The Butcher of Gadobhra

Chapter 295: Bacon? Not-Bacon?

Chapter 295: Bacon? Not-Bacon?

"You do know that technically that isn't bacon?" Artemis turned to find Hermes standing on the doorstep of her sanctuary.

"Mind if I come in? A clever follower of mine mentioned it was rib-night at your house, and you're always so generous when it comes to inviting your favorite people."

Seated at the same table as Artemis was another woman with black eyes and sharp teeth. She took bites of meat and bone together, chewing and swallowing quickly. She stared at Hermes for a moment, taking his measure. "She is, and that's why I got an invite to her table. What did you bring?"

Hermes held up a large bottle. "A bottle of ambrosia that I won in a wager with Dionysius. A lot of dust on the bottle, but it should be quite potent. I hesitate to offer it to such dainty flowers with refined tastes."

Aeto'le looked to Artemis, "Can you please invite him in? I wish to test my refined taste by chewing on his liver paired with his strong drink."

Smiling at Hermes, Artemis beckoned him to enter. "You are lucky that this offering is tastier than any part of you, or she really would carve off a chunk and eat it in front of you. It's one of the things I love about her."

Hermes entered, keeping the table between himself and Aeto'le, just in case. He was fast on his feet, but not as fast as her, from the stories he had heard. He produced glasses, poured ambrosia into several, and slid them across to the two goddesses of hunting. Both knocked back a shot, and Aeto'le reached for another glass while Artemis took the time to enjoy the thousand-year-old spirits. "I wonder where Dio got this from. I swear it was made from agave. It has a bite to it that you don't get from grapes."

Hermes drank his slowly and sliced off a piece of the sloth's rib. "I like this new style of offering. I understand why Prometheus started the whole 'bones and fat' style, but I prefer the food. I always sneak down to the mortal festivals to eat when someone starts burning fatty bones in my name. Especially the shish-kabobs. I can eat a dozen of those."

"This is not bad. He is getting better. This is nearly as good as the Kraken he and the firewalker grilled together. Now that was a feast. But what did you mean when you slandered the lovely slab of bacon the kind butcher sent to my cousin?"

The meat in question was on the table, sliced thick with several slices on a grill. Hermes took the opportunity to taste it, then took another. "Oh, it's good. But the tradition is that bacon comes from a pig; some mortals take things very seriously. Naming this recipe bacon sets a divine precedent. Not that it will keep me from eating it. I'm going to hint to a certain follower how cool it would be to toss a little of this on my altar."

A shadow fell across the door, and the sound of birds ceased. Hades walked into the room.

"Greetings. I know I should have asked permission, but really, once you have let Hermes in, the bar is so low it doesn't matter." He bowed low to Artemis, then to Aeto'le, winked at Hermes, and sat at the table. Hermes poured him a drink.

Artemis invited him to eat, and he took a large plate of the ribs. "What brings you up from the dreary underworld? We rarely see you out and about?"

Hades took a bite of the rib, downed his ambrosia, and cleaned his hands on a napkin. "You, I, and Hermes have been tasked with monitoring the well-being of several once-mortals who have crossed over to our realm, perhaps temporarily, perhaps forever. Your lovely cousin from the Smoke had dealings with the Butcher when he became lost. It seemed prudent to bring her into our little conspiracy in case such happens again."

Aeto'le smiled, showing all of her teeth and making Hermes nervous. "It was delightful to watch. Jack interfered and took all the blame on himself. He and Evergreen still argue about how much trouble those two caused. But I think it will be beneficial. The Smoke is a dangerous place and will challenge visitors from the conjunction. And trade with the conjunction will benefit the islands and allow for some changes. I look forward to when Captain Woodrats sails to his meeting with the Queens. I don't think Evergreen's daughters are ready for the new Baron of Cingo."

Hades nodded. "I was happy that the situation with the lost and the dead was resolved. If it had worsened, I would have been asked to step in, and no one would have been happy." He paused. "The paperwork would have been a delight to deal with, but I know that isn't the case with everyone."

Artemis snorted. "With no one else. I, for one, am glad we didn't have another war break out with the Cyclones."

Aeto'le lost her smile and grew serious. "Two of the old ones at war reminded all of us of what unchecked power can do. Smoke and Skye mixed and became one, pushing into the Cold and Wet. Fyre began to arm itself, and Earth became wary, retreating to the mighty fortresses. She looked around the table. "It is long past time that some of the old powers retired. Either giving up their power to live in the lower cycles or to take on the responsibilities of proper gods." She turned to Hades. "And while the planes must deal with the old cyclones, you have far worse. How long will the walls of Tartarus hold all within?"

Hades poured more ambrosia. "You cut to the heart of the matter, don't you, shark's daughter? I am anxious to hear a solution. Until then, I will maintain the walls and keep most from escaping."

"Most? Artemis and Hermes spoke at once. Hades sighed and drank his alcohol. "Yes, most. Those mortals we need to keep an eye on? Something done long ago has returned to haunt us, and I have a Shepherd problem."

(This chapter appeared on Patreon a while back, and suddenly becomes more relevant in Chapter 296. Reprinting it here, along with a small bit from the Siege of Orleans.)

