Taming the Queen of Beasts

Chapter 161 - The Missing Love - Part 1

AARYN

It took longer to etch the cuffs than he'd anticipated. So by the time he was done it was dinnertime. He considered leaving the letter for later, but in truth, he wanted it out of the way. Part of the reason his gift had taken longer was because he kept catching himself staring at the satchel that currently hid the wallet his mother had given him, wondering what was inside it. How he would feel reading it. Whether his father was an ass, or just a normal man who'd gotten off-track…

With a snort of distaste for his own melodrama, he carefully placed the cuffs inside the satchel and pulled out the wallet.

The heavy leather was old and worn, but in the way that made it soft and pliable. When he pulled it out of the satchel, it sagged over his fingers, but the parchment within it crackled, unable to hold up the weight of the old leather.

He opened the flap on the wallet and pulled out two sheets of thick parchment that were slightly yellowed by the leather.

Adrenalin shot through his system when he realized the handwriting on the paper was similar to his own. Noticeably similar.

He didn't remember ever seeing his father's handwriting before. How had that happened?

Curious and scared, he unfolded the thick pieces and began to read.

DEAR AARYN,

MY SON, I PRAY THAT THE DAY YOU MATE, OR WALK THE FLAMES AND SMOKE, I WILL BE THERE TO TELL YOU THESE THINGS MYSELF, IN PERSON. I PRAY YOU WILL LAUGH AT ME, TEASE ME FOR TRYING TO HAVE THAT CONVERSATION AGAIN—OR TELLING ME THAT I'M FAR TOO LATE. THAT YOU'RE ALREADY AWARE OF ALL THESE THINGS.

OR THAT I WILL KNOW THAT, AND INSTEAD WE'LL SIMPLY TAKE AN EVENING TO SIT UNDER A TREE AND TALK ABOUT LIFE BEFORE YOU JOIN YOURS.

I PRAY ALL THESE THINGS—AND THAT YOU FIND A TRUE MATE. BUT IF YOU ARE READING THIS IT MEANS NONE OF MY PRAYERS HAVE COME TRUE. SO INSTEAD, I PRAY THAT YOU CAN HEAR ME. HEAR MY HEART. I PRAY YOU HAVE KNOWN ME WELL ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND HOW I WILL SAY THESE THINGS.

I PRAY YOU DON'T LOSE ME NOW WHILE YOU ARE STILL SO SMALL.

Aaryn's stomach dropped to his toes. That was exactly what had happened. If this was written around the beginning of the War of the Wolves, he was three or four. His father died when he was four.

For a minute the urge was there to just fold the paper up and not hear it, not look at this man whose legacy had haunted his life.

But he'd promised his mother. And he was curious. What would his father say? Did he want to hear it? He wasn't sure. But he knew there was only one way to find out.

He took a deep breath and dived in.

YOUR MOTHER SITS IN THE NEXT ROOM WHILE I'M WRITING THIS. SHE'S SINGING. I LOVE LISTENING TO HER SING. SHE DOES IT SO QUIETLY BECAUSE SHE'S NERVOUS PEOPLE MIGHT HEAR. BUT SHE LOVES TO DO IT SO MUCH IT OVERCOMES HER FEAR. SO I NEVER COMMENT. BUT I'VE BEEN LOVING HER AND LISTENING TO HER SING THIS WAY FOR SEVEN YEARS, AND I LOVE IT AS MUCH NOW AS I DID THE DAY WE MATED FOR THE FIRST TIME.

THESE ARE THE THINGS YOU WILL LEARN ABOUT YOUR MATE, SON. THESE ARE THE TREASURES THE CREATOR GIVES YOU IN A MATE. THEY ARE NOT HER BEAUTY—THOUGH THAT IS A GIFT. THEY ARE NOT HER ACHIEVEMENTS AND TALENTS, THOUGH YOU WILL LIKEY APPRECIATE THOSE AS WELL.

THE TRUE BLESSING OF A MATE—ESPECIALLY A TRUE MATE—IS COMING TO KNOW THEM IN WAYS YOU HAVE NOT, AND CANNOT KNOW ANYONE ELSE.

