Taming the Queen of Beasts

Chapter 278 - Going Silent - Part 7

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*****

AARYN

He wasn't sure how long they stood there together, him weeping like a babe. But his mate never gave up, stroking him, whispering comfort and then, when he could breathe again, leading him to the couch that faced the front door.

Aaryn dropped into it, for the first time not wanting to see the wolf that was in the dining room now, circling the table to peer out the windows and whine, then turn and walk the circle again.

He couldn't make himself think through what was needed. So he sank into the couch at Elreth's urging, staring at his bleeding hand—the half-moon of teeth marks on the back of his hand and the fleshy heel under his thumb.

Elreth tsked and trotted into the kitchen, coming back with a cotton towel to wrap around it.

"It'll be fine," he muttered.

"I know," she said. "But not point letting you bleed more than you need to." She wrapped it tightly around his hand, tying the corners to keep it there without being held, then slowly sat next to him, holding his other hand in hers.

They were both bloodied and weary and uncertain. But she was right. She was there.

She had stayed for him.

That anger returned in a flash, and he almost leaped out of the couch to confront the wolf again, but that little voice in the back of his head stopped him.

He knew what was going on here. He knew what he had to do. He just… he just didn't have the strength yet. He needed some time.

"I know this is awful, Aaryn," Elreth said, minutes later. "But that letter. I'm so glad you have it. She has so much love for you."

He frowned and looked at her. "She's talking about not being able to stay for me anymore. How you all can replace her, how your dad told her that I didn't need her anymore since I had you guys!"

Elreth's head jerked back. "No she's not, Aaryn. Did you read it? All of it?"

And then he realized he hadn't.

Elreth, obviously realizing the same thing, dug her hand into his pocket and pulled it out, opening it onto his lap. "Read it." She said. "All of it. Even the hard parts."

Aaryn swallowed, his eyes already beginning to blur, but he wiped them with his good hand, then took a deep breath and made himself scan the letter to find the place he remembered, and start reading again.

~

…I'm Going Silent.

I hate myself for the selfishness of it. I know this will cause you pain. But I am not strong enough for this anymore. And as long as I'm here, I will hold you back. There is so much of your life still available to you. So much freedom and strength you could have without me. Once I saw you in the Flames and Smoke, saw your love for Elreth and hers for you… I knew. I don't need to do this anymore.

I don't want to stop grieving your father, Aaryn. But I am so tired and worn out by remembering him and what we lost. I don't want to pretend anymore.

You have a whole family now. So much more than I could ever give you. Love them. Hold them. Don't ever let them go. I know they won't let go of you. Elia—she came to the house, remember? When Elreth was still blind? She knew what you needed, and what Elreth needed too. She is good for both of you. Much better than I am. And I spoke with Reth. He loves you like your father loved you, and it made me so happy. And even though I knew this was going to hurt you, I also knew you'd have Anima, good Anima, strong Anima that would stand by you.

I'm letting you down, Son. I know that. And I wish I could explain how sorry I am—and at the same time, so certain that if I stay I'll be holding you back. I can't explain it. It's clear in my head, but my heart… my heart is scared of your pain. And that's where I'm getting selfish. Because instead of telling you this face to face, I'm telling you this way. Because I think if I saw your grief it would break my mind.

So, here is the truth you should have known all along, son: You are your father's son. You even look just like him. He was such a good male. Not the traitor you've been told. Not perfect, not at all. But good, like you're good.

And I am here, dark and sad and unwilling to cope anymore. I am the wrong one in this family. Not him. Not you.

I see him in you every day and it keeps him alive for me in a way that is slowly killing me. And I can't take it anymore. I forced myself to stay because you needed a home. You needed a place to be loved that would help you when the world was cruel.

But you have that now—and so much better than I can give it.

So now I can finally rest. I need to rest. And yet, I am so, so sorry—so sick of myself, that I can't give you more. I'm your mother. I should be able to give you more. But I'm unraveling at the seams, Aaryn. That's the truth.

This isn't your fault. Be certain of that. You are everything I could have wished for in a son—so much better of a son that I am a mother. I am ashamed of myself when I look at you.

Go, son. Go live and love and be alive. Don't let yourself fall into the trap that I did. Don't let your grief drag you under.

Live.

Keep your father's goodness alive. And don't let go of your love for me.

Thank you for loving me, even though I was so hard to love.

Thank you. I love you, Aaryn. I know this won't feel like it, but know that it's true.

I love you more than I love myself, that's why I have to go.

Be at peace, son. Love your mate. Love your Flame family. And love me.

Be at peace.

Mom

~

Aaryn could barely read the last words through his tears. He'd hoped for… he didn't know what he'd hoped for, but that wasn't it.

"You read love in that?" he said, his voice sick and dark.

Elreth sighed. "I think her mind was broken, Aaryn. It wasn't loving of her to leave you. But the fact that she stayed—that she's been waiting for you to have someone else to lean on. Yes, I see love in that. She's been suffering, and she endured it because she didn't want you to be alone."

Aaryn frowned at the note, then folded it back up and handed it to Elreth. "Can you hold this for me?" he said carefully, his voice heavy with grief.

She took it, looking at him strangely, but she put it in her pocket. "What are you going to do?" she asked a moment later, when he'd turned to look at the wolf.

That was the big question, wasn't it? What was he going to do?

*****

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Zev prowled towards her, all shining, brutal beauty, his chin low and those incredible, piercing eyes fixed on her. He didn't stop until they were toe-to-toe and he blocked her view of every other male in the circle. 

His eyes dipped to her mouth as he leaned in, his whisper playing on her skin. 

"You. Are. Mine." 

His deep voice twanged in her belly as the howls of the wolf pack rose from behind him to echo across the mountains of Thana, while the other Chimera protested his claim. 

Fighting the urge to stroke his broad, bare chest with her shaking hands, Sasha forced herself to tilt her head and raise an eyebrow. "So bold for a pup who just found his fangs."

The other males hooted with laughter.

Ignoring their taunts, Zev's eyes sparked and he leaned even closer, the scruff on his jaw tickling her cheek as he smiled. "So bold for a human who already knows the pleasure of gasping my name."

She shivered when his teeth grazed her ear. 

(SEE THE FULL SUMMARY IN THE AUTHOR NOTE BELOW)