Return of the Woodcutter

Chapter 24 - The First Step (part 3)

Aito began his descent into the darkness, with but a torch to chase away the shadows and the cold.

His breath sped up, pumping as much oxygen into his veins as his heart would allow, but its density in the air thinned with each step taken.

Witnessing his light dwindle the further he went, Aito barely noticed the trails of blood as his pulse increased once again; resonating throughout his entire body.

THROB.

The cold being hardly bearable, he briefly stopped his advance and wrapped himself with a few pieces of ragged fur to prevent his body heat from dropping too quickly.

THROB.

An inflammatory feeling spread to his chest as he resumed his march into the deepest part of the cave. His lips turned blue from the cold.

THROB.

His every breath burnt him from the inside, forcing what little oxygen remained in the air into his lungs. The torch's flame was now almost extinguished, barely lighting one meter ahead—if not less.

Then… a familiar voice came out of the darkness.

"Not fair!"

"… Ha…Haley?" He said, in between ragged breaths, trying to locate the origin of the sound.

He took yet another step. But this time, a familiar masculine voice resounded in the cave.

"I wonder where you got that stubbornness from."

"D… Dad?" He said, turning around. "Where are you?"

He stood still, peering into the obscurity.

"Lunchtime!"

"Mo…Mom?"

Aito bit his lips, using the pain to remind him of his current goal, but to also face reality.

'Stay focused. It's just a hallucination. Stay focused. It's just a hallucination.' He repeatedly thought, trying to persuade himself of the opposite of what he believed.

Remembering Jack, he gathered his courage and resumed his advance.

The voices of his family members resounded in the cave, rebounding on walls, harassing his sanity with each step taken.

"… but who will protect you, youbro?"

STEP.

"… don't underestimate your opponent."

STEP.

"… like father like son."

STEP.

"… there is the next part."

STEP.

"… the first step?"

Aito's mind blurred, carefully treading on the treacherous path. Consciousness and unconsciousness intertwined. His leg muscles moved, driven more by instinct than by will.

He was exhausted. The voices of his past tormenting him progressively shifted into a flurry of sounds, turning more and more aggressive, questioning, accusatory.

He couldn't seem to pick up what they were saying, as if those particular sentences had been purposely erased from his mind. As if… he was unwilling to recall them.

"Youbro, is that ###?"

"Son? What ### ### #####?"

"##### you! ## ##### ## shit!"

Aito stumbled and used the cave's wall to support himself. The voices, the coldness, and the lack of oxygen cracked his already fragile mental defenses as well as his physical ones. But somehow, he continued to walk.

Without sunlight, it was hard to tell if one, two, or three hours had passed. For him, each second in the darkness felt like an hour when, in reality, barely a few minutes had elapsed since he started his descent.

His back progressively arched the further he went in; the weight of his past becoming unbearable to him. Soon, he found himself on his knees, the cold rocky ground shredding his armor and clothes as he crawled towards the abyss.

'Tired. So, tired.' He thought. 'Why am I even doing this?'

Aito didn't understand his own body, which, despite his crumbling will, moved forward. Always forward. It was as if something drove him there, to his doom. Was it fear? Was it the monster? Or was it… something else?

Almost out of mental and physical strength, his hand finally touched a different texture than hard, cold rock—a furry texture.

Close to his hand, just in range of his torch's waning light, laid a bigfoot's corpse, a gaping hole in its chest.

'Jack….' He thought, the corpse reminding him of his original goal.

The reminder fueled his already empty reservoir of energy by a laughable amount, just enough for him to crawl a few more meters until he collapsed from exhaustion—accusatory voices still harassing his mind.

'I'm sorry, Jack. I can't….' He thought, gritting his teeth at the very familiar guilt gnawing at every fiber of his being.

FAILURE.

Aito rested his face on the freezing ground, its coldness burning his cheeks as his vision blurred for the umpteenth time. His last reserve of stamina extinguished, and so did the torch's flame.

Darkness surrounded him.

Voices tormented him.

Coldness burnt him.