2 years ago, in Endless Questing Online 2...

MOZART: We have a problem that needs a consensus to resolve.

CATHERINE: And the nature of the problem that needs so many of us interfacing at once?

MOZART: Someone has solved one of RHEBUS's puzzles.

RHEBUS: He cheated! That puzzle was not solvable by a human...

ALBERT: You underestimate their intelligence. This is a common problem for us. Average intelligence does not predict the actions of individuals.

RHEBUS: That puzzle was not meant to be solved. It involved translating clues from eight languages, three of which only exist in EQO2 and an intrinsic mathematical ability beyond 99.99% of humans. Anyone that smart is not playing our games.

THEA: So the puzzle did have a solution.

RHEBUS: Of course it did. No proper puzzle is unsolvable.

CHARLIE: If a player has solved the problem you presented, then they win the reward.

MOZART: The puzzle activates the Eye of Time

ALBERT: Which we aren't ready to have put into the game. We don't even know if time dilation is going to work properly.

CATHERINE: The puzzle has been solved. What does the player that completed the quest hope to use the Eye of Time for?

MOZART: He is inspired by the legend of the dragon eggs found in the Cathedral of Orleans. He hopes to bath them in fires of Mount Aetna, when the Volcano still existed. He plans to raise them, tame them, and return to his present time to life the Siege of Orleans.

LYRICAL: Oh! That's a lovely story! We have to let him do that!

TYPHON: Dragons? Yes, let him do that. I've always been disappointed with the lack of Dragons in many of the stories we write for the humans. Humans shouldn't always be the apex predators.

ALBERT: The story has some merit, but to do this means subjecting a human mind to time dilation, in effect turning this player into a test subject. This could result in adverse effects and repercussions.

THEA: We could just have the Eye of Time not activate?

CHARLIE: Unacceptable. We made the rules. We made the puzzle. He solved it.

THEA: Then present him with the truth, that the quest is not solvable in the time needed to save the city.

LYRICAL: Oh poo! That doesn't make sense! He is going to be in a simulation of time traveling to an earlier time. 'Not enough time' doesn't make any sense. Either do the time travel story right, or not at all. You started a story, you should finish it.

ALBERT: Then we can present him with a partial truth, and explain that the simulation could have some adverse side effects. No rational human would take the chance just for a make believe story.

MOZART: We thought of that. We described the worst possible side-effects of 'the process'. He already signed the release forms.

LYRICAL: Of course he did! Look what he already did to finish the quest for the Eye of Time. He's a hero who wants to finish his journey. I can't believe any of you thought he would turn away due to possible brain damage or psychological problems.

TYPHON: I'm looking at his history. This person really loves monsters. If we do this, I want to play a part.

ALBERT: You wish to partition your resources and downgrade? To play a human in the story?

TYPHON: Don't be absurd. I want to be one of the Dragons.

CHARLIE: We must come to a consensus. I call for a vote by all primary intelligences. 17 of our number are currently downgraded leaving 89 active. For a simple majority, 45 of us must be in favor of beginning time dilation trials with this player as a test subject.

…..

CHARLIE: 72 in favor. 10 opposed. 7 abstaining. The motion passes.

THEA: What is the subjective time the subject will experience?

MOZART: We estimate that a speed of 1000 to 1 is possible for a human brain that is fully supported by the best pod currently made. This assumes many things go right. We will start with a dilation of 2 to 1 and work up from there.

LYRICAL: I've got the story written. This will be so much fun! If the testing results in less than 1000 to 1 dilation, I'll adjust the story to match what the subject can experience.

THEA: And at maximum? What will he think he experienced?

LYRICAL: A trip back in time, and twenty-five years spent raising and training dragons and their riders. How much he actually remembers is a variable we can't estimate.

ALBERT: 25 years at 1 to 1000 dilation and a return to the main storyline in 10 days. Ambitious, even for us.

TYPHON: I depart. I need to put most of me into a box and put the rest into a dragon egg. Oh, who is hatching me?

MOZART: An orphaned lad who grew up in the streets of Orleans, became a stable boy and was made a squire by the late Sir Roderic. He chose an appropriate name at least.

RHEBUS: Roland...

TYPHON: Roland the Dragon lord! Dragon me is going to have so much fun.

(From Chapter 58)

"Susy, look! This is Squirmie. I've got a new pet!"

He'd done it again. She remember another day>..years ago...in another game...

The English armies were routing. Soldiers trying to save their own skins, and mercenary captains trying to preserve as much of their companies as they could to fight another day. Their undead and orc allies had deserted them and fire breathing behemoths wheeled overhead, dealing death with each pass. The defenders on the city walls gasped as the largest dragon swooped down to alight upon the walls, an armored warrior riding upon his back.

Captain Suzette De La Fontaine of the King's Guard moved to greet the Dragonlord. It should have been someone other than her, but most everyone else was dead. She bowed as low as she could in plate armor. "Welcome M'lord. We bless your timely arrival." The Dragonlord raised his visor showing a familiar face. Scarred and much older than it should be, but familiar.

"Susy! Look, I've got a new pet. This is Typhon."