Tales From the Terran Republic

Chapter The Looooove Boat...

Chapter The Looooove Boat...

Roberts walked along the glittering promenade of the White Star, sauntering along high end shops admiring all the wonderful things this magical place had to offer. After long day of searching for promising ship’s crew members and finding absolutely nobody useful he was taking a break. He paused at a jewelry store and wandered in.

“Good evening, sir,” an attractive young woman said admiring his lean well-dressed frame. Classy, and it looks like he’s loaded, the young woman thought twirling her blonde hair. “Can I show you anything in particular?” she said leaning forward just enough to catch someone’s attention with her loose blouse but not enough for it to be obvious.

“Yes, I’m in the market for a watch, something nice… I’m in the mood to treat myself,” Roberts said with a winning smile.

“Oh I’m sure I can show you something you would like,” the woman said reaching under the counter and pulling out a tray of exquisite time-pieces. Roberts selected a very nice, very expensive watch and tried it on.

“That really suits you, sir!” The young woman said with just the right amount of sincerity.

“Yes, I think it does,” Roberts said admiring it. “I really think it does.”

He looked at her happily.

“I never grab anything on impulse though, not after the last time,” he laughed.

She laughed along, of course. The customer is always funny.

“I will almost certainly pick it up later though,” he said with a grin.

The woman grinned back, she couldn’t help it. He was just so charming.

“This your usual shift? I don’t want to give the sale to anyone else but you.”

“Yes! I work until ten!” she said looking at him, happily emphasizing the time she got off of work.

“Great. I’ll make sure you are here when I pick it up,” Roberts said pulling out a small notepad and jotting down the watch and it’s location. “See you then!”

“Oh, great!” the woman said reaching out her hand as Roberts turned and walked away.

I thought he was giving me his number, she thought quite disappointed.

Roberts continued his little window shopping trip writing down the location of some nice silk suits (he could always get them altered somewhere else), a real cashmere coat (quite the luxury post Yellowstone), some jeweled cuff-links that caught his eye, and a few other assorted items.

He looked at his watch, already looking a little lackluster considering the imminent upgrade, and sauntered into one of the several clubs dotting the promenade.

Leaning at the bar was Gloria, looking dazzling in a black evening dress.

“Hello, gorgeous, can I buy you a drink?” he said wiggling his eyebrows in a comical manner.

“How can any woman refuse an offer like that?” Gloria laughed.

Roberts flagged down the bartender and ordered a gin and tonic and a Manhattan. He slid the Manhattan over to Gloria.

“Oh, my favorite! How could you have possibly known?”

“Lucky guess,” Roberts laughed as he took a sip. “So, how are things going on your end? Spot any good marks?”

“Well...” Gloria said smiling as she took a sip.

“This guy bothering you?” A man in a ship officer’s uniform rushed up and put himself between the pair.

“Oh no, darling, he was just buying me a drink that’s all,” Gloria said pulling out the maraschino cherry from her drink and eating it seductively.

The man looked daggers at Roberts and then turned to Gloria. “I got us a table at Margot’s.”

Roberts just looked wide-eyed at Gloria. We just got here! He thought.

As she allowed herself to be herded towards the door she glanced back, and winked victoriously.

“Why do I even fucking try?” He said to himself shaking his head.

“I know the feeling, dude,” a woman’s voice behind him said.

Roberts turned and there was a brunette in a cheap dress sitting slumped over the bar with half a beer which she was holding against her left eye. She lifted her glass in a weak salute revealing a slightly bruised eye socket.

“Damn, you try to buy someone a drink, too?” Roberts laughed.

“No… It was one of ‘The Honorable Councilor Morgan’s’ goons,” the woman laughed.

She turned to face him.

“Helena Stirling, investigative journalist at your service,” she said holding out her hand.

“Paul Roberts, professional ne’er do well,” Roberts said shaking her hand. “So I take it that the good councilor wasn’t in the mood for a statement.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” she laughed. “his thug straight-armed me right into a door… smack,” she said as she took a sip and put the beer back to her eye. “Bastard. The eye I can stand but they took my fucking camera!”

“That sucks.”

“No shit, Sherlock. I blew every penny I had getting on to this barge,” she grumbled, “I can’t even afford to get drunk much less replace that camera.”

“Well, at least I can help with one of those problems,” Roberts said flagging down the barkeep.

***

“Wow, that is like so interesting! So do you like actually fly the ship?” Gloria asked sounding completely fascinated as she nibbled at a salad.

“Well,” the guy said, “I don’t actually fly fly it but I am on the bridge crew! I am in charge of the watch when I’m on duty,” he said proudly.