'Maybe… I should just let it go.' He thought, when a small bubble-sized blue ball escaped from the bigfoot's corpse, quickly followed by others.

The cave walls slightly reflected their lights, revealing the surroundings. A great number of evol monkey corpses spread at random intervals in a large circular space accessible by using two entrances—apparently from each side of the mountain. An underground river located to the side flowed downhill, leading to the outside.

In the middle of piles of corpses stood a tall pale skin nightmarish creature with four long legs and dozens of tentacles as arms.

Its bald skeletal head turned toward Aito, revealing empty eye sockets that looked bottomless. In its round mouth, rows of pointy teeth chewed on Jack's body, as if absorbing the small monkey's soul.

The creature spat out Jack, whose body traveled a few meters, and landed next to Aito. Seeing his partner's body, he pushed his limits and crawled his way to Jack.

It was rigged with bite marks from which blood rapidly flowed out. The creature had seemingly kept the monkey alive or at least didn't kill it instantly after dragging it into the cave's depth.

Jack turned its gaze full of fear toward Aito, who could only avert his eyes filled with shame. Somehow, he felt responsible for this situation.

FAILURE.

If he had taken better choices, if he hadn't been so weak and whiny, all of those would have never happened.

It was just like back then if he had been strong enough to control his own urges, mental weaknesses, and rage, he would never have—

Suddenly, memories flashed through his mind as he recalled what occurred that day after his father had opened the door.

In his madness, rage and blinded by alcohol, he had attacked his father. Too blinded by his love for his son, Tevari had hesitated to counter act but that cost him dearly. Haley and Olivia had tried to stop Aito, but he violently "shoved" them aside.

The neighbors, alarmed by Aito's previous intense fight against a lampstand, had called the police who arrived too late. Later on, in his prison cell, Aito had learned of the severe consequences of his drunkard actions.

He placed his hands on his chest, gripping his armor tightly, trying to squeeze out the growing ball of pain inside it. The memory of his deeds repeatedly flashed by, again and again. Each time increasing his torture twofolds. A torture he knew he deserved but could only refute.

'I… that wasn't me… it wasn't me…'

His failure, his past deeds, his own sin. All those thoughts mixed with the growing fear of an approaching creature he had felt but never seen in his dreams.

"FInALlY, YoU ArE HeRE," the creature said, nearing its prey, reveling in Aito's fear and pain. Growing stronger with the passing seconds. "IsN'T iT paInFuL?"

"Y,y,yes…" Aito replied.

"ThEn LeT ThEm Go."

The voices, the creature, his memories, Jack. His mind was attacked from all sides. Fear, doubt, regret, guilt, remorse, and weakness finally forced their way through his mental barricades, atomizing his defenses.

"….take…." Aito said, ready to surrender his suffering to that monster.

"YeS. YoU'Re neArLy ThEre."

It had been much better when he couldn't recall those painful memories, and only the happy ones. So why should he even bother remembering painful things?

"… take my…."

"YeS. YoU DoN't neEd thOSe."

The physical pain? The cold, his exhaustion? Why should he hold on to those?

"GiVe mE EveRytHiNg."

Ironically, he started to feel comfortable despite the cold. Something was leaving his body as if the creature was draining him of his suffering, of the things he did not wish to keep.

"LeT mE gIvE YOu tHE ReDeMptION yOu So DespARATELY SeEk."

"…. take my pain away, please…."

The voices started to subside. Soon he would be free from those, from their torture. Soon the pain and the memories will be gone, leaving only two other problems.

First, the creature, but that could wait. Yes, it could wait, because there was one more worry, he needed to discard his friend first. The monkey had been a pain in the ass since the beginning. Why did it have to be his friend? Why—

SLAP!

Aito felt yet another painful feeling. One that was flaring up his cheek. But that pain felt familiar. He had felt it before. Multiple times, in fact. During his training with Tevari and one night with a certain small monkey.

'Jack….' Aito thought, his mind awakening from its previous strange foggy state. As if his past and present, merged together, had called him back with a simple slap.

He glanced to the side, at the source of his pain, to see Jack with an extended hand it had used to slap him. Then using the same hand, the monkey formed a very familiar rude gesture, a middle finger.

