The Butcher of Gadobhra

Chapter 188: Normal is Boring

Chapter 188: Normal is Boring

After many sips of fermented apple beverages, the totally normal guy sitting in the tavern doing totally normal things was ready to render his judgement. Someone had decided to call him Bob, and the name had stuck. Totally normal Bob pointed to the first cask of apple wine.

"This one is fruity and fizzy with quite a bit of Zing! to it. Just smelling it is an eye-opener. Truly something to keep you awake on long rides or boring speeches. But it lacks body and a complex taste. Still, it would be quite popular at festivals and goes down easily."

"The second one I would serve at my own table if it was allowed to fully mature. It has a full flavor, with the orange and grape doing a fine job of blending with the apples. It has taken on some of the magic of the sun and the unicorn herd. Give it a week in the sun and I think it will be something special. I'm...uh...that is...I advise making ten large casks of it. I'm sure someone will have some fine things to barter for them."

"Now the next two are interesting. They share the same beginnings as the wine, but are closer to a light ale. This one has a wonderful deception brewed into it. The sweet flavor of sassafras masks both the enchantment of stamina and the hefty alcohol content. I can see an elven court downing a great quantity of it thinking it was a refreshing fruit punch and then dancing until they passed out, drunk. Which would be highly amusing, but of course impossible for a simple person like myself to ever attend or observe. It also might be worth brewing many casks of it, just in case you find someone who has need of it.

"This last one is neither mellow, nor deceptive. Whatever combination of ingredients went into it has resulted in a strong wine that is more akin to drinking winter brandy. I can see it being popular with common soldiers and goblins. I imagine it will also clean tarnish off of brass and tableware."

Ben was taking notes, and having sipped a bit himself, agreed with Bob. Especially on the last one. It had to be at least 60 proof and it came along with a large increase in stamina regen. He knew a local camp of goblins that would be delighted in a cask of it.

Suzette gave a small bow to Bob. "It is enjoyable to find such a normal person as yourself who knows his wine so well. You deserve payment for your services of course, as is the way with normal humans. Please take the cask of the second wine." Bob inclined his head slowly, acknowledging the payment for services.

"Ben, can you take the last keg up to the Chief and see if they like it? If so, the Red Wizard might see a drop in sales. We'll leave the tasty graf here at the tavern, and take the Apple Zinger! with us to the city for our late-night festivities."

Bob's pointed, but totally human ears perked up at the word festivities. "I would love to join you! I feel as though I could dance all night. Twitter! Faithful Hound! Let us join our new friends in their festivities, the way totally normal and boring humans are wont to do." He clapped his hands three times. Twitterberry knew he had to go along with this adventure, but was dreading explaining it to his Lord's mother. The hound, of course, was all in favor of a night spent butchering strange creatures. He planned to take a large sack for the bones.

Ben had taken the barrel of 'Apple Kickass', as the tavern was calling it, to his friends over in the goblin camp. It was well received and mug after mug was poured so that everyone in the camp could try it out. Ben promised to be back with more of it, and to discuss an exchange of goods. While Red Wizard Whisker was stronger booze, quantity has a quality all of its own. And the village was gearing up to produce quantity.

His next stop was at ACME headquarters. As he sped along the short road from the front gate to the square, he noticed that the gas lamps were tuning on by themselves, with no need for a lamplighter. A baleful blue flame filled each one and Ben felt somewhat nauseous as he looked at them. Billy's upgrades were taking a different path from Suzette's, and he had worries about what that path was. But no ghouls menaced him as he rode by, despite several lurking just to the side of the roadway and down the embankment.

The Baron and Baroness were sitting on a pair of Adirondack chairs, admiring the view of the sunset over the ruined walls of the city. Billy waved to him as he rode up. "Ah, Benjamin, how is my courier today? What news of Sedgewick?"

Billy was sounding more like his old self today, and was in a good mood. That worried Ben more than the weird lighting. "A small problem down in the village caused by Ozzy's absence. We need to dump a large amount of meat into his smoke house to keep it occupied so it doesn't eat the village."

Layla laughed. "Now that's something I don't think I ever imagined hearing. But this is Gadobhra, we don't do things normally, do we Billy?"

Billy patted her hand. "Normal is boring. Right Ben? Better to take things to extremes and shake up the status quo. It works for ACME in that otherworld, and it will work here just as well." He stood and offered his hand to Layla. Ben saw immediately that Billy was an inch taller, and Layla had grown more, now nearing six-feet in height. As they laughed softly and looked at Ben, he saw a small blue flame dancing in both of their eyes.

Looking for other differences, he thought that their skin was darker, and their hair had moved from dark brown to pure black. It was difficult to tell in the twilight. Ben bowed low, and then straightened. "I see that their excellencies have come into their heritage? Or is this a bonus from ACME?"

Billy grinned at that. "ACME bonuses don't tend to be this fancy. Usually, a bottle of whiskey or a bag of money. Although Willie tried to hand out rocket-skates one year. The board vetoed it again. No, your first guess was dead on. We've decided to quit playing games and get to work. You can thank Ozzy for this. Or blame him. Your choice."

"But you say we need a large chunk of dead animal to be sent to Sedgewick and not the Butcher in the Dungeon? I'm fine with that. In fact, go get more people up here. Anyone that's been through butchering 101 and picked up the basics, plus some wagon drivers and people good with herding and killing. Get about two dozen people. Tell them overtime rules apply and a bonus if we can empty the stockyards. That fits into my plans nicely. The Baroness and I will brief the Guild Master and meet you all there. Come my dear, we have flesh to cut."

"And bones to break, and guts to slash. Skin to flay, and guts to slash." Layla made a song of it and they began to skip together towards the stockyards.

Ben watched them go, wondering if this was an improvement. He heard the sound of a deep voice laughing, but there was no one around but himself and a pigeon covered statue.