The Alpha’s Fight for His Omega by Jess K

Chapter 86

Chapter 86

***Chastity**

Sunday had been a bit difficult. Part of me hadn’t wanted to leave Braxton because I felt like he needed me, but he, and Jax convinced me that he would be ok. The trip back with Rowen had been nice. We spent the whole drive just talking about anything, and everything. I always enjoyed those times because I felt like I was really getting to know him as a person, and how he viewed the world around him.

Monday was back to school as usual. I had been thankful to get back kind of early on Sunday because I was able to finish up a few assignments that were due during the week. We had another pop quiz in Anatomy Monday which I had been nervous about. I could only hope I had done well. True to his word, Alpha Robert had a new self defense instructor. I really liked her too. She was kind, and she paid close attention to everything we did. She talked us through our moves, and movements more than Matt ever did. I really appreciated that about her.

Colby came back from his weekend training just was we were finishing up self defense class. He looked exhausted, but he joined us for dinner, and I told him all about Greg’s service, as well as how Braxton was doing. He was glad Jax, and I were there for him, but I could tell he felt guilty about not being there himself. I had no doubt he would be making a trip home soon. I was going to need to stay though as I had a few papers that were due over the next two weeks. I knew Lexi wasn’t going to be able to go either for the same reason. They would figure it out together though.

Today was Tuesday, and I had an appointment with Dee-Dee. I rushed into my room to drop my book bag. grab my journal, and Lilac before I was out the door again. Today I was determined to focus on my self confidence issues. I had to. I couldn’t keep living with the self doubt I felt every single day. Yes my life was moving forward, but at the same time I felt like I was stuck in one place, not going any where. That had to change. Dee-Dee was just taking her seat on her usual blue bean bag chair when I walked into her office. After I released Lilac, 1 sat down in my purple one, and handed her my journal.

That was our thing. Although it was probably the same with everyone she helped. She read the journal first then we would discuss my entries since my last visit. All of them were about my lack of self confidence so I knew she would want to talk about that today. I sat quietly as I watched Lilac pounce on a toy mouse I brought for her, and waited for Dee-Dee to finish reading. I almost laughed when Lilac brought the mouse to me.

“You know Lilac, Uncle Jax is going to be very upset if he finds out you brought this to me to throw for you.” I said with a giggle, imagining Jax’s face if I told him.

“That’s her kill. She’s bringing it to you to share.” Dee-Dee said with a chuckle.

“So I shouldn’t throw it?”

“You can, but she might glare at you for that. I’m not sure she’ll bring it back either.”

I looked at the mouse then looked back at Lilac, who was looking at me expectantly. With a shrug, I threw the mouse Lilac ran right after it. She batted it around, and pounced on it a bit before she brought it back. to me. With a giggle I threw it again, and she did the same thing again. She was playing fetch. Jax had taught her I couldn’t help, but laugh. Dee-Dee looked me in question, and I indicated for her to watch then threw the mouse. Lilac played with it a bit then brought it right back.

“That poor thing forgot she’s a cat.” Dee-Dee giggled then went back to reading.

“Yeah. My brother has been trying to teach her fetch every time he sees her.” I said as I threw the mouse again.

“No wonder she forgot cats don’t play fetch.”

“Yeah.”

“So, are we ready to talk about this yet?”

“Yes please.”

“It seems you’re eager to talk about this.”

“I am. I’m starting to think that the reason I have no confidence in everyone staying by my side, staying with me, has more to do with me, then them. They’ve worked hard over the months to show me they’re not going any where. That they support me. That they love me. That my life isn’t going to go back to what it once was, but I just don’t trust it. I think at the end of the day the problem is me, in my head, not them.”

“You also think that you have no confidence in the long term between you, and Rowen is because of your lack of confidence in yourself.”

“Yeah.”

“I can understand that. You’re in a unique situation here.”

“How?”

