Savage Divinity

Chapter 581

There was a time when Yan found sneaking out to meet her lover a thrilling game, but after going through the motions so very many times, it’d become more of an aggravating inconvenience.

Waiting up was the worst part, because even though everyone knew what she was up to, ‘appearances must be kept’. Yan couldn’t simply read a book or play with the rabbits until it came time to leave, because if she did, then Eun, Kyung, Grandpa Du, or one of his guards would accompany her for as long as she was up. It was silly really, keeping up pretenses for the sake of pretenses, but if Yan didn’t give them this much, then she would never be left alone or allowed to leave to visit Rain. No, they had to send her to bed first, and even then, the silliness did not end, because if someone caught her sneaking out from the Medical Saint’s manor, then she would be sent back to bed once again.

Everyone knew Yan spent most nights in Rain’s bed, but she still needed to be discreet about it for the sake of propriety. Even though the rice was cooked, Grandpa Du still needed to show he was doing everything he could to protect her ‘chastity’. If she could sneak out in spite of his best efforts, then he was not at fault, for a grown daughter cannot be kept, but Mother forbid Rain ever try sneaking into her room. The one time he tried it earned him a light beating from Kyung, followed by an involuntary bath in the pond when he refused to give up, all because of perception. Yan sneaking out was a young woman willingly going to her beloved, but Rain sneaking in was seen as making a fool of Grandpa Du. So silly, but such was life.

Or at least that’s what she told herself while braced between two roof beams in an effort to avoid the patrolling guards. She’d done this exact same maneuver just three days ago and thought her presence went unnoticed, but someone had taken measures to thwart her escape. Every other wooden beam had been removed, so instead of lying comfortably over top a pair of beams, she was stretched out in between them with her arms and legs akimbo, all the while Lightening for all she was worth to keep from falling. The guards, Xiao Qi and KageTaka from the sounds of it, had stopped to chat just out of Yan’s sight, but she could hear them going on in hushed whispers about some art exhibition they were planning to visit. They knew she was here, they had to, and this was their way of taunting her without letting Grandpa lose face.

Truth be told, she would’ve found it hilarious if not for her tenuous position.

Grandpa Du delighted in testing her during these nightly escapes, forcing her to think on her feet in order to avoid Kyung and the guards. It was good practice for sneaking and scouting, but Yan yearned for the day she learned how to Conceal and could simply leap over the manor wall unseen. Then again, Grandpa Du would probably use that as an opportunity to train her in anti-Concealment methods, though hopefully Yan would be married by then and no longer forced to sneak out.

It felt like an eternity before Xiao Qi and KageTaka resumed their patrol, but it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. Limbs aching and head light, Yan yearned to drop down and rest, but she knew better than to let her guard down so quickly. Instead, she pushed off to the right and settled herself atop a single beam, which was much easier than bracing herself between them, but far too dangerous to try with the guards in earshot. Long seconds passed in palpable silence as she struggled to quietly steady her breath and keep from muttering obscenities under her breath.

It was unladylike, according to Eun, and Yan was not brave enough to cross that woman, not again.

After one-hundred seconds of waiting, her patience paid off. Slipping through the shadows without a sound, Kyung padded through the hallways and stopped almost directly beneath Yan. There he stood, peering about the darkness, before letting out an almost imperceptible huff and continuing his patrol with marginally less stealth, the floorboards creaking beneath his passing as his footfalls echoed through the hallways.

How sweet, this surly brother of hers. This was his way of telling her she’d slipped up, but he would overlook it just this once. The problem was, Yan had no idea how he spotted her, but he somehow picked the right beam and stood directly in her field of vision without ever raising his head, so something must have given her away.

A puzzle for another time however, since Kyung’s goodwill was limited and he was sure to return soon enough. It only took three minutes and fifteen seconds to make a full circuit around the inner courtyard, so Yan had best be gone before then, lest she be banished back to her room to start her escape over. Quietly crawling atop the beam, she made her way to the end of the hallway to avoid being seen through the windows before slowly lowering her head to check if the way was clear. It was, but circumstances could change in a heartbeat, so she kept her eyes open as she gently lowered herself to the floor. Keeping to the shadows, she proceeded to the corner of the courtyard and climbed over in the blink of an eye, having long since memorized the locations of every finger and toe hold.

The things one does for love...

