were a dime a dozen.

She figured she would scoop up one of these bounties and turn them in. If they struggled a little, she could cut loose a bit and get a little aggression out. And if they struggled a lot more... Well, that was on them.

So she picked the meanest looking sonofabitch and took his bounty.

When his poster disappeared, the display turned black and her clear reflection shone off its glass momentarily.

Then a number of questions popped up one by one, which was necessary for her to be temporarily deputized. They weren’t anything crazy: name, callsign, organization name if she was part of one, that sort of thing.

On the screen was the question Would you like to register a partner?

She quickly tapped No.