“Woooow… this thing has a bridge? Like in the movies? I bet the windows are amazing!”

“Bridges don’t actually have windows,” he chuckled.

“They don’t?” Gloria asked with big vacuous eyes? “Then how do you see?”

Yeah, suck it Roberts! I win again! She thought to herself smiling as Sam, the ship’s officer, started to tell her, in excruciating detail, how a starship works. She amused herself by playing a little drinking game. She took a sip each time he got something wrong… about his own ship...

***

“...Oh that sucks!” Roberts laughed

“Yeah. After days of chasing his ass I finally corner that fucking little rat and BAM! Right into the door. I fucking ate that thing! Security hauled my ass off, snatched my camera, and read me the riot act.”

“Surprised they didn’t throw you off the ship.” Roberts said as he ordered another round. Once the drinks were free Ms. Sterling switched to the top-shelf, high-octane stuff. He was impressed.

“Oh, I just pouted and begged them not to ‘tell daddy’ and that he would cut my allowance if I got into trouble again,” she laughed. “I then promised that I wouldn’t tell ‘daddy’ about my eye if they didn’t tell him about me bothering Councilor Morgan. They backed right the fuck off.”

“Slick,” Roberts said actually mildly impressed, “Good save.”

“Hey,” she said swirling the bourbon in her glass, “Not the first cell I’ve talked myself out of.”

Me neither, he thought smiling at her. He liked her, porkie or not.

“They didn’t notice your off the rack dress?”

“Oh God. You’re one of them,” she moaned. “And we were getting along so nice too.”

“Hey, watch your fucking mouth,” Roberts laughed.

“Lucky for me they weren’t a room full of inbred country-club ass licking porkie scum… Like some people I could name...” she said as she drained her glass and waved at bartender. He looked over at Roberts who discretely nodded.

“You got no problem running up some porkie scum’s bar tab though do you?”

“Hey,” she said elbowing him, “that trust fund ain’t gonna to spend itself am I right?”

Roberts leaned in and whispered, “I hate to mention this to you but you are a porkie too.”

“You know what I fucking mean!” Helena said just a little bit too loud. “God I hate them!”

“A porkie-hating porkie? That’s a new one.”

“It’s the same goddamn fucking people time after fucking time.” Helena said not skipping a beat, “The same people who fucked the whole fucking planet, who screwed my great-grandmother… literally, who got the whole Terran fucking Republic (or whatever the fuck you want to call them back then) screaming for all of our blood innocent or not, who bullshit the Federation into that bullshit… fucking…. stupid… fucking… war…, and… and… and are now getting fucking rich… I mean richer off of the fucking reconstruction… the same fucking people..., get away with it every single fucking time! God! I. Mother. Fucking. Hate. Them!” She said, loudly, as she drained another glass and slammed it down.

The bartender looked over at Roberts and raised his eyebrow. Roberts just shrugged and pointed at her glass.

“I’m with you one hundred fucking percent,” Roberts said sipping his gin and tonic.

“Really?” she asked narrowing her eyes at him. “You, Mr. ‘I can’t believe your dress is off the rack’? Please...”

“Hey, lady, you can make a credit or two without being one of… them… you know. I hate those fuckers at least as much as you do. Trust me,” Roberts said grinning. “Trust me...”

“Yeah…” She said looking up at him. “I honestly feel like I could really trust you… so I don’t, asshole.”

Roberts just grinned and raised his glass. “You are one smart cookie. I like that,” he said as he took another sip.

***

“Well...” Sam said rocking back and forth on his heels, “I guess this is goodnight, then...”

“Aww,” Gloria said wrapping her arms around him, “I was kinda hoping the evening would last just a little bit longer...”

“Uh…” Sam said in shock, “O-okay!”

Oh my God! Sam thought. I can’t believe this is happening!

***

“Yeah…” Helena said with a slight slur, “My great-gramma was like smokin’ hot and was like a professional model and shit and then got like an engineering degree or something. She was totally stoked when the fucking Rivera Arcology offered her a position as a ‘marketing manager’. She had no idea they had this whole fucking ‘master race’ thing going on… didn’t fucking matter though… abbra fucking cabbafagra… ‘viola… fuckin’ arco-slime… we gonna eat you now… The same fuckers… the same fuckers that did that are the same fuckers… that...”

“Yeah, the same fuckers...” Roberts grinned.

“And do you know what really just fucking burns my ass?” She drained her glass and slammed it to the bar. The bartender just shook his head and refilled it.