Once over the wall, the need for stealth was all but done with since no one in Rain’s household cared if Yan was caught sneaking in. To ease her passage, she had Rain install a lattice framework on one side of the manor walls, which she used to climb up onto the roof of his room so as not to disturb anyone else with her passing. He could have just left the window open for her, but there was a Death Corps guard posted outside at all times, and even though he had strict orders to ignore Yan’s passing, it was awkward climbing through windows with an audience. Truth be told, she could have marched straight up to the front doors and the guards would have let her in, but doing so would have been throwing away Grandpa Du’s face, as half the citadel would be talking about her ‘scandalous behaviour’ come morning. Not that Yan sleeping with Rain would come as any surprise since his household was under intense scrutiny at all times, but again, face, propriety, reputation, morals, and all that, showing that once again men had it easy and women were forced to suffer through their silliness.

Unfortunately, she soon discovered all her hard work was for naught as she found Rain sitting at his desk while Mama Bun, Aurie, and two more rabbits snored in his bed. Right away, this told her there would be no canoodling tonight, because neither of them were comfortable making love with the animals in the room. Difficult to get in the mood with grouchy rabbits growling over being woken up or sweet, ignorant Aurie butting in so he could be included in their ‘game’.

What little disappointment Yan harboured was quickly swept away as Rain’s face lit up with a smile, so warm and natural it spoke volumes to his love for her. Putting his pen aside, he rose to greet her with a hug and kiss, and she happily threw herself into both, relishing the sensation of his strong arms wrapped around her waist and supporting her weight while her hungry lips met his. When their kiss finally ended, her toes were curled and feet raised as she held her panting beloved close. “Hi stranger,” she began, and she kissed him once more for good measure while suspended in his arms. “Working late I see. Problems at the office?”

“No.” Keeping one arm wrapped around her waist, he swung her feet up and lifted her into a princess carry before taking a seat at his desk, where he showed her a messily scrawled parchment labelled ‘seating arrangements’, with names listed in groupings of ‘most important’ to ‘least important’, and plenty of corrections to be seen. “Well, yes, but that’s not what I’m doing now. This is wedding stuff.”

A quick glance revealed one name in particular which stood out, as ‘Huushal’ had been written and crossed out no less than half a dozen times. They used to be such close friends, and Big Huu rode out with Rain the last time he was at Sinuji, but they rarely spent time with one another anymore. Something had happened between them, not exactly a falling out, but Huu was keeping his distance and Rain was respecting it, and neither one would even admit something was up. Whatever it was, it was something on Huu’s end, because when Yan woke from her haze of Insight, she found Huu had already moved out of the Citadel and living out of a yurt on Rain’s beet farm by the Medical Saint’s bamboo grove. What’s more, Big Huu barely ever left his yurt these days and had yet to revisit the front lines since his promotion to Second Class Warrant Officer, which was odd since Officers were so rare amongst the People. Huu even turned down Yan’s offer to serve together, which was odd because as kids, they’d agreed that the first one of them to make it big would take in the other as their second-in-command, and this was the first time there was a clear gap between their ranks.

Whatever the problem was, it was high time to pay Big Huu another visit, so Yan made a mental note and tucked it into the back of her mind before fixing Rain with a playful pout. “How rude. Planning your wedding with one woman while waiting for another.” Resting her head on Rain’s shoulder, Yan gently nipped his neck in admonishment before looking over the list once more. “Figuring out who will sit where? You don’t even have a venue picked out, so why not leave this to Luo-Luo?”

“Because... it feels mean to make Luo-Luo plan Mila’s wedding, you know? It’s fine, I can handle this much. Probably. Or I can find someone to help.” Pressing his cheek to her forehead, he sighed and started putting his things away with his one free hand, the other firmly stuck to her waist and in no danger of coming free. “Sorry. You probably don’t want to hear about this either. I should’ve put this all away before you arrived, but you’ve gotten really good at sneaking around. I usually hear you on the roof before you make it inside.”

“I was properly motivated to learn.” Tugging his collar aside with her teeth, she kissed his collarbone and added, “Besides, there’s nothing wrong with talking about the wedding.” Nuzzling closer into Rain’s warm embrace, Yan let out a small, contented sigh as he finished putting his things away and stroked her cheek. “So, Mila woke up and you finally picked a date.” In spectacular and scandalous fashion, according to Luo-Luo’s vivid portrayal.

“Yea, midsummer. Doesn’t leave much time to prepare, but it does mean you and I can have our wedding on the Autumn Solstice.”

“Mm. Figured as much, Grandpa was already complaining how two months wasn’t enough time to plan it. He wants to know if you can get us that big banquet hall at the Central Citadel, the one the Legate used for the last one.”

