The Alliance Marriage Went Wrong

Chapter 393 - Mind And Heart

Arin Helev was taken aback by Crown Prince Augustus's mindset.

A future Emperor can think it that way?

Though Arin Helev was surprised, he admired how the Crown Prince valued his family. It seemed like Emperor Lucius did a great job in raising his son. It even made him wonder that he should learn from the Crown Prince.

"I admire your mindset, Your Highness," he said to Augustus Arille with a smile. "I can't wait to start cooperating with you."

* * *

Crown Prince Augustus departed at dawn and after seeing him off, Iria went to the graveyard with Elian following her. Arin stayed behind at the palace as Iria's family was still there.

Upon reaching the graveyard, the Queen was surprised to see someone standing in front of Rion's grave. However, she walked closer and soon realized who it was.

"Zire," she called out and quickened her pace. Soon enough, she was standing right before him while Elian stood on the side to give her some space.

"Commander."

Iria briefly glanced at the grave before she turned to Zire. "Why don't you tell me that you're visiting? We can just go together."

"I don't know if you have time," the General said. "I thought that you will want to spend time with your family."

Iria Helev didn't say anything and turned to the grave once again. Then she quietly stared at it.

"Do you think he will have peace now?" she suddenly asked Zire who was standing beside her.

"I hope so, Commander. He will be very happy to know that you never forget him and do everything to keep your promise to him," Zire replied as he stared at Iria whose gaze was fixated on the grave.

His response drew a subtle smile from Iria's lips. "You've matured a lot, Zire. I'm proud of you."

The General briefly narrowed his eyes and looked up again. "I plan to retire, Commander."

Hearing this, Iria slowly turned to Zire and looked at him, confused. "What do you mean? Retire?"

Zire nodded. "Since Rion's death, I always plan to put down my sword once we avenge him. Now that it finally happened, I think it's time."

The Queen still couldn't understand. Putting aside the effect Rion's death had on Zire, the latter was always someone who loved fighting to protect the people and the nation. Though she knew that he had changed a lot, she wasn't expecting this. Besides, Zire was an orphan with no family. Where will he even go if he retired?!

"What will you do if you retire?" Iria asked the General after remaining quiet for a while.

"I'm not sure," Zire replied. "I've walked this path all my life and I never had anything else I wish to do. I will have to think about it."

"Zire, must you really do this? You always love the way you live your life," Iria muttered and when the General didn't say anything, she asked, "Does this have anything to do with Jolene?"

Her question... Iria saw the anxiety on the General's face when he heard it.

"Commander, it's not -"

"I will be okay with whatever you said as long as you speak your mind but... you know I hate lies."

Her words rendered Zire silent and he quietly stood still. However, his face proved that he was feeling troubled. Iria quietly waited and gave him time to think until... he finally spoke up.

"I killed her with my own hands, Commander," the General muttered. "Though it was for her sake, it never stop haunting me. Sometimes, I would see her in my dreams, asking me why I did that despite claiming that I loved her. It's hell, Commander. I can't go on like this."

"Will that stop because you retire?" Iria asked, making the General struggle for words to say. Then she turned back to the grave. "Do you know this, Zire? Our minds and heart never cooperate. What our mind believes is rarely accepted by our heart."

She shifted her gaze back to the General and said, "Your mind knows that what Jolene did was wrong and that what you did was for her sake. However, your heart can't accept that. Maybe because the mind can't feel like the heart did."

"Commander -"

"When Zaro Aventine was right before me and I was in a position to end him anytime, do you know how much I struggled on the inside?" Iria asked, narrowing her eyes. "My mind remembers everything that he did but... my heart still feels the 20 years we spent as best friends. That's just the nature of life, Zire."

"Do you still struggle now, Commander?" Zire asked when he hear out Iria. "The Jerivian King took his own life right in front of you."

"I'm just like you, Zire," Iria muttered. "I often have nightmares and I see him in my dreams many times. I don't think he will leave me anytime soon." She turned back to Zire and said, "That day, if he and I were the only ones there, I don't think I'll be able to let him die. But... my promise and my responsibility as the Commander-in-chief of the war kept me going."

"Are you telling me these because you want me to stay, Commander?" Zire asked after thinking about it for a while.

"I only want you to think twice," Iria promptly clarified. "You don't even know what you want to do, Zire. Do you know that even when I struggled, having Arin and my family beside me always helped me a lot? If you retire only to spend your life in isolation, your life will only take a worse turn, Zire.

"As someone who saved your life and make you a soldier, I don't want you to live such a life. So, think twice. If you have anything else you wish to do, I will help you in every way possible. But... only make a decision once you are sure of it."

Making a deliberate pause, she looked at Rion's grave and added, "Rion always considered you as a younger brother. If he sees you living a depressing life all alone, I don't think he will be okay."

Following his former's Commander gaze, Zire looked at the grave for a while and then nodded.. "I will do that."