“Pour me one of those too, at least one of should be able to actually taste it.”

“Fuck you,” Helena said as she grinned at him, “You know what really burns my ass?”

“I suspect you are about to tell me.”

“I just fucking knew the whole Republic war was a screw job. I just fucking knew it! That was the final fucking straw… The. Final. Fucking. Straw! I was going get them! They weren’t going to get away with it this time… Oh no! Not on my fucking watch!” She slammed her empty glass on the bar.

The bartender just poured some more in without being prompted.

“I was after them. Collusion, corruption, dirty politics… The real fuckin’ reason for the war... I dug and I fucking dug. I hunted down scraps and shreds and rumors and leaks for years… years!… I get fired from like a real website because they ‘didn’t want to stir up trouble’… Fucking starve trying to get this little blog going where maybe, maybe, I can get something like the truth, the real truth out there… wait… where was I?”

“Your blog?”

“Yeah! My fuckin’ blog! You wanna know what they called it? A fuckin’ conspiracy site! My old colleagues laughed at me… called me crazy... but still I dug and I dug and I dug… years!… You wanna know what I do to eat these days? A fucking dating advice column… and it’s bullshit… I write the questions myself… bullshit… wait… Yeah, I’m piecing together this whole fucking shit-show just amazed at how far I’m finally getting and what happens? What motherfucking happens?”

“What?”

“Some… fuckstain... fucking goes and hacks the fucking whole motherfucking Federation and just… dumps that shit… everywhere… Every fucking where! Everywhere!… They stole MY story!!!... God fucking dammit!”

Roberts just laughed in horrified sympathy.

“Oh, Jesus… I am so sorry!” He laughed.

“Yeah, laugh it up. Laugh it fucking up. Go ahead! You know that website that ‘didn’t want to stir up trouble’? Guess who did a whole fucking series of whole editions on it? Fuck my life! My own fuckin’ boss is on fuckin’ camera chasing that shit-stain Morgan around yelling exactly what I fucking told her years ago! They are lucky I don’t walk in there and go completely Terran on their ass!”

“Oh that’s just painful!”

“Yeah, fuckin’ ow...” she laughed. “So anyway, I finally get a break and hear that Councilor Turd-water is laying low here on the White Star so I just go… I dunno… Hey bartender...” She said waving an empty glass, “I just lose it and drop every penny I have… I even borrow money from fuckin’ family… to get here and I dunno…”

“You were just going to grab him, put him on camera, hold a gun to his head, and make him squeal like the porkie he is before spraying his brains all over the wall for the whole galaxy to see?” Roberts asked grinning from ear to ear.

“Yeah I guess… shit… I really didn’t think this through… fuck… Wait…”

Helena thought she missed something there but just shrugged and took another drink. Probably wasn’t that important.

“Hey, keep that chin up. You never know… a really amazing kick ass story just might fall into your lap at any time...”

“Yeah, right…” she snorts. “Nothing ever works out my way. The little guy always gets the shaft…”

“I dunno, sometimes the little guy has a gun.”

“Wouldn’t that be nice...” She looked over at Roberts as she slammed her glass down for the final time, “Hey, you wanna get out of here?”

***

Gloria looked over at Sam’s sleeping form and smiled. He was actually better than she thought he would be… by a decent amount. Not bad, she thought to herself.

She slipped out of bed and pulled a scanner from her purse and started to methodically scan his entire uniform before crawling back into bed. Sam just grunted and threw his arm over her.

Sleep-tight, little piggy. Soon you will go to market, she thought as she smiled, her eyes going absolutely cold. She thought of Roberts drowning his sorrows with that cute brunette at the bar. She was about his type.

I wonder if he had as much fun as I did, she thought as she drifted off into a completely untroubled sleep.

***

“BLEHAHGHBBBHGGGHGHGHGGGGHHHHHH… HHNNGGG… HHNNNGGG… BLEAGHABABLBHGH… oh god… BLRAAGGGHH...” Helena proceeded to dump a cheap dinner and a whole lot of credits worth of premium booze into the toilet in Roberts’ stateroom.

“What the hell is that little floaty thing?” Roberts asked as he held her hair. “No, seriously, what did you eat? What is that?”

“BLEAGHAGH… fuck you… HHHNNNGGG…”

***

The next morning Gloria was awakened by Sam getting out of his bed.

“Good morning,” she said brightly smiling at him.

“Good morning!” Sam exclaimed nervously.

“Leaving so soon?” Gloria asked patting the bed already knowing the answer.

“Yeah, I have to go report for my shift.”