“Of course. I’ll pen a letter to Colonel General Ryo in the morning.” Yan found it titillating to hear Rain casually talk about exchanging correspondence with a Colonel General, so she snuck in another kiss while her free hand idly explored his broad shoulders before plunging beneath his robes to inspect his muscled chest and washboard stomach. Now that he was in better health, candlelight didn’t do what was under his robes justice, and there wasn’t enough time in the morning to properly appreciate his lean, chiselled body since she had to sneak back to her room before Eun arrived to find her missing.

“Hey Yan, could you ask Grandpa Du to... err... lie to Mom and Dad about the cost of the wedding? Like whatever he needs, have him ask for half, or even a quarter when he talks to my parents, and I’ll pay the rest. With how many people we have to invite and the sheer extravagance expected of an Imperial Scion, the weddings are going to get really expensive and Mom and Dad refuse to let me help pay.” Widening his eyes in belated alarm, he added, “I’m not asking you to skimp on your wedding or anything, I’ll spare no expense, I just don’t want my parents footing the entire bill for so many weddings.”

And whose fault was it that he needed so many weddings? “Among the People, it is traditionalfor the groom’s parents to pay for the wedding, a point of honour to showcase their family can support their new daughter-in-law.” Yan began with a lesson mostly because she liked to see him pout, but also because he was an idiot and his Peak Expert parents could probably hear his plotting, which she promptly told him through Sending. His bug-eyed expression was not as adorable than his pout, but still fetching enough for a kiss. “Besides,” she added out loud, if only to earn points with her fearsome dragon-lady of a Mother-in-Law, “You shouldn’t be trying to trick your parents. They are reasonable people, and if the costs get out of hand, then they will say something to their oh-so-rich-and-successful son.”

A shame Sarnai was so much more difficult to win over than her husband. The Bloody Fanged wolf was more of a shy pup when dealing with Yan, since he made the same gaffe as his son and mistook her for a man. Unlike Rain, Baatar couldn’t buy forgiveness with his body, though that would be an interesting experience. A shame neither father nor son would ever go for it, the prudes...

“Okay, okay, my mistake.” Rolling his beautiful amber eyes, Rain added, “Don’t let this hold you back though. You shouldn’t settle for anything less than your dream wedding, because you deserve the best.”

“I’m a simple girl with simple tastes.” Shrugging ever so slightly, Yan stifled a yawn and said, “The ceremony isn’t all that important, and the banquet is more of nuisance than anything else. I love you and you love me, so a few cups of tea won’t change anything, but Grandpa wants a big ceremony and banquet, so he’s going to get one.” Switching to Sending, she added, “I’m more interested in what comes after, because that means no more sneaking around at night.”

“I’m looking forward to it too.” After a brief pause, Rain asked, “How’s his health?”

“Not great,” she whispered, her heart aching in grief. “His knees hurt all the time, and I think his hearing is starting to go, but otherwise, he’s doing fine for someone who’s a hundred and eleven years old.” Knowing what Rain would say next, Yan shook her head and told herself it wasn’t a betrayal. “You can’t. You know you can’t, because I’ve told you so.”

“But –”

“No buts.” Snuggling closer into his embrace, she took a deep breath and switched to Sending just to be safe. “We’ve been over this before. If you teach Grandpa how to use Panacea, he’ll never be able to keep it a secret. He likes to pretend otherwise, but he’s a soft-hearted old man who can’t help but let others take advantage of him, because he’s worried he doesn’t have enough time to reconcile with his family. You saw how comfortable he was asking you to borrow ten-thousand gold, because he needed it to pay off Jin Tok’s gambling debts. Or at least, that’s what he thinks it was for, but you and I both know Jin Tok lied to him. There never was any gambling debt, or loan-sharks threatening to break his knees, it was all a sob-story concocted by him and his scheming mother.”

“Yea, and we told Jin Tok we knew and warned him away. He hasn’t shown his face since, and I don’t care about the money.”

“That’s not the point. Jin Tok is staying away because he got his money and he’s not desperate yet, but he will be back eventually. He knows Grandpa will never abandon him, no matter what he does. Love is irrational that way.” Though it pained her to say this, Yan knew it was for the best. “You don’t even know if Panacea can extend someone’s life. It’s just a theory right?” Rain nodded, and she was reminded of his long-winded explanation about why the body aged and how Panacea might help revert it, or at the very least, keep the body in a more stable state. Something about imperfect copies and information degradation, but he used a lot of terms she wasn’t familiar with and had little to no proof to offer. “Then that’s that. You can’t teach Grandpa, because he’ll reveal it to the first ‘close friend’ or family member who needs it. He won’t mean to, he’ll just strongly hint that you or Medical Saint Taduk might know something that can help, and then what? Just look at how many friends he’s asked the Medical Saint to look at, friends who all but abandoned him when he needed them most. He had to borrow money from you because his family has yet to give him back the fortune they stole from him, yet they still have the gall to ask him for favours, favours he is more than happy to dole out. I love him with all my heart, but as much as I wish it were otherwise, he cannot be trusted with this secret.”

