Soul for a Girlfriend?

Chapter 77 - Drowning In Her Guilt

She took a deep breath and said, "Listen. I don't know why you're so adamant about this… but I'm really fine. As usual. Look at me." She pointed towards her face, and moved it from left to right.

"Is that so? Then why did you cancel the group study?" I nodded as she said that, but replied with my own question again.

"Ugh! I told you I'm not in the mood." She sighed.

"You're not in the mood or you don't want to be with Kizhashi-san and Gaisen?" I looked into her eyes and she averted her eyes again. She could afford to make eye contact with me, that means she is in a state of conflict with herself right now. She can't validate herself.

"Wh...What do you mean?" She asked. Now that I have piqued her interest, I'm in control of this situation.

"I'll tell you, let's go for a walk." I pointed towards the door with my eyes. She looked outside the door and then back at me. After giving it thought for a few minutes, she nodded with a sigh.

"I also want to say something to you." She slowly stood up from her.

"Great, come with me." I walked towards the door and noticed her following me.

We were walking through the crowded corridor. She was walking next to me rather than behind me. Her eyes were looking down towards the path in front of us. I decided to go to some place where not many people come.

I wanted to talk with her in absolute peace. Without anyone interrupting us. Despite how conservative she is, she has a lot of acquaintances in the school. Because random students would smile at her and she would return their smile.

We finally arrived at the place. It was a hallway behind the stage which was used for various cultural activities. The hallways aren't very crowded in that area and it remains a bit dark there unless the overhead lights are on. 

It's not like it was completely empty, though. There were still few people around us. I noticed her looking around, and her gazes shifted towards me.

"Yeah, tell me?" She said in a nervous voice. Even though she was curious, she was not ready to hear what I had to say.

"First you tell me." I leaned back on the wall behind me and looked down at her.

"No, first you tell me." She was being stubborn because of her curiosity. She was staring at me intently.

"Last week, when you bumped into me…" I said and took a slight pause to make sure she was listening to me.

"Yeah?" She gestured to me to continue.

"Why were you crying?" I jumped straight to the point instead of playing around.

"I… I wasn't crying." She answered hesitantly.

"I saw you crying back in the class." I specified my sentence a bit, but she didn't say anything

"..." Without uttering a single word, she kept staring at me. She was at a loss for words at that moment.

"I was a bit surprised seeing you cry, to be honest." I said, looking at her, but she was again averting her eyes from me.

"I… uh…" She wanted to say something, but I continued.

"I know, it's not something you want to talk about, and I'm really sorry for bringing this up again…" I said with as much empathy as I can fake in my voice and sighed at the end to make it sound more authentic.

"wait…" Listening to what I said, she tried to speak, but I went on with my words.

"... but talking about this someone will help you get off the burden."

"I'm really fine Sakamaki-kun, don't worry so much about me." We exchanged stares for a few moments with nothing but silence between us, and she finally spoke up to break the silence between us.

"You should sometimes be a little easier on yourself, Reina." I said in a plain tone. Neither assertive nor too timidly. Of course, I was in control of the conversation, so it will go wherever I decide to.

"I… wait… why did you say that I lied to Koi back in class?" She asked me which I was expecting her to ask a while ago.

"See, I know you can't talk about this with Kizhashi-san, that'll just worsen the matter. So knowing you, you surely lied to her." I saidand indirectly implied that I know about the matter between her and them.

"Wh… How do you know about this?" She blinked at me in surprise.

"It's pretty obvious…" I said, but she cut me off.

"No, it's not!"

"The way you look at them, the way you look at him. Everything points towards this." I glanced at her, as she was glaring at me intently. 

But her glare changed into an expression of guilt as she looked down, breaking eye contact with me and saying this in a low voice, "I… I know what I'm doing is wrong."

"It's not wrong to have feelings for someone. Acting according to them is wrong." I said, in an assuring tone. 

"But still… They are both really close friends. You know how I feel?" She said as she again looked back at me with grief in her eyes.

"Everyday? I'm so pissed off at myself." She started her rant 

"I can't even respect our friendship…" And with each sentence, her volume was increasing too. She was becoming more restless, but I could tell that she was finally letting out her true feelings.

"Look at Koi, even though she is having so many problems of her own… she still wanted to beat the crap out of you when she heard that I was sad because of you." She said in a bitter tone, which demonstrated her hate for herself. 

"Ah…" Wait, did she say something about Koi beating me? Seeing the situation, I decided to keep quiet and keep listening to her.

"And in return, what did I do?" She asked in an irritated tone.

"What the fuck did I do!?" She again repeated herself and in a more aggressive tone. Looking at her go off like that, I had to calm her down a bit, so I tried, but as soon as I opened my mouth, she cut me off.

"Listen…"

  "I distanced myself from her because her boyfriend happens to be someone I loved."

"You're not as bad as you make yourself in your own mind." I said, looking at her, but her attention changed from Kizhashi to me.

"And you…" She narrowed her eyes at me and clenched her jaw.