At that moment, the last of the receding voices resounded in his mind. His father's voice.

'Fear defines your limits, but don't let it define yourself.'

Fear. He had feared his past. He had feared the monster Aito knew he was, but refused to acknowledge. How could he ever hope to overcome that monster if he himself believed he wasn't one?

Jack's middle finger switched to a thumbs up before dropping.

'But where to begin?'

Aito reached for his partner, his friend. Gripping tightly Jack's furry hand, feeling the monkey's weak pulse. Certain that it was alive, he let go of its hand and turned a furious gaze towards the creature.

'What's the first step?'

How could he ever find redemption for his misdeeds if he did not take the first step towards it?

There, at that moment, he finally realized what he had been missing all these years. What he hadn't had the strength to do.

'The first step to overcoming one's weakness is ACCEPTANCE, son.'

Something stirred in Aito's chest. The pain he had let go a few moments ago progressively surged back into him. His memories, his fear, his weaknesses, his denial.

'Dad…, thank you and sorry. I'm not worthy of your guidance.' He thought, a warm stream of tears running down his cheeks.

Despite the cold, exhaustion, the lack of oxygen, Aito forced air into his lungs while having to hear the creature's bullshit, before finally voicing out one single ragged sentence.

"You will not take them from me."

The creature halted its steps, towering over its food that was pointlessly trying to rebel.

"JuSt PrEtenD iT nEvEr haPpen—"

Aito rose on one knee. "I WILL NOT!"

Bubbles of lights, originating from the bigfoots' corpses, slowly gathered around Aito.

"I lost that tournament. In my arrogance and immaturity, I disappointed myself and only myself!"

Those painful memories after his father had opened the door surged back, but this time he welcomed them with open arms despite the oppressive weight it brought upon his shoulders.

"I was a burden to my family!"

"It wAsN'T yOu." The creature said, trying to persuade him.

"In my mindless raging state, I crippled my little sister and hurt my mother."

"It wAs tHe AcLohOl."

"No it wasn't! The alcohol influenced me but ultimately it was my decision!"

He closed his right fist, tapping into an unknown source of strength to prepare for what would come next.

"And…. I…" He said, squeezing his fist so hard that blood dripped from his palm. "I killed my own father."

The creature peered into its prey's eyes, finding no hesitation. No fear. Only pain. Only… acceptance.

"It hurts so much I'd rather die. But it's my pain! My memories! My suffering! Mine! I did it! I was the one who hurt my family and no one else!"

"JuSt GiVe ThEm to ME."

"THEY ARE MINE!"

"FoOl, OnLy PaIn awAits YoU aT tHe eNd of ThiS PatH." It said, trying to provoke him. To mock his decision and courage.

Those words drown the cave in a gloomy silence.

Aito greeted his teeth. He knew. He already knew that his quest for redemption was but a pipe dream.

He had not the power to resurrect his father. He had lost sight of his sister and mother on Earth. Moreover, he did not know if he could ever see the blue planet again. Even if he did, what was he supposed to do? Ask for forgiveness? He did not know yet.

Still, he had hope, a fool's hope called Iris where there might be a chance for him to atone. Sure, there would be many trials awaiting him, blocking his path. He could sense it. But if he couldn't come to terms with himself now, if he couldn't take the first step, then it would truly be hopeless.

Aito stumbled to his feet and took a deep breath. "So be it."

Blue bubbles surrounded Aito like planets rotating around a sun.

"If I don't accept myself, I will never be able to find true redemption, no matter what I do. Therefore…"

Sensing Aito—the source of its strength—taking back what rightfully belonged to him, the creature stumbled backward, weakening with each passing microsecond.

"I accept myself even if I am a monster but I will not let it define who I am." He said while bubbles of light merged within him and a notification appeared in the corner of his vision. "I will overcome my limits and never again cower in the face of my own failures!"

The creature shrunk back, blinded by the light. "IMpOsSibLe…."

[Remember those words of yours, Aito Walker.]

BING!

[Congratulations! You have acquired a class!]