“I know, I know.” There it was, his fetching pout, but this time Yan didn’t have the heart to admire it. Much like Grandpa, Rain was also a soft-hearted fool, because despite knowing that revealing Panacea might bring grave danger down upon the People, he still tried to come up with new and clever ways to disseminate the technique. Not for fame or profit, no, he wanted to give it away freely because it was the right thing to do, whether it was through anonymous letters to famed Healers all around the Empire, or through the Penitent Brotherhood whom he had almost no reason to trust. Thankfully, he still had the presence of mind to ask Akanai beforehand, because if it were up to him, he would gladly give every Martial Warrior the potential to live forever, and then where would they be? “I just wish... I wish things were different. That this world was different.”

An odd way to put it, but Rain was a strange one. “We all do, my love.” The thought of losing Grandpa terrified Yan so, because she’d only had these few years to cherish his love and affection. She could only hope that Medical Saint Taduk’s weekly check-ups were enough to sustain his ailing health, or perhaps even some miracle medicine from the burgeoning Spiritual Plant garden would save her beloved Grandpa from the Mother’s final and inevitable Embrace. “We all do.”

Kissing her gently, he fell silent and she could almost feel him struggling with indecision. There was something else on his mind, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about it. Distracting him would only convince him to drop the matter, while asking would only make him deny it, so she reined in her passions and perched comfortably on his lap, instead of shimmying about to tease and frustrate them both to no end. Much as she loved him, there were times when she wished he was more open with his thoughts and feelings, instead of spending all his time lost in circular trains of thought, but there was no helping it. This was simply who he was, and she accepted him as is, for better or for worse.

As luck would have it, Rain finally came to a decision only seconds before Yan drifted off to sleep. “Hey,” he began, pressing his forehead against hers for comfort. “Am I a terrible man?”

“Absolutely,” she replied, without missing a beat, “Though you need to be more specific if you’d like me to go into detail.”

“Tch. Shut up.”

“You asked.” Grinning as she kissed him deeply to take make up for the barb, she ground the base of her horns against his forehead, because her hands were still busy tracing his wiry body and she couldn’t spare them to pinch his cheeks. “So what’s got you all knotted up inside now?”

“Well... I asked Luo-Luo to marry me.”

That put a damper on her tactile exploration, and she drew back with pursed lips. So not only would Yan have to share her beloved with Mila soon, she might have to share with the gorgeous Luo-Luo too. “And you’re conflicted because she agreed? Not sure if she really loves you? Or if you love her?” This was all old hat by now, as he’d gone through it several times, and he never took anyone’s advice to heart. Still, she tried again and said, “Just take her to bed, and you’ll fall in love soon enough. That’s how I won you over.”

“As I recall, I blurted out that I loved you before you dragged me into bed.”

“Only because you were drunk. You’d have never admitted it if you were sober. I told Luo-Luo to get you drunk, but she thinks that’s far too scandalous, even though she was shameless enough to wait naked on your bed.”

“...True, but it’s still not the same. Besides, she turned down my marriage proposal.”

That finally got her attention, and she straightened up to study his expression. A little bit of disappointment, but mostly confusion. “Really? Luo-Luo doesn’t want to marry you?” Serves him right for treating her so poorly. Luo-Luo was his ego boost, the beautiful courtesan who desperately wanted him, and he’d come to enjoy denying her in an almost sadistic fashion. Poor Luo-Luo, but desperation was not an attractive colour on anyone, even classically and erotically trained courtesans who knew far too much about sex for someone who was still a virgin. Yan tried to help them both along in their relationship, but Luo-Luo stewed in desperation every second of every day, and Yan hadn’t been motivated to try very hard because she enjoyed her exclusive hold on Rain’s body for this past year. “Why do you think she refused?”

“Well... it’s complicated. See, I felt bad because I proposed to Mila while Luo-Luo was in the room, so even though we talked about it and decided I would wait, I figured there was no harm in letting her know about my plans.” As Rain narrated his disastrous proposal to Luo-Luo, Yan found it increasingly difficult to keep a straight face, and her shoulders were shaking with mirth by the time he finished. “Glad to see you find my embarrassment amusing,” he said, his tone wry, yet loving.