“Usually, when someone has experienced trauma, especially prolonged trauma, it is not recommended for that person to start a relationship because they need to focus on rebuilding themselves without the added stress of building a relationship with another. The problem, and the blessing at the same time is that the relationship you have is with your mate. I can’t tell you to not have a relationship with Rowen because he is your mate. It just doesn’t work like that. Especially in the long term It can actually cause severe depression to keep mates apart like that. Yes it would be better if you two were just friends right. now, but that is not a viable option with mates. Once you’ve found your mate, that’s it. Usually Yes rejection happens with mates, as you well know, but not often. It’s not possible to tell mates to just be friends. They’re too drawn to each other. That can make therapy difficult because you’re trying to rebuild yourself, but at the same time you’re trying to give your all to a relationship. It’s a struggle, and it does. make you question the relationship.”

“You said it’s also a blessing.”

“It is because your mate is the one person who will be there, even if you’re not putting everything into the relationship because you’re focusing on you. A mate will always be by your side. They will pick you up when you’re down. They will also do all they can to tell you, as well a show you just how wonderful they think you are. What that means is that while you’re head is telling you one thing about yourself, the person that loves you the most is constantly countering that with their words, and actions.”

“But he did walk away.”

“He did, but he didn’t. You said Jax, and Dimitri said he was at the hospital every day you were there. How often has he not at least answered at least a text message from you?”

“There hasn’t been a day that I have not spoken to him at least once, in some way.”

“Exactly. He told me that he regretted his decision to reject you the moment he did it. He’s also been working to make it right every since.”

“He has told me the same thing.”

“And has he been trying to make it right?”

“Yes. Very much so.”

“Good. Now to your self confidence. There is no one way to work on correcting that. It’s more about seeing what is around you over hearing what’s been beaten into your head.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“Alright. Lets start with this. What is one thing that you were told over, and over again, until you believed it?”

“That I’m worthless.”

“Do you think you’re worthless?”

“I….I don’t know.”

“Do you know what you can look at to see if you’re really worthless?”

“No.”

“Where are you right now?”

“You’re office.”

“Right, but I mean where are you that you are in a position to come to my office?”

“OH, Right. I’m a student at Cloverland.”

“Exactly. Was it easy to get into Cloverland?”

“No. I had to have a very high GPA, I also needed a strong essay, as well as good recommendations from others.”

“Right. Who were those recommendations from?”

“Several of my teachers in high school, a few nurses from the pack hospital, and Midwife Wanda.”

“Exactly. If they thought you weren’t worthy to come here, especially Wanda, do you think you would have gotten a recommendation from any of them?”

“L…..No. I don’t think I would have.”

“No you wouldn’t have. Especially not from Wanda because she knows how difficult this program is. More than any of them.”

“True.”

“The other thing is Cloverland receives thousands of applications every year, and from those applications, they only pick twenty. Do you think they would pick someone that wasn’t worthy enough to take one of those slots?”

“No. They probably wouldn’t.”

“They definitely wouldn’t. They only take the best, and the brightest. The ones they feel will one day be head nurses, midwives, and even instructors here or at another school. They put a lot of effort into the students they accept, and they want to make sure that effort is well used.”

“That makes sense.”

“Yes it does. It also is something to keep in mind when you’re feeling worthless.”

“Ok. I can try to do that.”

“Good. The next thing to look at is your friend Lexi.”

“Why Lexi?”

“Do you remember me telling you that Lexi never really had many female friends?”

“Yes.”

“Do you remember me telling you that girls tended to avoid her because she was close with all of the strongest members of the pack?”

“Yes.”

“Well the other side of that was that Lexi, learned the hard way to be careful of the females she trusts.”

“She did? Why?”

“Because there had been females over the years that befriended Lexi for the sole purpose of getting close to those guys. Through her they thought she would be their chance to claim one of them. When it didn’t work out the way those girls hoped, they stopped talking to Lexi. She became distrustful of girls in general, but you, you were different. You didn’t care that she was the Gamma’s daughter or that she was friends to the future Alpha twins, and the Beta. You cared about her, as a person. You did something those other girls didn’t.”

“What’s that?”

“You saw Lexi, and only Lexi, not what you could gain from being friends with her. You showed her, in one or two conversations that you were truly worthy of being her friend, and trusting you.”