WE ANIMA ARE FEARLESS IN SHARING OUR BODIES, AND YET WE CAN CLOSE OUR MINDS. EVEN US WOLVES. I PRAY WHOMEVER YOU MATE IN THE END, YOU WILL HAVE THE JOY OF THE MIND-LINK. BUT EVEN IF YOU DON'T—PERHAPS EVEN MORE SO IF YOU DON'T—YOU CAN CREATE THAT INTIMACY WITH HER.

DO NOT HOLD YOURSELF BACK. THAT IS MY NUMBER ONE PIECE OF ADVICE. IT IS SO EASY TO DO BECAUSE WE FEAR THE REACTION. WE FEAR DISAPPROVAL, OR REJECTION, EVEN MOCKERY. OR WE SIMPLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHARE THE DEEPEST PARTS OF OURSELVES.

I PRAY WHEN YOUR MATE IS FOUND, SHE IS A FRIEND TO YOU FIRST, SO YOU HAVE LEARNED TO CHOOSE ONE ANOTHER'S COMPANY ALREADY. BUT IF SHE IS NOT. IF THE BOND APPEARS, OR IF YOU ARE STRUCK BY HER ON FIRST MEETING, MAKE A FRIEND OF HER AS WELL. LET YOURSELF ENJOY HER MIND AND WORDS AND HER HUMOR AS MUCH AS YOU ENJOY HER BODY. SHE WILL SURPRISE YOU IF YOU DO. IF YOU TELL HER SHE IS SAFE TO SHARE HERSELF WITH YOU AS A FRIEND, NOT JUST A LOVER, SHE WILL NEVER STOP SURPRISING YOU.

SURPRISE IS A JOY IN THE MATEBOND, SON. A JOY FAR TOO MANY MISS. BECAUSE THEY AREN'T LOOKING.

NEVER STOP SEEING HER. NEVER LET HER STOP SEEING YOU. ALWAYS TAKE A SECOND LOOK. ALWAYS ASK THE QUESTION YOU ASSUME YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO. BECAUSE SHE WILL SURPRISE YOU, OVER AND OVER. AND IT WILL LIGHT YOUR HEART EVERY TIME.

Aaryn sucked in a breath. The paper shook in his trembling hands. Who was this man? This man with insight and humor and age? How had he become a traitor? Had he written these things when he already planned to defy his King? Or did that happen later?

Why did he assume Aaryn would want to hear these things from him?

THE JOURNEY YOU ARE ABOUT TO TAKE IS ONE THAT CAN BE YOUR LIFE'S GREATEST ACHIVEMENT, OR YOUR SOUL'S DEEPEST PAIN. DO NOT LISTEN TO THOSE THAT WOULD TELL YOU THE SHARING OF BODIES DOES NOT AFFECT THE MIND OR HEART. THEY LIE EITHER TO THEMSELVES, OR YOU. SO, KNOW THIS: YOU ARE ABOUT TO BECOME THE MATE. THERE IS GREAT RESPONSIBILITY IN THAT—AND HERS TO YOU, AS WELL. DO NOT TAKE THAT LIGHTLY. DO NOT REJECT IT. DO NOT IGNORE IT.

LOVE IT. EMBRACE IT. KNOW IT AS YOUR RIGHTFUL PLACE.

SHE WILL HURT YOU. IT IS UNAVOIDABLE. SHE WILL HURT YOU, AND ANGER YOU, FRUSTRATE YOU, AND PERHAPS SOME OF HER SURPRISES WILL NOT BE PLEASANT.

BUT SHE WILL LOVE YOU, IF YOU LET HER.

THERE IS ONE THING I SEE IN THE PEOPLE OF OUR TRIBE NOW THAT GRIEVES ME, AND THAT IS….

Aaryn blinked. It took him a moment to realize he'd read to the end of the first page and needed to turn it over. But he found himself scared to do so.

His father was about to tell him something that he would wish he'd known all these years. He was certain of it. And he didn't want to know. He didn't want his mind changed. He didn't want to have more questions, he realized.

He didn't want to begin grieving the loss of this man that he'd always told himself he was better without.

It was an act of sheer will to turn the page over.

But he did it.

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