“Sorry, but I can’t help it. It’s like watching an adorable little fawn bumbling about the fields and tripping all over his own feet. It’s too precious not to laugh.” Headbutting him as gently as she could, she continued, “She was right to refuse you though, what with you going on about promises and possibilities. Hardly the most romantic proposal, and she deserves better. And she even told you she loves you, which is a big step forward. I doubt she’d lie to an Imperial Scion, after all.”

“Yea... about that...” Glum and forlorn despite the day’s joyous events and Yan’s teasing manner, Rain sighed and slumped in his chair, which shifted her seat to a far more interesting position on his lap. “It got me to thinking about love and marriage and whatnot and... well... Do you ever resent me for... you know... having so many betrotheds?”

“All the time.” Not even bothering to conceal her exasperation, Yan rolled her eyes and scowled. “What? You think I’m happy to fall in love with a lascivious lecher and share my husband with four other women full-time?” Rain still didn’t count Song amongst his conquests, but they shared a close bond that was only a single step shy of carnal love, and it was only a matter of time before they both admitted it. “I love you dearly, my silly, stupid man, but if there was some way I could have you all to myself, I’d take it in a heartbeat.”

“...Then why didn’t you ever try?”

“Because I love you.” Kissing him to punctuate her point, she basked in his confusion for a short second before continuing, “And you love me, but you also love Mila and Lin-Lin. You’ll eventually fall in love with Luo-Luo too, because if you didn’t, then you wouldn’t be the man I love.” And Song too, but saying this would would do them more harm than good for now.

“...I’m confused.”

“Was I wrong?” she asked, smiling as cupped his cheeks to better frame his expression. “If so, then which one of us do you not love?”

“I love you Yan, and yes, I love Mila and Lin-Lin too. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Looking deep into his eyes, Yan leaned close until their noses were touching so he could better see her sincerity. “I told you earlier, love is irrational. You can’t control who you fall in love with, else I would have hardly picked a scrawny, foul-mouthed pervert who mistook me for a man.”

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“Never.” For some reason, talking about it made her want to rip all her clothes off and vigorously prove him wrong once again, but she settled for squeezing her arms around his neck instead. “I love you, and I know you better than you know yourself. If I stole you away from Mila and Lin-Lin, you would never forgive yourself for abandoning them. It would tear you up from the inside out, and you would grow to resent me. That resentment would then go on to poison everything we shared, so I am not willing to risk it. I love you in spite of your flaws, and I accept sharing you because it is the only way I can have you without ruining you entirely.” Men and women had gone Defiled for less, and it was better for everyone involved if they could all just get along. “I considered finding myself another handsome young man to fall in love with, but I’ve not met anyone who has your...”

“Dashing good looks? Hilarious sense of humour?” He waggled his eyebrows. “Commanding bedroom presence?”

“Charm. Let’s go with charm.” Amused by how quickly he switched moods, she smiled so he would know she wasn’t being serious. “Such is the price I pay for love and happiness.”

“...Sorry.”

“Again, why are you sorry?” Shrugging, she said, “It’s not your fault the men of Central are so lacking, they were unable to make me forget my love of you.” It was a perfect set-up for Rain to go on about how amazing he was, but this time he failed to pick up the cue. She could see him stewing again, losing himself in his thoughts as he picked apart everything she said and how she said it. This was why he found social engagement so exhausting, because something compelled him to overthink every interaction. He was the sort of person who spent long minutes wondering if he should greet someone with ‘good evening’ or ‘hello’, while analyzing the myriad of subtle nuances each greeting might convey. Because he thought this way, he also thought everyone else was the same, so everything they said could possibly be layered with multiple nuanced meanings. This flavour of neuroses was a boon in highly charged political situations, but here in their bedroom, it would only make things worse.

This was who he was, Falling Rain at the core, a scared, uncertain young man who was terrified of disappointing the people he loved, and in turn, terrified that they would hurt or abandon him. That’s why he was targeted by the Spectres, and that’s why...

...Oh!

“What’s happening?” Rain asked, still worried from their conversation. “You look like you just had an epiphany.”

“I did, but not about this.” Headbutting him once more just because, she said, “Enough anguish and apprehension. You’re an incorrigible man of insatiable appetite, and I’ve long since made my peace with this, and so should you. Marry Mila, marry Lin-Lin, marry Luo-Luo, and marry... one more person, but if you marry anyone else or break our marriage vows, I’ll castrate you myself. Understood?”

“...Yes, my love.” With that said, they pressed closer together and let out a shared sigh of contentment, taking comfort in each other’s warmth and presence. “I’m a lucky man.”