“Aww...” Gloria said as she pouted. She got up and slowly dressed, being sure that Sam got an eyeful.

“S-so… See you again this afternoon?” Sam asked hopefully.

“After last night you have to ask? Absolutely,” Gloria said with a smile. He’s actually pretty good, she thought, Might as well enjoy myself.

She walked him to the end of the corridor, completely stunning his shipmates, before kissing him and entering the passenger area, she glanced back to see Sam, backed against the wall, mobbed by a group of guys.

He looks so happy. That’s nice. It will make him careless, she thought her eyes turning into complete emotionless voids.

***

“Uuhhh… kill me...” Helena groaned as she awoke in a bathrobe, sprawled across Roberts’ bed, in a puddle of drool.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Roberts said happily returning from the mini-bar, a shot of bourbon in his hand, “Made you breakfast.”

“Thanks, lover,” Helena said as she downed the shot. She was not going to give him the satisfaction no matter how badly she just regretted that. “Uhh… sorry it wasn’t the big night that you had planned.”

“I don’t know, the things you did with your mouth were certainly impressive,” Roberts laughed as he glanced towards the bathroom. He made a mental note to leave housekeeping a very nice tip.

“Eat a bag of dicks,” she laughed. She crawled to her feet.

“Your dress, is um…”

“Yeeeaaahh...”

“I have already put it in a bio-hazard… I mean laundry bag,” Roberts grinned. “I could have them fetch you a change of clothes from your cabin.”

“Or… I could just do the walk of shame in a bathrobe,” She said grinning from ear to ear.

“M’lady,” Roberts said extending his arm.

“Delighted,” She replied.

***

“Good morning!… Hiya!… Damn good morning isn’t it?…” Helena cheerfully said as she walked past scandalized people clinging to Roberts arm. “Why hello there, little guy,” She said as she greeted a little boy who was staring at her.

“Mommy? Why is that lady wearing a bathrobe outside?” His mother just pulled him along.

Helena looked up at Roberts.

“This is fucking awesome,” she whispered. “Wonderful morning isn’t it?” she asked an elderly woman who just high-fived her as she walked past.

Roberts looked back and took care to remember her. That one gets out of this ok, the thought to himself.

“Good morning!… Hello!… Hi!… Top o’ the morning to ya!...” Helena happily exclaimed shooting finger guns as she strode proudly to her stateroom.

***

“I don’t get you,” a properly dressed Helena said over breakfast.

“That’s because you passed out.”

“Eat another bag of dicks,” she laughed, “No, I mean I can’t figure you out.”

“Oh, and?” Roberts asked digging into his omelet.

“I mean it’s weird. I figure out people for a living and you… I just don’t get.”

“Go on,” Roberts said, intrigued.

“I mean you definitely aren’t a trust fund baby.”

“You sure?”

“Pssh… You have cash, clearly, but you aren’t a ‘porkie scumbag’..."

“I’m flattered.”

“You’re loaded but you don’t move… rich. You move… I dunno… Were you in the military or something?”

“Well I did play lacrosse,” Roberts smiled.

“Pull the other one.”

“I don’t know. Will it make you throw up again?”

“Don’t make me smear butter on your nice suit, asshole. No, seriously. What’s your game? What do you do, exactly?”

“Tell you what. Why don’t we hang out together for a little while?” Roberts said with a smile. “I really enjoy your company and we have a few days to kill. If you don’t figure it out by the time we leave, I’ll tell you,” he said eyes gleaming. “You are pretty sharp though. Bet you will figure it out.”

“You enjoy my company or are you trying to dodge the question?”

“I enjoy your company so much that I am using myself as bait,” he laughed. “Let’s hang out and blow some of my trust fund all over this bitch, it’s the least I can do.”

“Least you can do for what?”

“Oh nothing… You’re a good sport right?”

“Ok, now you are definitely not getting rid of me.”

“Fantastic! I can absolutely guarantee you won’t regret it. It’s gonna be fun. Besides, I want to see what else you can do with your mouth.”

“You know that bag of dicks? Eat up,” She grinned. She might have rolled snake-eyes as far as that asshole Morgan goes but she just won an awesome luxury cruise with a really cool guy. Things were finally looking her way for once.

***

Back on Saralan-2 Jessie ran up to Sheila.

“Aunt Sheeelllia!” she yelled, “You got a letter from your 'niece'. She says she is having fun and has met a really great guy. She also says that she misses you and that she really wishes you were here!”

“Fuck. Already?” Sheila laughed. “Well, we gotta scoot. Call a team meeting. We gotta get this show on the road!”