The Butcher of Gadobhra

Chapter 280: You had us at 'crazy'.

Chapter 280: You had us at 'crazy'.

The reminders for the academic luncheon held by Baron William and Baroness Layla and sponsored by ACME corporation went out early in the morning. They were delivered by Courier before 10 a.m.

This is a pleasant reminder, only sent because we haven't received your RSVP. The Baron and I hope you can make our luncheon to discuss the future of Higher Learning in the City of Gadobhra. Luncheon is to be served promptly at noon, followed by cake, cheese, wine, fruit, and more cake.

-Baroness Layla of Gadobhra

The College of Practical Alchemy and Experimental Magic members didn't question where the original invitations might have gone; they didn't have the time. Robes were sprayed with Rudolf's Stain-Be-Gone, frizzled hair was combed or controlled with a hat, and then with their best staves in hand, they set off for Gadobhra, aided by a spell from Volminous that invoked the law of nature: A Wizard is Never Late. They arrived exactly as a clock in the ACME tower rang, welcoming the middle of the day. A clever elevator made of burnished brass attempted to take them to the top floor but was defeated by Volminous. The large professor had put on weight lately, and while the elevator lifted the other three with ease, it struggled on the second trip to bring up the lone professor.

The top of the tower gave a wonderful view of the city in all its ruined glory. The Baron had made a fine start on the city's center, but restoring such a ruin would take time. The mansions and large buildings around the city's perimeter were jagged ruins, the Stockyards were over-run with beasts waiting for slaughter, the Beastwoods a tangled wildland with ferocious predators, and Hungrytown overflowed with the undead, with a small shantytown surrounded by crypts and open graves. The only quarter that wasn't destroyed was the Noble District. The dust of ages lay on the buildings, and dried flowers filled the gardens, but it looked much as it always had—a perilous illusion of what lived there and in the Endless Dance.

Each of the faculty had their favorite part of the city. For Johannes, it would be the stark poverty of the shanty town. Titania had loved to attend the parties of the nobles, engaging in their petty gossip and casual murder. The Tommaso twins had liked to stand on the top tower of the Castle and watch the lightning rods glow in the frequent storms. Volminous had often spent his evenings eating at the Three-Legged Pig, a beer and sausage restaurant just outside the Butcher's Dungeon. Seeing the city brought back fond memories for all of them

Sadly, the nearby ruin of the College reminded them how far they had fallen. From having tenure at a prestigious institute that bent the laws of reality, they had been forced to wander from one school to another, teaching snot-nosed brats how to hold wands and turn each other into frogs. Keeping the years at bay was much harder when they couldn't access good laboratories. They had only a few short decades left, a century at the most unless they could rebuild the college. But that was a problem for tomorrow; today, they had good food and stimulating conversation with two generous nobles.

Small talk was made during the luncheon, which featured the delicate meat from a giant sloth caught just the day before. The Baron presented the university with the beast's skull for research purposes. Volminous was delighted with the roast sloth and the chance to study its huge teeth. After the first round of cake, the Baroness started a discussion on the theory behind the teleportation network used by the empire. Talk wandered to different subjects, as academics will do when discussing theory, but one or the other of the nobles brought them back on topic.

One of the Tomasso's was far past talking, having overindulged on red meat and wine, but the other seemed twice as lucid. "By far, the most interesting part of teleport theory is the linkage of all the stones. Or maybe just one stone; It's been conjectured that each stone is simply the piece of a great pyramid floating in the void that we can only perceive part of. Each Tier being a separate layer of the whole, existing in multiple locations. But whether we use Franklin's Theory of the God Pyramid instead of Unified Runic Theory or Vladimir's insane conjectures on magical entanglement, one has to see that the stones are linked to each other continuously, and not just at the time of transit."

Volminous was only too happy to have more wine. He poured his glass to the brim before passing the bottle on. "Bah, you are too quick to pull out Damien Franklin and inject him into your theories. The man is insane. The only reason he doesn't share a room with Vladimir the Mad is that they can't catch him. Unified Runic Theory provides all the answers one needs. Each stone is connected to the central stone that holds the runic keys to each location. This can be seen by the calculations of mana usage. Just simple mathematics to show that each teleport stone has a unique base cost to use based on the inherent field strength at its location, plus a cost based on the logarithmic representation of the distance to the central stone and then to the destination, modified by the field strength of the final destination."