“You better believe it. Now take me to bed.”

There was no canoodling that night, but they did spend an inordinate amount of time snuggling with Aurie and the bun-buns. In the blink of an eye, morning was upon them, and Yan mourned the passing of her last night with a monopoly of Rain, since she’d decided that this would be her last visit until a week after the wedding. A wedding gift for Mila, so Rain would be pent up and raring to go on their wedding night, and if things went poorly between them, he probably wouldn’t be in any shape to do anything bedroom-related for another week anyways. Cradling a sleeping rabbit under each arm, Yan kissed her beloved goodbye, left her shoes behind, and padded out towards the corner of the courtyard wall. With bare feet to improve her grip, she easily made it over by jumping between the two walls, and since Grandpa’s guards would hardly make a fuss about her sneaking back in, Yan simply leapt from Rain’s wall into Lin-Lin’s courtyard before sauntering back to her room, as bold as can be. Before she even reached her bed, Eun arrived in customary fashion, sucking her teeth and glowering in silent disapproval. Placating the matronly woman by handing her one of the rabbits, they sat together and cooed at the adorable little bun-buns, Buster and Babs from the look of things, as they were the only two rabbits with white faces and grey markings over their eyes. Bugs and Lola were the opposite, grey faced with white markings, but whatever significance their names and markings might have, it was lost on everyone except Rain.

Such a silly, lovable man. That’s why Yan had no qualms about sharing him, because she knew his heart had so much love to give, and that even with a dozen wives and two-hundred pets, he would still have love to spare.

Time and energy, not so much, which was why Lin-Lin was smart to set a limit and Sarnai was a genius for spreading rumours that gifting a live animal was considered an insult amongst the People, else Yan shuddered to think how large Rain’s menagerie would already be...

As per usual, she had a nice breakfast with Grandpa, Kyung, and Eun before heading out to the farm with Mila, Song, Dastan, Sahb, and so many others, all of them vying to meditate inside the bamboo grove. Ironically, Mila looked less alert now than when she was lost to Insight, half-asleep in the harness and irritable despite a full night’s rest. Truth be told, Yan was surprised Mila was even up this early, or so eager to return to the grove considering she spent more than three months Forming her Natal Palace. Yan could not be more jealous, since all she got from her Insights were a handful of vague observations and the idea to try to make wind heavy and light or fast and slow at the same time, which made no sense whatsoever. Even now, months later, she still had no idea what that was all about, but haste makes waste as Grandpa Du liked to say, so Yan spent most of her time cherishing the loving family she’d always wanted. Not just Grandpa, but Eun, Kyung, Alsantset, Charok, the twins, and of course, her beloved betrothed.

Who she would soon lose exclusive access to...

Though she was willing to share Rain, Yan had sorely underplayed how jealous she was of Rain’s many lady loves, and she hated how it made her feel. Especially with Mila, who was Yan’s best friend, and who had never been anything but accommodating in their tenuous relationship. The freckled red-head was clearly the one who held the biggest place in Rain’s heart, because while he was happiest with Lin-Lin and most comfortable around Yan, it was obvious to anyone with eyes that he loved Mila the most.

That’s why he had to marry her first, after all. Even the Mother in Heaven favoured Mila over Yan, so why wouldn’t Rain?

Her possessiveness aside, Yan could hardly begrudge Rain for having a favourite, though she hoped to the Mother Above that she didn’t place last. That was another reason she was willing to share him, because she wasn’t confident she could ever steal him away. This was all Rain’s fault for bringing all of this up. Most men would know enough to just be grateful and keep their mouths shut, but not him. Big Huu probably never asked Yesui and Yosai why they wanted to share him...

And on that note, Yan broke away from Mila and Song upon arriving at the farm. Instead of going directly to the bamboo grove, she headed to the outskirts of the Sentinel camp and sought out her old friend’s yurt, having visited several times in the last few months just to keep in touch. Big Huu hadn’t been very receptive of her visits, and Rain had all but refused to come along, but Yesui, Yosai, and Ghurda all encouraged Yan and her friends to visit as often as possible. It shamed her to admit this, but she only figured out why last night, while trying her best not to throttle Rain for his deep-seated trust issues.

“Ah, as I live and breathe.” Greeting her at the door with a hearty smile, the hulking half-grizzly Ghurda swept Yan up into a spirited bear hug. “You eat yet girl? Bah, doesn’t matter if ye did, you could use more meat on your bird bones there. Most women won’t admit it, but we’re sorely disadvantaged when it comes to matters of mass. One kilogram heavier is one kilogram stronger, and men aren’t constrained by silly things like staying pretty and thin.”