“Oh. I……I never thought of that.”

“Because you don’t look at people, and think about what you can get out of them. You see them as the person they are.”

“That’s because that’s what matters most. Who cares what you can get out of someone. If they’re a good person, that’s all that should be important.”

“I agree with you completely, but not everyone is like that.”

“I guess. Yeah, Aurora, and Fiona were like that too.”

“Yes they were. Another thing to look at to know you’re worthy, is Braxton.”

“Braxton?”

“Yes. Dimitri, and I still talk regularly. Actually we have a video appointment once a week.”

“You do?”

“After talking to me once or twice about his worries for you, he decided he felt he would benefit from therapy himself.”

“Oh. Is he ok?”

“He is. He just has somethings he needs to work out.”

“Oh.”

“Yes. Back to my point. Dimitri told me recently that Braxton has told him multiple times that he wants to be like you. To work hard, and accomplish his dreams. That he wants to treat people the way you do. You inspired him to turn his life around, be better, and make something of his life. It’s not often that teens look. at just anyone that way, but that is how he looks at you. If you were worthless he wouldn’t look up to you as he does.”

“I guess, but am I really worth looking up to?”

“Go back to my first two points, think about what I said, then answer that question for yourself.”

I sat back, and thought about what Dee-Dee had said about my being here at Cloverland, and my friendship with Lexi. Part of me wanted to argue that she was wrong, and that I was still worthless, but at the same time her words made a lot of sense to me. Cloverland wouldn’t have accepted me if they didn’t think I was worth the effort. Midwife Wanda wouldn’t have written that recommendation if she didn’t think I was worth a spot to her. She never did anything she didn’t think was worth the effort. It was kind of like a little light bulb went off in my head.

“I….maybe I’m not as worthless as I thought.” I whispered.

“You’re not. Not even close. You were taught by horrible people to believe that about yourself, but that it not even close to the truth. There is more.” Dee-Dee responded.

“There is?”

“Yes. One other thing I want you to consider when you’re feeling that way.”

“What’s that?”

“Rowen.”

“Rowen? What about Rowen?”

“Remember he is an Alpha. Alphas are exactly that. They are in charge. They take a back seat to no one, and if they want something they make it happen. They also aren’t known to wait for their mate to be ready to give themselves 100%. Rowen is waiting for you to be ready. He isn’t pushing, he isn’t forcing. He is giving you the time you need to heal, and move forward from the trauma you experienced. He is waiting for you to say, yes mark me. He is fighting his wolf’s instincts to take what is his because that is what he knows

you need. He is putting your needs before his instincts. If he didn’t think you were worth that, he would have marked you long ago, and you wouldn’t be here. You would be home, with him, but you are worth the wait to him.”

“Oh….I….I never considered that. Am I wrong for making him wait?”

“No. Not at all. Don’t ever think that. He would have been the wrong to push the issue, and not let your leave. The damage would have been worse, and long standing. You would probably still be the shell of

the girl that walked into my office months ago, terrified that you were going to be punished for not filling out some papers.”

“OH. I….”

“He knows you’re worth all of what you have now, and more. He’s doing his part to make sure you have it.”

“….I guess I can see what you’re saying.”

“I know it will take you time to believe it.”

“Yeah.”

“Just remember what I told you to think about, and consider when you’re feeling worthless. If you need. examples of your intelligence, again look at where you are, and what your grades were to get here. Also how well you are doing here now.”

“True.”

“What else?”

“I’m weak.”

“Physically yes you are not as strong as people like Rowen, Jax, Colby, and rest, but you are a great deal smaller than they are. Physically strength isn’t the only type of strength though. In a lot of ways your are mentally strong.”

“How can you say that when I’m dealing with these confidence issues, and I have panic attacks?”

“I said in a lot of ways, not all. You were strong enough to look your abusers in the face, and say what you needed to say. You were also strong enough mentally to know that holding onto the anger, and hurt

from their actions against you would hold you back. You didn’t want that so you forgave their actions against. you, so you could move forward with your life. You are mentally strong enough to acknowledge that your self confidence is a problem, and that you needed to do something about it. You are mentally strong enough to keep working hard to get here. You never gave up on your dream, even when you were original told you couldn’t come here. You kept moving forward no matter what happened.”