Titania took another slice of roasted sloth from the rare end to enjoy with the blood-red wine. "These go together quite well. Better than mixing all those numbers with the pure delight of magic. I don't trust your newfangled math. I was born with 11 toes, and I don't need to count past that."

The Baron broke out a bottle of wine and casually passed it around the table. "I'd like to pose a question to the group, totally theoretical, of course. If your fine university was tasked with building a Tier Four Teleport Stone, a working one, and tied into the empire's teleport system, how would you go about it?"

"A working stone? I'm glad we are speaking in theoretical terms. Getting the required permissions for a new location means delving into the black hole of paperwork." There was a bit of silence as Johannes thought, his eyes moving in different directions, reflecting things going on in his head. "The stonework is the easiest part, simply carving and procuring a slab of Tier 3 or higher material. Tier 4, preferably. I'd want to line up a team of Stone Wrights with the needed carving skill and exceptional strength. And while I love the intricate loops and twirls of the elven runic script, I'd prefer to use Vladimir's rune set. Deeper carving but less complex curves. His dwarven heritage overrides the elven in this case."

Titania snorted. "And you wish you could study all of Vladimir's runes. Not that he wants to share his knowledge with anyone. He's become strangely upset with the colleges once they put him into a straight jacket and tossed him into a padded room."

Johannes smirked. "Wouldn't you be angry? Well, angrier? You're already mad. None of us takes the criticism of our peers with grace. I think his insanity is just the jealousy of lesser minds. And yes, I certainly would love to know his entire set of runes. They are groundbreaking, and the small disturbances he's caused should be forgiven. Ruptures in reality can randomly happen to anyone."

Johannes poured more wine. "All right, here are my thoughts. First, we would find a quarry with the needed stone and set our team of Stone Wrights to carve the blank stone from the living rock. Then our master rune carvers would get to work following the direction of Vladimir. We break in and steal him away from the asylum, of course. One of us would have found a teleportation core, of course. Can't forget that. And a storage system for the mana is needed. Then it all goes together without a hitch."

Volminous and the Tomasos were giggling by this point. Titania joined the game. "Correct. No rifts in reality, large explosions, or missing apprentices. But you forgot the code. We either need an invite to the central Stone and lexicanum or a visit from Damien Franklin. I suggest Franklin since that will bring down an army of Inquisitors on our heads, and we can really get the party started. And I demand a drunken goblin lad to fetch my wine."

The Baron smiled. The Baroness smiled at the Baron. The new scribe was diligently writing things down.

Baron William stood up and snapped his fingers. "I appreciate your taking part in this little exercise. If you would indulge me, I'd like to point out two things in the city. The first is in the courtyard below us, where some of my hard-working miners are digging down through the layers of flagstones and rubble to find the remains of a teleport stone. And as for the second, I'd like to point out that I built this tower in a day. I'm sure I could manage a college."

In the location of the former College of Practical Alchemy and Experimental Magics, lights and mist swirled, creating the outline of the building that had stood there once before.

"Building points are a wonderful thing. You're having problems with cleaning out the old basements? I have people that can do that. And then, in one night, I'll rebuild your old college better than new."

"We have a plan. It all depends on how crazy your people are and how much you want that college."

Tomasa stared at the phantom building with electricity bouncing between their two heads. Voluminous laughed deeply, and it sounded like three people laughing. Johannes gripped the stone railing so hard it crumbled under his fingers. Titania tittered and turned to the nobles, her eyes on fire.

"How crazy are we? Oh, you have no idea. You're sanctioning us?! Endorsing that mad half-plan?! Asking...no, commanding us to do dangerous experimental sorcery?" She howled at the moon, and the ghouls in Hungrytown hid and covered their ears."

Johannes turned to the Baron, "You had us at Crazy."