“You’re as beautiful as any other, Auntie Ghurda,” Yan said, grinning from ear to ear at the burly, welcoming woman. “Don’t let anyone ever tell you different.”

“Ah, yer a sweet girl for lying, you are.” Kissing Yan on both cheeks, Ghurda smiled and said, “It’s good to see you.”

“Sorry I haven’t been here more often. I only figured it out last night.”

Ghurda’s eyes widened ever so slightly, and for a brief moment, Yan saw the weight of the world pressing down on the older woman’s shoulders. “It that obvious?”

“No, not at all. I don’t think anyone else knows, but there’s nothing to worry about.” Seeing Ghurda’s confusion, Yan shook her head and smiled. “Best if I talk to him alone.”

“...You sure? He has his good days and bad, but more bad than good since the banquet. I shouldn’t have brought him, thought he was doin’ so well, and he was, right up until he lost...”

And he did so love to dwell on his failures. “Don’t worry, Auntie Ghurda. I can handle Huushal. Could you make sure we aren’t overheard?”

“...Bless your heart girl.”

By now, Yesui and Yosai were coming out of Huu’s yurt, which was right next to Auntie Ghurda’s. Big Huu himself came out behind them, and his hackles visibly bristled at the sight of Yan. “What are you doing here?”

There was a time when Ghurda, Chakta, or even sweet Elia would have rapped Huu’s forehead for greeting a guest so rudely, but none of them even blinked an eye. How had she not seen this sooner? Ignoring his scowl, Yan hugged Huu’s half-bear wives instead while inwardly laughing at how similar they were to his half-grizzly mother. They weren’t as broad or tall, but they had the same full-figured build, with a voluptuous frame and all the right curves which Yan envied dearly. “Yesui, Yosai, you’re both looking well,” Yan began, though she broke away before the gossipy women could drag her off to breakfast. “Do you mind if I borrowed your yurt and husband for a bit? We need to talk.”

“We can talk out here,” Huushal growled. He wasn’t Big Huu, not right now, because she didn’t need to be reminded of how much bigger he’d gotten. One kilogram heavier is one kilogram stronger...

“It’s fine,” Auntie Ghurda said, pressing gently against Huu’s chest, and his flinch didn’t escape Yan’s notice. So it’d gotten this far, to the point of exchanging blows. Idiot Rain, he must have known, but he never told her. Well, she’d sort him out later. “Go inside and have a talk with your friend,” Ghurda continued, emphasizing the word ‘friend’. “I’ll have breakfast waiting when you come out.”

Instead of seeing if he would comply, Yan sauntered past him and into his surprisingly empty yurt. About fifteen seconds later, Huushal followed her inside, but it was telling how he watched to make sure the door stayed open as he sidled along the walls, keeping as far from her as possible without blocking the exit. So he was Big Huu, the same fool she’d grown up with and even once thought she might marry. Thank the Mother that never happened; Big Huu was far too serious for her tastes.

“What do you want?” he growled, unable to tear his eyes off the door. “Why’d Ma put up a Sound Barrier?”

He could sense that? Yan couldn’t, but Ghurda’s Sending arrived soon enough to confirm Huu’s statement. “What I want,” Yan began, using the Language of the People while crossing her arms to reassure him, “Is to talk. The Sound Barrier is there to keep us from being disturbed.”

“Then talk.”

Not the best start, but Yan had done more with less. “I’m not afraid of you.”

Huu snorted. “You always were fearless. That’s why you kept getting into trouble, biting off more than you could chew.”

True, but it wouldn’t do to be reminded of that now. “Listen carefully Huu,” Yan said, moving in front of the door so he would look her in the eye. “I am not afraid of you.”

“You should be.” Lip curled in a snarl, Huu set to pacing about the yurt, his hulking frame eating up the spacious interior wherever he passed. “You should be afraid of many things, but you were always too stupid to listen. I should teach you to be afraid, teach you to listen when others speak.”

“Oh, Huu...” She could almost hear the Spectres whispering to him, so obvious now that she knew how the Enemy worked. Taking one step closer, she winced as he matched her with one step back, and he might have moved more if his back wasn’t pressed fast against the wall. It was almost comedic if not for his snarl, half-angry and half-terrified, but all Huu. So what if he was a hulking mini-giant? He was still the same person inside. “I’m going to say it one more time. I’m not afraid, so you shouldn’t be either.”