“I….I see what you’re saying.”

“Just remember those things when you’re doubting yourself. Emotionally is different for you though. Which is understandable.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your emotions are a part of the reason you have panic attacks. Fear is your strongest emotion, and due to your experiences certain things cause the fear drilled into you to essentially take over everything. This is not your fault, and probably something that you will struggle with for a long time to come. Unfortunately when your fear is trigged it triggers all of your negative emotions to run high which leads to your biggest struggle with your confidence. You view your fear as a negative emotion, but the thing is fear is not a negative emotion. It is a natural response to things. Being afraid of things is not a bad thing, but it can control you if you allow to. You have to learn to control your fear instead of letting it control you.” “How do I do that?”

“Well you’ve already done it in some ways.”

“How?”

“Who did you fear most in this world?”

“Aurora, Naomi, Fiona, and Braxton.”

“Just them?”

“All of them really, but those four I feared the most.”

“In a short amount of time you faced all four of them. You said what you needed to say, and you pretty much left them in the past. You told me that the first few times you went to visit Braxton in his cell you were terrified, but you went any way. He put you in the hospital, but you still swallowed your fear, and you went to him. Not only did you go to him, you spoke to him, you put your faith into him, and you have helped him a great deal. You didn’t let your fear hold you back.”

“It wasn’t easy.”

“It never is, and that is your mental strength at play. Your mental strength helped you swallow your fear, face those four, say what you needed to, and move forward. In Braxton’s case, you helped him.”

“That makes sense.”

“I know it’s hard to accept, but rebuilding your self confidence is going to be a long, hard road. It will take time. You need to be patient with yourself.”

“Why is that?”

“Changing the way you see yourself means you have to pretty much change your entire line of thinking. It takes a lot of work. It can also be frustrating because you want to see yourself differently, but you just don’t. There will be times you get angry at yourself, and those around you. Talk to someone when you feel yourself getting angry, or write about it. Don’t bottle it up.”

“But if I start yelling at someone I may end up hurting or upsetting them. I don’t want to do that.”

“I understand that, but those that love you are going to understand why you’re upset, and hurting. They’re going to support, love, and help you in every way they can. They are your support system. Let

them help you any way they can.”

“What if I end up pushing them away? What if I end up pushing Rowen away?”

“You won’t. That’s the thing with support systems, especially good ones. They stand by you no matter what. They are always there for you. They understand you’re struggling, and may lash out, but they are not going go hold it against you.”

“How do you know?”

“Because they love you beyond compare. They also want to see you shine.”

“…”

“They will show you when the time comes. I think they may have already shown you many times, but you may not have even realized it.”

“I…..maybe.”

“Think back on their actions over the last months. You’ll see what I mean.

“OK.”

“I hate to say this, but our time is up for today. Think about what I said, and keep writing in your journal. Read your entries any time you are feeling a lack of confidence. Talk to your friends, family, and Rowen. I promise it will help.”

“I will. Thank you Dee-Dee.”

“You’re welcome Chastity.”

I quickly collected Lilac, my journal, and ran out of the office. It took me only minutes to drop off everything, and grab my back pack. I got to my class with 10 minutes to spare. I was ready as soon as the instructor came in. I pushed my conversation with Dee-Dee to the back of my mind, and focused on class. It wasn’t until after self defense class, during dinner with Colby, Lexi, Norm, and Marcus that I thought about my meeting with Dee-Dee. I was considering all Dee-Dee had said, and not paying attention to what was going on around me until Colby called my name several times.

“Chastity. Chastity. HEY CHAS!” Colby called out pulling me from my thoughts.

“Huh? What?” I asked as I jumped a bit, looking around.

“Are you ok?” Colby questioned.

“What? Yeah. I’m fine. I was thinking about something.”

“Everything ok?”

“Oh. Yeah. I was just thinking about what I talked to Dee-Dee about today.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

After giving it some thought, I nodded. I proceeded to tell all of them about all Dee-Dee, and I discussed. Everyone listened quietly. Sometimes they nodded their heads, but mostly just listened. It felt weird talking about this, but I guess I needed to tell them. They should know how I was feeling. Lexi looked to Colby, and nodded.

“I know it’s hard to believe, but no matter what you may say or do Chas, we’re not going any where. None of us are.” Colby stated.

“Some part of me knows that, but…..” I responded.

“I get it. I think you, and I need to go for a walk.”

“What? Why?”

“Because we need to talk.”

“Oh….um….ok. Are all of you coming?”

Norm, Marcus, and Lexi all shook their heads no. With a shrug I followed Colby out of the cafeteria then out of the building. We walked in silence until we reached the pond inside the students woods. Colby sat down at the side of the pond, and pat the spot next to him. I sat down, and looked out over the pond.

“You know Chas, listening to you talk I realized something.” Colby said quietly.

“What’s that?” I asked as I picked at the grass.

“I’m the only one you’ve never really talked to about all of this. Well until I got here, and well even now it’s rare that you talk to me about it. I’m kind of just there when you do talk.”

“Oh….I…..”

“I get it actually. I do.”

“How?”

“You and me were never really very close. Even when we were little.”

“I…I guess we weren’t. I’m sorry about that Colby.”

“Why are you sorry? You’re the younger one. The baby. It’s more my job than yours, to build our relationship, and I never did. Even now, I don’t really put much effort into it, and I see you almost every

day.”

“True, but I don’t really try either.”

“Why would you? I pushed you away, shut you out, and only spoke to you to make demands your whole. life. I still haven’t even apologized to you for my part in what you experienced. I want you to know that I am very sorry. I was horrible to you, and I shouldn’t have been. You’re my little sister. I should have pulled you close to me.”

“It’s ok Colby. I forgave you a long time ago.”

“Why?”

“Because I had to. For me.”

“You should be mad at me though?”

“Why?”

“Because of how I treated you.”

“What would being mad accomplish though? Who would it help? Who would it hurt?”

“…ne”

“You, me, Jax, dad, Braxton, Rowen, and most importantly Lexi. They would have been caught between the two of us. That’s not fair to them, or to us. I can’t move forward with my life if I’m angry all of the time.”

“I know, but I’m part of the reason you lack any confidence in yourself.”

“I know that Colby, but ! can’t be mad at you for it.”

“Why not? I don’t understand.”

“Colby, let me ask you something.”

“Sure.”

“Who told you to stay away from me, and to ignore me or talk to me as you did, when you did?”

“Aurora.”

“Right. How many years did she spend convincing you to behave that way?”

“All of my life.”

“What did she do to get you to behave that way? What did she say?”

“I was only about 3 or 4 when you were born. I don’t remember that time much, or your mom really, I was 6, I think when she died. I remember, when we moved in with you, and dad, Aurora telling me you were nothing. You were nothing to our family. Jax straightened that out real quick. I remember any time she would say something like that Jax would flip out. Aurora would come to me later, and would coo about how I was something special, but I had to prove it by not having anything to do with you. If I got mad at you for something stupid she would praise me for yelling at you Sometimes she would even give me little. gifts. She spent so much time ignoring me that when she did acknowledge me for treating you poorly, that I started doing it more, and more, just to get her attention. Jax would always get mad at me when he caught it, and would lecture about what a good brother is supposed to do for their little sister. I hated the lectures so it started to become easier for me to just ignore you existence altogether. If you happened to be in my presence when Aurora was around, but ignoring me, I would yell at you, just to get her attention.

“It was the only way I could get her attention, until I started Beta training with dad, and Jax. At first she paid a lot of attention to me. She started talking about me challenging Jax when I returned from Beta school. Telling me that I was better about being a Beta than he was, but I wasn’t, and I knew that. I also hated Beta training. It wasn’t for me. At all. I hated all of the paperwork involved. Dad realized that when I was about 15, right before Jax left.