“What do you know?” His tone caught her off guard, so full of fury and loathing. “I am not afraid. Didn’t you hear? I served in the greatest battles of this past year, and I would be there now if not for Ma keeping me back. I fought and held my own against Quyen Dienne. I’m one of the strongest warriors of our generation, just like you and Rain.” Chuckling darkly, Huu grinned, and it was not a pleasant one. “Well... Not Rain. Not anymore. And I’m strong enough to beat Dienne now, because he only won by the barest of margins. As for you, Yan, I could crush you with one arm tied behind my back. Maybe I should do that, then everyone will stop looking down on me.”

“Bold words,” Yan replied, overlooking the insults because Huu wasn’t in his right mind. “For a scared little boy.”

“I. Am not. Scared!”

Taking a half-step forward, Huu bared his teeth and raised his fists as if to attack, but Yan resisted the urge to guard against him and stood relaxed with arms crossed. “You can lie to yourself,” she said, shaking her head with a smirk, “But you can’t fool me. I know you too well. You remember how we met?”

“...Ya. You beat up Altan and Mugi when you found them bullying me.” For a second, Huu looked like himself again, his lips breaking out into a familiar, sheepish smile as he lowered his hands, but then his anger returned in full force. “I was weak then, but I am not weak anymore.”

“Bullshit,” Yan snorted. “You were big as an ox then, twice the size of those idiots.You could’ve trounced both of them without breaking a sweat, but instead you stood idly by while I took my lumps and scuffed my knuckles getting them off your back.”

“Like I said, I was weak. I am not weak anymore.”

“Bullshit,” Yan corrected, and tried not to flinch as he came alive with rage at the denial. Everyone said he looked calm and collected at the banquet, so why was he so easily riled now? “You could have smacked Altan and Mugi down without breaking a sweat, but you didn’t. You were never weak, not compared to the people around you. You were scared though, worried you might hurt others. You were always so careful while playing, always so mousy and scared, because you knew what could happen if you cut loose.”

“So what? That’s all in the past now.”josei

“Doesn’t look that way, not from where I’m standing.” Gesturing around her, Yan said, “Why are you living all the way out here, instead of inside the Citadel? Why did you cut off all your friends and refuse to see Rain? Because you’re scared, downright terrified of what you might do. You’re worried you’ll snap and hurt someone, which could bring down the worst on all of your family and friends, so you isolate yourself and push everyone else away. For the last time Huu, I am not afraid of you.” Extending her hand for him to take, she gestured him to come close, and it pained her to watch him recoil in fear.

“You don’t understand,” he whispered, his anger all melting away. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t be stupid, Huu. Stop listening to them, and listen to me. Think about who you’re talking to and what I’ve been saying this whole time. I know.” Meeting his eyes, she nodded and repeated herself. “I know, Huu. You’re worried they’ll turn you into a monster, but I know it won’t happen. It can’t. They will never turn you, because deep down, you are still that same, gentle boy who would rather be teased and bullied than fight back and risk hurting someone he barely even knows.” Moving closer until she was only one step away, she Sent, “The Spectres are nothing to be afraid of. They can whisper in your ear all they want, but you are Huushal of the People, and the Father will never have you. This isolation? This is what they want, so they can better trick you with lies and deceit. You don’t need to stay away to keep us safe. You need to come to us, so we can protect you. Take my hand Huu. I’ve missed you. Your friends miss you. Your family misses you.” Giving him the look, the one Eun used all the time to quietly convey her patience was running thin, but her love was limitless, Yan said, “So why don’t you stop being a hard-headed idiot and let us help you through this? We all must forge our own path, but that doesn’t mean you must do so without support.”

No matter how many years might pass, Yan would never forget the look of relief in Huu’s eyes, not until the day she died. “Okay,” he said, tentatively taking her hand and freezing in place as if afraid of what might happen next. Nothing happened, as Yan just stood there and smiled while waiting for him to make the next move. “Yea... Okay,” he said, swallowing hard, before smiling back, so goofy and apologetic, a startling change from the barely restrained violence from a minute back. “Thanks Yan. For looking out for me again.”

“What are friends for?” It would take time for him to recover, but this was a glimpse at the Huu Yan knew and grew up with, the idiot who always had her back no matter what, and now knew she would always have his. The Spectres could lie all they wanted, but Huu would never hurt his family or his friends, because that’s just the sort of man he was, and it was high time he figured it out on his own.

Stupid Huu. Stupid Rain. Stupid men, always thinking they could handle things on their own and that all other men should do the same.

Honestly, if it weren’t for women, the whole world would have fallen into the Father’s Maw long ago, but perhaps this was all a part of Her design.

Chapter Meme