“I remember we were sitting at the dinner table one night, and dad asked me, right in front of Aurora if I wanted to continue, and I said no. I told him how I felt about it. Aurora, she lost her mind that night, after dad left for a late meeting with Joe. Screaming at me that I was worthless, and a failure. I had one job to do, and she expected me to do it. She wouldn’t accept a failure like me. That she would throw me out if I didn’t continue my training as she expected. She said she had plans for me, and she expected me to do my part. To stop her yelling, I agreed. Dad knew though.

“We sat down, the two of us the following day, and he asked me what I wanted to do with my life. We talked a lot about my options. Originally I wanted to be head warrior. He was fine with that, but requested that I continue my Beta training in case Jax needed me to step in for him for any reason. Dad felt it would benefit us both if I at least had a clue what I was doing. I agreed, on the condition that I start serious warrior training. I also told him that it had to be kept a secret from Aurora. Surprisingly he agreed to that.

“At that point Aurora was still mad at me for how I felt, and started ignoring me more. The only way I could get her attention was when I was being nasty to you, or ordering you around. Sadly, I kept doing it. It was easier for me than to go against her again. I only did once after that, and that was the time she tried to convince me to beat you. You were so tiny that I knew one swing from me would potentially kill you. I also knew that Jax would murder me if I laid a hand on you. She of course was furious with me, but I reminded her that if you died at my hands that I would not be around to make her dream of me overthrowing Jax a reality. That no matter how much you were ignored by others, murder was still murder, and I would be punished for it. She backed off at that point, but still made sure I treated you

poorly. Looking back now I hate myself for it. You didn’t deserve that, and she didn’t deserve my attempts at getting her acceptance.”

“She was your mom Colby, and she knew how to get you to do what she wanted. She also spent your whole life making sure you did.”

“It doesn’t make it right, and I knew better.”

“True you did, but the one thing we want as pups is our parent’s love, and acceptance. We do whatever we can to get that. It’s how we’re wired.”

“It was still wrong.”

“It was, but what could you do?”

“Been more like Jax.”

“Maybe, but I think she started on you, and how she expected you to behave long before you moved back in. I’ve heard how she used to talk about my mom, and me. You were very young, and impressionable when she started on you. She was also your mother. You wanted her love, and acceptance, so you did what you needed to in order to get it. I understand that.”

“Well I don’t. Jax was never like that.”

“Jax was older. He has more memories than you do.”

“Yeah, but….”

“Colby, she was probably different with both of you until dad met my mom. He would remember that more than you would. He also would remember the major change in her personality after my mom

entered your lives, and when I was born. He was more aware of what was going on because he was older. You were still too young to really understand.”

“Yeah. I guess, but it doesn’t make it right.”

“It doesn’t, but now you understand it a little better, or at least I hope you do.”

“I do. Look, I know that we’re not as close as we should be, but I want you to know that you can come to me when you’re struggling. I will listen, and try to help. I also want you to yell at me anytime you feel like you need to. I’m a big guy, I can take it.”

“Yeah. You are kind of a mountain. An ugly one, but still a mountain.”

“Hey! I’m not ugly!”

“You sure about that?”

“I haven’t had a complaint yet. More admirers than complaints. Especially from Lexi.”

“Ewww! I don’t want to hear that.”

“What’s wrong short stack? Can’t take the idea of your best friend getting it on with your brother?”

“NO! Knock that off!”

“I know you want allll the details.”

“No! Do not make me sick.”

“I bet you don’t get sick when you and Rowen do…..wait. Nope. Don’t want to think about my baby sister having sex. Forget I said that.”

“We’re not….we haven’t stop that Colby.”

I felt my cheeks heat up, and I looked down at my hands. I couldn’t believe he brought that up.

“Oh come on now. You’re telling me that you, and Rowen haven’t….” Colby asked me as he bumped his shoulder against me, and I only shook my head.

I did not want to talk about this with him or anyone really.

“I….sorry Chastity. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.” Colby said quietly, and sighed.

“It’s alright.” I whispered.

“so….um….we good?”

“We have been Colby.”

“I hope so. I just feel really guilty for how I treated you.”

“Don’t. It’s in the past. Learn from it, and move on.”

“Is that what you’re doing?”

“I’m trying to. It’s a little different for me. I have a lot to work on, but I’m getting there, little by little.”

“Are you still afraid of us?”

“Not….not like I used to be. There are times when you all still startle me, and I have to remind myself that I’m not less than all of you. There are also times that I worry when one of you gets mad about something, but that’s getting better.”

“I’m glad that is getting better because you’re not less than any of us Chas. If anything I think, in a lot of ways you’re better than we are.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re more forgiving, understanding, patient, and supportive. You didn’t have to forgive any of us. You could have also cut the pack bond the moment you left the territory, or arrived here. You could have walked away from all of us, but you haven’t. You go home for visits. You talk to us daily. You invite. everyone to visit you. You didn’t turn Rowen away after he retracted his rejection. You’re giving us all a chance to make things right instead of turning your back on us. I don’t think any of us would have done. the same if we were in your shoes.”

“I don’t think that makes me better than you.”

“It does. You may not see it, but it does.”

“I guess.”

“You ready to go back?”

“Yeah.”

Colby stood than helped me up. We slowly walked back to the building when I thought of something.

“Hey Colby?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He responded.

“When are you and Lexi having your mating ceremony?”

“Uh. We’re not.”

“What? Why?”

“Because Lexi doesn’t want all of the attention. Being the Gamma’s daughter would mean a big production. She doesn’t want that. She enjoys other people’s ceremonies, but she doesn’t want one.”

“But is it really official without one?”

“Yeah. Robert did a small thing for just her, and I a few weeks ago.”

“Oh. Why didn’t either of you tell me?”

“Lexi was worried you would be upset about not doing something big for us.”

“Oh. I wouldn’t have been upset about that. I would have just liked to have been there.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m really happy for you guys.”

“Thank you. Have you, and Rowen discussed your ceremony at all?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not ready. I’m not in a place to really even think about that.”

“And you still don’t trust him not to stick around?”

“Kind of yeah, but like I said earlier, I think that has more to do with me at this point, then him.” 1

“I guess. I don’t really understand it, but I guess I can see that.”

“I need time.”

“Make sense. Well good night.”

“Night.”

“Hey Chas?”

“Yeah?”

“For what it’s worth, I do love you.”

“Love you too Colby. Better get upstairs, Lexi is probably waiting for you.”

“Yeah.”

I laughed as he trotted down the hall toward the elevator. For some reason I felt relief after our talk. I shook my head, and was about to enter my room when someone tsked at me. I turned to see who it was. Standing there, glaring at me was a taller girl with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a nasty scowl on her face. I didn’t know what her problem was.

“Sleeping with your friend’s mate. That’s real classy.” The girl sneered.

“Huh?” I questioned.

“Oh please. Don’t play dumb with me. I heard you two just now.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb. I heard you just tell your friend’s mate that you love him. I can smell him all over you too.”

“Wait…..you think? Really? You have things all wrong.”

“Bullshit. Wait until I tell her. I hear she’s the Gamma’s daughter. She’ll clean the floor with you then make sure you get kicked out on your whore ass.”

“Wow! Um. You really misread that situation.”

“No I did not. I heard you.”

“You did because if you would have asked, instead of assuming, you would know why I told him I love him, and why it wouldn’t bother Lexi that I did.”

“She’s going to be bothered by it as soon as I tell her.”

“Be my guest, but when she laughs in your face because you told her that her mate told his little SISTER that he loves her, don’t come crying to me.”

“Wait. What?”

“Yeah. Instead of assuming things, maybe ask next time. He’s my big brother. Now if you excuse me, I have things to do. Have a good night.”

“Wait….I….sorry.”

“Forgiven. Good night.”

I walked in my room, shut my door, and huffed. That was ridiculous. With a groan I got started on my homework. I knew I wouldn’t be hearing from Rowen this evening because he was traveling. I found that I hated those times because I couldn’t video chat with him. I shook that thought away, finished my homework, wrote in my journal, then went to bed.